Friday, January 27, 2006

Pilot Envy

The other day, yummy Amber made the following comment on my blog:

Maybe people fear airplanes because it's such a huge machine and they have a sense of being absolutely out of control. In a car, since you're driving, you feel more in control. Also, most people have seen lots of plane crash pictures and they're always horrible, and while they've also seen plenty of horrible car crashes, there's the element of "that could never happen to me -- I'm a good driver."

Or not. Sorry about the rambling. I'm not totally awake yet.

Okay, I want to draw your attention to a few things in this post:

(1) We need to consider the source. Amber is "yummy." That makes her not only darned credible in the eyes of this reporter (and to Aunt Flannery O'Conner), but since 80% of my readership is male, they are probably no longer conscienceless reading my drivel. They are clicking over to Amber's blog and imagining what she would look like in a French Maid outfit.

(2) Crap. Where was I? Thinking of Amber in a French Maid Outfit? No, I was making a point. Let's move to point three.

(3) Amber in a French Maid Outfit? I am stuck on one point, just like a scratched record. Let me get back to horror, mayhem, and death.

Okay, Amber is probably right – please see Point 1 above (if you can be described as yummy, you are doing something right). I will not look above, for fear that I will be going around in circles in this post. You would be well-advised to do the same. I am a safety conscious girl, you know.

Technically, we know airplanes can fly. For the sake of argument, I am calling them airplanes; yeah, I know airplanes have propellers, and jets have engines that suck helpless ducks and geese through them. They named the comedy "Airplane" and not "Jet." Jet would be a good name for a song, not a movie – the word is just not that funny.

Okay, back to airplanes and flying (note to self: don't mention French Maid outfits on flight attendants). We all know intellectually that airplanes fly – we may not know a lot about lift, drag, and all of those other technical terms. Mallory may know, but most of us don't. Intellectually we know that airplanes and jets fly. But we have to reconcile that with the fact that 875,000 pounds of metal, seat cushions and complimentary drinks hurling at 300+ MPH can actually fly through the air, when people (who are a lot lighter) flapping their arms only get tired arms.

Cars are more concrete – okay, they are made of metal, cup holders and other miscellaneous parts that may or may not be under warranty, but you get the idea. We don't know how an engine works (except for Mallory and mens' egos), but it is understandable that something on the ground with wheels can move without possibly killing the occupants of the vehicle.

Just remember when you were a little boy or girl. When you were not pulling down your pants and exclaiming, "Nous sommes différents," you were probably playing with dolls, cars, and airplanes. You could roll cars on the floor, hoping to trip up giants known as adults, but for planes, you had to hold them in the air. They did not stay there by themselves. Lesson learned.

So in our heart of hearts, we are not sure that airplanes really fly. I understand the "it is out of our control" answer given by many, but if someone else is driving, are you as scared? I mean, when Joe is not driving, of course.

Those of us who may be scared of needles – in our intellectual mind, we have little to fear (unless we smell bourbon on the phlebotomist's breath). And frankly, who hasn't had that experience. I remember the first time I gave blood – I knew that it was harmless, but I saw blood rushing out of my petite arm, and I can remember thinking, "what happens if they completely drain out my blood." Intellectually, I knew that once the pint was taken, no more blood could exit. But in my heart . . . .

We are told to follow our hearts, but that is not always wise. I want my pilots to use their heads – not to wonder why 875,000 pounds of sheet metal, rivets, gears and assorted parts lifts into the air. And other times, we can just sit in awe of our loved ones, either in fantasy costumes or not. How wonderful it is to be human.


kathi said...

I relate, relate, relate.
I've always had a fear of needles (the only reason I didn't do drugs that required it had it's plus side). The first time I ever gave blood was for my first marriage in Indiana (required blood tests there) and I told them I wasn't feeling good. They told me it was natural, just to keep my eyes open (?) and walking out of the room I passed out. Now I give blood every 6 weeks and they still have to ice me behind my neck and under my knees to keep me from passing out. I hate it, but...people who can really need to give. It really is the gift of life.
Sorry, did I just go off? Sorry, sorry, sorry!!

Giovanna said...

The observation about as kids we have to hold the airplane up, that it doesn't stay there all by itself is brilliant.

I like being human. It's a good thing. Go humans! Choose humans! God I am so tired and punchy this morning, I stayed up way too late chatting with a friend from home on MSN.

Leesa said...

kathi: I totally relate about giving blood. I hate doing it, but I do. Not every 6 weeks - more like every 2 months for me. But the whole day, I give everyone crap.

"Leesa, can you help out with this."

My response, "Well, George, I know you are the leader of the free world, but cut me a little slack, I saved someone's life today."

Prata said...

I used to give blood. I stopped. Planes were developed on and fly on theory. I'm not sure if they've actually turned that into a proven fact yet. I've failed to go look it up and it's probably not all that important.

