Today is Day 2. Not that it matters. Life seems to be shades of grey for me right now. Funny how 20 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning can make everything seem better. What is worse is that now, if the devil popped into my office this morning, I am fairly sure I would sell my soul for a $1.19 Diet Dr. Pepper. I am not proud of this fact; I am simply stating it.
Now before some Christian tells me that this is the point of Lent – that we are supposed to feel, in some small part, Christ's sacrifices, I want to point out that I have not had Diet Dr. Pepper in two days, people.
You know, if someone (for example, the love of my life, my hubbie) told me that he had a Diet Dr. Pepper and would not give it to me for my own good, I think I may be able to rip his heart out of his chest cavity. And I am not a violent person, really.
Is it sinful to think lustfully about a beverage? I just hope I don't have any dreams about me, a dew-covered Diet Dr. Pepper and strange sexual positions. I was going to google fetishes to see if others share my strange thoughts, but then I thought this may be too tempting for me to resist. I just have to resist this.
And, one would think with this caffeine out of my system, my brain would function more normally. And if you believed this, you would be wrong. I am continually scatter-brained. Completely. And when I close my eyes and try to gather my thoughts, I dream of Diet Dr. Pepper.
Not only am I a mess physically, emotionally and mentally, but financially, I am going to be missing out. There is currently a game to find some sort of treasure. Had I more brain function, I could tell you more about this game. Let's just say all I can remember is drink Diet Dr. Pepper, then entering the 12-digit code from the bottle top into a website. I vaguely remember getting clues. And I have no idea what prizes they are offering. I have to have some empties around here somewhere. Is it wrong to go through my trashcan to look for them? I could uncap them and smell the sweet nectar that is Diet Dr. Pepper.
Where was I? I really don't know. My only hope is that some demonic creature will offer me a Diet Dr. Pepper for what is left of my shriveled soul.
And the saddest thing is that I thought of this post last night – though I was going to use it for Monday (which to me will be known as Day 6). And I was not sure I would ever make Day 6. If you think you might want to experience this type of religion, cross over to becoming Catholic. Perhaps they will use this post as a new ad campaign. I could trade it to them for a Diet Dr. Pepper.
1 day ago