Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Fundamentalist Wackos and Cum Stains

Okay, yesterday I posted twice, once on my site and once on Ddot's site. And I am sort of pooped from writing, partly because I re-read what I posted for my site and, truth be told, it was not very good. Plus I did not get many comments yesterday. A few more hits than normal, but that was probably because I was a guest blogger. I actually did not visit that many blogs yesterday because blogger seemed to be hiccupping.

Fundamentalist Wackos
So since I am already going to do a crappy post, I figure I would talk a little religion today. Not a lot of religion, but a little bit. I know some people who say that they literally read the Bible – they believe each and every work should be taken literally.

When I run into one of these fundamentalist wackos, I will ask one of the two following questions:

"Did you ever discover where Cain got his wife?"
"Have you ever looked lustfully at a woman?"

Okay, the first question usually gets them to stuttering. Sadly, I did not make this question up; it was asked to William Jennings Bryan at the Scopes Monkey Trial in 1925, and this fundamentalist could not answer the question.

The second question, when the inevitable answer is "yes" (I used the term "women" because most of these wackos are men), I ask them why they have not gouged their own eyes out, as the Beatitudes, one of the more quoted passages, says this about it:

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Matthew 5: 28-30

Personally, I like the word "gouged." It sounds so horrible and descriptive, and it tends to repulse fundamentalists. And I like repulsing them.

Have you ever noticed that museums seem to be full of the same sort of stuff wherever you go? I mean, you have pottery, stuffed animals, old bones, whatever. I mean, how much more traveled would museums be if there were wacky displays. I mean, if there was a museum with cum stains that looked like famous people, how many of us would want to see it and pick up some postcards?

I am not much of a sports fan, but here is what I don't get – we have all of these kids playing soccer in the US, mothers taking them to their games and all, and as a nation, we don't give a hoot about soccer or the World Cup.

On Empty
I am so tired this morning. I have no idea why this is, but it has zapped my will to write something witty. Even though this is one of those bad posts, I can't not post something because I post every day I am at work. Blogger has been horrible lately, so my guess is that some of you are just frustrated without being about to post when you want to or leave comments easily.


Grant said...

Admit it - I inspired you to post about the fundamentalist whackos. =)

Instead of the Cain question, I ask them to explain the dinosaur bones.

BTW, have you heard the whacko claim that black people are direct descendants from Cain? Some racist religionists claim the mark God put upon him was to turn him black, therefore all of his descendants bear the mark of evil and are, ipso facto, inferior. I don't remember reading that in my translation of the bible. It must be in the missing chapter about dinosaurs and Eskimos and Cain's wife.

Seriously, I've heard that claim before - even read about it in American literature from the 1800's.

Mike said...

Yeah...I've posted on the whackos lately myself...but yesterday I promised it would be my last time.


Blogger has been messed up for the last couple of weeks.

Mark said...

Oh, yes, the fundies... being a former catholic, now aetheist, but with a knowledge of the bible, I find it amazing how many people consider themselves good Christians, and then want to kill anyone that doesn't agree with them.

There is the Sex Museum in NYC. Did not have a chance to go there, but if any place is likely to have a cum stain that looks like Jesus, they ought to.

Since I work at a museum, I know exactly what you are saying. Come on over and I'll give you a behind the scenes look at our insects...

Prata said...

I thought fundamentalist and whacko together were rather redundant. I reader/complete nutcse. Isn't that the same thing? *blinkles*

J/ one throw a tantrum. However, I have a whacko to write about today. I will probably do it this evenin'..or this afternoon if I get some timage. Glee!

Video X said...

ah but some of us give a hoot about the world cup! of course i played soccer for the majority of my life (up until a couple years ago).

last time, the Columbus Crew stadium up this way held game watching parties at 2am (or whatever time the games were showing)...they got thousands of people despite the fact that it was the middle of the week. are right ...i don't think enough people care. i think it's gaining popularity, however being such a low scoring game...people will never gain interest as they do with football or basketball.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Blogger has been seriously sucking ass lately. Takes me FOREVER to leave a damn comment.

I've read the bible thru...twice. Just so I could maybe understand "life" a little better. I am not, however, an organized religious nutcase....mainly because I do not believe in organized religion.

It's all about money. Our pastor wanted us to tithe more and more and more...while he and his family went on ski trips to Colorado and vacations to Key West, The PK and I had to scrape and save just to make ends meet and pay our bills.

Screw that. That was the last time The PK and I attended a church.

And your museum comment made me laugh...if I so much as mention the word "museum", The PK's eardrums start to fry like a vampire spinkled with holy water....he hates 'em.

See? You can't not post either, can you!

Crap...apparently I have had WAAAAY too much caffeine this morning....sorry! :)

Ddot the King said...

