Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Are Looks Important?

This weekend, I needed to take a quick trip to the store. So before I left the house, I had to "make myself presentable." On the way to the store, something gnawed at me – why the flip should I spend this time beautifying me before buying milk and eggs.

I mean, I have good skin, and I don't look like some swamp creature emerging from the murky depths. I am a middle-aged woman who looks pretty darned good for being thirty-mumble. And I have timed myself. It takes me just at one hour to get ready each and every day. That is 360 hours per year – I want to give myself 5 days off, four for being sick, and one for the occasional all-day screw-fest (we all need those, ahem, "sick days").

So each year, I spend 15 full days on showering, dressing, hair and makeup. About 4% of my time is spent doing this. If I really want to see me wasting my life away, I can tack on eating (except eating out which is more "entertainment" than sustenance, sleeping (except for the occasional erotic dream that is more "entertainment" than sustenance), and going to the restroom (except for the occasional masturbation in the restroom that is more "entertainment" than sustenance). All totaled up, I bet all of these overhead activates account for 12 to 15% of each day of my life. How sad.

Getting back to my neighborhood shopping trip – I am so glad that I "made myself up." The first reason is that some shopper looked like a Mademoiselle model (yeah, I know the magazine went under, but those were the models when I was in school). And I was thinking, how long does she take to get ready. And I prayed that it was 2 or more hours per day.

The second reason was that I ran into a past lover. It has happened a couple of times recently, but this was the least embarrassed I have been (the other two times I was with hubbie – he did not acknowledge me, or he was with new wife-y, we actually spoke and it was awkward for both of us).

The guy looked at me in the store, and I could tell he knew he knew who I was, and then if his little pea-brain got oxygen, bang, he realized that we slept together.

"Hi, Leesa," he started. "It has been quite a while."

He got my name right, but he did not commit to when we fucked. Good strategy. A few years ago, and I could probably nail down the month – or did we dance for two months. Yeah, he was married at the time, as was I.

"How is your wife?" I ask, sort of hoping it was an ex-wife by now. He was a player.

"Fine, fine as ever."

He looked at his watch and asked if I had had breakfast yet. That is slut-speak for "my wife would not miss me for an hour, want to fuck?" I know that's what he meant.

And I just said, "No, hubbie and I have plans today. See you around."

I wanted to talk about my growth, about how I think he is a sex addict or a bad person, how it is so much nicer being with one person, but I thought, "Why?" That's all I thought. Did I want to say those things because I had grown and I suspected he did not? Was I going to just show off, be a better person? I really don't know. But at that moment, I wanted more than anything to not be tempted – because I knew he wanted to feel me up in his car, or to swing by the office and fuck in his office.

Yeah, I love my hubbie. But I did not want to tempt myself. It is easy with new people, because I don't know for sure how far they will go in a short time. But for past lovers, it is like each of us holds a free pass to engage in naughtiness because we have already seen each other naked and explored each other sexually.

Yeah, I passed on the thinly veiled invitation, and perhaps I passed another test. Will I ever get past these feelings? I sure hope so. Until then, I am just staying out of these situations.

Yeah, I am a tease, but now I want only to be a tease.

By the way, this was in this month's Glamour (they owned Mademoiselle) magazine:

Glamour List: 13 risks worth taking in bed
By Eliza Marston

1. Waking him up to act out what you were dreaming.
2. Banishing the television, the dog, the phone, the Blackberry and definitely any stuffed animals, leaving you alone...with him.
3. Coed naked karaoke.
4. Telling him there are better things he can do with his mouth than talk.
5. Doing it really fast, even if you're all dressed and ready to head out the door.
6. Not worrying about the neighbors.
7. Making him get naked first.
8. Having sex that answers the question "What would it be like if we (fill in the blank)?"
9. Not letting your period stop you.
10. Any position that makes your belly look flabby but your body feel good.
11. Banning anatomically correct terms (use the dirty words instead).
12. Declaring a do-over.
13. Saying "I love you" during instead of after.


Joe said...

I was all into that list until I saw "Coed naked karaoke". It looks like they just threw that one in there.

As for the makeup thing, I'm pretty sure that even at your worst, you're far better than most at their best.

Sassy said...

I think you'll get past them...you've already shown so much growth, in the little time that I've been reading your blog. :)

Prata said...

I was prepared to offer some insight and what not..but I discovered I am a child. So it's better that I not even bother;however, I have found that even 'growing', be it up or into something...temptation never gets easier. If you still view something as a temptation it will never get easier, it will always be just the finest of lines when you open your mouth to say "yes" or to say "no". When it's no longer a temptation...that's when it's easier.

As a side note, I know a lot of women that are just exquisite without makeup but they spend up to or over an hour getting ready to do something like buy bread down the street. wtf is that?

Girl Next Door said...

