All the News That's Fit . . .

I have decided that I will get my news from the Internet. And by news, I mean, I will be watching Gnooze. It is pronounced "news", the G being a silent G. Sort of like gnome. Gnooze is hosted by Marta Costello. Looks like she started in news, then did stand up comedy, and then she decided that streaming video seemed like an easy thing to do. Well, that is a bit of a simplification, but there you have it.

I have thought about the news a lot lately, and I am thinking of not paying attention to stuff. On purpose. And not just because it is "work" and I have to read and retain and make sense of all of the different media bias. It really does not have anything to do with that.

I don't think I want to monitor the news because it is counter-productive with being a happy, resourceful and contributing member of society.

When you read or watch local news, you take in the facts. Problem is that your brain treats these facts as representative of the world. We are wired that way. So when you read "child fell down a well and has been trapped there for days", your brain files away something that indicates that there are a bunch of wells around, potentially trapping lots of children. And we don't think, "Hmmmm, if it is in the local news, it must be extra-ordinary or out-of-the-ordinary. You know, newsworthy.

We have the same brains, more or less, that people did ten thousand years ago, when - between mounting the slow chicks - you would see who died when eating which berries. Green berries, bad. Small red berries, really bad. Large red berries, good. Special mushrooms, really good.

So we can't really get that what is on the news is not really what is happening all around us. Even the Amber alerts, they scare the pee out of us when we see one in the local area, but really, children are not getting snatched every day in your community. But if feels that way because our brains are meant to group events because we need to know what kinds of berries to eat.

Not only are we bad at interpreting the frequencies of local news events, but a lot of the time, we get news fragments and cannot put together the big picture of things. I have already heard a few people saying that history may treat George W Bush very well, after we have had time to think about all of his accomplishments. Okay, I nearly spit out a mouthful of Diet Dr. Pepper when I heard that on the news, driving into work.

George W is a boob with some sort of father complex. How can history treat him well. Well, I don't think it will, but the point is that we lack proper perspective as we are digesting these news sound bites.

So if news does not give us proper perspective, what good is it? I mean, let's say I was in tune to the business news for years. Would I be better prepared for what happened in the markets in 2008? No, not a bit. And after the economic decline, meltdown or whatever you want to call it, lots of people said, "Well, we should have known this was coming."

I remember listening to people proudly say that they did not listen to the news . . . when I was in college. I always thought, "What an ignorant, lazy Frat Boy person." Now I wonder if I am the one who has it all wrong.

Maybe it is better to get news from Gnooze, where they at least crack a joke. The one thing I don't want you doing is relying on Marta's blog. I mean, if you want to read a blog, you ought to read this one. Nary a newsworthy item, and occasionally a naughty picture. At least with my blog, you can count on a happy ending or two. Not so with traditional media.

Coins

Yesterday, I stopped by a quickie mart, and purchased a Diet Dr. Pepper with some coins in my purse. I used a one dollar coin like the one in the picture to the left, two quarters and a few smaller coins. Exact change.

The woman at the quickie mart took a look at the dollar coin and said, "I am not sure we can take this coin." A co-worker looked at the coin and said that she could. If that co-worker was not there, I am fairly sure I would not have had my Diet Dr. Pepper.

I normally don't like receiving fifty cent pieces or dollar coins in my change, and I ditch them as quickly as possible. And now it seems that some people don't think dollar coins would be legal tender in the United States.

I know, you are saying to yourself, "Leesa, why do you care? This person is only an employee in the local quickie mart." And if you were thinking that, shame on you. You know, employees of the quickie mart have lots and lots of power. They can say, "We don't accept dollar coins." They can also say, "We will no longer be ordering" [Leesa shudders] "Diet Dr. Pepper."

Little things. Not accepting coins, soft summer rain, a warm down comforter and a good book. Little things make life such more enjoyable.
dollar coin.

