Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Christmas Presents

Okay, like I said yesterday, I am not in the Christmas spirit. I am just not. But I thought of something clever; clever idea, let's see if Ms. Leesa can deliver. I thought it would be fun to list items that I would give you – if money was no object. And the cost of the object would in no way reflect how valuable you are to me.

Ddot would be hard to shop for, but I would want to buy ddot some sexy undies. Not because I think he needs them – I just like the idea of him getting his game on and perhaps thinking of me, if for a brief moment. In real life, I would probably buy him a sweater. I love buying sweaters, so it sucks that I live in Georgia (where we only need sweaters for like a month).

Season tickets to the Redskins. Heck, if cost is no object, how about Box Seats; and if the 'skins are going to the playoffs, I will cough up some money for the playoffs. 4 tickets so you can tease your friends on who gets to go.

Georgia Peach
I would like to buy Ms. Peach a pole for her bedroom. GP wrote recently about wanting a stripper pole in her bedroom, and I laughed for hours. I would buy her one for two reasons – so see the look on her face when she gets it, and two, because I think she might videotape a dance and place it on her blog. As Mastercard suggests: priceless.

I would buy Storm a leather journal and a matching pen. I love the way she writes, and I would want her to write in a notebook, whenever she did not have access to a computer. I was thinking of getting a clasp to lock up her thoughts, but I thought better of it. I don't want her to lock up her thoughts.

Video X
VX needs a boyfriend. But in the US, you can't buy boyfriends. So I would get her one day at a spa – full treatment, including massage. Hey, the massage is better than a boyfriend, because you don't have to give the masseur a blowjob afterwards. Well, I guess you could if you wanted. Check with the rules before trying this, VX.

I would buy Thomas a weekend on the Cumberland Islands in Georgia at the Greyfield Inn (think Carnegie's). He and wife could play all weekend.

I would get Muse the famous Victoria's Secret bra. Personally, I would sell the $15 Million Dollar bra, but I think she would like to tease hubbie with it. Some would think this would be wasteful – maybe it is. But just think how you would feel in this much luxury. Maybe I could borrow it if Muse is a 36C!

Lilac Thief
I would buy Lilac Thief a coupon book for 12 nights out – babysitter included – so she could kick up her heals one day per month. Sort of re-juice her batteries.

I would buy Kathi a state-of-the-art digital camera. I would love to see the pictures she takes of the world through her eyes. Plus she can snap and share pics of the kids with us.

I would have Deb's blog published in book form – just one copy, so that she remembers what she was blogging about in her old age. Many years from now, but something a little more permanent than the Internet. And she would not have to edit it herself. That would be the real gift.

I would buy Dax a new shotgun and set him up on a guided hunt. Heck, the guide would even clean the game. Note to Animal Rights Activists: No animal was harmed in the typing of this post.

I would buy Mark a lens that he always wanted, maybe two lenses. If there was a Zeiss to fit his camera, I would probably pick that brand. I hear the lenses are exquisite. And I would love to see his pictures as well. Kathi for her subjects, Mark for his artistry.

I would get Prata the 100 Greatest Novels, listed by Random House. Okay, he may have some of these. But I doubt he has all of them. And I would also get him the biggest, fattest dictionary I could find. Just because.

I want to give kyuball a camera, too. One of those small, digital cameras that he can keep in his car and take pictures of things to amuse his blog public. I am sure he sees lots on the road, and this would be a fast way to document the occurrences he sees. I think it would be a hoot.

I would want to buy Ken a John boat. He is from Louisiana, and I just think of slate grey John boats when I think of Louisiana.

I would buy Mallory a miniature oil derrick for her front yard. Not a tacky oil derrick, but a really nice one. The parts would move but it would not pump out real oil. I would hate it if her house was swallowed up by a sink hole. And I would feel partially to blame as well.

A trip to Disneyworld for Mwabi and the kids. Okay, Disney is commercial as all get out, but it is still a fun place for kids of all ages. Acuna Matata.

I would get Boris a tape recorder. I think Boris is the kind of guy that has lots of thoughts all day. And I don't want those thoughts escaping. Plus he lives in a small town. I would love him to, after getting back in his car or truck, and hitting the record button, saying, "Oh, Ms. So and So, ran into her today. She told the most interesting . . . .' I just want Americana to be captured.

