Monday, April 10, 2006

Of Planes and Secrets

A few weeks ago, I was sitting on an airplane, waiting for it to take-off, headed towards Nicaragua. The gentleman next to be started sharing things, things that he should not share. He said he killed a man in cold blood . . . .

Okay, I was not going to Nicaragua; it was much closer, and the information that the man shared was still deeply personal, but it did not involve a capital crime. And throughout the conversation, I kept thinking to myself, "All I want to do is get through the magazines I carried onboard." Actually, I was thinking about how much or how little we all share. There is a phenomenon that some of us share more with strangers than we would our closest friends, family or psychiatrists. Speaking of psychiatrists, what I want to find is a therapist that would give discounts for amusing lives, amusing stories. I mean, if my 50 minutes is amusing, I make the day go by faster for my therapist, and I think compensation is the least that I can expect from him. I mean, really!

Back to my main point: what we share. I think many of us have been on a plane, and heard things, very personal things, that were told to us. Or perhaps we were the ones doing the telling. Shoot, I have read many blogs, and people share all sorts of things on their blogs. I do as well. Heck, the other day, I wrote someone about something deeply personal to me – something that only my hubbie and a few other people even know. Not sure why I shared the information, but I did.

Someone the other day in a different blog had another revelation – apparently their blog persona was a bit of a lie. Someone told me about it, but I didn't recognize the blog so I did not know if I should be shocked or not. Now I did not read how this person deceived – I really was not all that curious – but it occurs to me that when does withholding end and deception begin. I mean, if I don't reveal that I had fish Friday night for dinner, I am withholding information – that paints a more complete picture when you know this. Well, as a good Catholic, one might expect not eating meat on Fridays during lent. But even though it is an incomplete picture, is it a deceptive picture. No.

We all share incomplete pictures to our families, friends and co-workers. And I would think we are fine with this. I don't want to know my boss has a foot fetish, or my sister-in-law can't go to the bathroom without stripping completely. We consider this "too much information," or simply TMI. And if I had a secret, I am not obligated to tell anyone. I am fairly straight-forward here, though I normally keep hubbie out of my writing. I have some interesting incites on him and sometimes feel compelled to write more, but I don't. I also don't talk too much about my sluttiness. Bad past. Well, not details, because (1) I don't want to, and (2) it's not normally pertinent to the discussion.

Addendum
I actually found the site mentioned above this morning. While I did not read the entire post, I did read many of the comments. Some were supportive, and some were really mean. I guess when people are deceived, they get angry.


And then I had another thought. It had never occurred to me that the people on the plane may be stretching the truth with their problems or their careers or their experiences. You know, I tend to take people at face-value. Just seems easier that way – looking for angles, deception, or whatever seems like a waste of good thinking time.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. I guess I need to think of something lighter to post tomorrow. This was suppose to be a light post. Drat.

26 comments:

browser58 said...

I only had that experience once in person where I learned this woman's personal history, ex-hubbie, kids, boyfriends during a 5 hour flight from NY to LA. However, I have heard an amazing amount or intimate detail (real life & fantasy) through online chat over the years from people I have never met and probably never will.

Joe said...

Interesting. Given my job, people tend to open up way too much when talking to me - often resulting in awkward silences followed by me saying something like "Have you considered talking to one of the counselors at our Employee Assistance Program?"

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I probably talk too much about my husband on my blog...but honestly, he has given me some of the best blogging material I could ever hope for...and most of the time, it's all in fun and we can laugh about it now anyway.

I think I'm more honest in my blog than I am in real life....the only person who knows damn near EVERYTHING about me is my husband.

But you're right we ALL have a secret or two.

Leesa said...

browser58: well-said.

joe: see, I tell HR nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just don't trust our HR - and I think they are just looking for an excuse to fire my ass.

stacey: I think I am more honest in my blog than to most in real life. With the exception of hubbie.

Mike said...

I think a lot of people will share more with a stranger than family/friends. Just imagine what some people confess to a priest that no one else hears.

Prata said...

You know, I tend to take people at face value as well, and that is the crux of my problem in life typically lol.

^_^

Nice post by the by.

Video X said...

i dont really have any secrets. deceiving people is entirely too big of a task for me. it's a lot of work to be a liar. haha. as far as online people, i dont really care what they lie about...too many creeps out there to worry about. i guess i might be lying when i say i dont care...i do care when they deceive me in order to take advantage of me in some way.

i am not a good catholic...kudos to you for eating fish on friday..i hate fish..so i am screwed during lent.

i love the way you think about things.

GirlGoyle said...

We all have many faces and we all wear masks occasionally. I blog secretly because it allows me to be myself and say the crazy things I want to say. Things I don't want me immediate friends and family to hear because those close to you may judge despite not wanting to. So...funny to say that those who read my blog know more intimate details about me than those who i share my life with. Eh...strange but sexy. And face value is good. I do the same.

kathi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kathi said...