Accounting Refugees Unite

You know, every once in a while, I get something in my inbox, saying something like, "Hey, Blogger Chickie, join this cause to save the world. The flavor of the week this week is Refugees Unite."

At first, I thought perhaps I would write something about Cheerleading Refugees uniting. But then I would have to endure the guys talking about cheerleader bondage. And I really want to help someone.

So I looked through my recent memories, and I figured out that no one seems to help accountant refugees. I mean, let's say you help some CEO bilk millions from retirement accounts, slush funds, or wherever you could pilfer money for the well-deserving CEO. I mean, in industries where the government does not subsidize CEO golden parachutes for malfeasance. So if you are in big oil, and you are moving money around. Pretty soon the FBI busts into your private residence and suggests you cooperate or else you will be a resident in another gated community. But this new gated community is state-sponsored. So instead of rolling on your CEO, you flee for Mexico or Tuvalu.

Now, these poor accountants are in foreign countries, left with just the clothes on their backs and the stacks of unmarked bills in their suitcases. A pity.

I say we start some sort of fund for these guys. I mean, they probably don't have English cable television or Diet Dr. Pepper, or online banking. A true pity.

Please cue the violin music. Any of you wishing to donate to this fund can deposit money for this worthy cause.

Adjustments

Okay, the people who read me regularly know that I have not been writing regularly. I have had to make some adjustments - because I have other pursuits now. I have had to juggle my time; sort of like when you pull your panties out of your ass – making the panty adjustment. Okay, not really that way.

Every time I change something I need to make an adjustment. When I gave up Diet Dr. Pepper, I had to make adjustments. I had to keep sharp knives away from my desk at the office because without my caffeine fix I would risk plunging the knife into random passerbyers. PMS may be a legitimate murder defense, but caffeine withdrawal. Not so much.

When I started blogging, I made some adjustments, too. I had to sacrifice porn surfing for blogging. Oh, and I guess I sacrificed some work time as well. But I was willing to make that sacrifice. Guess it was more of a sacrifice for my bosses.

Well, I am not on a good schedule for blogging right now. I wanted to do a Tuesday-Thursday thing, but it has not worked out by now. Guess I need to adjust myself. Just making an adjustment.

Inertia

Inertia: a property of matter that causes it to resist changes in speed or direction (velocity).

We learn about inertia in the physical sciences, and for most of us, it stops with a true/false question on an exam. Or maybe multiple choice, something I prefer to those darned true/false questions.

Inertia is something that keeps us doing the same thing over time. I have a cup of coffee or a Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning. Then I decide it would be better for me, for my teeth, for my neurological system that tells me I should quit. And I decide to quit. But then inertia keeps me wanting my Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning. A bad habit.

Do you ever notice we don't focus on the good habits in our lives? Those who go to the gym five days per week? Or those who floss? We don't really even think about it.

Inertia is the elephant in the room – something we don't talk about – when we think about doing something else. The book I have committed to write but have written a couple of pages. Son-of-a-bitch. So why don't we do the things we should do and avoid the things we should avoid? Inertia. That little word that was worth five points on a high school sophomore's science test.

I have no other answers today. Just thinking about inertia.

Random Friday on Monday

A long time ago, I said something like, I am going to start this random Friday post. And then I half-ass did it. Or is it, "I did it half-assed." Half-ass? You know, since I don't curse all that much, my sayings are sort of half-assed. Anyway, since I screwed the saying and the random Friday thing up, I think I will do a random Monday. A word processor and a Diet Dr. Pepper, and I am off.

Assumptions, Linearly
You know, I don't like a lot of what I write. When I write it. But if I look at what I write two years later, I think, "Holy crap. That doesn't suck all that much." And you know, in ten years, I am sure it is going to be some really great work. My writing is like wine. Unless it will turn to vinegar. That would really suck.

Because you know, you can't assume linear growth, because if you could, I would be forty-seven feet tall by now.

