Potty Talk

Last weekend, hubbie and I were traveling in a nearby city, visiting a zoo. Not sure why we would want to visit a zoo in the middle of the summer heat when the kids were out of school. Well, maybe because zoos are built for children, and we want to be reminded how to act while at a zoo . . . . Incidentally, I did not pick up popcorn off of the ground and eat it, even though a 4-year-old reminded me that I perhaps should do it.

Anyway, the zoo is not the point of the post – the bathroom is. We went into the bathroom, and when I came out, hubbie was shaking his head. One more random thought – hubbie and I will enter bathrooms side-by-side and he always finishes first. Always. I consider myself a pretty fast pee-er (if that is a word), but he always finishes first. I have a suspicion that most men just enter the bathroom, whip out their thingies and pee randomly on the floor. That would explain sneaker squeaking so near men's rooms.

So hubbie is shaking his head, and I wonder why. And he tells me that when he was using the restroom, one guy violated an unwritten rule: he talked to my hubbie while both were using urinals. I always thought this was a rule because guys can't concentrate on two things at once – I actually still believe this is true and tell hubbie. He never thought about the why, but guessed it had to do with touching one's genitalia while carrying on a conversation. Okay, that makes more sense.

This week, I was using the restroom at work – inside my own stall, and all of a sudden, a woman starts talking to me. I hover over my seat instead of sitting on it, so I normally am concentrating on not touching the seat to my tush – and someone I don't know says something to me. The conversation is not important – but I remember the zoo conversation, and I am thinking to myself, "I want this kind of rule for Ladies Rooms as well."

Not that it would be bad to talk to someone you know when you enter the restroom together – you know, you are talking, you enter stalls next to each other and continue the conversation. I have done this and it does not feel weird. But a complete stranger – weird, unless it involves the quest for toilet paper. Who the heck doesn't, when examining the stall, does not look for available toilet paper? I mean, for me, I look for cleanliness first, toilet paper second (you can always borrow from the next stall if needed), signs of poop third (who doesn't flush a toilet?). Okay, TMI.

Back to my unwritten rule for Ladies Rooms: I don't want strange women (women who are strangers, not just strange women) talking to me in a stall – but I am also a bit uncomfortable about anyone starting a conversation with me in a stall if I did not see them go into their stall. More than once, a friend has said something after I entered my stall. Must have recognized me by my shoes.

At the mirror, I will talk to anyone. No big deal. But when I am on the potty – or really hovering over it – please don't talk to me. It's not that I can't multitask; I just don't want to. Perhaps I will associate peeing with talking, and you know, I make enough trips to the potty without having a conversation remind me that my bladder is small and full.