Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Of tragedy, princesses, and butterfly tattoos

Warning – crappy post ahead. I have other things on my mind today, so I wonder how this post will turn out.

I have read a lot of tragic blogging posts over the past two weeks, yet I have failed to comment on any of it. My posts have been light, fluffy – and well, there was the start of an erotic post that turned into a tease. Perhaps I am bitch Leesa and the other Leesa is sweet Leesa after all. Or does it make a difference anyway.

A few of the bloggers talked about abuse – probably many of them did, but I read a few. The blog entries were touching, scary, and maddening. But, for me, they were foreign. I have never been in a relationship that involves physical violence. The closest I ever got was with a boyfriend who had a short fuse – made for some wonderful arguments, and passionate make-up sex, but I ended the relationship because of a feeling, not any violence. Let me explain.

I forget the argument we had, but we were both pissed at each other, both brewing, and I am sure we both thought we were right. Since this is my story, I am going to assume I was right – funny thing is that I don't remember any of the arguments anymore. Not one of them. But here we were, moving around the apartment like two caged animals. Wanting to be somewhere else, wanting to fight, but in a sense, wanting the fight to be over. And we were passing each other in the hall, and my boyfriend bumped my shoulder with his. I did not fly into a wall, but it was a bump, an angry bump. It did not hurt me physically – and my hubbie, when clumsy, has done much worse (not mean-spirited, but let's say, he has a knack for stepping on toes).

That little bump scared me. It was not hard, but it was angry. Now I don't know if most women have "danger radar"; I suspect we do. And my radar was screaming, "Get the f--- out of the apartment now." I stopped seeing him after that.

And I see myself many years later with hubbie, and I have never been scared to go to sleep next to him. I have always felt safe with him. My father, when I was growing up, would tell my dates, "You are in charge if my daughter's safety for the next 3/4/5 hours. I expect you do to anything in your powers to keep her safe." Okay, Daddy scared off a few boyfriends. But can you imagine being a 16-year-old slacker, not responsible for anything in your life, suddenly have this thrust upon you. Scary.

Now that I am older, and somewhat wiser, I think Daddy was giving his little lectures for my benefit over my date's benefit. He wanted to signal to me that I was valuable, important, needing to be cherished. And when I finally went down the isle, I bet if you had a questionnaire that included, "Is the bride a virgin?", Daddy would have been the only person to answer "Yes." He believes more in me than I do in myself. I am still his little girl, and I am worthy of the most life has to offer.

I read about other people's lives and I wonder how their daddies are. Okay, I read about other women's lives and wonder this. For the men, I wonder how their parents' marriages are (or were). I had a heck of an advantage because of the faith, love and respect my father gives me. I wish this on every girl, every woman. We should all feel like princesses, with little pink bows in our hair – or tattoos of butterflies above our butt. All princesses in different packages.


mal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mal said...

I was never much in the dating scene in my mispent youth. I think I was too busy bussing tables, racing motorcycles etc..So my Dad never really got to demo "Intimidation 101" Any way... oldest daughter was in the dating scene and periodically a new beau would come by. Her Father was very low key about it, gave the potential paramour a bone crusher hand shake while staring him straight in the eye, smiling and asking "where are you going?" and "when will you be back". It was amazing how intimidating that was. The expressions on some of the faces were priceless

Mike said...

My daughter doesn't live with me but I got the opportunity to meet a date she had last fall. She was 16 at the time and I actually felt sorry for the boy dating her. My daughter has my weird sense of humor and this poor kid was scared to death of meeting me.

Prata said...

I actually have never met the father of any of the women I dated. Either because they live in a different country or he has died prior to my arrival (I wonder if that's a coincidence) Hrm.

Well...there's that then. My parents were divorced by the time I was in third grade and fought their custody battle from 4th grade until 8th grade. I had the pleasure of being the one (despite my step father which I won't get into) that met my sister's boyfriends (we're two years apart, me being the senior). I told every one of them, "We're about the same age, so it's cool whatever you do. But if you bring my sister back late, I'm going to come looking for you. If you bring her home hurt, I'm going to come looking for you. And with that tid bit of information; you have a nice night."

She stopped bringin' guys around me after a few of those. I'm not sure why. Hrm.


TrappedInColorado said...

Leesa, this was no a "crappy post". In fact, it was one of your better ones. I wish I had encountered more women like you in my life.


beadinggalinMS said...

Hi Leesa this was a great post. My dad still treats my twin and I like we are 15 even though we are grown woman with children.
The one time I felt threaten in my marriage with hubby I left the sceen. We were arguing and it got out of hand and he threw a glass of tea. Not at me but he threw it out of anger. I left till we both could calm down.
I love the last line of your post.
We should all feel like princesses, with little pink bows in our hair – or tattoos of butterflies above our butt. All princesses in different packages.
Have a great day.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Wow...and you think this is a crappy post??? I was pretty damn impressed.

Relationships are complicated things, aren't they? And I've been in that "moving around the apartment like two caged animals" wrong move and someone is going to pounce on someone else.

SO not a nice place to be.

You are one smart cookie. ;)

Grant said...

I get the feeling that all women have danger radars, and I set them off even when I'm not in ultra-violence mode.

But you're right about how people who haven't been in an abusive relationship really can't understand what it's like. I'm glad most people I know don't have a clue, but it can get frustrating when they pretend they do. Thanks for not trying to come across as an abusive relationship expert. :)

GirlGoyle said...