Writer's Strike
I know why the writer's strike is lasting so long. I am sure they are scanning blogs looking for material. Now they won't find any here, but I am sure they are piecing together material from blogs. They don't have to pay anyone, and you know, there material is sort of crappy anyway.

Life Lock
I saw this the other day from Life Lock (okay, I saw it on a blog, but looking it up on a site seems like work, and I loath work):

If your wallet is ever lost or stolen: We’re here to help! Just give us a call and a WalletLock Specialist will help you contact each affected credit card, bank or document issuing company, cancel those accounts and complete the paperwork and steps necessary to replace your lost documents*, including your credit/debit cards, driver’s license, social security card, insurance cards, checkbook – even travelers checks – at no additional cost.

What a wonderful service. Pretty soon con artists are going to enter the fray. Imagine having patsies send you their credit card numbers, insurance cards, checkbook info and the like. How easy would it be to steal an identity then? Yeah, I think like a crook.

Vampires
Someone said that they have a fear of vampires the other day, and I chuckled. I can be such a bitch (I edit my bitchiness out of my blog-writing). MS Word is great for that. Anyway, I told her if I had one fear, I would love to have a fear of vampires because vampires are not real.

PC
I sort of wish the Mac would have invented the PC. Control Alt Delete is so intuitive. Not. I get the Control-C for copy, and Control-V for paste (because the keys are next to one another). But so much more is confusing.

Lawyers verses Doctors
We have all heard funny things about doctors knowing more about sex than normal people. But we have not heard anything (I haven't, at least) about lawyers. I mean, that profession screws people over all of the time. Don't you think practice makes perfect. Also, if doctors are so good with the sex thing, why aren't there papers about the G-spot in the journals?

Happy Monday.

An Addict Waking Up

For a long while, I have not been making the blogs I want to make. There is nothing real to them. You see, I was allowing myself to be numb for so long. I did not deal with the emotional aspect of things. I felt the need to be stronger, to be everybody's rock. To tell you the truth, I am in a bad place now.

I feel like I should be on some sort of Oprah special. I would want Oprah to put her loving arms around me, tell me it will be okay, and then spend $10 million to help me and people like me.

You see, I am a Diet Dr. Pepper addict. I am tired of saying everything is okay. I am tied of pretending I don't have a problem. I am tired of sneaking Diet Dr. Pepper's at work, after I told everybody about my Lenten sacrifice. So now I am coming out.

Being a Diet Dr. Pepper addict¹ does not make me a bad person. I mean, with the rich taste, the zero calories², the inviting dark brown and yellow container, how can a girl resist.

If I continue to write about my affliction with Diet Dr. Pepper, I will just go out and get one. I really do. I better stop while I am ahead. Yeah, I have nothing to write about today. Sorry. There it is.

Until next time, have a good day, and take care. I know I will have a better day. And if you want to make a girl's day and have a YouTube account, watch this video and subscribe. It is fairly clever for its 2:30 minutes. A love story. Between a girl and a cardboard cut-out man.

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¹Okay, this is a spoof, and I am not intentionally making fun of those with addictions. Hey, I know kicking a real addiction can be rough. People don't really want to change, and with an addiction, it just makes it that much harder. Habits, which seem to be the sissy step-brother of addictions, are hard enough to beat. I have known and seen people with real addictions, struggling for their lives. I am not trying to belittle their struggles. And this footnote reminds me of some Shakespearian play, not for how it is written, but because one of the characters reads this short note, and then says, there is a bit more. And the bit more goes on for like two pages. You just don't get that sort of humor on Beverly Hills Cop III.
²When I was growing up, Diet Coke had one Calorie (the big "C" is for kilocalorie). How come Diet Dr. Pepper has zero Calories?

Randomness Part 17E

Convenience Stores
The other day I was in a gas station's convenience store. I was buying about $2.50 worth of stuff, a water (though I was pretending it was a diet Dr. Pepper) and a snack (it had lots of chocolate on it because I roll that way).

