Evolution and Dating

Before I begin this, I want to acknowledge that none of this is based on "fact." So my apologies to Darwin. And for those of you who want to disprove evolution, please don't point to this blog entry. Now crawl back under your 4,000 year old rock and go back to sleep. I am not talking about lesbians tonguing in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

I have been reading about Grant's dating woes. I mean, he is wondering whether he should club this cute girl, take her back to his cave, and play naked Parcheesi. Okay, I am paraphrasing here, but you get the idea. Anyway, Grant sees through our "helpful hints" and intends on using his own council to woo said girl.

The conversation sort of goes like this:

Grant: I think the girl hates me. She is cute and funny but she avoids me at all costs.

Typical Response of Female Reader: You should so ask her out.

Well, Grant tends to think we are just setting him up for some catastrophe so that we will have something interesting to read about in his next blog entry, but let's face it, Grant makes working at BellSouth seem like fun. Why would we need the drama?

Women want to encourage men to ask out other women, partly because most women (myself included) would never dream of asking out a guy. So I think there is something that wants us to have men ask out women. Perhaps it is all of those Friday nights where we were not asked out, so we stayed home, or went over to a friend's house, talking about how dreamy Jimmy Dawson is. My life in high school.

You know, I would like to explain something to you. Please don't Google this, because you won't find it anywhere. Listen closely.

A long time ago, there were two types of "humanoids." One was the primitive Homo Sapiens. And the other is the Neandertals (Homo Neandertals . There have been many theories about these two closely related species – some saying that they intermarried (Neandertals are now hockey players), some say the Homo Sapiens beat the snot out of the Neandertals.

Here is what really happened. Neandertals were sort of like people of today, but their social structure had women asking men out. Yes, you heard it first here. I know that social structure is not imbedded in sandstone, but that's what happened. The women asked the men out – and, well, women are much more pickier than men. A man has bad breath, not asking the man out. A man earns one pig per month, not enough for most woman. Heck, I would want my Neandertals date to earn at least two pigs per month. A Neandertal girl has got to eat. So over time, with these picky Neandertal girls, there was not enough copulation to further the species.

Homo Sapien Men, however, will ask out lots of girls, playing the odds. They don't fear rejection, or if they fear rejection, at least the payoff offsets the fear. So why the Neandertals were dying out, the precursors of the modern man were "getting busy" because men asked out women.

I am glad I don't have to do the asking. I mean, it seems easier because you get to do the picking, but I am wondering about the rejection. It must hurt. And most women don't have to deal with that rejection. Not until he does not call.

Damn Homo Sapiens.