Thursday, October 13, 2005

Superhero Lover

I sometimes think about bizarre things. Fanciful things. Stupid things. This is one of those days.

I was thinking about superheroes, and if they were real, which super hero would be the best to bed. Here is what I came up with:

Let's face it; Superman is the biggest stud among super heroes. If I were a damsel in distress, he is the one I would want to rescue me. Unless there was kryptonite around. [You would think that the other superheroes would gather up all of the kryptonite and let Superman do the heavy lifting.] But as a lover? P-lease. First off, I would want to be number one, and we all know he has a thing for Lois Lane. Secondly, I would be a little concerned he would crush me. Know what I mean? And I would not want to be Lois Lane (how can she not know Clark Kent and Superman are not the same person?).

Batman has a lot going for him – really. He is handsome, rich, and well-mannered. But let's face it, he is a bit of a wuss. I mean, fighting villains like the "Penguin", the "Joker" and the "Riddler." He is better than many superheroes, but I would pass.

Number one: I think he is gay. Number two: see number one.

The Thing
Not sure if I got the name right, but he is one of the Fantastic Four (I have not seen the recent movie; is it out yet?). The guy who looks like he is built from a rock. He has some things going for him as well – he has broad shoulders and a big chest. Dreamy. Plus I think he would always be "hard." Hey, we are talking lover, not husband here. But I would be limited to one position – me on top, always doing the work. No thanks. I like a little more variety than he could provide. Hey, I am one tough bitch when it comes to picking a superhero lover.

Elastic Man
This is an interesting pick. Women, I wonder what an elastic penis would feel like. He can change sizes – and I would guess quickly. But he just looks like a guy who would answer the phone with his elastic long arms while he was humping me. No thank you, you inconsiderate elastic prick.

Wonder Woman
I am not a lesbian, but if I were, I am not sure I could bag Wonder Woman. I am 5'2", and she is an Amazon. She would intimidate me. Plus her breasts look like you could use them as a hat rack.

Then there are the comic book characters from the 80's and onward. The X-men, Power Rangers and so forth. I don't know much about these characters, but it seems to me that they are always plural – and I am not sure I would want a bunch of superheroes having sex with me at the same time. Too confusing, potentially too painful, too weird.

My pick would be Aquaman. As I recall, he could be underwater for hours, doing his telepathic stuff – telling porpoises and sharks to "whale" on the bad guys (couldn't resist that pun). I would like a superhero to go down on me for hours at a time. Plus he could order up some seafood to jump into a pot of boiling water. Hey, fish eat each other all of the time – he has to know that. He shouldn't feel squeamish about making sure his main squeeze got her seafood.

Think before you comment
Okay, I admit it. I don't know too much about comic book characters. But before I get comments telling me why my blog entry does not make sense, take a minute and ask yourself, "Do I really want to be labeled as that much of a geek?" Remember, in Greece (the musical), there was a song about a "pussy wagon." No one with a comic book collection scored. It just is not natural.


The Lilac Thief said...

Wolverine - (x-men) is My pick. He has an edge...the bad boy. Things could get a little love/hate. sounds erotically adventurous!

Ddot the King said...

I like this idea...let me see..

First of all Wonder Woman is an Amazon and I love a nice thick amazon chick so she'd definitely be in the running but I think she has an invisible lasso and I'm not into getting whipped especially when i can't see it coming.

Storm from X-Men would be great if for no other reason she looks just like Halle Berry!!! But if I pissed her off she could hit me with a lightning bolt. I'll pass.

The Invisible Woman? Nope.
Batgirl? I think not.

I think I'll go with Catwoman. whether she looks like Michelle Pfeifer or Halle Berry she's just sexy! Also she's walks a thin line between good girl and bad girl which is always enticing! The leather outfit and the mask don't hurt either!

Great post as usual Leesa.

halo said...

Yep, you do think of some bizzare things. :) Great post, babes!

sjblogger said...

I've had it narrowed down to three...

The Invisible Woman would be unbelievable only because you wouldn't know what hit you, and surprises are nice.

Superwoman, if for no other reason than I'd love to get my world rocked while flying...

And my only fears with Catwoman are the scars from her unbelievably sharp nails... but getting groomed by a cat-like woman would be unbelievably orgasmic!