I hand the clerk a $20 bill, and she said, "I'm sorry, I just opened and I don't have change. Do you have anything smaller?" I said no, and then she said, "Do you have a debit card?" Again, no. I left my stuff on the counter and said, "Guess I can't buy this," and I left.

On the way out, she said something about being able to make change. So she could have made change, but it would have been inconvenient for her. So instead, she made things inconvenient for me.

If I would have had change, I would have given her a five spot. Okay, I have no street cred (typing "rolling" and "five spot" just doesn't suite me). But it seems like the convenience store was not very convenient.

Screwy Times
I hate the Congress. This daylight savings time change has really got me peeved. On top of that, the phrase "Winter Forward, Fall Back" doesn't make a bit of sense.

Your Business is Important to Us
Have you ever been on the phone, calling up some 1-800 number, and been told that all of our operators are busy, but ""your business is important to us." That phrase ticks me off. If my business was so freakin' important to them, they would pay for a couple more operators.

Assumptions
I heard an example recently that went something like this: "A black man robs a liquor store, and two days later, another black man robs a liquor store. One should not naturally assume that all black men in this town rob liquor stores." My question is this? Why assume the race of the person; how about the gender of the person? Both factors were common to the two incidents; shouldn't the reasons for conclusion be about the same as well.

Tattoos
I don't have a tattoo and don't want to get one, but you know, I like those little tattoos in the small of one's back. If I was not so OCD (needing to keep everything "the same", not even coloring my hair), maybe I would have something there.

Lack of Energy
I really did not want to post today. I lack energy. I almost called in sick. Maybe I will feign illness later today. You know you are getting older when after a night of passion, you sort of wish you would have gone to bed earlier. Well, half-wish.

Gifts to your Readers

Goodbye Blogroll Buddies
Recently (in the past few months), Mal (Mal's Mulblings), Grant (Discombobulatingrant), Muse (private blog), Amber (Absolutely no exaggeration or sarcasm Here) and Monica (My lovely and charming life), have either declared that they are on a hiatus or they have been on one. Furthermore, Ddot (The Palace) has not been blogging. And they were all very good reads, and more importantly, they were virtual friends.

When I wrote about traffic last week, I mentioned cleaning up hyperlinks that were no longer active. I appreciate when people have two blogging lists – one for active bloggers, and one for occasional bloggers. Well, I have taken the plunge and removed bloggers who no longer add posts from my blogroll; this was a painful experience. The most painful was removing Ddot, the self-described king of the bloggers or the blogosphere, or whatever. Oh, but I felt compelled to at least link to them in this post (I will look every once in a while). Ddot was my first link, so removing him was tough. Too bad I don't keep alcohol in my top desk drawer.

These bloggers probably really did, more than anything else, force me to start Battle of the Blogs. I really did not want to do it (because I really thought it was going to fail). And I have really lost a lot of blogging buddies. I understand them not wanting to continue to blog. I won't list the reasons – that would be the opposite of what I want to do – I want to encourage those to write and possibly share their writing with others. I really think this helps, in some small way, make our world a better place.

Giving Gifts to Your Blogroll
I have had posts in the past that have been clever, and also have given back to those who read my posts. Once, I had a post where I gave "virtual Christmas presents" to some of my frequent commenters. The post went over really well, as I knew a bit about them from their blogs and made the gifts personal. I also made a post for Academy Awards, and which of my blogger buddies would win which award (again, being bother personal and hopefully funny). It may have all started with a post about assumptions I make about the people who frequently comment on my blog.

I have not done a similar post in some time, for two reasons: (1) these posts take a lot of work, and (2) I have a much smaller audience now. For those of you who have a loyal following, this is a way of giving back to your most frequent commenters. Granted, it does not have appeal outside of your group, unless of course, you incorporate a bit of humor into the post.