Would you like an explanation of how the internal combustion engine works? I wouldn't be opposed to that at all. It's really not all that difficult.

A pilot typically doesn't need to wonder, part of being a pilot is knowing how to keep the plane in the air. The why of it was demonstrated in various mathematical expressions. The how of it, pretty much the same. And thus, plane stays in air people don't hurtle to earth and stop...except when they do. ^_^

My sister has feared flying from 6 years old. I have no fears like that.

Joe said...

Amber in a French Maid outfit...

I'm sorry, did you say something else?

kathi said...

LOL, I've used it too...

Amber said...

I have a ton of weird fears. Flying is actually not one of them -- the only time I'm afraid of flying is when my family is with me. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm petrified of my family dying. And I do get worried when other people drive -- I'm sometimes not a very good car passenger. I also don't like my food to touch, but that's really a whole other post.

Oh and about the French Maid outfit? I've never thought much about that, although I've mentioned in my blog that if I were a stripper, my song would be "Cowboy" by Kid Rock and I'd wear a hat and boots. Not sure why I wanted to say that, but there it is.

Mike said...

Didn't Paul McCartney and Wings have a song out called Jets?

I have many, many irrational fears....most caused by the female persuasion....what's up with that?

Video X said...

now how come i can make a comment with one little silly question (which i could care less since i dont even use punctuation half the time on here as i'm not writing a paper to be submitted anywhere) about verb agreement...and i get some sort of correction that i didnt want to make...but "french mail outfit" just slides on by??? haha! just kidding. probably because you're sexy as sexy can be.

i'm terrified of needles actually and refuse to give blood.

and i think i might just be scared of flying now! point taken.

Leesa said...

g: thanks for the brilliant comment. Perhaps now I can start writing my other piece. I have no idea how to get to the next part of the story.

prata: I stopped giving blood also, after they drained one pint. I figured, I didn't want to give anymore that day. I will start again next month, but for now, I have stopped giving blood. The cookies are "to die for."

joe: apparently not.

kathi: I am never used to it. Giving blood that is; I am used to men drifting towards fantasies of Amber.

amber: never heard of the Kid Rock song. I love the saying, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy!" But I have a thing for pirates.

mike: you win the prize. "Jets" is indeed a song. Not sure if it is Paul by himself, with his wife Linda, or with Wings. They all, sadly, sound alike to me.

VX: thanks for the correction. I rarely read my posts; I just write them. You know me - always thinking about males! And sweetie, I did not do the correcting.

Video X said...

i know. i can't really write things as funny as i think them. my facial expression (which for me is a huge part of everything i do) and my tone of voice are absent. seriously...i thought i was missing out for a while on what that outfit was?? then i got it!

Prata said...

*cracks up* Cookies. hehehehe. Sorry...I havea very odd sense of humor lol.

Edge said...

I'm terrified of getting a shot on an airplane, but afraid of neither independently, go figure.

Excellent post.

Mike said...

What terrifies me the most is the sound velcro makes when I take my shoes off....yeah....I need to learn how to tie 'em some day.

Have a super weekend!

Robb said...

Great post! Ummm...did I hear someone say French maid outfit?

Leesa said...

VX: Loved your sentence: "i know. i can't really write things as funny as i think them." When I am telling stories, I think the same thing. Darned funny story - laugh people.

prata: ah, yeah, prata.

edge: I would think getting shot on an airplane now would be difficult to do. You probably have more of a chance getting shot in a convenience store. Or while doing the wild thing with another man's wife.

mike: I am terrified of getting committed to an institution. Because once you are in there, you can't get out.

robb: did you retain anything after the part about Amber in the French Maid outfit?

Grant said...

I think the reason people fear planes more is partially because of what Amber said, but also because every commercial plane crash becomes a major media event. We had a twenty-six car pileup here a few years ago that didn't make it past the local evening news, but if a plane goes down it has the nation's attention for days or weeks. Of course, part of that is because airplanes don't have fender benders. If they wreck, usually everyone aboard dies in a fiery, mangled wreck.

ck_dexter_haven said...

Arrr Leesa, I be dressin as I pirate fer Halloween fer the past few years now. And as of late "Currse of the Black Pearrl" be a family favorite. all we need now is a french maid to clean up me ship. :) I can't believe I totally missed Talk like a Pirate day this year. Must have been that 3 gallons of blood they've taken.

~Deb said...

First let me say, WHAT’S UP MISS SIDETRACKER! Ha!!! This post was hysterical! And…of course…yummy.

Well, I personally feel that fear has taken a tight grip on a lot of people. We’re human, and fear is one of those strong emotions that can literally paralyze you. As for myself, I have anxiety attacks. I know what it’s caused from. It’s obsessive thought patterns that keep making me fear certain things, or avoid certain places. Another term would be ‘agoraphobic’. I have that to a degree. Hell—I have a lot of disorders.

