Disjointed Views of Marriage

A long time ago, Prata made the following comment:

Marriage...the lemming race. *chuckles*

Seriously though, I've never viewed marriage as a necessity. Not that I wouldn't get married if I found someone that I wanted to be with that felt it was a necessary part of their ideal relationship outcome; however, I think I'd have to question why it was a necessity to them in the first place.

I believe you're mostly correct there Leesa. People get married to share things that are possibly very personal (good or bad) with someone that can identify and has a stake in these things. But, does marriage make you any more likely to have a stake in what happens to the significant other than say, a serious boyfriend/girlfriend? If someone commits to you, is marriage necessary to say that they have a stake in something?

I know you're not trying to make that point, I'm just asking your view I suppose. Does marriage outweigh a committed individual's actual stake in or commitment to a relationship?

Prata made the comments in March of 2006 and I wanted to answer them. I saved his comment, probably because it touched on something I wanted to write about at the time. I remember I was thinking a lot about my marriage.

In the same area I saved this message, I saved a fragment of a note I wrote a fellow blogger. Some of you may remember Muse. She started and blew up three or four blogs in a few years. Her penname, Muse, is quite common in the blogging world, and I don't think it has anything to do with the English rock band. It probably has more to do with the nine muses in Greek mythology¹:

• Calliope (the 'beautiful of speech'): chief of the muses and muse of epic or heroic poetry
  Clio (the 'glorious one'): muse of history
  
• Erato (the 'amorous one'): muse of love or erotic poetry, lyrics, and marriage songs
  
• Euterpe (the 'well-pleasing'): muse of music] and lyric poetry
  
• Melpomene (the 'chanting one'): muse of tragedy
  
• Polyhymnia or Polymnia (the '[singer] of many hymns'): muse of sacred song, oratory, lyric, singing and rhetoric
  
• Terpsichore (the '[one who] delights in dance'): muse of choral song and dance
  
• Thalia (the 'blossoming one'): muse of comedy and bucolic poetry
  
• Urania (the 'celestial one'): muse of astronomy

Anyway, here is part of the letter I wrote Musey:

When you wrote, "Nothing is worse then a woman who stops talking, because it means she's given up. Feigned complacency is all I have left. My fight is gone, I've let it go. My peace is restored without the aid of you. My life, my rules. Volunteer, not victim. My life is what I make it......Muse" I was truly touched.

And then when Melanie wrote the next few paragraphs, that is what I felt when reading what you wrote, though I would not have expressed it so eloquently.

I am fighting the same fight you are; trying to save my marriage. I am Catholic, and for better or worse, I really want things to work out with me and hubbie. And I have expressed on more than one occasion how I want things to work out between you and yours. Sometimes I feel like hubbie is not trying – but because of hormones or circumstances or whatever, things tend to change. So most of the time, hubbie is working with me on our marriage.

Muse, I don't know if this is the case for you and your love. Maybe he is more blasé with the whole thing. That's what it seems like to me. I have known women who settle – because of kids or things or reputation or whatever. If that were the case with me, I would not settle, and I actually don't believe my Church would want me to settle as well. If each partner is not "mutually supportive," then a Catholic marriage does not exist. I know, this part doesn't matter for you – just thinking out loud.

Recently I have had really depressing thoughts. But hubbie always picks me up, sometimes a little late, but always picks me up. I am not sure you have that. And when I want more than hubbie can give, he tries to give. He tries.

Musey, only you know what is best for you. It seems, however, that you are spent. Not sure you would make a good decision right now. You need rejuvenation to make sure your outlook is clear, so you can see what choices there are, let alone choosing the right one for you and your children. For me, it involved therapy and medication. For you, it might involve something else. While similar in ways, we are all different.

I have no answers – just want to give you some support, Musey!

Again, this was written in early 2006. Hubbie and I struggled through 2006, and things eventually got better. I lost touch with my friend Muse. Writing was cathartic for Muse, and I hope that she has peace in her life; that's why she drifted out of my life. I really hope that is the case.

I sometimes imagine her playing with her dog. Can't remember exactly what it looks like, but it doesn't matter. To run with a dog, throwing objects and letting the dog retrieve them. Dogs live to please people; that's part of their joy.

Whether you wear loose fitting clothing and dance with Apollo or run barefoot in the sand with a pet, sometimes getting away from the daily grind is what is called for. I don't know where this post is going.

Sometimes marriage is a lot like a post with no real point. You are just doing things that come natural, spending time with one another, trying to figure out why the heck you are living with the guy who snores and clips his toenails in bed. And part of you loves the fact that when you wake up in the morning and automatically make two eggs, you have someone to share breakfast with. When I was first married, I thought marriage was easy. I am not that naïve anymore. It just sometimes pisses me off when people look like marriage is easy.