This suggestion will not drive traffic, but may help ensure that your readers stay loyal to your blog. I sometimes wonder if I cared more for doing stuff like this, if I would have more loyal readers. Whether we like it or not, when we blog, we become connected. In a world where real connections seem to be disappearing, perhaps this is a good thing. Perhaps it is driving us not being connected. This, my virtual friends, is a discussion for another time. Me, I just want a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Random Friday Again

Year of the Golden Pig
I posted the following response to a video talking about the Year of the Pig: "Did you mention the Golden Pig! (once every 60 years, right?)" Someone replied: "Golden pig year is fake! Invented to sell more baby products (folks have more kids in years they think are lucky). Refer to any learned person in Chinese/Vietnamese astrology."

I replied, thanking the person for calling me an idiot. And then I re-read the message. Okay, Golden Pig is fake, but a "learned person in astrology", that is who we should be trusting. Sort of bizarre.

Mis-Post
On Monday, I was going to write about Florida loosing in basketball. The SEC is normally a football powerhouse, and you know Florida also won the national championship in basketball last year. Well, they lost to Vanderbilt, and I was going to write a story about how relatively the SEC is in basketball because Florida, an SEC team, lost to Vanderbilt. Well, to do a little bit of research (a rarity for me), I googled Vanderbilt, and you know, they are also an SEC team. Who would have known? So with my premise shot, I could not write the Florida post.

Georgia
I am in the minority in Georgia. I root for Georgia Tech. Okay, the fight song has engineer in it (I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an Engineer. A Helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva Engineer ), and even I know, if you have engineer in the song, people will make fun of you. I don't really keep up with the Georgia Bulldogs, though the bulldog is actually bred in Savannah. So I don't follow the SEC – other than what co-workers force down my throat.

U.S. Energy Policy Act of 2005
You probably don't know exactly what this is, but the U.S. Energy Policy Act of 2005, signed by President Bush in August 2005, extended Daylight Saving Time (DST) in the U.S. As a result, beginning this spring, the new DST period will be four weeks longer than previously observed. Here is what I don't understand: why change Daylight Savings Time? Now we have this Microsoft patch, a couple of them, because this change sort of screwed up both the Microsoft OS and MS Outlook. I am assuming other programs had to be patched as well. So all of this energy we are saving we are probably spending to accommodate this. And if we want to save more energy, make people work at night and sleep in the day (DST to the extreme). But what is the point in that? Sometimes saving a few bucks on energy is not worth the inconvenience.

Featured Video Pulled
The following video "Lezberado: L Word S" posted from CBS was removed because of terms of use violations. How can a featured video (one that YouTube promotes) get removed because of "terms of use violations" (again, decided on by YouTube)? My screenshot is here (I am such a geek).

Posting Comments
Over the last few days, I have posted more comments on other blogs than I thought I could post. Oh, and I felt dirty about leaving so many messages pimping this thing. I actually spammed my blogroll (I spam those I love to read). As well as those who were part of that other competition I discussed recently. Just think "pink that hurts" and you probably will remember the site if you voted. No, I did not win.

Anyway, I have been exposed to so many different ways of leaving comments (none of them involved peeing in a small cup, but if one did, it would not have surprised me. The worst was Journalspace. It took forever to get to the comments (slow load) and forever to post. Now the blogger may have hacked some code, so I don't want to besmirch the name of the site. Now I sort of know why I read many more blogs than I comment on. Yuck on comments.

Diet Dr. Pepper
I need a Diet Dr. Pepper right now. I feel like a junkie. I hate wanting one, but I do. Do you think I will get the shakes? And they have these drug dispensing machines in schools, in malls and in offices. Part of me wants to add a label called, "Diet Dr. Pepper," but unfortunately I think all of my posts may be labeled with this tag.

Battle of the Blogs
Looks like I will have enough blogs to make this a reality. Thanks for all that have helped. Problem is, this is looking like a little more work than I first thought. I want to get this posted Monday, but we will see (Tuesday is probably better).