I would buy Monica a beautiful black dress – she probably has three already. But this one would look like one that Grace Kelly wore once. She would turn heads. And to make it a real gift from me, a pair of crotchless panties. Nothing hits a man over the head like crotchless panties. Your hubbie can write the Thank You note.

I would have to be careful with Grant's gift. Anything I gave him might be used in a different way than the original directions would suggest. Any gag gifts would be used on innocents.

The Seeker
I would set The Seeker up with a literary agent. I just want to read the book he comes up with. So this gift is more for me than he. Perhaps that and a blow up doll to decorate his office. It could be his Leesa Doll, and he could dress it up for different occasions.

I would buy Joe a tuxedo. I love tuxedos but hardly anyone owns one. Joe needs a tux, and I want him to wear it on dates. It would make the girl feel special too, not that she would not feel special when she is out with Joe.

I would like to buy Greg a new computer. Probably a new Dell. Something not too snazzy though; not anything with two processors like a work station. Just something that is really fast (today). Next week it will be out of date, of course, but something that will keep on humming.

Canadian Rose
I would buy Rose some old De Sade books. They are really interesting. Very intellectually stimulating as well; I promise.

Bert Ford
I would buy Bert a night out with the Grateful Dead. Again, more for me than for he. I just want him to have wonderful experiences and write about them.

I want to buy Lisa a see-through top, in the hopes of her wearing it on braless Tuesday. Maybe she can wear it with a camisole. Not sure I want to see nipple, but I want to see skin through the top.

SJ Blogger
I would give him $400 in cash and a three day weekend in Vegas. Then I would hope he had a good time, whether he invited his wife of not. And I would wonder what he spent the $400 on – personally, I bet on red.

I would give Mike a trip to Europe, just because. I would want him to travel for one month, partly because I would like him to experience all of the sights, sounds, smells and people he can find, partly so that the Europeans can see a nice American on vacation. I am afraid most of them representing us are not doing such a hot job. And then I would read his random thoughts.

A nice pair of binoculars. Oriole is a birder. Not for looking at Lisa's breasts through her window. Get your minds out of the gutter, gentle readers.

There is a book known as the Louis Waynai Bible. Some think it is the world's largest bible. Okay, to get the book, I would have to heist it from the Abilene Christian University's Library. Sure, the job would be easy (how much security could there be), but would this be a sin. I think so.

For DevilGyrl and Cannon Fodder, matching silk PJs. Though I have a hunch DevilGyrl sleeps a la natural.

I would give goddess 15 minutes of fame. Perhaps have a TV camera go to her house; interview her about her experiences with blogging. Just give her some exposure.

Okay, I did this post for me, not you guys. I thought it would get me in the Christmas spirit. Crap. Guess I will have to hit the eggnog later today.


sjblogger said...

I might split it between Red and the top third. I'd hate to put all my eggs in one basket...

But if I won I'd spend the rest of the week at the blackjack tables and if I lost... well we won't go there, now will we?

Monica said...

Ohhhh a nice dress...Grace Kelly...lovely
Crotchless panties?!?!?!?
You'd have enjoyed the laugh-yelp-scream that elicited.

Lee Ann said...

What a cute idea, giving gifts to all of your blogger friends! You helped to put me in the Christmas spirit!

Mike said...

Wow....that would be quite a gift...maybe I could reprise the role of Clark

(Thanks for the would've been a unique gift)

Grant said...

Hey, I didn't actually get anything other than grief. I'm easy in the gift section. Just give me one of these babies and I'll be happy. I promise to only use it for self defense and entertainment and rabbit hunting. :p

Lisa said...

That was so great. I love when you do posts like this...

(loved the binoculars thing; reminds me of the day my mom rushed to the nearest department store for the cheapest blinds possible when I was 14. A boy who rode our bus--rural maine--had confessed that he watched my sister and I getting dressed!!! So. Yeah. Blinds. Gooood. I keep my exhibitionism in check, come on! Just the internet: a small, select group of my closest friends. heh.)

Walking Contradiction said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Nice to meet you!!!

Byron said...

Great Read.What would you like as a christmas present? I am a bit like your husband as i usually dont want anything.I quess most men are like that

Jenn said...

