Phrases I Hate

There are certain words or phrases that really bug me.

"I wrote this to tell you I am alive."
When you start a letter or a blog and state that the reason is to tell you that you are alive, you are sort of stating the obvious. When I see a blog entry or letter from someone, I assume they are alive at the time of the letter. Makes sense?

Please, if you are dead and writing me, tell me that you are dead. That is so much more impressive. And it needs to be stated because it is generally assumed that one is alive when writing.

"Do you know how fast you were going?"
When a policeman says this, well, I learned from my defensive driving class, you don't say a think. The police officer wants you to admit to speeding. Me, before this class, thought it was some sort of contest.

Leesa: Sir, I was going 82.4 miles per hour. How close was I?

Wrong approach.

"I have nothing to say."
I have read many bloggers that blog about not being able to write. And I have done it as well. In fact, I am probably going to do it soon (hint). But you know, I think the reason people do it is that they feel compelled to write on some interval, and then they can't do it. I don't like the phrase, but I can understand the need for it. It is sort of like a long "hmmm" with many more words and punctuation.

"Did you watch _____ last night."
I don't hate this because I think television is evil. I like to be included in conversations, and when people are talking about television, unless they are talking "Wonder Years", "Happy Days" or "MASH", I am in over my head, completely left out because I don't watch television. I just feel inferior because I don't know who was kicked off American Idol last week, who is dancing with the stars, and who got laid or shot by one of the Desperate Housewives. And I don't like feeling inferior.

"Ooops. The condom broke."
Just joking. Never happened to me, but that would really suck.