I guess I'm the exception here. I rarely take someone I meet at face value until I've gotten to know them. I suppose that goes for people I meet on-line too, come to think of it.
And as far as my having any secrets...honest, I only have one secret that I would never tell anyone except for the 3 people who know it. Other than that, open book. I do pretty much think of you (and deb, mike and a few other bloggers I adore) as being extremely honest and open books too. So, please, if I'm wrong about you, don't burst my bubble by telling me I'm wrong. :)

Leesa said...

mike: yeah, your priest was telling me all about you. okay, that statement just didn't feel right. Oh, how I admire and respect my priest.

prata: okay, first time someone said, "I am going to see a man about a horse," I believed him.

VX: actually, sometimes I learn more about myself when blogging. For instance, I thought I didn't care what others say while commenting here. And, you know what, I may have been deceiving myself as well as others.

girlgoyle: ditto

kathi: actually, I may be more open here than in real life. I think it is a southern thing, always putting a good face on things. For instance, you know that I have not always been faithful with hubbie, and the only people in my real life that know are my hubbie, my shrink, and all the guys I had sex with. And a couple of girlfriends. And . . . oh, what a slut I am.

Edtime Stories said...

I think we strive to create community everywhere we go. We are by nature not comfortable in isolation. So we share information to draw people in. However, like you said, we have societal norms that keep us from sharing everything about ourselves to the people we see everyday for work, worship or even fun. So when a stranger comes along then they are the ear to hear. The internet has allowed for a variety of opportunities through blogs, chat rooms, message boards etc. Some people have been able to discover entire communities of like people and let themselves come out. Okay this comment is getting long. I have always been someone that people feel comfortable talking to. I know of rapes, unfaithfulness, desires, and crimes. I keep many secrets, recently even from a reader of my blog who felt the need to share. I think we shold embrace our ability to listen but not be taken advantage of.

Grant said...

My personality being what it is, I've found it better to keep quiet at all times unless I know the other person well. To paraphrase, better to stay silent and be thought a psychopath than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

BTW, if you want to lighten a post, just end it with "There's a weasel chomping on my privates."

Prata said...

I probably would have believed him to! That's always been a problem for me. I think maybe I am a little gullible? But I know when I'm being duped, so maybe that's not it.

I just have no real expectations of people and if they say something I typically assume they are telling me the truth. Until they demonstrate otherwise of course.

Shannon said...

I have one of those faces where people will just tell me all about their deep, dark secrets. It's fine by me, but I am not that way. I tend to be secretive.. what I allow on my blog is a small part of who I am... my blog for the most part is light and funny, but that is who I am as well. It will depend on my moods for the most part, as to what I share.

But I do like your posts and I loveee getting to know people via blogs and so on.. it's awesome.

Too bad for that person you mentioned..must be hard.

Have a good one!

Leesa said...

ed: I guess that'w what I mean, society sort of dictates some silence.

grant: thanks for the tip!

prata: not gullible; just not thinking about deception. And that is not a bad thing.

shannon: when you started with "I have one of those faces where people will just" and my mind finished "pinch me in the ass." Ooooops. Always reaching for a joke. But I can see people telling you where the bodies are buried.

Shannon said...

LOL that was funny =0)~

JD said...

very interesting. and i like your style of writing, so i enjoy everything you write about. i used to travel a lot in a former job, and it's amazing how much people divulge in the first 10 minutes of a plane flight...

Maui said...

Kinda stumbled onto your blog and thought I'd drop a note. Interesting reading, no doubt. I like the way you write...I'll be a lurker from now on...

Nunzia said...

that is really true.. we all get a way of inventing ourselves again when we start these blogs, don't we? you make some good points...

High Desert Diva said...

I believe that, yes, one should definitely receive a discount for having interesting stories to tell his/her therapist...or perhaps, those with mind-numbingly boring sessions, should have to pay EXTRA ;P.

BTW: Thanks! Now I'm going to spend the rest of my day wondering about the blog you mentioned. Hmph!

I'm a pretty private person. I don't like to share with friends, family or strangers. Often times, however, I think I'd like to open a private blogspot that my husband, friends, and family DON'T know about; One where I would share my deep dark secrets--maybe participate in HNT...

Maybe I will.

Leesa said...

shannon: thanks, sweetie.

jd: I know, I just don't know why.

maui: oh, another lurker. Lurkers are required to have wet dreams about me. Thus, I only have a few lurkers.

nunzie: thanks, sweetie.

highest desert diva: not sure you have been to the site. And they did not participate in HNT.

Bruce said...

I'm always(ok, once in a while) opening up more to people I don't know than friends(all 3 of them) or family. I guess it's the fact that I'll most likely never see them again that makes it easier. It's also one of the reasons I blog...

Leesa said...

bruce: thanks for stopping by. It is amazing.

Askinstoo said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

cherish said...

Awesome Post!! It is so true though, I tend to believe anything and everything someone writes. I just do not see a reason to lie and I assume everyone is like me. Oh well I still love blogging and will take everyone for their word until they are proven wrong!