Monday, October 17, 2005

Spam, Horses and Evolution

Oh, how I hate spam. I really do.

I never open spam, but I do read the titles so I know to delete it right away. And, I do have some pretty good spam filters, so I only get it occasionally (never at my home address, almost never at work – though I have a chance to help someone launder money into the US and in return he will make me rich – and once per week in my web account (always get it on Monday).

And I think the spam I get is from the same source (always a different web server, probably spoofed). And the subject line always makes me uncomfortable. You see, it is from a site that has pictures of bestiality. When writing my super hero entry the other day, I thought of one super hero I did not include – Underdog. Well, I probably thought of a few, but I did not include him because, well, bestiality is just gross. Loreli mentioned people saying "ew" at her gay porn stuff, and I hope people think "ew" at this. And "ew", not ewe (ewe, promounced you, is a female sheep for those of you who did not major in animal husbandry)! I learned about animal husbandry from a line in Doc Hollywood.

Nancy Lee: There's something else I wanted to ask you. Do doctors know more about...sex than normal people?

Ben: I need...I need some ketchup.

Hank: I have a fair knowledge of animal husbandry. It's all pretty much the same thing.


Back to my bestiality spam – and, no, I will not forward it to your e-mail address.

Well, this time it had to do with horses. I actually heard about bestiality first in school (thanks, public education system – some don't talk about evolution, but they talk about bestiality.

Specifically, Catherine the Great. We were told in school that Catherine the Great liked horses. I mean, she really like them. But instead of her mounting the horse, the horse mounted her (get my drift, as I hit you over the head with this). Okay, before I get responses about how this is not true, well, I know, Catherine was not killed because the horse fell on her.

Not sure I want to add to this, but, what the heck, I can be irreverent. Male horses have huge equipment. Grossly huge. I have never been fascinated by huge penises anyway (oh, crap, occasionally, but not for a long-term relationship). I mean, if you really think about it, the clit is oh so small, and trying to stimulate it with a horse piece would be like killing a mosquito with a cannon! Ouch.

Back to the real message – so some schools don't teach Evolution but do teach something that didn't happen about C the Great and a horse. There is something rotten in Denmark – but for the love of Pete, don't mount it, take a picture of it and spam me!

12 comments:

kathi said...

I know there is a point in here somewhere, and I enjoy you so much that I didn't mind reading it 2 times to find it. LOL, you're just flat out funny. Love ya!

BTW, you mean that money laundering email is spam??? Crap, I've been waiting for it to hit my bank, guess checks are gonna bounce! LOL, kidding!

Ddot the King said...

I hadn't heard the story about C the Great but I kind of wish it were true.

I hate spam.

Mark said...

Leesa -- I stumbled into a porn site one time that showed women sucking horse dicks (shudders)...one of those times when I wished I didn't know that someone would actually do that.

I have seen a stallion masturbate -- he would sorta squat down and rub his penis between his front legs and in a few thrusts would shoot a cupful of horse semen across the barnyard. Not something to show on amazing pet tricks....

Leesa said...

kathi and ddot: you honor me with your comments.

mark: I wish I could wash those image out of my mind. The stallion masterbation comment gives "can't hit the broadside of a barn" statement a new meaning. Ew!

kathi said...

yup, I agree with leesa, Mark's put an image in my mind that is having me walk around in a constant state of "eewwwweeeee".

The Lilac Thief said...

dolphins = Prehensile penis. With this said unsurprisingly women dolphin trainers know their dolphins very well. Seriously, look it up.

Lisa said...

HA!!! That's horrid. Like, ew to the ewe sex.

Thanks for the link! I thought I should mention something, though...I am somewhat adult. More like R than XXX, though...just in case you have sensitive readers. :)

Video X said...

my spam is always for either canadian prescription drugs or "size matters" "enlarge your penis" stuff like that. i dont even have a penis so it's completely irrelevant.

ouch. that's what i think. and ew. yucko. i'm just hurting now. haha!

Mark said...

I hope by now you all have had a chance for that image to leave your mind like a bad song stuck in your head!
Instead, think of Mr. Ed. Wiiiilbur.... :-D

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