Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Have you ever used a tuning fork? Me, I remember holding them in science class. Now, I can't remember the point of the tuning fork in school, but we had them in science class. You hold it and whack it on the table, and then it makes a sound. A tuning fork resonates at a specific constant pitch after whacking it, and I guess the pitch helps with tuning pianos and such. But I forget why we had these things in science class. I never got the dissecting frogs, either. Other than dissuading me from going to vet school. I don't want to touch another frog. Oh, and I ma allergic to formaldehyde (or so my science teacher believed).

Note to future high school science students: say you are allergic to formaldehyde if you don't want to touch frogs.

Getting back to the tuning fork. I have noticed that when I am in a funk, I am not in pitch with my life. Either I am not exercising, or I am not doing anything creative at work, or things are not going well with my family (mostly my sister). When I don't resonate, everything seems less real, less important, less happy.

We all need something that speaks to our soul, to the core of who we are. Some may make fun of certain Christians, but if they are living a centered life, they are pretty happy. And I am not talking about the ones who just bash gay people because of traumatic events in their own lives or that they did not get enough unconditional love, or whatever. I don't agree with much the Mormon Church says, but most of the one's I meet that give me free Bibles and ride bikes seem to be fairly chipper folks. And the Mormon Bibles can be used for lots of things.

For me, I had my hubbie cut out the middle of the Mormon Bible and then I glued the pages together. Now I have a neat hiding place. And it is in a Mormon Bible, something no thief will ever pick up. Okay, I did not do that to one of their Bibles. Just in case that is a bad thing. But in a funny, sacrilegious way, you have to chuckle about it.

Oh, I was making a profound point before all of this. See, some atheists may say, talking about religion makes you miss profound points. Yeah, but you really develop those calf muscles, peddling from neighborhood to neighborhood. You know those porno movies that had the pizza guy that gets lucky? Why don't they do it with someone peddling Bibles? They always come in the middle of the day, when all of the hard-up housewives are watching soaps. I mean, when I order pizza, it is the end of the day and I don't want to cook. I am rarely horny and want the delivery guy's pepperoni. Again, sacrilegious. Sorry, I know this is wrong, but I actually find humor in religion. Got me in trouble in CCD.

Focus, Leesa. Main point. What the heck was it? Something to do with tuning forks, or cute guys in science class. I know, do what resonates with you, so that when you are working on life's work, you are in tune with the world, with your own heart, and with the pizza guy. Er, perhaps I have been out-of-tune lately.

At least I did not cut up the Mormon Bibles. After all, it would ruin my Mormon Bible tower. Twelve books high, affectionately called, "The Tower of Babble." Er, I didn't mean that, especially if the Mormons are right.


LarryLilly said...

If I were the IRS commissioner, I would have staff audit EVERY Mormon member. I have known a fairly large number of Mormons, and their belief is that the IRS is Satan, and therefore cheating him is OK.

Well, that point may be a bit far off, but I know that in Mormon land, who gets to ride the bikes in lets say Beverly Hills, and who gets to ride in Watts or East LA, or Brazil, or some other poor and destitute nation?

The guy I worked with was sent to Brazil, where he lost about 25 pounds, from a giant tape worm he contracted down there and didnt find out about till his year was up.

Now, what did you put inside that cut open Mormon Bible? A jewel encrusted gold St Christopher medal?


OK, I will go to hell, but I know Hell doesnt exist. I mean, we live in it down here, like I am supposed to be scared of it when I die?

Leesa said...

larry: I was sort of kidding about the Mormon thing. Though, if you were "IRS Commissioner", I am fairly sure you would have already made a deal with the devil. Another joke, folks. Oh, and the Mormon Bible cut-up was a joke. I cut up certain fiction literature.

Bunny said...

OMG! Leesa!!!! I sooooo know what you are talking about with the whole "out of tune" thing. I have been trying to find a way to discribe what I'm feeling right now due to havning my "stuff" in storage - living on a boat - the house not being done. It's not really a funk because I'm not totally down - but I am diffinately "off" or "out of tune!" I gotta go blog about this. THANKS!

ps - I added you to my blog roll. :)

Bunny said...

For some reason I am now "bunny"




RWA said...

I agree wholeheartedly with the "in tune" thing. It does make life a lot more enjoyable.

You were on a roll in this one. Cutting up a Mormon Bible. No, that was a joke. A porno movie with Bible delivery guys. Cutting up "fiction literature."

Sacrilegious? Yes. But damn funny.

Pittchick said...

I, too am out of tune. Must be a theme around here. The Mormons are always nice when they come around. They all seem so young, though.

Ian Lidster said...

Can we form an 'out of tune' club? Can I join? I sense a profound empathy with what you are feeling. It's a drag.

Leesa said...

bunny: yeah, you just want others to touch your fluffy tail. That's it. Thanks for blog rolling me.

rwa: I think I was on a roll today. Wrote two more posts today (for future publishing).

pitt: the Mormons are always nice to me.

ian: I think I am in the process of getting re-tuned. But I have "struck a chord" today. Sorry for the pun.

Anonymous Boxer said...

"Re-tuning" (I like this term) is normal and healthy. To me, it signals growth. I hope you find your tone soon. Sounds like you're on the right path.

Leesa said...

boxer: I think I am on the path, actually.

Anonymous said...

Just a note of clarification, one of the Mormon Church's main teachings, as listed in their 13 "Articles of Faith" states that they believe in 'honoring, obeying, and sustaining the law."

They don't believe that the IRS is Satan and they almost all, overwhelmingly pay their fair share of taxes. Granted, they may get more deductions for having 6 kids, but the Catholics do the same thing.

Leesa, I'm glad you said that you didn't really cut up a book of scripture for a hiding place. That doesn't fit your character, and the Mormon missionaries have always been nice to me too.