Valentine's Day Suggestions

Okay, I am an easy girl to impress, and I don't normally have great expectations, but Valentine's Day is a little bit different. Okay, guys, Valentine's Day is a little early this year – it falls on February 14. Why the heck can't guys remember it? When there is a lot of pink and red in the "specialty isles" of the grocery store, check it out to see if it is Valentine-related.

Musts
There are a few musts on Valentine's Day.

1. Cards. You must give your wife/girlfriend a card that you either made yourself or picked out yourself. Homemade cards are so much nicer than bought cards, but how many men are going to make a card. It scores big points, but it is not necessary to make your own card. But please, gentlemen, pick out an appropriate card. It can be funny (but please don't comment about a big ass if said Valentine has one). It can be mushy. But please don't just sign it – write a thought-out note in the card. Total cost is less than four dollars, and it is a must. If you don't get her one, she will say it is fine. She is lying to you. It is not fine.

2. Flowers. I know, the florists are making a killing on Valentine's Day, and to protest, you are boycotting your local florist. Bad move. I mean, if you are married, you figure you are just saving a few bucks and mutually, you benefit from the thriftiness. Men, did you ever notice that romance has little to do with thriftiness? Heck, romance may defy logic (sorry, Prata).

But don't just buy her flowers – have them delivered. For those romantics among you, you know why. For those "rational males", think of it this way – flowers bought in a store that you deliver yourself cost about $10 less than having them delivered. And the delivery really impacts the "value" of the gift. You are leveraging sunk costs anyway. And you know, I hate to admit it, but I love receiving flowers when other women in the office don't receive them. There is a temporary feeling of, "I married better than you did." And that feeling lasts through the night, if you know what I mean.

3. Feeling Special. And you have to do something in the evening that makes her feel special. And, ten minutes of passion on the bed does not count. This could be different for different women, so I am going to leave this point dangling.

Nice-to-Haves
Now, there are other things, some which are expected, some which are not, which are nice-to-have on Valentine's Day.

1. Dinner. You would think I would have put dinner on the must list. Sorry, but there are only so many restaurants out there, and they are so crowded on Valentine's Day. I love to get dressed up and go out, but to spend an hour or more waiting for a table sort of dampens some of the romance for the evening. My opinion only. But I do like going out on Valentine's Day. It can be a dive, but it just can't be a chain. Sorry, I am picky.

2. Poetry. You may have guessed, I am a nut for words, and poetry is so wonderful. I love listening to my hubbie read me poetry when we are close. His soothing words, my ears just drinking the poets' images. Quite wonderful.

3. Gifts. Okay, technically a card and/or flowers are gifts. But when I think of Valentine's Gifts, I think of other things. Jewelry is not really a "nice to have" unless it is a special Valentine's Day. Actually, the more I think about jewelry, this is more of an anniversary gift than a Valentine's Day gift (unless you are dating Paris Hilton). Lingerie is nice, but let's face it, half of the benefit goes to the giver. Guys, if you have a girlfriend, lingerie may not be appropriate. Even if you have been "doing it" for a while, it will remind her that when you thought of a romantic gift, you decided to give her something that is more of a sex gift than anything else. Enough said.

Okay, bottom line is that women just want to be worshiped. If you can remember that, you are golden. Remember, worship equals good.

Addendum
After thinking about the post, I thought of something else. I was assuming you are either married or seriously dating someone. That is not always the case. Here are some other random thoughts on the matter.

1. Dating a Married Woman. This is something I can't recommend, guys. She is married. And when I say dating, I am being nice. Please, please, please don't send her flowers at home or at work. And don't buy her anything that can be described as evidence. Basically, you should not be doing this, but you know, it is really not up to you to help her hubbie discover her indiscretion. Oh, and don't give her anything that can be grown in a Petri dish, if you know what I mean.

2. Dating when you are not serious (both adults). This is one of those situations where you have to give her something, flowers and a card, but you really don't want to spend the money because you have only been dating for a few weeks. I would say you are out of luck and need to spend the money on something. But don't dump her on February 12 to save money on flowers (carnations hand-carried are fine) and a card. We are talking $10 (if you don't live in New York). Just think of it as part of being in the dating scene. And, yes, taking her out on this night would be oh-so-nice.

3. Dating when you are not serious (both children). If you are in elementary school, if it is anything like when I went to school, the girls loved having boyfriends and the boys ignored our shrill cries and claimed we had cooties. The boys are under no obligation to get anything, but those little candy hearts with "you're swell" will make her heart beat pitter-patter-pitter-patter. And you will be razzed by your friends. Both good things.

4. Dating when you are not serious (mixture of adults and children). Ew. Don't even joke about it.

5. Dating when you are not serious (mixture of adults and animals). Ew. See number 4.

6. Dating Paris Hilton. I can't help you. You have poor taste and even poorer decision-making skills. Just wear nice briefs in case your after-dark escapades make it onto film.

This is longer than I intended the post to be, but you know me, I like my writing to encourage people to get together like bunnies. And do the bunny hop.