Oh, and Prata chucked because I made a connection with people getting married and lemmings following each other off a cliff. Maybe this whole post could have been summed up in that piece of imagery.

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¹Taken from Wikipedia. It may not be right, but it is fairly immaterial to the posting.

Valentine's Day Suggestions

Okay, I am an easy girl to impress, and I don't normally have great expectations, but Valentine's Day is a little bit different. Okay, guys, Valentine's Day is a little early this year – it falls on February 14. Why the heck can't guys remember it? When there is a lot of pink and red in the "specialty isles" of the grocery store, check it out to see if it is Valentine-related.

Musts
There are a few musts on Valentine's Day.

1. Cards. You must give your wife/girlfriend a card that you either made yourself or picked out yourself. Homemade cards are so much nicer than bought cards, but how many men are going to make a card. It scores big points, but it is not necessary to make your own card. But please, gentlemen, pick out an appropriate card. It can be funny (but please don't comment about a big ass if said Valentine has one). It can be mushy. But please don't just sign it – write a thought-out note in the card. Total cost is less than four dollars, and it is a must. If you don't get her one, she will say it is fine. She is lying to you. It is not fine.

2. Flowers. I know, the florists are making a killing on Valentine's Day, and to protest, you are boycotting your local florist. Bad move. I mean, if you are married, you figure you are just saving a few bucks and mutually, you benefit from the thriftiness. Men, did you ever notice that romance has little to do with thriftiness? Heck, romance may defy logic (sorry, Prata).

But don't just buy her flowers – have them delivered. For those romantics among you, you know why. For those "rational males", think of it this way – flowers bought in a store that you deliver yourself cost about $10 less than having them delivered. And the delivery really impacts the "value" of the gift. You are leveraging sunk costs anyway. And you know, I hate to admit it, but I love receiving flowers when other women in the office don't receive them. There is a temporary feeling of, "I married better than you did." And that feeling lasts through the night, if you know what I mean.

3. Feeling Special. And you have to do something in the evening that makes her feel special. And, ten minutes of passion on the bed does not count. This could be different for different women, so I am going to leave this point dangling.

Nice-to-Haves
Now, there are other things, some which are expected, some which are not, which are nice-to-have on Valentine's Day.

1. Dinner. You would think I would have put dinner on the must list. Sorry, but there are only so many restaurants out there, and they are so crowded on Valentine's Day. I love to get dressed up and go out, but to spend an hour or more waiting for a table sort of dampens some of the romance for the evening. My opinion only. But I do like going out on Valentine's Day. It can be a dive, but it just can't be a chain. Sorry, I am picky.

2. Poetry. You may have guessed, I am a nut for words, and poetry is so wonderful. I love listening to my hubbie read me poetry when we are close. His soothing words, my ears just drinking the poets' images. Quite wonderful.

3. Gifts. Okay, technically a card and/or flowers are gifts. But when I think of Valentine's Gifts, I think of other things. Jewelry is not really a "nice to have" unless it is a special Valentine's Day. Actually, the more I think about jewelry, this is more of an anniversary gift than a Valentine's Day gift (unless you are dating Paris Hilton). Lingerie is nice, but let's face it, half of the benefit goes to the giver. Guys, if you have a girlfriend, lingerie may not be appropriate. Even if you have been "doing it" for a while, it will remind her that when you thought of a romantic gift, you decided to give her something that is more of a sex gift than anything else. Enough said.

Okay, bottom line is that women just want to be worshiped. If you can remember that, you are golden. Remember, worship equals good.

Addendum
After thinking about the post, I thought of something else. I was assuming you are either married or seriously dating someone. That is not always the case. Here are some other random thoughts on the matter.

1. Dating a Married Woman. This is something I can't recommend, guys. She is married. And when I say dating, I am being nice. Please, please, please don't send her flowers at home or at work. And don't buy her anything that can be described as evidence. Basically, you should not be doing this, but you know, it is really not up to you to help her hubbie discover her indiscretion. Oh, and don't give her anything that can be grown in a Petri dish, if you know what I mean.

2. Dating when you are not serious (both adults). This is one of those situations where you have to give her something, flowers and a card, but you really don't want to spend the money because you have only been dating for a few weeks. I would say you are out of luck and need to spend the money on something. But don't dump her on February 12 to save money on flowers (carnations hand-carried are fine) and a card. We are talking $10 (if you don't live in New York). Just think of it as part of being in the dating scene. And, yes, taking her out on this night would be oh-so-nice.