Leesa said...

LT: I had no idea who Wolverine was. So he is an X-man. I feel a bit older; thanks, babe.

ddot: I was half-thinking you might have said I left you off the list! Perhaps royalty does not equate to a hero.

muse: thanks.

sjblogger: I almost used the invisible woman as an example instead of wonder woman. But I was not sure of her name. And I completely forgot about cat woman.

I left some off because I thought others would like to comment (like you are doing)

Sid Smith said...

As a young lad I kind of fell head over heels in lust with a female comic book character called The Enchantress. She featured in some stories in Marvel's Thor series.

Dressed in green with long blonde hair she cast spells on the God of Thunder that bent him to her will. Blimey! I'd better not say any more for fear of getting a lump of nostalgia which at my age feels more like neuralgia these days.

Samantha said...

Hm. Good post, I must say! :-) You have the cutest ideas!

Okay, first thought was Cyclops (also an X-Men), but he always seemed REALLY intense in the cartoon (and too short in the movie).

I don't know about Aquaman. Something about him screams "homo-erotic".

Batman...he'd be my choice. Posh, smart, and when it came right down to it - he could pack a punch when he needed to (Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma'am!). Haha. That part in quotes started off as trying to copy the old-school Batman (with the "Pow!" stuff instead of showing the violence) and then it just morphed into the phrase. Sorry. :-)

Again, good topic!

Brea said...

I'd do Wolverine from X-men also - he's the first one that came to mind. Rawr!

Ddot the King said...

Oh my goodness Leesa how did I miss that?! You're right I am a Super Hero!!! LOL!!

Mark said...

Leesa -- as always you entertain me. I too, would pick catwoman. good/bad girl is always hot.
As for Superman -- you have to wonder if he'd knock you over with supersemen when he came. But then, he could also probably lick you at vibrator speed, which might cum in handy.

ken said...

good morning leesa....superheroes were never a draw for give me a female singer, and i melt.....especially in a band!
still smiling from your attention whore blog..and am i seeing yet another p word inclusion...we HAVE tarnished the sweet leesa....great warm blog today! iv been offline most of the week, cable probs home and work, but now am ready to meet the cyber world face first!

kathi said...

I'd go with The Punisher. Mmmmmmm, enough said.

Nigel Vossap said...

I absolutely love your take on the so-called "caped crusaders"... I also love Aquaman again because I am a devotee to the hit HBO series "Entourage". You already know how I feel about Supey and Plasticman. If you were a lesbian, ..... oh, I don't know you so I won't give you my Wonder Woman shpiel... Anyway, I want to thank you so much for visiting my blog, and I hope to see you again soon.

Thornbrier said...

Hmm, superheros/heroins:

Wonderwoman: Too stuck up and I'm not into bondage.

Catwoman: To neurotic and I'm not that much into cutting and leather.

Invisiblewoman: WOW, I would bang her (preferably with her alternating between visible and not). Too fickle for a long term though.

Batgirl: Eh, nothing special. Class her with all the other hot gymnasts.

Rogue: Too depressed for anything stable, her powers require no actual contact, so all the protections may ruin the mood.

Jubali (sp?): Nothing special. Never been especially attracted or repulsed.

Storm: Black women have to be rockin' to attract me, and she qualifies. Her personality on the other hand tends to leave me depressed. Can't abide a cloud hanging over my head (stupid joke).

Jean Grey: Rockin' body, red hear is always a plus, and PK powers area always fun (knows what I want to do before I have even figured out how to put it into words), and can likely do just about anything I can think of.

Now, as a picky bi, I will only list some of the guys that have attracted me.

Gambit: Nice thin build, accent, strangely romantic.

Cyclops: Thin strong build, but his personality bites.

Nightcrawler: Curt Wagner is my favorite. Thin build, strong, athletic look, super flexible, ability to climb walls and ceilings, fully prehensile tail with excellent dexterity (and a collapsible spade to boot), oh the tentacle fantasies. He is so submissive, and the self cutting is a little beyond my tastes, but oh well. His munkishness and odd looks are a massive turn on. Then he can teleport us both to the best locations for anything we want to try. Only downside is how dedicated to his Christian ideals he is, he would never be my lover. (GOD DAMN HIMSELF!!! He screws up so many of my plans.)