YouTube Feet
Thursday, I was working and watching YouTube. Hey, I am a multi-tasker. Well, I was watching this one video when a co-worker came by. Well, she is a smart-ass, and has since made loads of jokes about me having a foot fetish. I started to tell her that I subscribed to this person, but thought better of it. All I could think is that she would think this person makes foot videos, and I am sure glad I did not say she was 16. Maybe she is 17; I can't remember. Some high school girl. She did that football official video I wrote and had posted a while back. I have not been as embarrassed at looking at things online as when I happened upon ~Deb's site and she was talking about breast exams and had some woman touching her breast (one of those moving GIFs, as I recall). I am the office perv, I am afraid.

Memphis Steve Meme
Someone who I now dislike wrote: "OK, I've tagged you with a meme: 6 things about you that are weird, and a seventh that is a total fake. You put them in any order and then challenge your readers to find the fake."

My answers:
1. I think Wayne's World may be the most underrated intellectual video ever produced. I privately called myself Cassandra for a month.
2. I have never dyed my hair.
3. We have one television in the house and we don't turn it on every day.
4. I hate memes. I secretly hope those who perpetuate memes on me will have diarrhea and sit on the potty, eventually having someone take a picture of them on it.
5. I have never tried nor have wanted to try pot. And when I was in college, I lied about it, once saying I was allergic to the smoke (I am not sure my friends bought it).
6. I voted three times for American Idol and I am over thirty.
7. Cats scare me.

Diet Dr. Pepper Part II
Last night, I asked God if I could trade Lent sacrifices from not consuming Diet Dr. Pepper, so something so much easier, like (1) not having sex, (2) not eating desert, (3) not making fun of my boss, and (4) not eating chocolate. God laughed at me. Well, it was my hubbie, but because I am now hallucinating, his maniacal laugh sounded like a vengeful God (see the Old Testament).

Friday YouTube Gem #8: Katie's Opinion, faintstarlite and IveGotaTheory

YouTube Star: Katie's Opinion
This is one person I subscribe to for the intro. I love the music and the clapping and the "hey-ing". And the drawing moving drawings. It is really nice. Her voice may grate on you if you don't like the New Jersey voice¹. Now, I will admit it, I don't know the difference between New York, New Jersey or any of those other states north of the Carolinas. Sorry, ~Deb. I am a southern gal.

Anyway, Katie Sah actually has a lot of people helping her (the Big Wheel Gang).



And I don't like her describing guys as her little penises most of the time. But after a few days with no Diet Dr. Pepper, I am beginning to buy into Katie's opinion of men. Especially after I see one drinking soda.

YouTube Non-Star: faintstarlite

I am not a subscriber to faintstarlite, but I have watched several of her videos. She is a sweetie, and she has about 500 people subscribed to her (so I am not sure she is a non-star). I don't know when you change from non-star to star. I just don't have a clue.



Anyway, she also has been on Weight Watchers, and she has lost about fifty pounds. Wow, what an accomplishment. My weight goal has been twenty, and I am half-way there. I can't imagine 50.

YouTube Non-Star Extra: IveGotaTheory

IveGotaTheory is an account shared by two high school girls. I saw Betty Homemaker first, and it reminded me of Leave it to Beaver. It was a cute video, and I enjoyed it, so I subscribed. They had 15 subscribers (myself included), last week. That number is up to 17 now, which is actually very low. If you have a YouTube account, subscribe. They don't post often, and the videos are cute. Sorry guys, no scantily clad women on their videos. Actually, they sort of remind me of me when I was growing up; that's why I like them. Though I didn't have a video camera or editing talent. Remember when you would put on shows for family? This has the same feeling. Oh, and their Mini Trailer is a mere 21 seconds and it is blog-inspiring. It gave me an idea for a post.

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¹Turns out, the chick is from Philly, not New Jersey. Now only if I knew the difference. Perhaps PittChick could tell me. Kidding.

