Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Cars, Bikinis and Cheesecake and a Wire Wisk

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I know I had to pick up a few things, but instead of doing the same routine (get cart, go through veggie isle first, go down isle 3 next, etc.), I just grabbed a hand-held basket and walked down isles randomly.

One of the isles I rarely ever travel down is the magazine isle. And so I am just looking randomly at the magazines. And the ones that first catch my attention are the auto magazines. There are like 50 thousand different auto mags, and they sort of all look alike to me. I mean, if not alike, very similar. Car or truck on the cover, with hot girl or girls in bikinis next to the vehicle or on top of the vehicle. My first thought is, "darn, I hope the hood is not hot because it will leave a nasty burn mark." And my next thought is, "Life is not fair."

Press release: life isn't fair. Yeah, I know, we have learned this all of our lives. But come on, the women have little to do with the cars (men's minds are thinking, "without the car, I can't get the bikini-clad hotties"). The target audience is men, and they get to look at eye candy.

And I don't think women have the same.

Here is what I want – I want a woman's hobby magazine to be more like men's car magazines (the cars are hobbies, aren't they?).

Okay, next time I am at the supermarket, I'd like to see a cover photo of a 22-year-old hunk with rippling muscles, Pyrex bowl covering his package, and the title, "Measuring up." I mean, I don't know if the measuring cup with make his wee-wee bigger or smaller. I was in physics in high school, and concave verses convex; I don't know what the different lenses do to images. But wouldn't you buy the magazine? I mean, for the recipes of course.

Or some cutie in an apron and nothing else, wisking some eggs, with the title, "Taste My Cream Sauce." I know, I know. This is not marketable. Women don't like to look at men. To that, I say under my voice, "B----hit."

You could have an article on glazes, and pics that would include a glaze on Orlando Blume. I mean, as long as we are being fair. You could have men talk about their favorite deserts, full of sexual innuendos. I am talking sexually playful, not hard core.

Now, I don't know what the car magazines are about, but it is still about the cars. The hobby. You would still need to write good articles with helpful info. But give us a bit of cheesecake to go along with the recipe. That's all I am asking.

Oh, and "There's a weasel chomping on my privates."

33 comments:

Giovanna said...

omg Leesa that is a riot. I think we need to get some venture capital and do this.

Have you ever gotten the "Pampered Chef" e-mail? The one that says you're invited to a Pampered Chef party, and there are imbedded pictures of all these hot guys just as you described! I'll have to dig it up and send it to you.

Joe said...

That's just horrible, Leesa. Men aren't just pieces of meat, you know. We have feelings and thoughts and ideas and...

Ah, who am I kidding?

GirlGoyle said...

OK...I'll taste the recipe, i'll also take one bowl (convex or concave I could care less) and I'm willing to taste Orlando Bloom, cream and all to make sure he hasn't expired. I'm sold!

The Stiltwalker said...

you know, I thought I was the only woman who hated to see naked men? It absolutely makes me itch when I see some dude with their clothes off. I was really having some sort of attack at my friend's bachelorette party. The man had no body hair. There is something morally wrong with that...

Georgiapeach said...

lol. This is too funny Leesa. Leesa, the crazy thing is, I don't buy lifestyle magazines, but I promise you, if there were magazines like that, I would definitely start. That's actually a great idea, I would probably even acquire a new hobbie because of it..lol. For some reason there is a generalization about women who have hobbies such as: sewing, cooking, and gardening. Everyone that cooks or sews aren't prudes....lol. However, even prudes like to look at half naked men...lol. That explains why there were half a dozen old women trying to get an invitation to my friends bachelorette party...lol.

Georgiapeach said...

Sorry about the profile pic. I am a rebel without a cause this week...lol.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

I rarely walk down the magazine isle myself.

You bring up a good point! Why don’t we get to see some hunk on the cover/label of something geared towards women?

Leesa said...

g: thanks, sweetie. I have not seen the "Pampered Chef" e-mail, but I have gone to the parties. Just hold me up - it would be easier to get my money. Their stuff is so addictive, and afterwards, I never use it.

joe: okay, now you are funny!

girlgoyle: I am not sure Orlando would expire any time soon. Yum. But if he expired with you, I am sure with a pinch of yeast, he would rise again.

stiltwater: thanks for the comment.

GP: Okay, the mask is a bit alarming. But I hear you with your comments.

n-search: here is what I don't get. Women's magazines has pictures of women on them. You know, big chests, wonderful hair, knock-outs. I just don't get it.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh that was EXCELLENT, Leesa! That is a terrific idea...and it just may get my ass in the kitchen and learn to cook too...so it's all good! ;)

Mark said...

Oh, how I hate be objectified!!! ;p

Sorry, but I am all out of creamofsumyungi.

Grant said...

The funny thing is, the thought that the hood may be hot is my first thought as well.

There's stuff about cars in those magazines?

Leesa said...

stacey: anything to help the Peanut King get you in the kitchen is good. By the way, congrats on being the winner of the thong contest.

mark: yeah, sorry you are, um, spent, sweetie.

grant: thanks for letting me use your line at the end. It made the entry today.

