Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Open Letter to Scriggity

Apologies in Advance: I have given up Diet Dr. Pepper for Lent, and well, chances are I am going to turn into a real bitch for the next 40 days. There are few things I truly love, and my morning 20 ounces of liquid joy is one of those things. I drink, on average 3 of these drinks per day, and truth-be-told, giving up sex would only be slightly more difficult. With sex, I would not be missing out every day. And for those who don't really know what Lent is about, Lent is about sacrificing so that you remember that Jesus sacrificed (not to empathize, because let's face it, we are talking about Jesus). Anyway, I have already given away my Diet Dr. Pepper stash. I am already slightly annoyed, and I wonder how this makes me a better person.

Anyway, on with the post.

I recently posted about Get Scriggity, and Drew, "the other guy", wrote me, thanking me for the love. And he suggested I send him a note. What follows is what I sent.

Dear Scriggity,

This is not a new news item, but it is a piece of news of a couple of years ago. It is, however, some news that happened around this time of the year so it is seasonal, if not fresh news.

A few years ago, I worked for the "Girl Scouts." And for Girl Scouts, February is Cookie Time. And in Savannah, GA, Cookie Time is nearly a national holiday. The Girl Scouts were founded in Savannah, so Cookie Time is big.

And here is a secret: Girl Scouts make a lot of money selling cookies. Here is where we tell little girls to look cute and sell cookies for money. We call it character building.

Anyway, the local council purchased too many cookies from the cookie making company. And since Girl Scout cookies cannot be returned, we had to figure out how to sell all of the leftovers.

The little girls couldn't sell anymore – they have already sold what they needed to get their prizes and their parents had already alienated their co-workers and friends. So we were in a bind.

Here is what we did: we decided to sell Girl Scout cookies at the St. Patrick's Day parade. Sounds like a good idea, right? I mean, Savannah has the second-largest St. Patrick's' Day parade (Boston is number one), and there are lots of people who might be hungry. But we can't ask girls to sell cookies because there will be drinking in the streets, so we, the adult leaders, plan to put on our adult Girl Scout outfits and sell cookies that day, thus solving our financial problems.

One opportunity we saw was that many of the customers would be drunk, thus allowing us to sell more cookies. Never did we see this as a problem in our planning phase. We, of course, were idiots.

Regular Girl Scout outfits and adult Girl Scout outfits probably look really similar to most people; the adults don't wear patches and there are other little things that will make me sound really square if I go on about this, so I won't. So we sort of look like shapely Girl Scouts.

Drunken men probably saw us as Girl Scouts that they could sexually harass and pinch. I don't know how often I heard, "Come here Girl Scout. I want to taste me some Girl Scout cookies." They would emphasize the Girl Scout and barely whisper cookies. I was called a "cookie whore", a "sugar slut", and a few things that would make even Drew blush. All of this abuse and the cover charge was buying a three dollar box of cookies.

Yeah, we sold all of the cookies, but at the price of my dignity. We purchased fewer cookies the following year, and although people complained when we ran out, I didn't care. At least my butt did not get pinched.

Love your videos! Stay cool Shauna.

Ex-Girl Scout,

I just saw a video for Battle of the YouTube Non-Stars that was so funny. If you waste work time on YouTube, vote HughsNews. I am sure there is a link from the video.


Kat said...

Dedication that knows no bounds! This was too funny.

Shadowdog said...

LMAO at your letter.

I've found that electric fences and rabid dogs do a really good job of keeping the Girl Scout Cookie Mafia from knocking on your door. ;-)

You have my sympathies on your soda withdrawal. It is a really sucky thing to go through, as I know from personal experience.

Leesa said...

kat: thanks!

shadow: I need a Diet Dr. Pepper now!

smileymamaT said...

Hey, what a great blog. A lot of fun to read. I could picture you all trying to sell cookies in that crowd....ouch! Well, hey, it's definitely a life experience.
Wishing you good willpower in the Dt Dr Pepper give-up.

Prata said...

I hope you got my nomination for battle of the bloggers. ^_^

Leesa said...

smiley: yeah, thanks, but I have already added you to the competition.

prata: I got it.

Memphis Steve said...

OK, I've tagged you with a meme: 6 things about you that are weird, and a seventh that is a total fake. You put them in any order and then challenge your readers to find the fake.

Leesa said...

memphis: your comment seems to have been deleted. Sorry about that; hope it was not important.