Day 2

Today is Day 2. Not that it matters. Life seems to be shades of grey for me right now. Funny how 20 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper in the morning can make everything seem better. What is worse is that now, if the devil popped into my office this morning, I am fairly sure I would sell my soul for a $1.19 Diet Dr. Pepper. I am not proud of this fact; I am simply stating it.

Now before some Christian tells me that this is the point of Lent – that we are supposed to feel, in some small part, Christ's sacrifices, I want to point out that I have not had Diet Dr. Pepper in two days, people.

You know, if someone (for example, the love of my life, my hubbie) told me that he had a Diet Dr. Pepper and would not give it to me for my own good, I think I may be able to rip his heart out of his chest cavity. And I am not a violent person, really.

Is it sinful to think lustfully about a beverage? I just hope I don't have any dreams about me, a dew-covered Diet Dr. Pepper and strange sexual positions. I was going to google fetishes to see if others share my strange thoughts, but then I thought this may be too tempting for me to resist. I just have to resist this.

And, one would think with this caffeine out of my system, my brain would function more normally. And if you believed this, you would be wrong. I am continually scatter-brained. Completely. And when I close my eyes and try to gather my thoughts, I dream of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Not only am I a mess physically, emotionally and mentally, but financially, I am going to be missing out. There is currently a game to find some sort of treasure. Had I more brain function, I could tell you more about this game. Let's just say all I can remember is drink Diet Dr. Pepper, then entering the 12-digit code from the bottle top into a website. I vaguely remember getting clues. And I have no idea what prizes they are offering. I have to have some empties around here somewhere. Is it wrong to go through my trashcan to look for them? I could uncap them and smell the sweet nectar that is Diet Dr. Pepper.

Where was I? I really don't know. My only hope is that some demonic creature will offer me a Diet Dr. Pepper for what is left of my shriveled soul.

And the saddest thing is that I thought of this post last night – though I was going to use it for Monday (which to me will be known as Day 6). And I was not sure I would ever make Day 6. If you think you might want to experience this type of religion, cross over to becoming Catholic. Perhaps they will use this post as a new ad campaign. I could trade it to them for a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Open Letter to Scriggity

Apologies in Advance: I have given up Diet Dr. Pepper for Lent, and well, chances are I am going to turn into a real bitch for the next 40 days. There are few things I truly love, and my morning 20 ounces of liquid joy is one of those things. I drink, on average 3 of these drinks per day, and truth-be-told, giving up sex would only be slightly more difficult. With sex, I would not be missing out every day. And for those who don't really know what Lent is about, Lent is about sacrificing so that you remember that Jesus sacrificed (not to empathize, because let's face it, we are talking about Jesus). Anyway, I have already given away my Diet Dr. Pepper stash. I am already slightly annoyed, and I wonder how this makes me a better person.

Anyway, on with the post.

I recently posted about Get Scriggity, and Drew, "the other guy", wrote me, thanking me for the love. And he suggested I send him a note. What follows is what I sent.

Dear Scriggity,

This is not a new news item, but it is a piece of news of a couple of years ago. It is, however, some news that happened around this time of the year so it is seasonal, if not fresh news.

A few years ago, I worked for the "Girl Scouts." And for Girl Scouts, February is Cookie Time. And in Savannah, GA, Cookie Time is nearly a national holiday. The Girl Scouts were founded in Savannah, so Cookie Time is big.

And here is a secret: Girl Scouts make a lot of money selling cookies. Here is where we tell little girls to look cute and sell cookies for money. We call it character building.

Anyway, the local council purchased too many cookies from the cookie making company. And since Girl Scout cookies cannot be returned, we had to figure out how to sell all of the leftovers.

The little girls couldn't sell anymore – they have already sold what they needed to get their prizes and their parents had already alienated their co-workers and friends. So we were in a bind.