3. Dating when you are not serious (both children). If you are in elementary school, if it is anything like when I went to school, the girls loved having boyfriends and the boys ignored our shrill cries and claimed we had cooties. The boys are under no obligation to get anything, but those little candy hearts with "you're swell" will make her heart beat pitter-patter-pitter-patter. And you will be razzed by your friends. Both good things.

4. Dating when you are not serious (mixture of adults and children). Ew. Don't even joke about it.

5. Dating when you are not serious (mixture of adults and animals). Ew. See number 4.

6. Dating Paris Hilton. I can't help you. You have poor taste and even poorer decision-making skills. Just wear nice briefs in case your after-dark escapades make it onto film.

This is longer than I intended the post to be, but you know me, I like my writing to encourage people to get together like bunnies. And do the bunny hop.

You say ghoughphtheightteeau; I say potato

I was reading a blog entry from Tai "Victoria, CA". When I saw the "CA" I immediately thought "California", but since the blog entry had to do with English, I figured she was British. And sure enough, she is from Canada. I think Canada is a province of Ireland. Something like that. I wrote notes to cute guys when I took World History (I was 15; give me a break, I never thought I would have to use these facts). I have not asked her about this, but my gut tells me that as long as I don't confuse her with the Scots, I am okay.

Anyway, her blog entry was really good, and since I really don't want to compete with the British Bitch¹, I will summarize what she said:

Ghoti is the new fish.

Ghoti = fish

laugh = f
women = i
fiction = sh

How is ANYONE supposed to figure this stuff out!?!

She went on to say something about grammar, and I sort of skimmed over that part. I of course responded by saying something like, "hey guys, come over to my site and look at my titties." Yeah, I was looking for blog traffic. Kidding. I mentioned another oft-repeated example:

Ghoughphtheightteeau = potato

Hiccough = gh has the p sound
Dough = ough had the o sound
Phthisis = phth has the t sound
Neighbour = eigh has the a sound
Gazette = tte has the t sound
Plateau = eau has the o sound

I think the ghoti word has been attributed George Bernard Shaw as a way of him bedding smart, full-bosomed women. This, of course is false, not because smart women can't have big boobs², but because someone else probably had this idea first.

What gets me, however, is the word "moot". Not the spelling, but the meaning. From one source, here are the definitions: (1) of little or no practical value, meaning, or consequence. (2) subject to discussion or argument. (3) doubtful, theoretical, or hypothetical. (4) in law, an issue previously clarified by earlier cases or decisions of the court.

Most of us use the word for definition 1, like when we say, "Prata, don't you know, that is a moot point." So we are basically telling Prata that his point has little or no practical value (not that I would ever do that in real life). But the second definition is just about the opposite, because it is subject to discussion or argument (meaning it is not an insignificant thing). Most of us don't know why there are two definitions so different, but here is what one site said:

Let's begin at the beginning. "Moot" comes from the Old English word "mot," meaning "meeting," also found in "witenagemot" ("meeting of wise men"), the name of the Anglo-Saxon parliament. Since meetings of any kind are no fun without a good argument, "moot" as an adjective came to mean "open to debate" or "undecided" by the 16th century. This is the original sense of the word, and was applied to actions at law as well -- a case in court was known as a "moot."

What happened then was that law students began to practice their skills by re-arguing real cases in practice courts -- what are today still called "moot courts" in law schools. Since the cases the students argued were, for the most part, already decided in the real world, such sessions and the results therein were "moot" -- for the sake of argument only, having no real significance. This "no real significance" sense of moot has gradually overtaken the original sense, and today "moot" is generally used as a synonym for "settled" or "irrelevant."

For those who were thinking of breasts instead of reading what I placed in italics, basically it said we should blame lawyers. And I can live with that.

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¹I only cursed because it was darned fine alliteration. I adore ample alliteration.
²Shakira is supposed to be a genius. I am not sure if she has big boobs, but if she does, this would support my point.

Friday Randomness Part Whatever

Disclaimer: another random Friday, but it seems that it is mostly about sex. Guess who hasn't gotten any in a while?

Dakota Quarters
What do North and South Carolina have in common: they have beautiful state quarters (and they joined the union in 1889). North Dakota's quarter has a couple of buffalo on the "tails" side, one of which I have been told was their first state senator. South Dakota has a pheasant and the rock that was chiseled into four presidents. I should know that landmark. Is it Mount McKinley? Anyway, I know someone who reads this lives in one of these two states. No slight of the states. I believe they are in the north-central US; in Georgia, we don't have to learn all of the states, just the confederate ones; another joke, that is a joke about our educational system.

Sheep
Earlier today while writing my last blog entry, I playfully mentioned that I am a conservative democrat, and stated that I am a sheep to the political system. Okay, that was bad grammar, but what I meant to do was liken me (and many of us) to sheep when discussing politics. My last foray into discussing political issues sort of reminded me of that. Prata correctly pointed out some of my more simplistic comments. I think my response was "bite me."

