Friday, January 27, 2006

Pilot Envy

The other day, yummy Amber made the following comment on my blog:

Maybe people fear airplanes because it's such a huge machine and they have a sense of being absolutely out of control. In a car, since you're driving, you feel more in control. Also, most people have seen lots of plane crash pictures and they're always horrible, and while they've also seen plenty of horrible car crashes, there's the element of "that could never happen to me -- I'm a good driver."

Or not. Sorry about the rambling. I'm not totally awake yet.


Okay, I want to draw your attention to a few things in this post:

(1) We need to consider the source. Amber is "yummy." That makes her not only darned credible in the eyes of this reporter (and to Aunt Flannery O'Conner), but since 80% of my readership is male, they are probably no longer conscienceless reading my drivel. They are clicking over to Amber's blog and imagining what she would look like in a French Maid outfit.

(2) Crap. Where was I? Thinking of Amber in a French Maid Outfit? No, I was making a point. Let's move to point three.

(3) Amber in a French Maid Outfit? I am stuck on one point, just like a scratched record. Let me get back to horror, mayhem, and death.

Okay, Amber is probably right – please see Point 1 above (if you can be described as yummy, you are doing something right). I will not look above, for fear that I will be going around in circles in this post. You would be well-advised to do the same. I am a safety conscious girl, you know.

Technically, we know airplanes can fly. For the sake of argument, I am calling them airplanes; yeah, I know airplanes have propellers, and jets have engines that suck helpless ducks and geese through them. They named the comedy "Airplane" and not "Jet." Jet would be a good name for a song, not a movie – the word is just not that funny.

Okay, back to airplanes and flying (note to self: don't mention French Maid outfits on flight attendants). We all know intellectually that airplanes fly – we may not know a lot about lift, drag, and all of those other technical terms. Mallory may know, but most of us don't. Intellectually we know that airplanes and jets fly. But we have to reconcile that with the fact that 875,000 pounds of metal, seat cushions and complimentary drinks hurling at 300+ MPH can actually fly through the air, when people (who are a lot lighter) flapping their arms only get tired arms.

Cars are more concrete – okay, they are made of metal, cup holders and other miscellaneous parts that may or may not be under warranty, but you get the idea. We don't know how an engine works (except for Mallory and mens' egos), but it is understandable that something on the ground with wheels can move without possibly killing the occupants of the vehicle.

Just remember when you were a little boy or girl. When you were not pulling down your pants and exclaiming, "Nous sommes différents," you were probably playing with dolls, cars, and airplanes. You could roll cars on the floor, hoping to trip up giants known as adults, but for planes, you had to hold them in the air. They did not stay there by themselves. Lesson learned.

So in our heart of hearts, we are not sure that airplanes really fly. I understand the "it is out of our control" answer given by many, but if someone else is driving, are you as scared? I mean, when Joe is not driving, of course.

Those of us who may be scared of needles – in our intellectual mind, we have little to fear (unless we smell bourbon on the phlebotomist's breath). And frankly, who hasn't had that experience. I remember the first time I gave blood – I knew that it was harmless, but I saw blood rushing out of my petite arm, and I can remember thinking, "what happens if they completely drain out my blood." Intellectually, I knew that once the pint was taken, no more blood could exit. But in my heart . . . .

We are told to follow our hearts, but that is not always wise. I want my pilots to use their heads – not to wonder why 875,000 pounds of sheet metal, rivets, gears and assorted parts lifts into the air. And other times, we can just sit in awe of our loved ones, either in fantasy costumes or not. How wonderful it is to be human.

22 comments:

kathi said...

I relate, relate, relate.
I've always had a fear of needles (the only reason I didn't do drugs that required them...so it had it's plus side). The first time I ever gave blood was for my first marriage in Indiana (required blood tests there) and I told them I wasn't feeling good. They told me it was natural, just to keep my eyes open (?) and walking out of the room I passed out. Now I give blood every 6 weeks and they still have to ice me behind my neck and under my knees to keep me from passing out. I hate it, but...people who can really need to give. It really is the gift of life.
Sorry, did I just go off? Sorry, sorry, sorry!!

Gina said...

The observation about as kids we have to hold the airplane up, that it doesn't stay there all by itself is brilliant.

I like being human. It's a good thing. Go humans! Choose humans! God I am so tired and punchy this morning, I stayed up way too late chatting with a friend from home on MSN.

Leesa said...

kathi: I totally relate about giving blood. I hate doing it, but I do. Not every 6 weeks - more like every 2 months for me. But the whole day, I give everyone crap.

"Leesa, can you help out with this."

My response, "Well, George, I know you are the leader of the free world, but cut me a little slack, I saved someone's life today."

Prata said...

I used to give blood. I stopped. Planes were developed on and fly on theory. I'm not sure if they've actually turned that into a proven fact yet. I've failed to go look it up and it's probably not all that important.

Would you like an explanation of how the internal combustion engine works? I wouldn't be opposed to that at all. It's really not all that difficult.

A pilot typically doesn't need to wonder, part of being a pilot is knowing how to keep the plane in the air. The why of it was demonstrated in various mathematical expressions. The how of it, pretty much the same. And thus, plane stays in air people don't hurtle to earth and stop...except when they do. ^_^

My sister has feared flying from 6 years old. I have no fears like that.

Joe said...

Amber in a French Maid outfit...

I'm sorry, did you say something else?

kathi said...

