Are Looks Important?

This weekend, I needed to take a quick trip to the store. So before I left the house, I had to "make myself presentable." On the way to the store, something gnawed at me – why the flip should I spend this time beautifying me before buying milk and eggs.

I mean, I have good skin, and I don't look like some swamp creature emerging from the murky depths. I am a middle-aged woman who looks pretty darned good for being thirty-mumble. And I have timed myself. It takes me just at one hour to get ready each and every day. That is 360 hours per year – I want to give myself 5 days off, four for being sick, and one for the occasional all-day screw-fest (we all need those, ahem, "sick days").

So each year, I spend 15 full days on showering, dressing, hair and makeup. About 4% of my time is spent doing this. If I really want to see me wasting my life away, I can tack on eating (except eating out which is more "entertainment" than sustenance, sleeping (except for the occasional erotic dream that is more "entertainment" than sustenance), and going to the restroom (except for the occasional masturbation in the restroom that is more "entertainment" than sustenance). All totaled up, I bet all of these overhead activates account for 12 to 15% of each day of my life. How sad.

Getting back to my neighborhood shopping trip – I am so glad that I "made myself up." The first reason is that some shopper looked like a Mademoiselle model (yeah, I know the magazine went under, but those were the models when I was in school). And I was thinking, how long does she take to get ready. And I prayed that it was 2 or more hours per day.

The second reason was that I ran into a past lover. It has happened a couple of times recently, but this was the least embarrassed I have been (the other two times I was with hubbie – he did not acknowledge me, or he was with new wife-y, we actually spoke and it was awkward for both of us).

The guy looked at me in the store, and I could tell he knew he knew who I was, and then if his little pea-brain got oxygen, bang, he realized that we slept together.

"Hi, Leesa," he started. "It has been quite a while."

He got my name right, but he did not commit to when we fucked. Good strategy. A few years ago, and I could probably nail down the month – or did we dance for two months. Yeah, he was married at the time, as was I.

"How is your wife?" I ask, sort of hoping it was an ex-wife by now. He was a player.

"Fine, fine as ever."

He looked at his watch and asked if I had had breakfast yet. That is slut-speak for "my wife would not miss me for an hour, want to fuck?" I know that's what he meant.

And I just said, "No, hubbie and I have plans today. See you around."

I wanted to talk about my growth, about how I think he is a sex addict or a bad person, how it is so much nicer being with one person, but I thought, "Why?" That's all I thought. Did I want to say those things because I had grown and I suspected he did not? Was I going to just show off, be a better person? I really don't know. But at that moment, I wanted more than anything to not be tempted – because I knew he wanted to feel me up in his car, or to swing by the office and fuck in his office.

Yeah, I love my hubbie. But I did not want to tempt myself. It is easy with new people, because I don't know for sure how far they will go in a short time. But for past lovers, it is like each of us holds a free pass to engage in naughtiness because we have already seen each other naked and explored each other sexually.

Yeah, I passed on the thinly veiled invitation, and perhaps I passed another test. Will I ever get past these feelings? I sure hope so. Until then, I am just staying out of these situations.

Yeah, I am a tease, but now I want only to be a tease.

By the way, this was in this month's Glamour (they owned Mademoiselle) magazine:

Glamour List: 13 risks worth taking in bed
By Eliza Marston

1. Waking him up to act out what you were dreaming.
2. Banishing the television, the dog, the phone, the Blackberry and definitely any stuffed animals, leaving you alone...with him.
3. Coed naked karaoke.
4. Telling him there are better things he can do with his mouth than talk.
5. Doing it really fast, even if you're all dressed and ready to head out the door.
6. Not worrying about the neighbors.
7. Making him get naked first.
8. Having sex that answers the question "What would it be like if we (fill in the blank)?"
9. Not letting your period stop you.
10. Any position that makes your belly look flabby but your body feel good.
11. Banning anatomically correct terms (use the dirty words instead).
12. Declaring a do-over.
13. Saying "I love you" during instead of after.