Bee said...

Same thing goes for magazines like Cosmo. Why is it that every cover of Maxim has a girl, but you never see a guy on the cover of Cosmo?

Party Girl said...

gaurantee that if Martha replaced her cover with a big 'o piece of man candy with nothing but an apron on, sales would soar. Hell, I'd even subscribe.
Hell, I might be the first new subscriber.

Bud said...

Ummm, I think the dude's pecker would look smaller through a bowl like that but that's why they invented Photoshop, right? I think it's only fair that women's mags have guy-cake on them. And it would make me more justified in checking out the babes on the men's mags. No I have to pretend not to notice. You know to be all polite and all. I'm pathologically polite.

Leesa said...

They need to do this with photography magazines...I know just where to put the camera ;)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Thanks! :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

yes, i have thought this many times..even on "our" magazines like cosmo, or whatever, its alwyas some hot young chic on the cover..

like I wanna look at hot young chics, geesh..

as for the young ripped guy, ok I will go with that...but he must be leaning against an oven or sewing machine:)

mal said...

*L* that weasel sounds dangerous!

yup, I think "oprah" magazine needs a spread of the Chippendale dancers on the cover. I mean come on! Oprah does not do a whole lot for me.....

Leesa said...

bee: Cosmo is the worse. Dress cut to the woman's navel, every freakin' time. And it's a woman's magazine.

party girl: I was going to make a joke about Martha, but decided not to. If I did, I think I would have been thinking of a topless Martha, and I really don't want that image burned on my brain.

bud: yeah, I can see you pretending not to notice, and when the check-up girl asks for your money, you have some sqeaky voice. Unprepared to talk with another non-plastic model.

leesa: yeah, but with camera mags, all pictures are "art." I mean, road kill is "art," naked woman swimming in the lake, "art," garbage on the curb, "art." I enjoy your pics more. Love wildlife.

stacey: I heard that now you have to model the thong. You, peanut king, either way, it is a bonus post.

bossy: I just don't want him stuffing a turkey on the cover!

mallory: the weasel was grant's idea. His ideas are dangerous. And as far as Oprah goes, I can see many articles talking about the "big O."

JD said...

lmao. great post. men are so much more visual than women. maybe that's why no "cheesecake" mags. i went to a car show in Atlanta and they had these two little hos posing with the cars. my first thought was, they're leaving ass prints all over the cars. lol. they weren't as hot as they thought they were.

i always thought more women would be into CFNM too, but outside of the odd bachelorette party or two, most women don't seem that interested. hmmmm? go figure, LOL>

great blog Leesa.

Nunzia said...

hahah pretty fun and very true!

Lisa said...

To this I sing, "glory, glory, hallelujah!!!" Or something equally elation filled. I think this might be the next big idea. Women are sexual creatures, too. There is an audience for that sort of thing, because I am that audience, and you are...and so are many other women I know. Let's do it. :)

Seven said...

Playgirl tried and I think they failed; but maybe it was run by dudes that didn't have a clue? Did they have recipes? Maybe that was the prob...maybe hook up a hot dude with Martha...er...Martha's daughter or niece?

Leesa said...

jd: yeah, I am more olfactory than visual, but I can't see a scratch and sniff magazine with sex smells.

nunzie: thanks, sweetie.

lisa: i just want to be the one to lick the glazing off of Orlando. I mean, that sounds so unprofessional.

rick: playgirl did not appeal to me, either. Has to have another hook, with a bit of cheesecake on the side.

TrappedInColorado said...

I just tested.. it makes it look larger! Now, to figure out a way to wear it like a cup without it bulging too much. Oh, wait! That was a serving bowl. Sorry. Never mind.

Peace

kathi said...

Count me in, I'll even take the pics for the magazine. I know, I'm extremely thoughtful and generous, but you know...if not me, then who?

cherish said...

Now that is a magazine I would buy!!! hehehe

While Kathi is taking the pictures may I hold the bowl :) grinzz

Liz said...

Let me know when your first issue hits the shelf. I'd take a glazed Orlando anyday.

messiah said...

sorry leesa, there's some of us out here who think "damn, that's a really nice car. too bad about what's on the hood."

but i understand your point.... beefcake it up for the ladies (or at least them that think men don't look funny with their clothes off).

oh, and yup, i've been told my brain ain't wired right for a guy. oh the tragedy of it all.

April said...

And just think how many more magazines they'd sell that way??!

I'd certainly buy one with some hot guy in it...;-)

Leesa said...

trapped: hope that serving bowl boosted your ego. Thanks for the comment.

cherish: thanks, sweetie.

liz: doesn't Orlando scream "glazing"; or was that the little voice in my head?

messiah: no appologies needed. I don't think I have ever thought, "darn, that's a really nice car." Just a form of transportation for me.

april: I liked your "Labels" post. I was thinking of writing a post on labels - since Joe made a comment on another blog (~deb's). And, nice tatoo - as long as you stay away from Joe.

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