Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Under the Weather - Wink Wink

Got up late this morning. I hate getting up late – and I think my employer hates it as well.

Calling in Sick
Years ago, I would have called and faked an illness. My favorite "illness" was food poisoning or stomach virus. They are relatively short lived and don't need a note from the doctor. Okay, with the food poisoning – not real, sit on the potty for days food poisoning. I nice little "throw up in the morning" type. "It must have been something I ate."

But then I started thinking about integrity. Crapola. You know, this religion thing sometimes sucks big time. Sure, there is this nice afterlife and all – but right now, to pay the piper, I have to hall my butt to work. Side note: I don't think God keeps you out of heaven for "calling in sick." Can you imagine the surprise on people's faces if Saint Peter said that.

"Okay people, you, you and you. Get on the escalator to go down to hell. Ken Lay – nice to see you. You get a penthouse with a view of the lake. Sure, you screwed around on your wife, cooked the books and caused hundreds of thousands of people economic strain, but boy did you show up to work on time."

I think people would be incredulous. I mean, the Bible could be distilled down to, "Get thy ass into work unless you are really sick, limbs are falling off, or you really are going to the doctor's office." Then there could be parables of Job going to work each day, his family dying all around him, him loosing his sheep to disease, and everything, then you could have a story. And why, I ask you, is Job such an important book – perhaps God is teasing us about this work thing. Think about it. Lesbians of the world unite – show up to work on time and you can eat your lover to your hearts delight. And her delight as well.

Maybe when Moses went was coming down from Mount Sinai, he was looking at this little tablet with the words in Hebrew, "Thou shall not call in sick," he thought to himself, "Is this it. No way I want to be associated with this commandment. I think I will make up some better commandments."

Enough said for this. Although I am almost two-thirds through with my post and I have not gotten to today's subject.

Poor Office
So here I come in late, and instead of doing my job, I am blogging. I sort of feel sorry for my office. Until I get my biweekly paycheck. And then I hope those "son's of bitches" call in sick only once – and spend the afterlife with my in hell. And I will tease them for not doing worse stuff.

Oh. I forgot myself. As Dani would say, "Women: Don't eat thy neighbor's wife." That's one of the ten commandments, right? That and something about evolution being for stupid people. Here is what I don't get – evolution exists, you can see it over time. We have just given an observation a name. The theory behind it may or may not be correct, but we are talking about an observation. Paul got knocked off of a horse and started believing afterwards. Guess for some, they just climb back on that high horse.

Pardon me, I need to get something fattening to eat. I have skipped breakfast!


Mike said...

Well...if you're going to be late...placing some of the blame on Dani is definitely acceptable to me. I can easily equate her to food poisoning for some reason.

Heart Of Darkness said...

It's easy for me to fake sick, I'm completely lactose intollerant, and everybody knows it's hospital for me as soon as I so much sniff some milk.

But I do hate being late. I try to always come a bit early, just out of hate for being late. I'm strange that way (and not only).. :)

Cindy Barb said...

LOL, I got up late this morning and thought, "I will just call in and say my stomach is upset, something I ate." LOL. Then as I was sitting there, (of course become later than I already was), I got up - got dress - and was only 15 mintues late. The reason -- I know in the deepest part of my soul, I would get sick for one reason or another. Everything would go wrong while I was gone from the office and I wouldn't enjoy the day because of the worry. You are so right in your writings.

~Deb said...

Little heathen. ;)

mal said...

with all the "food poisoning" running around, are you sure you want to get munchies from the Weevil Wagon?

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Your writing is SOoooooo good.

LeperColony said...

I don't really want to get into a debate on evolution on someone's blog, especially as the reference seems secondary to the meaning of the post, so I'll just leave it with the following statement.

Evolution is not just the name we've given to an observation. It is that, but it also has predictive power in what we expect to find in the fossil and genetic records, and also in what we don't expect to find. It is the unifying theory of all the life sciences and also intimately tied to our understanding of geology.

The depth and breadth of evolution is really quite impressive, and scientifically it is as supported if not more so than the theory of gravity.

Heather said...

One in awhile, you just gotta say, "What the f*ck!"

Have a fabulous Humpday!

Leesa said...

mike: she is sort of like food poisioning? she leaves your butt aching?

heart: I think all women "hate being late" when it is unexpected.

cindy: thanks, sweetie.

~deb: yeah, me and my pitchfork!

mal: weavil wagon. Never heard of that before.

dr. ~deb: you are so sweet!

leper: I believe in evolution. It was a Dani Dig.

heather: once in a while, you have to say, "let's f*ck."