Aww, what a cute idea. I'm sure you made all these people smile!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours, Leesa! xoxox

Leesa said...

sjblogger: seems that blackjack would be the game for me. A slow was to loose my money.

monica: my most pleasurable goal in life is to make you scream.

lee ann: thanks for calling it cute; I thought so. The only downside is that it was so close to another similar idea I had.

mike: I would love to know your spin on things in Europe.

grant: not sure I would want to arm you with a chainsaw; didn't they make a movie about such a thing?

lisa: as I see it, you and your sister were teachers, giving visual aids for a young learner. Well, maybe not. That is a stretch even for me.

walking: yeah, you made me cry. Poor Jared. I can't believe the school district.

byron: I love old, unique books.

jenn: thanks; cute today, slutty tomorrow.

Goddess said...

Leesa, that is great! I would love 15 minutes of fame. Just make sure the camera guy is hot hot hot! :)

Video X said...

woohoo! you are one awesome gift picker...i dont really know many on this blog, but still...those all sound like great ideas to me. wish i lived closer...i hate shopping and i am awful at picking gifts. i could have used some help :)

well thank you very much for my virtual christmas massage! i could definitely use it. and youre would be even better than the boyfriend.

haha..i will certainly check the rules.

African girl, American world said...

I got one too?! Ohh that made my day and I love it! I needed that today :)

Prata said...


Thanks for informing me about this. Sweet! I got two things that I definitely want! Heheehe. I need a bigger dictionary as well as a thesaurus, I run out of words all the time (which speaks volumes of my limited vocabulary). and I have like oh I don't know $5000 worth of books in my book shelf (and on the floor and on the desk and in three boxes and various other places of my home), roughly. But I do not have all of the top 100..that would be just bleeding awesome. heee!

And in return...I would give you..The Marketplace series. I think you'd like it. I know the author! ^_^

I can't explain why my word verification is more difficult though...I'm sure it's probably because it reflects my personality? lol

Leesa said...

goddess: funny! He would be hot and good at the camera thingie.

VX: I love picking gifts. Labor of love this year, though, because of my lack of Christmas cheer.

mwabi: oh, sweetie, thanks. And I loved your acceptance speech on Ddot's site. Very funny.

prata: I thought you might have a third of the books already, but mine would be leather bound. Wow, and you know Laura Antoniou. So are you a character in "The Trainer"? Are you "Michael"?

Boris Yeltsin said...

Love your gift for me! I do have lots of thoughts. I work on an assembly line. Once you get to the point you can do your job without looking, there isn't much else to do but think! (I've even fallen asleep while working without falling behind!!!)

BTW: I have 5 kids. I saw that you asked on a previous post I commented on. Love your blog!! Keep up the great work. One of these days, I hope to write a book too!

But please, don't think of Charles Kuralt when getting a mental image of me!!

Ddot the King said...

I love it Leesa! I absolutely love it! Thank you so much. You are the best!

mal said...

*L* way cool! Lufkins are good! something modest with a 24" stroke and a shiney polish rod would be great.

Leesa said...

boris: when reading your blog, I sort of get the impression you like taking in the normal and turning it into something lovely. Crap, this sounds so un-macho, so throw in a grunt or something. Guess I am not all that macho.

ddot: my real gift to you is my stories.

mallory: when I see stroke and rod, somehow oil derrick is not the first thing that comes to mind. Same thing with "gushes", I guess.

Boris Yeltsin said...

Talk about gifts! It's funny, because I've often felt that the process of writing is unlocking the purpose of your writing, otherwise (at least in my case) it becomes rambling. It's hard to conciously unlock your intended purpose; sometimes I just ramble on, hoping the words I type will unlock it for me. Thanks for pointing something out to me, that I've never thought of concerning my style!!!! That was an extremely valuable gift to me - just as valuable as the gifts of critique my English professors have given me! BTW: happy New Year!!!!

Alicia Bennett said...

Hi, I was just wandering the blogosphere and here I am at your blog. I enjoy the style of how this all works.

This is one to watch.


Deb said...

OK...I'm sifting through the 2005 posts. LOL! Can you see how bad I feel?

I didn't read this post, but wow, that is definitely a gift I would LOVE! That was sweet - thank you!

Ok... back to sifting.

*mumbles a few obscenities under breath*