Wednesday, December 07, 2005

OCD – The quirky mental illness

Okay, I have OCD, the cutesy acronym for obsessive compulsive disorder. Actually I like the moniker "OCD." Growing up, people would call my "anal" and it did not seem very lady-like (or girl-like). "Anal retentive" I guess was what it was short for, and I just did not like the idea of retaining anything in my arse. Know what I mean.

I am not going to tell you all of the particulars of OCD – there are actually some aspects of this disorder that are not that pleasant.

I have been diagnosed with OCD – actually, it happened after I started counseling. I had a lot of the classic symptoms. I actually did not even know about the disorder before I entered counseling. And you can take medicine to lessen the symptoms – but I will tell you that the medications are particularly influential on your thoughts, and to some extent, your personality. I am glad that I took these drugs, but I am now off of them. I would rather deal with my OCD than the side-effects of the drugs.

I don't want this entry to be clinical; I am an OCD patient, not some sort of counselor. But I have learned a lot about OCD – and I definitely don't want to talk about the demons.

So instead of saying something clinical, I will let you know what happened the other day at the gym, and it is because of OCD (not that I should blame OCD for this, but if I did not have OCD, it would not have happened; I blame myself, but part of me, all of me, has OCD).

Anyway, so I am in the gym. And I go to the gym 5 days per week – and have a different routine each day of the week. Tuesdays are swim days. I am at my locker, after opening it, and I am getting into my very plain-looking "Olympic" one-piece bathing suit (actually, it is made by Dolfin – and I think it may be a Speedo knock-off). And as I am carefully placing some of my clothes in the duffle-bag, I notice a small hole in my panties. Without really thinking, I toss them in the nearly garbage. I continue placing everything very carefully in the locker, and I am off to hit the showers before swimming.

I am a clean person – but I still don't really understand getting wet before swimming. It is a rule, and as a person with OCD, I salute, shower, and then hit the lanes. So after the swim – in an indoors pool that is 5 degrees too warm to really swim well in, I og back to the locker, grab my shampoo, hit the showers.

Then I come back to my locker – and get ready to dress and leave. I search through my duffle, and I can't find my freaking panties. They are just gone. Then I trace my actions back to me tossing them in the garbage. So I dress without panties. More uncomfortable than sexy, and I am a little surprised actually. That is little embarrassment #1 because of OCD. The other was as I was dressing.

I heard a cel phone go off in a locker. And my first instinct was to find a piece of paper to take a message – you know, something like, "Hey, I heard your cel phone go off while I was dressing. It went off three times; it could be important." Then I thought, "Man, this is ridiculous. It was a compulsion to perform that menial task.

Not terribly insightful of witty today, just writing words. Oh, and the next day, I brought an extra pair of panties to put in my desk drawer, "just in case."

12 comments:

Grant said...

Are you sure you're OCD? It doesn't seem that extreme to me. I think a lot of doctors are quick to diagnose and label, especially when there are drugs to be pedalled. Of course, what do I know about OCD. I'm APDO. :-)

Ddot the King said...

I agree with grant. Doctors diagnose people far too quickly. Like telling me I need medication simply because I think I'm a King. Losers. Anyway that was a funny story. Sad but funny. On another note Monk used to be funny but now I rarely watch it.

Ddot the King said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Leesa said...

goddess: thanks for the story.

grant: After reading about OCD, I am pretty sure the diagnosis was correct. I am not going to go into the "real symptoms" here - some of them are more scary. I just was thinking about a cutsy story - the only part that is a bit obsessive is the fact that now I have spare panties in my desk.

ddot: I understand; actually people take an average of 9 years to diagnose OCD. Could be a mis-diagnosis, but after reading about it a few years ago (after diagnosis), I am pretty sure I have it. The compulsive part is okay by me - it is just some of those images that keep popping in my brain that I don't like.

Deb said...

You know, the most intelligent people with high IQ's are the ones who most likely have these disorders. AND----did you know that intelligence borderlines with insanity? Isn't that fun? (hehe)

I have it too sweetie---not only do I have OCD, but I am also a hyochondriac, which interferes with my doctor's visits, because I do not want to touch those dirty door knobs. I have a weird thing about touching shopping cart handles, and.......holding hands freaks me out. My girlfriend HATES when I don't hold her hand, and that's something I never told her. Shhh, I hope she doesn't read your blog.

We'll live to be 100 yrs old with our problems----it's definitely a good thing!

Great post!

MOAB said...

Ohhhh if only we could share our excentricities...I'm ADD (undiagnosed ny a doc) and whole I have some OCD issues (crooked pictures, mini blinds, and phamphlets on counters) my bigger issue is in my own environment I have to make a concious effort to 1. see and 2. care and 3. do something about the little cluttery things. I have somewhat given up on the care bit....I just need to see and do, or it begins to look like my house has been ransacked.
I got lucky for a few weeks last winter...I was down with the flu for days with a VERY high fever and apparently burned off whatever distracts me form seeing and doing, and for weeks my house was spotless...top to bottom. As I got back to normal physically (and gained back the 15 pounds I lost) it wore off.
Damn.

Leesa said...

Deb: Yeah, serial killers are suppose to have high IQ's too. Hmmmmmm. Not a group I want to be associated with. Oh, and I am not a hypocondriac, but when I go to the doctor's office, I have to remember not to reveal all of my symptoms. Because I get too detailed.

"Do you have a fever."
I have noticed that my temp is up 0.2 degrees. When I am sick, I check my temp every hour or so. You know, just in case there is a change (and it normally varies slightly).

monica: Funny. I wish I could have a high fever and lose part of my excentricities. Although I like my querkiness (sp?).

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