Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Cursing 101

Okay, last week I wrote about cursing. You see, I don't curse a lot. Maybe it is my southern upbringing, or it is because I am not good at it. I don't know, but I don't curse.

But then I started thinking of some common curse phrases, and I really don't understand them. Not sure if they are suppose to make sense, but they should, right? For this intellectual study, I will actually use the words. So all you kiddies, go away. Go surf for porn, or whatever you were doing when you tripped on this blog.

Fuck You
This, when I was in school, was the bad boy of curse words. Now it seems all so common. But it is shortened from the phrase, I think, "Fuck yourself." So when I hear this phrase, I think, okay, this person wants me to fuck myself. Seems like masturbation to me. Masturbation is pleasurable. This person is so sweet, he or she is reminding me to give myself an orgasm. What is wrong with that? I just don't understand how this could be bad.

Anyway, part of me thinks to respond, "Don't mind if I do. And perhaps a bit later, I will also have a spa treatment. Thanks for your kind suggestion."

Kiss My Ass
This one is not so harsh, though Kathi probably does not use this, unless she is guiding her husband in the bedroom. I thought an ass-kisser was someone who paid someone a compliment. So again, the person is saying, "Compliment me." Scratches head. Well, compliment me, too, sweetie. It just sounds like someone with low self-esteem or someone who is an attention whore. Not sure why this is bad.

Bite Me
I had a girlfriend (not a lover, a friend who happened to be a girl) who loved this phrase. And sometimes, I thought to myself, "pull down your skirt and show me your hiney. I will bite your ass, girlfriend." She said it all of the time, and I just wanted her to stop. But when I think of it, it sounds so sexual. Any mouth near my ass seems sexual. Am I strange?

So when someone says "Bite Me," it sounds like they want me to be sexual with my teeth and their ass. This really confuses me. If someone could guide me, I would appreciate it (really, not being a smart ass).

Mother Fucker
By definition, every father who is involved in coitus with their wife is a mother fucker. There has to be a mother fucker for the any mother having two or more children. Why is this a bad thing? I just don't understand. And anyway, I have known mothers who have bemoaned that their hubbies are just not as interested in sex anymore. If anything, they want their husbands to be the most fuckingest mother fuckers on the planet.

Oh, that felt good. I think I know why people like to curse. Can cursing bring one close to orgasm? Probably just for me and Kathi. But it seems like ~Deb brings her close with her poems.

31 comments:

Sassy said...

You're totally right, most obscenities make little to no sense in the context in which we use them. But they're so fucking fun to say. ;)

Mark said...

That post just made my morning. You left out Fuck off... which must mean jerk off, so I guess that's all about masturbation, too. So maybe those moms are getting horny because their hubbies were told to fuck off, motherfucker.

Joe said...

God I hate the phrase "bite me". It's totally lacking in creativity.

I'm with sassy on the "fun to say" thing though.

kathi said...

Okay, you just made my morning. Had sort of a 'harsh' one, so thanks.
I notice, too, that you and I both begin sentences with 'okay'. Why is that?
Actually I do say the kma, but 99% of the time it's in 'type' only and even then I type 'kma', lol...I'm such a nerd. :) Fun post.

Video X said...

i curse in phases. my mouth gets yucky, then it gets better, then back the other way again. it really is quite tacky. plus i prefer the really cool words. and they are actually much more effective than the bad words.

for example...saying "fuck you you fucking fuck" (as much as that one cracks me up) is not as effective as saying "hey you are a real jerk"...seriously...i've tested this theory.

Georgiapeach said...

This is crazy. I never thought about those things..lol. Gosh this post has me cracking up.
Are you this funny with your friends and family?

Leesa said...

sassy: thanks; I thought I was the only one who was confused by them.

mark & kathi: your comments made my morning.

joe: I did not mind "bite me" until I had a girlfriend who used it all the time. Now I am with you on this one.

vid x: when I tell people they have disappointed me, I crush them like a bug. Cackles. But I understand your theory.

