Pilot Envy

The other day, yummy Amber made the following comment on my blog:

Maybe people fear airplanes because it's such a huge machine and they have a sense of being absolutely out of control. In a car, since you're driving, you feel more in control. Also, most people have seen lots of plane crash pictures and they're always horrible, and while they've also seen plenty of horrible car crashes, there's the element of "that could never happen to me -- I'm a good driver."

Or not. Sorry about the rambling. I'm not totally awake yet.

Okay, I want to draw your attention to a few things in this post:

(1) We need to consider the source. Amber is "yummy." That makes her not only darned credible in the eyes of this reporter (and to Aunt Flannery O'Conner), but since 80% of my readership is male, they are probably no longer conscienceless reading my drivel. They are clicking over to Amber's blog and imagining what she would look like in a French Maid outfit.

(2) Crap. Where was I? Thinking of Amber in a French Maid Outfit? No, I was making a point. Let's move to point three.

(3) Amber in a French Maid Outfit? I am stuck on one point, just like a scratched record. Let me get back to horror, mayhem, and death.

Okay, Amber is probably right – please see Point 1 above (if you can be described as yummy, you are doing something right). I will not look above, for fear that I will be going around in circles in this post. You would be well-advised to do the same. I am a safety conscious girl, you know.

Technically, we know airplanes can fly. For the sake of argument, I am calling them airplanes; yeah, I know airplanes have propellers, and jets have engines that suck helpless ducks and geese through them. They named the comedy "Airplane" and not "Jet." Jet would be a good name for a song, not a movie – the word is just not that funny.

Okay, back to airplanes and flying (note to self: don't mention French Maid outfits on flight attendants). We all know intellectually that airplanes fly – we may not know a lot about lift, drag, and all of those other technical terms. Mallory may know, but most of us don't. Intellectually we know that airplanes and jets fly. But we have to reconcile that with the fact that 875,000 pounds of metal, seat cushions and complimentary drinks hurling at 300+ MPH can actually fly through the air, when people (who are a lot lighter) flapping their arms only get tired arms.

Cars are more concrete – okay, they are made of metal, cup holders and other miscellaneous parts that may or may not be under warranty, but you get the idea. We don't know how an engine works (except for Mallory and mens' egos), but it is understandable that something on the ground with wheels can move without possibly killing the occupants of the vehicle.

Just remember when you were a little boy or girl. When you were not pulling down your pants and exclaiming, "Nous sommes différents," you were probably playing with dolls, cars, and airplanes. You could roll cars on the floor, hoping to trip up giants known as adults, but for planes, you had to hold them in the air. They did not stay there by themselves. Lesson learned.

So in our heart of hearts, we are not sure that airplanes really fly. I understand the "it is out of our control" answer given by many, but if someone else is driving, are you as scared? I mean, when Joe is not driving, of course.

Those of us who may be scared of needles – in our intellectual mind, we have little to fear (unless we smell bourbon on the phlebotomist's breath). And frankly, who hasn't had that experience. I remember the first time I gave blood – I knew that it was harmless, but I saw blood rushing out of my petite arm, and I can remember thinking, "what happens if they completely drain out my blood." Intellectually, I knew that once the pint was taken, no more blood could exit. But in my heart . . . .

We are told to follow our hearts, but that is not always wise. I want my pilots to use their heads – not to wonder why 875,000 pounds of sheet metal, rivets, gears and assorted parts lifts into the air. And other times, we can just sit in awe of our loved ones, either in fantasy costumes or not. How wonderful it is to be human.