It’s hard not to fear things in life. I hate when people say, “Oh you shouldn’t fear that!” They can’t control my wacky thought patterns!

The one thing I won’t fear is seeing Amber in that little French maid’s outfit. ;)

Boris Yeltsin said...

You wouldn't believe what's going on right now! Please click here to be politically active to "fight the power!" Scroll down past the poll (which is related to the article) and read - and if you'd like - comment!

You can make a difference just by clicking on the above link. Every time the "hit counter" on that post is incremented, it sends a message. I think it's funny that something like this just happens to be going on at the same time Whirlpool and Maytag are merging.

Edge said...

As a male, I take offense. I didn't picture Yummy Amber in a French Maid outfit. I pictured her in a crochless cat suit. So there! Raspberries to you!


James said...

Personally I enjoy this sort of stuff


moebugge said...

i went to school for aeronautical engineering. critical points for flying are takeoff( clothing ) and landing ( actually slipping the penis into the landing strip). Once a plane goes up into the air if anything happens( goes wrong ) other than flying on-course the only recourse is that it will go down like a rock because " something is wrong". Over 50000+ people die in car accidents here in the usa. No more thatn 2-3000 people die per year in commercial air transpotation,globally. Why? Marketing and journalism. When a plane goes down everyone and their mother hears about it. When there is a car accident it does not even register more than a small beep. it is also not in the interst of automobile industry and petroleum that things should change until there is no more oil. Why? politics and money. also it is the shear number in an aircraft which overwhelms the psyche versus the isolate car accident -here and there. It could have been been me and I could not any decision over my own destiny.
after my own experience- i question that.
I love to travel and love to fly.
there was a period in my life i flew medevac missions with the airforce: there was one particular weekend when i was scheduled to fly on a mission from a particular base in the northeast to europe. I wanted to , but something,someone prevented me. I procrastinated and missed the flight. due to the fact that i chose not/was prevented from flying that weekend several members of my unit were also were saved9lives were spred from a fiery death). In two different locations and separate planes both went down from the same base without any explanation. An unheard of probability. Destiny ,fate or luck? OR? After that my commmander became adamant that we were no longer going to decide when we would choose to fly. It would be by executive decision- his. that was when i opted out. i took dd214 and wished him/them a good day. i am outta here!
up until that time i spent more than my share in an airplane. yes there is the element of giving up control; and for myself as a man i felt it every time. for me it was understanding that the only thing protecting me from the external forces , negative forces was this very thin veil of metal, very fragile and apted to rupture at the most inopportune moment while we were in the was once again re-entering the womb another period of vulnerablity. one nameless stateman once said - man is the only animnal which after being released from the womb spends the rest of his life trying to get back in. unfortunately i do not remember who. good night

moebugge said...

giving blood?
i was very diligent about giving in europe because they made it into a pleasant experience. nice comfortable sofas. they made you feel as if your blood meant something. inspite of my phobia for needles( penetration) and usurping control. i gave and i would have continued giving because i know me and irregards of my feelings about what good it would have done for the recipents - mine was better than some junkie donating for money.
but once i came back here and i had been in europe. i went to a red cross station and they threw me on a table as if i was a slab of meat( wham bam thank you mam) sucked my juices and then had the nerves to tell me that because i had been in europe for the last 15 years that they would not be using my blood because it might be contanmenated with mad cow disease.
so why i am doing this?
Exercises in futility are not my idea of having fun or spending my time .
i have not been back.

Byron said...

i think Leesa you r developing from a writen on erotica to a great writer on anything...I love the way you write..I am sure you should consider ur own monthly would really be a good



Edtime Stories said...

You are a must see everyday even your response to comments are entertaining and seem to inspire your a lot of response.
Why the maid outfit???? Not a cheerleader?

Lara said...

I hate needles too. I might give blood more often if they had cute nurses in french maid costumes. And if I didn't do it more often, at least I'd enjoy it more. And if flight attendents wore french maid costumes, maybe hubby would agree on a flying vacation!

Leesa said...

grant: good points, and I really enjoyed your post the other day.

ck_dexter: As I recall, Keira Knightley was fetching as the leading lady.

~deb: Thanks for the sweet comments; I liked writing this entry.

boris: I clicked on it.

jef: crotchless cat suit; I will have to remember that.

james: thanks

moebugge: at first, I thought you were talking about flying (takeoff and landing). Oooops. And about the blood thing - I guess technically, we all are slabs of meat.

byron: monthly mag? hmmmm. I was thinking of writing a book.

ed: thanks, and sis-boom-ra!

lara: I bet red cross workers would wear costumes if it aids in blood collection. But most I have seen are frail/old, or very sturdy. Not sure I want to see that in a maid's outfit.

Rob said...

I don't know about Robb, but I know I thought about something after "Amber in a French Maid outfit" -- Leesa in a French Maid outfit! YUMMY!!! ;-)