Friday, October 14, 2005

The Price of Sizzle

After several years of a wonderful marriage, I explored certain areas of my sexuality that went previously untapped. This exploration was done outside of marriage. How I long for days where I was less "experienced." I have crushed the man I love and diminished my feeling of wholesomeness and specialness. I am on the right track now, but I wish I did not take this detour. Some of my stories and experiences seem really spicy – they are, but at a price.

Earlier today, an elderly gentleman started talking with me. He is a janitor who I have said "Hello" to on occasion – works in my building – and I am relatively sure he has never seen my blog. He has white hair, served in WWII, and seems so gentle. But today he told me the story of how his wife straightened him out more than 50 years ago. The story is not important (okay, it is very important, but I will not paraphrase it here). His wife has been dead ten years, and he gave me a gift today. He opened up to me, told me that she set him straight, and they had 55 years of a "good marriage." That is what I want. Much more than any roll in the hay I have had.

I am irreverent; I really am. But I am also faithful. Now, at least. And I hope I am becoming trustworthy again.

9 comments:

Classy Diva said...

Thanks for sharing your story. Yours is one of hope, when it seems that almost every marriage ends in divorce these days.

Mark said...

I have been married for 27 years -- and though there have been the occasional dalliances, there is no doubt in my mind who the woman of my life truly is. Marriage IS a partnership. We each do different things around the house -- I cook, make all the meals, vacuum, and so on. My wife does the finances, catboxes, laundry and dishes. We share the other maintenance duties. As for sex... it is just like real life as we have our hot and passionate times, and our lazy, I just want an orgasm times. It varies. Nobody can sustain the level of lust that you have at the beginning of a relationship -- and people often think that when they can't then they don't love that person anymore. Maybe that's why so many marriages fail. Separate the love from the lust. That means I still lust after other women, -- I would not be normal if I didn't. I don't "love" them as I would my wife. Besides, I think the attraction to other women (not necessarily younger) keeps the fires burning, and certainly doesn't hurt my sex life.
Now, would I love a roll with Leesa? -- of course.

The Seeker said...

Interesting post. I'd like to hear how she set him straight. Also, did you take your experiences back into your marriage? Have you opened his eyes?

kathi said...

Forgiveness is given and trust is earned. I wish you the very best and hope that love erases all for you.
Hugs

Gentlehaze said...

Love your Blog! You bring many desires to the table .. this one truly is filled with hearty spices.

LoreliaGilmore said...

we have a lot in common Lessa.
A friend just told me it is important to decide if you are in a marriage for numbers so you can say...We have been married for 55 years when in truth 45 of those years have been miserable. Or are you in a marriage for happiness to be able to say...We were married for 10 years and they were great years.

Brea said...

Sounds like you are on the right track.

Leesa said...

spoiled diva: there is always hope (especially with counseling and pills). A joke - sort of.

mark: I understand your point-of-view. I can tell your blood runs hot.

seeker: I am thinking of posting the gentleman's story.

kathi: Thanks for your kind words. What I did scarred the relationship, but I think it will make it stronger. Sort of like a knot in a tree.

Gentlehaze: Thanks; first time I have seen your name that I can remember.

lorelia: Thanks for your sweet comments. When I read you, I get the sense we are kindred spirits.

brea: Thanks! Love your 32 flavors!

ken said...

hey..thought id move a few blogs down...finally had a bit of time today to write and post a few of my wandering encounters....if you care to read.
part of being a small business is i must work 17 hours (yesterday) o take today off, then 14-16 monday to regroup from today.....still...a day of sunshine and preparation for tonight and the party tomorrow....WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! your silly louisiana friend...