I am definitely a religious person although I do believe that most of the Bible must be taken literal I also recognize that some things are based on principles and not actual laws. Like gouging out the eyes thing. That's not to be taken literally. As for Cain's wife it was his sister. I never understood why this was such a hard question to answer or why some religious people get flustered by it. It's really all quite simple. Can someone explain to me why it's supposed to be a tough question?

TrappedInColorado said...

Leesa, I laughed and laughed and laughed at your Museum paragraph. Not only because you voiced the same question I ask myself whenever I am in a museum but because or your suggestion for an exhibit.. the postcard statement made me spray snot out of my nose it was so funny!


Leesa said...

grant: I will admit it. When I think of fundamentalist whackos, I think of you. I actually think of you having a couple in your root cellar, but that's another story.

mike: I think your picture (or lack thereof) is the reason for blogger's downfall.

mark: as a practicing Catholic, I find it funny that so many people want to kill others. You know, the Catholic Church is against all killing.

prata: point well-taken, on the redundancy.

VX: But if US looses to Italy, will you still watch?

stacey: I like you on cafeine.

ddot: Cain married to his sister? I don't think William Jennings Bryan wanted to suggest that Cain was married to his own sister.

trapped: thanks. I love museum postcards.

Edtime Stories said...

As someone who spends a great deal of time discussing/studying the Bible I find the literalists tiresome. One of my teachers said the stories in the Bible are true, they just didn't happen that way. I think that is a good way to look at it. Look for the truth but understand it is allegory. A tradition that pre-dates the Israelites by a great deal.

As for museums, I love them. I have visited a few off-road ones that aren't all the same. But museums are collections of Natural History or Culture. Since in the Western world we share a lot of the same history it is not surprising that you see the same thing.

As for who Cain married the tradition teaches that he married a sister. that is not hard, what is how did people live so long. Over 900years? Or why are their two seperate stories of Noah?

~Deb said...

Ddot makes a great point...

Even to look at a woman with lust---to 'think' impure thoughts. MY GAWD I'm going to hell, aren't I?

~ Amanda X&O said...

Cum museum? I think I'd have to sit that one out. I do think there should be a museum that houses all the pictures that appear on potato chips though. That I'd pay good money for... lol

dasi said...

I hate people who believe the Bible should be taken 100% literally. But whatever. And really? There's some big soccer thing going on right now?? Who knew...

Edge said...

Hmm, I wrote about soccer today too from the same perspective. What a coincidence.


Georgiapeach said...

I have been on this blog since 9:00 am. Since your first comment. I read this post this morning and never closed this Sorry if you thought someone from Cbeyond, Alt.Ga was a stalker. It's just me and my lazy ass. Thanks for the comment on my blog Leesa. I was laughing to hard yesterday (and

minijonb said...

I've had World Cup Fever all month... and I'm not a fair weather fan. I'll cheer on the USA national team (and all other soccer teams I like) win or lose. I think there are more of us die-hard fans out there than you might think. It's just a media bias thing when sportscasters still think it's funny to bash on soccer fans.

Leesa said...

ed: looks like I could not stomach being married to a brother. Better than a father, though.

~deb: look on the bright side; hell may be a lot better with all of us there.

amanda: not an interactive cum museum.

dasi: I don't hate people that take the Bible literally. Lots else is more strange but may be true.

jef: thinking alike; wonderful.

GP: lazy ass? Yeah. I always thought that of you. Just kidding. You know I hunger over your ass.

minijonb: I don't know too much about the sport.

SuperMom said...

i used to be a conventional fundamentalist. right wing republican ordained pastor. member of the baptist gestapo.

i am now only a biblical fundamentalist, who holds to a dispensational view of prophecy and literal view of the word. but it is NOT my job to prove God right in the eyes of man, but to always be able and open to hang out with folks in their culture. i don't hold the keys to the Kingdom of God, but am more of a doorstop to help keep the gate open.

many of the "faithful" have ceased being salt and light to be good little fucking church-whores. it sickens me! i doubt that Jesus died so we could be better than everyone else.

all my ramblings to say, thanks leesa. i soooo love your honesty and desire to be you. it is good for my soul. plus you're kinda hott too! lol

...........hubby of supermom

kathi said...

I can't get over how you put such a great post together and then say you're so tired you can't write anything witty. On your worst day you still fascinate me with your style. I just love you.

mal said...

Fundamentalists? sheesh, idjits of the worst sort since they ignore points of objective reality. "Reality? don't need no stinkin' reality! Ahz got blind pre-con-septy-on's"

I think that is in musuems job descriptions? Although the current exhibit at the Science Museum of Minnesota is a bit bizarre

*L* I have been accused of being a "soccer mom" my daughters NEVER played soccer. Danced, Cross Country, Rugby etc but NO SOCCER

mal said...

BTW- do you think Monica Lewinskys dress will make it to the Smithsonian some day?

Leesa said...

supermom: baptist gestapo? Isn't that some sort of cold tomato soup?

kathi: thanks, sweetie.

mallory: Monica Lewinsky's dress is an important part of current American history.