GP: occasionally I am very funny. But I am not the life of the party.

Ddot the King said...

Hilarious Leesa! This puts a whole new spin on these phrases. I don't curse in real life but I occasionally curse on my blog. isn't that odd. I think that was one of my random thoughts. Anyway this was highly entertaining. Thanks for sharing.

~Deb said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~Deb said...

NOW FOR SOME BAD POETRY READING

Someone pass the drum?

Okay...ready?

Oh Leesa darling, kiss my ass
Kiss it gently, and make it last
Fuck yourself, and let me watch
If I must say myself, what a lovely crotch!
Oh bite me, and bite me hard and good
You’ll bite me & like it—the way you know you should
I hope my poem hasn’t offended you in any way
I’m just hoping to get you over the fence, and become gay!

Prata said...

Supposedly,

And I've heard more than one story concerning this word, Fuck comes from the term: For Under Carnal Knowledge. The puritans carved this into the stocks that people were placed into when found to be having premarital sex. There is also a version related to "I can still pluck you." which was related to the English archers. Gleeful gleeful. I'm not absolutely sure which is correct. I tend to have a little more evidence from the former than the latter.

And shit is a shipping term. Ship High In Transport. Or so quick research has revealed on more than one occasion.

I wish I were capable of still writing poetry, unfortunately...I am not.

Oh..and Leesa! Only a few people commented! Hah! ^_^

devilgyrl said...

Your post today made me really think about those words. OMG.. My Hubby uses them all the time, weather it be in daily life, or on our blog, it is almost like every other word is a curse word. I have to admit I get bad sometimes, but I am more of one that will do it only when I am mad about something.
Good way to make you look at it and go HMMMMM she's right these phrases don't make sence.

kathi said...

deb ~ is it 5 p.m. there (or somewhere) already?

Grant said...

Why does nobody shout "Father Fucker!" at offending women? I demand equal invectives for both sexes. Jesus fucking Christ, inequity pisses me off.

BTW, a girl in high school told me to kiss her ass. It was a lovely bottom, so I bent over and attempted to comply but she freaked and ran. I guess it wasn't the response she saw in her head.

Mystic Knight said...

For a great description of the F-Word check this out.

Mark said...

Prata -- you are so full of it... fuck is an old anglo-saxon word derived from the germanic tribes -- anything that is 4 letters is an OLD fucking word - shit, piss, fuck, cunt, and cock. Basic words from very basic origins when people were lucky to put 4 letters together.

Bumsen weg, bemuttern Sie Bumser - modern german for Fuck off, motherfucker. Which sounds better? :))

AMG said...

I like it- I posted a message a couple of weeks back about the word "FUCK" how many times can I use the word "Fuck" and keep a person on the phone. It was a challage that I finally said " Fuck it" and gave it. Fuck early and often.

Leesa said...

ddot: thanks, sweetie. Yeah, I think I used up my curse words for the year on this post.

~deb: what a sweet poem. Really. I can't write a poem for anything.

prata: good one on the origin of the word. From alt.usage.english: [Fuck] is a very old word, recorded in English since the 15th century, with cognates in other Germanic languages. The Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang (Random House, 1994, ISBN 0-394-54427-7) cites Middle Dutch fokken = "to thrust, copulate with"; Norwegian dialect fukka = "to copulate"; and Swedish dialect focka = "to strike, push, copulate" and fock = "penis". Although German ficken may enter the picture somehow, it is problematic in having e-grade, or umlaut, where all the others have o-grade or zero-grade of the vowel.

Okay, that was way over my head.

devilgyrl: thanks. I wanted to be funny and make people think.

kathi: where did 5pm come from?

grant: I need to look up the word "invectives"

mystic knight: I didn't download the file (since I am at work), but thanks for the mention.

mark: it sounds German, doesn't it.

Leesa said...

amg: welcome; first time I have seen you comment!

lynne said...

Oh my gosh, I'm laughing my ass off right now, thanks!

Mella said...