LOL, I've used it too...

Amber said...

I have a ton of weird fears. Flying is actually not one of them -- the only time I'm afraid of flying is when my family is with me. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm petrified of my family dying. And I do get worried when other people drive -- I'm sometimes not a very good car passenger. I also don't like my food to touch, but that's really a whole other post.

Oh and about the French Maid outfit? I've never thought much about that, although I've mentioned in my blog that if I were a stripper, my song would be "Cowboy" by Kid Rock and I'd wear a hat and boots. Not sure why I wanted to say that, but there it is.

mikster said...

Didn't Paul McCartney and Wings have a song out called Jets?....lol

I have many, many irrational fears....most caused by the female persuasion....what's up with that?

Leesa said...

g: thanks for the brilliant comment. Perhaps now I can start writing my other piece. I have no idea how to get to the next part of the story.

prata: I stopped giving blood also, after they drained one pint. I figured, I didn't want to give anymore that day. I will start again next month, but for now, I have stopped giving blood. The cookies are "to die for."

joe: apparently not.

kathi: I am never used to it. Giving blood that is; I am used to men drifting towards fantasies of Amber.

amber: never heard of the Kid Rock song. I love the saying, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy!" But I have a thing for pirates.

mike: you win the prize. "Jets" is indeed a song. Not sure if it is Paul by himself, with his wife Linda, or with Wings. They all, sadly, sound alike to me.

VX: thanks for the correction. I rarely read my posts; I just write them. You know me - always thinking about males! And sweetie, I did not do the correcting.

Prata said...

@Leesa
*cracks up* Cookies. hehehehe. Sorry...I havea very odd sense of humor lol.

Edge said...

I'm terrified of getting a shot on an airplane, but afraid of neither independently, go figure.

Excellent post.

mikster said...

What terrifies me the most is the sound velcro makes when I take my shoes off....yeah....I need to learn how to tie 'em some day.

Have a super weekend!

Robb said...

Great post! Ummm...did I hear someone say French maid outfit?

Leesa said...

VX: Loved your sentence: "i know. i can't really write things as funny as i think them." When I am telling stories, I think the same thing. Darned funny story - laugh people.

prata: ah, yeah, prata.

edge: I would think getting shot on an airplane now would be difficult to do. You probably have more of a chance getting shot in a convenience store. Or while doing the wild thing with another man's wife.

mike: I am terrified of getting committed to an institution. Because once you are in there, you can't get out.

robb: did you retain anything after the part about Amber in the French Maid outfit?

Grant said...

I think the reason people fear planes more is partially because of what Amber said, but also because every commercial plane crash becomes a major media event. We had a twenty-six car pileup here a few years ago that didn't make it past the local evening news, but if a plane goes down it has the nation's attention for days or weeks. Of course, part of that is because airplanes don't have fender benders. If they wreck, usually everyone aboard dies in a fiery, mangled wreck.

Deb said...

First let me say, WHAT’S UP MISS SIDETRACKER! Ha!!! This post was hysterical! And…of course…yummy.

Well, I personally feel that fear has taken a tight grip on a lot of people. We’re human, and fear is one of those strong emotions that can literally paralyze you. As for myself, I have anxiety attacks. I know what it’s caused from. It’s obsessive thought patterns that keep making me fear certain things, or avoid certain places. Another term would be ‘agoraphobic’. I have that to a degree. Hell—I have a lot of disorders.

It’s hard not to fear things in life. I hate when people say, “Oh you shouldn’t fear that!” They can’t control my wacky thought patterns!

The one thing I won’t fear is seeing Amber in that little French maid’s outfit. ;)

Boris Yeltsin said...

You wouldn't believe what's going on right now! Please click here to be politically active to "fight the power!" Scroll down past the poll (which is related to the article) and read - and if you'd like - comment!

You can make a difference just by clicking on the above link. Every time the "hit counter" on that post is incremented, it sends a message. I think it's funny that something like this just happens to be going on at the same time Whirlpool and Maytag are merging.

James said...

Personally I enjoy this sort of stuff

james

Byron said...

i think Leesa you r developing from a writen on erotica to a great writer on anything...I love the way you write..I am sure you should consider ur own monthly magazine...it would really be a good seller..wow

XXX

Byron

Edtime Stories said...

Leesa
You are a must see everyday even your response to comments are entertaining and seem to inspire your a lot of response.
Why the maid outfit???? Not a cheerleader?

Zephyr said...

I hate needles too. I might give blood more often if they had cute nurses in french maid costumes. And if I didn't do it more often, at least I'd enjoy it more. And if flight attendents wore french maid costumes, maybe hubby would agree on a flying vacation!

Leesa said...

grant: good points, and I really enjoyed your post the other day.

ck_dexter: As I recall, Keira Knightley was fetching as the leading lady.

~deb: Thanks for the sweet comments; I liked writing this entry.

boris: I clicked on it.

jef: crotchless cat suit; I will have to remember that.

james: thanks

moebugge: at first, I thought you were talking about flying (takeoff and landing). Oooops. And about the blood thing - I guess technically, we all are slabs of meat.

byron: monthly mag? hmmmm. I was thinking of writing a book.

ed: thanks, and sis-boom-ra!

lara: I bet red cross workers would wear costumes if it aids in blood collection. But most I have seen are frail/old, or very sturdy. Not sure I want to see that in a maid's outfit.