Friday, May 25, 2007


Have you ever had an epiphany?1 Sure, I am extremely thoughtful most of the time. I ponder things, mull them over. I am not quick to judge. Most of the time, when I form an opinion, it is after a lot of thought. I am not saying I am right, but I am saying that it takes me a while for me to form an opinion. So because of this, I rarely have epiphanies.

A while back, I went to a party and had an epiphany. And it really though me for a loop.2

I went to a party recently, and I had an epiphany. This is not one of those things that it is comfortable to discuss, so those not wanting to read somebody bear ones soul should go to the next blog on their list.

I was having a charming time at the party – eating yummy hors d'Ĺ“uvre and such. There were these cute twins at the party, maybe five years old. And I was talking to their Dad and some other guy. We talked and talked, and then it hit me, "They were both their Dads."

I was completely taken aback. For those of you who have not read all of my posts, I am infertile. I have known this for a number of years, and so, I have had time to ponder things. Like how difficult adoption can be, for instance. And I have heard that homosexual men should not adopt children.

Thoughtfully, I reasoned that the best parents for children, adopted or otherwise, would be two adults, one male, one female. But after seeing these two well-adjusted kids, I thought to myself, "Perhaps I over thought this."

Perhaps I am full of crap.

Here I am, thinking I am so "open minded" and all, and after weighing all of what I considered the facts, I really thought two homosexual men were less able to care for a child than a heterosexual couple. Oh, and you know, I thought the same thing about a lesbian couple.

Yeah, there is Leesa, full of crap.

I thought, as some research alludes to, it is in the child's best interest to have one male and one female parent. Men are from Mars, women from Venus. Men and women are different (to spite the 70s mantra that I truly believed for so long), and because of this, obviously men and women can contribute differently to the live of a child.

Then I met these two wonderfully happy children. And I thought about love, about discipline, about . . . about being good parents. And then I got knocked off my horse.

Here I am, trying to be all open-minded, and in the back of my well-thought-out mind, I am completely dissing people because of their various private parts. Just because two people have penises does not mean they would make bad parents.

I mean, I sometimes feel hip because when I was a college co-ed, I spent one wonderful week being a girlfriend's lover. I was young, confused, and for a brief time, in love. I did not stop the relationship because of some verse in the Bible. I stopped it because I wanted something different in my life. Including children. Funny thing is that here I sit, sans children. Off the point.

Point being that two men (or two women) can be wonderful couples, wonderful parents. And until that dinner party, I had no idea because I was just looking at the situation with my head and not my heart. I think it is best to use the head, the heart and the soul on such matters, and in that dinner party, I did just that. All at once. Knocked me off my horse.

And you know, getting up off of the ground after being knocked off, I did not care that I was wrong for so long.

1I am not talking about the feast on the 6th of January associated with the visit of the three wise men to the infant Jesus; I am talking about a sudden revelation.

2Remember in the Bible when Saul was knocked off of his horse? Before he changed his name to Paul and wrote all of those books in the Bible. I guess talking mano a mano with God would do that. Or would it be mano a Dios?


LarryLilly said...

Changing an informed belief with a more thought out informed belief is called personnel growth.

Its also called being open minded.

And did that epiphany give you thoughts on what it might mean for you?

Successful life is adaption, boring life is doing it by the book, like who the hell wrote the book.

LarryLilly said...

Men can raise children just as well as couples, as long as their is love and nurturing in the household. Children that come from "coupled" families, where the parents stay married "for the children's sake", often have kids that feel marriage is F'd up. Constant battles or lack of nurturing can mess up a kid much worse than a single parent strapped for cash, love and time.

Anonymous Boxer said...

My Brother is Gay and has an amazing "husband". No children and no plans for children, but if they did they would be the ones who should be doing the work...because raising children is hard and when done right, it doesn't matter who did the raising.. as long they did it well.
Have a great weekend.

RWA said...

Sorry...I got distracted for a minute with the week in college as the girlfriend's lover part.


I don't doubt that two men would be good parents; I still think, as you did, that there are unique things a woman offers as a parent.

Out of curiosity, does your state recognize gay marriages? I'm curious how two men could legally both be parents otherwise.

QUASAR9 said...

Leesa many heterosexual couples and single mums are not fir parents or fit to be parents.

That one can have children does not make one a good parent

That one can adopt children does not make one a good parent.

Question: Why would you want to adopt children? I mean Why?

I am not questioning your Right or desire to - I am asking what is the real reason you would wish to adopt children - no frills
Just the plain 'reason' or truth.

Dwardisimo Rex said...

I love this. It's a wonderful thing to see someone grow, even if it's just a little bit. Nice.

Prata said...

Quasar9 you beat me to it. I hate you right now (not really).

Jeez, since I was in high school I always wondered what the big deal was about a gay couple (male or female) raising a child. It seemed to me to be a rather moot discussion. If people follow the thinking that gay couples shouldn't raise children well then neither should single parents. It's all the same line of thinking (non-thinking).

As far as unique things that a woman can offer a child. Like what exactly? The only true difference between two equally loving parents one male and one female is emotional expression and emotional understanding. Women and men aren't really any different with regards to raising children when all things are equal (time, cash, love). I speak from experience (although both of my parents were kind of screwed up, they didn't live together).

Yippeeskip said...

Nice epiphany. The American Pediatric Society and the American Psychiatric Association fully supports legislation that would make it possible for same sex couples to adopt and to marry because the most important thing in a child's life is love and stability.
It's nice to see someone grow and learn.

kathi said...

I don't think gender has anything to do with whether someone would be a good parent or not. I do think the perfect situation would be parents of different genders, with loving hearts and great teeth, but 'perfect' is seldom an option. :)

~Deb said...

Thank you. I appreciate the honesty that went into this post.

Leesa said...

larry: personal growth, then. That's what I did.

boxer: I agree; but in my heart, I did not know this until recently.

rwa: no, gay marriages are not recognized. But apparently single men can adopt.

quasar: yeah, sometimes unfit parents parent. That helps the psych industry greatly.

d rex: thanks.

prata: yeah, when I was writing this, I thought about single parents but did not really go there.

yippeeskip: interesting point. I would not have guessed it, but it makes sense.

kathi: I hope the great teeth is not to bite strangers. Just saying.

~deb: thanks, sweetie.

Warrior said...

actually it would be homo a dios, mano a mano is hand to hand not man to man :-)

darrellben said...

Great story!

I love moments like those, and I'm trying to do some writing on epiphany myself.