Of Labels, hand jobs and Myers Briggs

Some sentences continue to haunt us long after they have been said.

I can remember vividly, talking with a relative of mine about another relative who was a stripper. I have written about her before, but she is involved in this memory as well. I can remember her sister saying about her occupation, "I mean, sure, she takes her clothes off for money, but it is not like she is a hooker. I mean, she sometimes has sex for money in the parking lot, but it is not like she is a real hooker." Sorry for the repetitive nature of the sentences, but those are the words as I remember them.

Now, I know her sister was not saying that she was the English theologian, Richard Hooker (1554-1600). Hand jobs were his specialty. But, pardon my French, L'enfer, oui, elle est une prostituée. I prostitute is someone who exchanges sexual services for money. So, yes, she was a hooker. I mean, it did not say prostitute on her W-2's, but I am not sure that is the be-all-end-all of labeling her. Now, I know that you never want to say that your sister is a prostitute, but if she performs hand jobs for $20s, I am guessing the label fits.

I have read a lot about labels lately and people not wanting to be labeled.

I slept with (mumbling to protect the guilty) guys, and I will tell you now, I was a slut. I mean, I don't know the number that tips the scale from "friendly" to "slut", but if you can't count on your fingers and toes, my guess is that you may be tipped into the slut category. I know, a label. I also am an adulteress – sounds exotic to me. But like it or not, that is a label I wear – me, Hester Prynne, and a few other gals. I think our click is more than a hundred by now. Confessed adulteresses, that is.

And I am not poo-pooing myself, just pointing out that there are some labels I have earned that I desperately don't want to have.

And Joe, one of my favorite people in the world (I have him at the bottom of my list so I can quickly find his name), talked about labeling via the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test lately. This test labels or categorizes you based on your response to questions. I know that Myers Briggs does not sum up someone's thoughts, feelings, dreams and penis size. It is just part of a picture, and yes, it is not necessarily accurate.

And, dear friend ~Deb, had a blog entry about labeling yesterday.

My response follows:

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Okay, ~deb, I for one would want to see you with a huge picket in your hand walking around topless and chanting "I WANT MY RIGHTS---KILL BUSH!". But I am not a big fan of Bush and I am a big fan of you.

From all that I have read, I am not sure I would label you a lesbian. I see you more as a free-thinking woman who has fallen heads over heels with M (who happens to be a woman). I just looked to see a definition of lesbian and I love the sentence: "One could argue that one is not a lesbian (as a noun) but lesbian (as an adjective). This would depend on self identification, and is different for most lesbians/lesbian women."

So, sweetie, if you label yourself as a lesbian, I will have to retract what I have said. Then, my dear, you are a lesbian.

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I love the line about self labeling oneself as a lesbian. It just seems to resonate with me.

As I see it, there are many labels:

(1) Definitions. Like "prostitute" listed above. Just part of our language. One would not want the label "felon", but if you have done the time, you get the label. I don't think you can opt out of those labels.

(2) Then there are categorizations. Rather than universal, these are still man-made (or woman-made), in a sense. People with PhD and grants decide on logical or helpful ways of grouping people. But the groupings might not be right – you can drift from one label to another over time.

(3) Then there are self-labels. This is the lesbian label. Maybe slut falls in this category as well. Just because I think Shakira is hot, doesn't make me a lesbian. Who the heck doesn't think she is hot? But if I dream about her hips and other edible parts of her every day, I would be Joe. I mean, I might chose to label myself a lesbian. Either way, I get to label myself, and most of us see that as more palatable than other ways.

Crap, I broke my one page rule. I am not saying what I have written is right or wrong. Just what is bouncing around in my head. Sort of like Shakira. And she can bounce! Then again, so can ~Deb with a picket sign!