Okay, last week I wrote about cursing. You see, I don't curse a lot. Maybe it is my southern upbringing, or it is because I am not good at it. I don't know, but I don't curse.
But then I started thinking of some common curse phrases, and I really don't understand them. Not sure if they are suppose to make sense, but they should, right? For this intellectual study, I will actually use the words. So all you kiddies, go away. Go surf for porn, or whatever you were doing when you tripped on this blog.
This, when I was in school, was the bad boy of curse words. Now it seems all so common. But it is shortened from the phrase, I think, "Fuck yourself." So when I hear this phrase, I think, okay, this person wants me to fuck myself. Seems like masturbation to me. Masturbation is pleasurable. This person is so sweet, he or she is reminding me to give myself an orgasm. What is wrong with that? I just don't understand how this could be bad.
Anyway, part of me thinks to respond, "Don't mind if I do. And perhaps a bit later, I will also have a spa treatment. Thanks for your kind suggestion."
Kiss My Ass
This one is not so harsh, though Kathi probably does not use this, unless she is guiding her husband in the bedroom. I thought an ass-kisser was someone who paid someone a compliment. So again, the person is saying, "Compliment me." Scratches head. Well, compliment me, too, sweetie. It just sounds like someone with low self-esteem or someone who is an attention whore. Not sure why this is bad.
I had a girlfriend (not a lover, a friend who happened to be a girl) who loved this phrase. And sometimes, I thought to myself, "pull down your skirt and show me your hiney. I will bite your ass, girlfriend." She said it all of the time, and I just wanted her to stop. But when I think of it, it sounds so sexual. Any mouth near my ass seems sexual. Am I strange?
So when someone says "Bite Me," it sounds like they want me to be sexual with my teeth and their ass. This really confuses me. If someone could guide me, I would appreciate it (really, not being a smart ass).
By definition, every father who is involved in coitus with their wife is a mother fucker. There has to be a mother fucker for the any mother having two or more children. Why is this a bad thing? I just don't understand. And anyway, I have known mothers who have bemoaned that their hubbies are just not as interested in sex anymore. If anything, they want their husbands to be the most fuckingest mother fuckers on the planet.
Oh, that felt good. I think I know why people like to curse. Can cursing bring one close to orgasm? Probably just for me and Kathi. But it seems like ~Deb brings her close with her poems.