Ohhhhm, the former, the ex, the "past". Always awkward for me. Glad you could get through it.

Definitely like your list! Loved the post.


Prata said...


Thanks for doin' those links I went to do them this morning and bam..they were already there...ya sneak! wtg

Shannon said...

I know exactly where you're coming from.. I am guilty of the same thing. I have to look picture perfect every time I leave my house. For what? I have no clue. I get alot of looks when I am out but then I get pissed that I get stared at.. stupid I know.. I guess it's just the woman in us that makes us feel we have to be presentable at all times.

As for your list... very nice.. I love the last one, it's sooo awesome to hear " I love you" in the heat of the moment.. it makes you feel like nothing eles could.

Leesa said...

joe: thanks for the sweet comment, but the girl I saw in the grocery store looked perfect (without airbrushing!)

sassy: thanks, perhaps if you tell my therapist, he will reduce his rates!

prata: The temptation is getting less and less. And you are welcome on the links - everyone, you may want to visit the contributory story site.

shannon: I know exactly what you mean!

BagOfNothing.com said...

i have to agree with prata regarding women without makeup. i'm sure if anyone watched the last two Survivors, but the contestant Stephanie definately looked much better living in a jungle and not having any makeup than her other makeuped pictures.

Goddess said...

Leesa, good job on being the "better" person. It is hard when you have been with someone... the temptation is always there. But you handled it with composure, and went home to what was the most important thing to you, your husband.

Matt said...

In college I worked in a pretty grungy job and EVERY time I either went to get lunch or pick something up on the way home I ALWAYS ran into an ex. Something about looking terrible and running into an ex that gets the tongue all tied up.

And as for that last, I was able to check off quite a few of those, but I feel my singing naked or otherwise would be quite the turnoff!

Grant said...

You only spend 12 to 15% of your time on overhead? Most of us spend nearly a third of our lives just sleeping. How much do you sleep every night?

I think you did the right thing by not preaching. There's little more annoying than a born-again person trying to convert the unconverted. Besides, people won't change until they're ready. He has to arrive at the same place as you on his own (if he ever does).

Georgiapeach said...

I am the Queen of Risk taking! Call me Evil Peach Knievel!. I can cross out all of those 13 risks!

Leesa you are so damn good!!! Be proud that you're doing right. There is hope!!! Hell, you were probably his temptation. He probaly has been trying to be good but when he saw you...hell, he said f&*k it! The finest woman in Savannah? What man wouldn't of tried you?..lol. I feel great after saying no to temptation....well..actually I am usually bummed. Because when I say temptation, they are usually sexy sexy...It is especially hard for me, because I am not married. So I think I can do anything I want..lol.
Girl sometimes I get so bummed that I have to do something, walk, go to the club, anything to take my mind off the desire.
Let me see when was the last time I cheated?....Damn it! Dec 22nd. Terrible. Well, I stop associating with the guy so I am doing better right?
Girl it takes me 20 minutes to get ready for work. But I usually have my hair already done, so that is the main reason it doesn't take that long. However, I can take a fifteen minute shower without any care in the world. Makeup? What makeup. The people at my job don't wear makeup so they wouldn't appreciate the little eyeliner and mascara anyway.

Leesa said...

BagOfNothing: I have seen it both ways. I have a cousin who needs makeup because without it, her eyes are so small.

goddess: thanks for the pep talk.

matt: better to sing naked than to play the trombone naked.

grant: I am busted. the 15% was without the sleeping part. Just thinking of those atomic bunnies made me too nervous to add in my head.

GP: not sure about me and getting ready; whether it is just a quick shower and out the door, or if it is going to work, it is normally right at one hour.

Slut Betty said...

Hey Leesa... just dropping in to let you know there's been an address change for my "blog"... as well as some other changes... click on my name here to have a look see yeah? :-)

Leesa said...

rose: thanks for the update! I have updated my blogs to use your current written blog!

By the way, I like the new look (very few pictures - good for those who view it at work).

Monica said...

So funny....I had this conversation yesterday morning with my husband. I walk the kids to school, if I have time showering and blow-drying (which takes about 3 minutes--fine hair) before they get up. So yesterday I comforted a little girl who fell and scraped her hands, and after about 2 minutes of warming her bare hands between my gloved ones, her mom hurries up (from the car? I suppose) She's in her slightly frumpy coat and pajama bottoms and slippers. She saw me look, and I saw her check out my tailored coat, clean jeans, heeled boots and clean hair. It was uncomfortable. She felt inferior, and I felt bad. But boy was I glad I had gotten dressed.

Slut Betty said...

Thanks Leesa... decided to keep things seperate to make it easier... I know there are some that only visit for my writing... now I have a blog just pretty much for that :-)

kathi said...

You've got it in the right order, darlin. The best way to stay away from temptation is to hold close what you could lose.
I like the 13 list. I'm printing it off.