Hey Leesa ~ The link-trick came from mybloglog.com - an otherwise useless counter/stat tracker (unless you shell out money), but I liked the link popularity bubbles, so I kept it.

Impressive amount of stories here!

~Deb said...

It's gotta be 5pm somewhere! HAPPY HOUR! That's where that comes from---when people want to drink at like---11am or something...

Hi my name is Debbie, and I'm an alcoholic...

Hiiiiii Debbbbiiieeeee!

Long Iron said...

Great post Leesa. All I know is that in my office the air never loses its blue tint. I think it would be impossible. We use curse words like some kind of fucking perverse adjectives. And our sole female Eng. Tech., can be worse than the guys sometimes. And believe me, we are not using them to subliminaly entice somebody to offer us some sexual gratification. We REALLY want them to fuck off and die.

KyuBall said...

This reminds me of a great outtake I have of and interview with Bobby Knight going over the possible uses for the word "fuck", classic stuff.

Alternate phrases for your selections that are derogitory:

"Un-Fuck You" for "Fuck You"
"Eat Shit" for "Bite Me"
"Brother Fucker" for "Mother Fucker"
"Go give a rim job to a rabid camel with leprosy" for "Kiss my Ass"

That last one may be a *teensy* bit over the top.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

"Fuck-off!": The sudden announcement of the cancellation of a potential sexual interlude.. (In any event..."Love" left the building)

dino said...

cursing is a society no-no and THAT is what makes it the more fun!
I use cursing to make a point and 'fuck' for some reason hit's the spot.
loved this post..............
Ricki (yep,my real name)

Prata said...

@ mark
Okay...that's great, but I said "supposedly" mainly because as I also pointed out, I'd heard several different stories about where the term came from. I never said it was the pinnacle of truth. So...yeah..whatever.

Now I'm keenly aware of english being derived from german (more or less) unlike how most people seem to believe that English is derived from Italian and a few other romance languages.

So then...my advice to anyone that reads anything I put down is...you know..actually read it before you tell me I'm full of it. I put fact down as..fact and possibly inaccuracies as such.

Prata said...

And as a fact, since I've nothing else to do at the moment...fuck was first seen in use in a poem (of all places) in a Latin English mix before 1500. It's called Flen Flyys. The line in the poem reads, Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk. Which is translated to They are not in heaven, since they fuck wives of Ely. (This is a town near Cambridge).

Oxford English Dictionary cautiously provides an etymology for the word: Early modern English fuck, fuk, answering to a Middle English type *fuken (weak verb) [which is] not found; ulterior etymology unknown. Synonymous German ficken can be shown to be related.

Oxford English Dictionary (which is the authoritative book for english mind you) said that some have tried to draw linkage with the word ficken. Which has always meant in dialects to rub, scratch, or to strike.

And there are several "fake etymologies"...which includes the one prior in my post which is quite well known across the net as well as many others including knights and population control in England.

Now, there's that then. ^_^

Mark said...

Prata -- I meant to say you are "full of it" in a good way.. ;) of course, we are all full of shit, except on those days when we get a colonoscopy.
Who would ever expect fuck to be a weak verb!

Oh and the other day on NPR there was someone talking about Yiddish "bad" words -- apparently Lenny Bruce first popularized a bunch of them -- putz, schlong, etc. because he could use them and the censors in Iowa did not have a clue what he was talking about. I can see it now -- censor 1 "What the hell is a schlong, and what would a schlong in a tookus be?" Censor 2 -- "well it's not one of the seven words you can't say, and it sounds like someone is in a bad way to me."

Prata said...

@mark
*cracks up*
Oh..well in that case. I dig it. I was just covering my bases..not tryin' to be a di...err...schlong!

Horny Old Guy said...

It all makes sense to me! I especially like that part about when people say "Fuck you!" they are just telling you to masturbate (one of my favorite activities!). I will think of doing just that when I hear that phrase in the future! Why didn't somebody explain this to me 50 years ago!
Thanks darlin', you made my day!