Here is what we did: we decided to sell Girl Scout cookies at the St. Patrick's Day parade. Sounds like a good idea, right? I mean, Savannah has the second-largest St. Patrick's' Day parade (Boston is number one), and there are lots of people who might be hungry. But we can't ask girls to sell cookies because there will be drinking in the streets, so we, the adult leaders, plan to put on our adult Girl Scout outfits and sell cookies that day, thus solving our financial problems.

One opportunity we saw was that many of the customers would be drunk, thus allowing us to sell more cookies. Never did we see this as a problem in our planning phase. We, of course, were idiots.

Regular Girl Scout outfits and adult Girl Scout outfits probably look really similar to most people; the adults don't wear patches and there are other little things that will make me sound really square if I go on about this, so I won't. So we sort of look like shapely Girl Scouts.

Drunken men probably saw us as Girl Scouts that they could sexually harass and pinch. I don't know how often I heard, "Come here Girl Scout. I want to taste me some Girl Scout cookies." They would emphasize the Girl Scout and barely whisper cookies. I was called a "cookie whore", a "sugar slut", and a few things that would make even Drew blush. All of this abuse and the cover charge was buying a three dollar box of cookies.

Yeah, we sold all of the cookies, but at the price of my dignity. We purchased fewer cookies the following year, and although people complained when we ran out, I didn't care. At least my butt did not get pinched.

Love your videos! Stay cool Shauna.

Ex-Girl Scout,
Leesa

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Addendum
I just saw a video for Battle of the YouTube Non-Stars that was so funny. If you waste work time on YouTube, vote HughsNews. I am sure there is a link from the video.

Come Play with Me

About once per month, I go out to eat by myself at a fast food restaurant. It is on the weekend, and I bring a book. Not that there is anything bizarre about that. I love the way I feel when I am engrossed in a book in public. It is quite a nice feeling.

My indulgence is that I go to Micky-D's. Yes, McDonalds. And a high class McDonalds at that. This one has Diet Dr. Pepper as a selection for a fountain drink. Anyway, I get a Kid's Meal (I really don't like more than a little of the food, except for their French fries, and let's face it, my ass does not need anymore "firming up with said French fries." You know, I don't know why people get pissed when an adult gets a Kid's Meal. McDonald's gets their money and I get a smaller portion of fat. A win-win situation.

So I go to McDonald's, and I am not really into reading the book (make note: take back-up book next time), so I go to the kid's play area. Heck, I have my Happy Meal, but I am not going to kick off my shoes and crawl through those germ-infested plastic caves. I will, however, watch children do so.

Anyway, I love people-watching, and absolutely love children-watching. I was watching this little girl; she was so charismatic. She had on khaki pants and a green shirt, and her hair was in a pseudo-ponytail. Strands of hair were all around her face, and she had the most infectious smile. Her little brunette head was bopping here and there, and then she went right up to a little boy, probably about 5 and said "Come play with me." Now I don't know too much about 5-year-olds, but I do know most have started thinking that girls have cooties. She was maybe four years old, and she just wanted to play.

She came up to the boy again and said, "Come play with me." It was both a request and a command at the same time, and the little shy boy started playing with the girl. She would chase him, and then he would chase her, her infectious laughter lighting up the entire place.

I had placed my book down and watched for perhaps 20 minutes when I finally pulled myself away from the joyous site. Later, I revised the moments in my mind. I do that quite a lot.

My little "Battle of the Bloggers" contest that I thought of a couple of weeks ago and posted last week seems to not be going particularly well. I posted it with trepidation because I used to be the little girl that would say, "Come play with me." Now that I have been an adult for so many years, that little girl is just a memory, and certain disappointments have shaped me. I guess my reaction to them have really shaped me. I don't take too many chances anymore. The "Battle of the Bloggers" is a chance, I suppose, but there are others in my life. Guess I am asking people to play even though for most of us, myself included, this is just a diversion from our adult lives.

Oh, to be four again, with strands of hair encircling your face, laughing like some small joyous angel in the local McDonalds.