I'm a big time daddy's girl. Definitely a princess and much to dad's chagrin, no bows of any kind. Still he's my rock. Both my parents are.

And yes...abusive relationships and bad parenting take their toll on people. I see it in my coworker who knows nothing but abuse and loss and now risks missing out on a great relationship because she trusts no one.

Shannon said...

Awwww Leesa!! How sweet of you!!

I believe we should all be princess's too!! Why should it stop as we get older, after all, in our daddy's eyes we will always be that 5 year old with the pink ribbon in our hair. I loved this post!!

I am a Daddy's girl for sure ( I am his only daughter).. I just love him to pieces!!

Have a good one Leesa!

Leesa said...

mallory: hard to believe that boys weren't beating down your door.

mike: okay, mikey, the boy should feel honored to date your daughter. You should not feel sorry for him.

prata: from your post, it seems like you were responsible for the girls not having fathers. <----joke, please don't use weapons on me. I would say all sorts of relationship crap here, but I will spare you.

trapped: I had no idea what I was going to write - I admit, it didn't suck like it could have.

beadinggalinMS: thanks for the comment. We should all get to wear tierras and ball gowns.

stacy: I tried to make the post crappy, and I failed.

grant: I am not an expert at all.

girlgoyle: My Daddy would worship me if I wore biker clothes and dated women. Well, if the women treated me well.

shannon: I can see you as the perfect Daddy's girl!

JD said...

i have the same relationship with my oldest daughter. i read her myspace entry and she had written that i'm her best friend. there's no amount of money that can buy a feeling like that. i agree, there's no room for abuse in a relationship. my sig other and i have had our moments, but only close calls. we're in a much better place now because of them though.

i think the world is filled with strippers and hookers and junkies who were never treated as princesses by their fathers, and it's a much sadder world because of it. my 2 cents worth.

i loved your blog today. then again, i like everything you post. great, sobering thoughts, we all need that every now and then.

JD said...

just to clarify, not that i have anything against strippers or hookers, but the angry ones who hate men and life, etc, i can do without.

Prata said... hurt me. To insinuate I would have somethin' to do with people not having fathers...*weeps openly*

Okay was that believable? hehe Please don't use weapons on you? *neatly slides the tanto back under the couch cusion* Why Leesa..whatever do you mean? ^_^

Lori said...

Beautiful post to read for a first time visit.

Sherrill Quinn said...

Nice post, Leesa. And I think most women have a "danger radar", some just choose or have been programmed not to pay attention to it.

Thanks for visiting my blog today. In answer to your question, go to

kathi said...

That was a beautiful image, you were truly blessed. I'd loved to have had that, and I'm glad that you did. What a great thing for your dad to have said, really, that was pretty cool. I'm jealous, but in a good way.

Joe said...

Well said, Leesa.

Rob said...

Damn! Do you think the guys at the gym are gonna think I'm a princess now that I got that butterfly tattoo above my butt??! ;-)

Tai said...

Lucky girl...I wish my dad treated me that way!

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Hey Leesa,
I just did a post relating to our shared loved of books.


Leesa said...

jd: nice comments. Yeah, I trip over two strippers every time I walk down the street. Not really.

prata: you didn't post the other day. But thanks for the note - I know you have other things occupying your time.

lori: thanks for the compliment. Sort of like saying, nice - though it may be a fluke. Don't worry, I will underachieve tomorrow.

s quinn: thanks for the link. I want to write, too.

kathi: sorry you did not have that. I bet your kids have it with you, except that you don't put ribbons in your boys hair. Not princesses, but special boys.

joe: the only thing missing is Shikira dancing.

rob: just don't bend over when dropping the soap. You might just find out!

tai: sorry, sweets, every girl needs to be treated this way. Really.

dr ~deb: thanks for the info. I have another book post floating around in my mind. But it will take a while to get down on paper. Perhaps this will make me do it.

cherish said...

Wonderful post!

You are absolutely right! My father never made me feel special ever. But my daughter is everything plus a bag of chips in the eyes of my husband (and me)! It must be a wonderful feeling to be so loved unconditionally.

Ddot the King said...

First of all I don't think i've ever read a crappy post from you.

Secondly I hope that all those people that wrote those type blogs get a chance to read this. It's very uplifting.

kathi said...

Thanks for saying that, I really appreciate it. You're right, if there is anything I'm sure of, it's that my boys know that I love them and that they're safe. Thanks for bringing that home for me.

Leesa said...

cherish: sounds like you have a daughter who has an edge on life.

ddot: thanks for the comment. You know you are the first blogger I ever read. How's that for getting lucky at first.

kathi: hence, I would vote for you for Mom of the Year, even if you do drop off your boys when they are sphewing on the sidewalk as your pull away from the curb.

Leesa said...

I know I'm probably not supposed to "comment" here...but I really liked this post.
I didn't have a chance to grow up with a father, but yours sounds wonderful. I wish I had had that opportunity :)
I did have that radar though, and I certainly felt that "scary" feeling with a guy. I can say that twice I was right and got out quickly. Once not quick enough, but I still knew it was coming.

Party Girl said...

very nice.

Too bad too many little girls can't be the women they were supposed to be because of a dad that wasn't there. Either literally wasn't present or figuratively.

Very nice that your dad saw your potential and valued you. Lovely.