Back to sheep – we are sheep. We get sheered at tax time. We are led by the politicians. And some, not me, would say that we get f***ed in the butt by politicians (sort of like lonely farmers). Politicians = lonely farmers. I did not mean to indicate that lonely farmers, er, let me stop right there. And I don't want to defame beastieology (my political correctness kicking in).

Political Correctedness
Funny that when I discussed beastieology (and, I have no idea how I got onto that subject), I was torn between saying that I did not want to slight those engaging in that behavior. But then I thought of the poor animals. I mean, they did not ask for that. They can't consent to it, you know. And then I wonder why I am still typing about this. Gross. As an OCD-loving person, this gives me the willies.

Friday Post
This morning, I was thinking of an extremely serious issue, and I wanted to blog about it. But you know, Fridays should be light, and I have noticed that my Fridays have taken on some really tough issues: red fingernail polish, bald popes, naval fuzz. I just could not ask you to endure more serious issues on a Friday.

Thursday Post
Did you notice Thursday's post was really lame. Did you notice the same with Wednesday's post? Did you wonder if I am in a mental institution and my Internet privileges have been taken away temporarily? I didn't think so. Did you think you would see the word beastieology three times on my blog?

Referrals
Now that I have been using tags for a while, I have been looking at which tags people use most. I really don't care (or I would use "Britney Spear's muffin" as a tag). Well, not her actual muffin, but you know. And I was trying to find a very polite word to use. Doesn't muffin sound all sweet and innocent?

You know my most viewed tag: Prata. Now in no way am I saying that Prata is anything less than a man who enjoys getting jumped in dark alleys so he can kick ass, but that was the most viewed tag. Well, erotic was, but I took that tag out. It seemed superfluous. I mean, all of my entries are erotic, right? And I think the lack of comments from guys some days has to do with all of their blood flowing to their male member and them passing out. Sorry guys!

Of Amateur Singers and iPods

ysabellabrave
I have found a blogger (ysabellabrave in an unlikely place: youtube. I have been enjoying her for a while – on youtube. She sings, and the reason I have not mentioned her before is that, well, I assumed she was lip-syncing. In her latest video, she is holding her cat and you can tell it is her. For those of who have not seen streaming video, sometimes the sound and video are off a bit, something that makes her videos appear as if the audio and video comes from different sources (insert pithy but technologically accurate remark by prata that explains that they come from different sources).

She says she loves the blues, and I bet she does. But her voice reminds me of the sirens of the 1920s (and a bit earlier), and some of the stars of the 1930s and 1940s. Anyway, I open my browser and listen to the songs while I am working (and writing this blog). I don't watch the videos much – but, men, she is a cutie so you may want to watch! What I would love to do is convert the video to MP3 and take them with me on my iPod. I know, there are professional singers who may have more talent than she has, but I just enjoy her singing. I guess I finally get American Idol. And her performances remind me more of a live performance. Sorry. I am off on a tangent.

The only thing I don't know is if she is really who she says she is. Lonelygirl15 was supposed to be some high schooler, and she was a professional actress. Ysabellabrave represents herself as a fraud investigator that started singing lessons about a year ago. Oh, I believe her, but you know, I can be easily fooled.

iPod accessories
Okay, so I would love to get ysabellabrave on my iPod. Did I mention that I love my iPod? A love bordering on unhealthy obsession. Really. iPods are so freakin' addictive. Apple, please deposit money in my Paypal account for the free advertising. First, you invest lots of time converting your CDs to a format for your iPod, and then you learn about accessories.

The first accessory I got was an armband. Mobile tunes. Loved it. So I can ignore the world and listen to music. Great. Next thing I got was an FM transistor, so I could listen to my iPod in the car with my car stereo. Okay, the quality sort of sucks, but I got my iPod in my car now. So I can use my iPod when I am walking and in my car.

What next. iHome, specifically the i iH36W, an under-the-kitchen-cabinet iPod and Shuffle Stereo Player with FM/TV/Weather Band and Remote Control. Say that several times quickly. So I can listen to my tunes when in the kitchen, chopping onions. Hey, people, I chop a lot of onions.

The next thing I got was some cables to pipe the iPod music into the stereo. Cables so that whatever is on my iPod can get all the way to my entertainment center. Boys and girls – lets count the locations: while walking, in the car, in the kitchen, in the living room. What the hell would be next? The bathroom, dear readers, with the iLounge Toilet Paper Dispenser. And y'all thought I was going to take my iPod in the bedroom. No thanks. I love listening to ysabellabrave, but I am not sure I would be able to listen to her again after, well, you know.