Addictions and Selfishness

Busy week. Looks like I am going to have a heck of a week this week.

You know, I wonder if the President says things like this.

"Well, Laura, I will be jetting off to the Middle East this week to curse into an open mike, eat some real good food, get some presents from foreign dignitaries, and play video games on Air Force One."

I guess busy weeks are relative things. I don't work 80 hours per week, and don't get paid as if I did. I have noticed that my last few posts have been sort of unfocussed, which bothers me. But you know what, I have been unfocussed.

I have actually written a lot of e-mails in the last couple of weeks. Which is unlike me. Lots of troubles among blogging friends, and this is new to me. Perhaps my eyes or more open than they were.

But here is my problem. I look at other people's problems through my eyes. And my experiences, viewpoint, whatever, has me assume certain things about people. And most of us do this – I understand. Were I an alcoholic, I would probably see someone coping with life, having things not go their way, and my first thought would be, "wonder if so-and-so has a drinking problem."

Someone more logical than I might look at my life and think to me, "I don't understand this Leesa chick. She makes no sense to me. How can she love her hubbie and sleep around on him?" Yeah, I get that.

So here I am, comfortably sitting in my chair this morning, wondering about the world. I wonder what we are all supposed to be doing, who are we supposed to be loving, who are we supposed to be helping.

I really believe that hubbie and I are supposed to help each other be better people. To me, that is very important in a marriage. But what happens when you hubbie beat the crap out of you? Outsiders can tell you to get the hell out of the house, but so many women stay. And to a lesser extent (what is it, about 10% of battered spouses), women beat the crap out of their hubbies, and the hubbies stay. I don't know all of the parameters of such a mess, but the spouse who is getting beat usually stays. Usually continues to get beat. This action is completely foreign to me because I am sitting comfortably in my office chair, never having experienced such a destructive relationship.

But some spouses do other destructive things – I fooled around on my hubbie. How about that for kicking the crap out of his manhood? I looked at pictures online. Another kick to his groin.

Now, he was better than I – he stayed with me because, I believe, he saw that I was changing. That it was painful to change, but I changed for him. Well, I really changed for me – because I wanted to be better than I was, but I also changed for him. Had I only wanted to change for him, the change probably would not have stuck.

That's the bad part of addition – you have to want to change for yourself, and that looks so selfish. Here you are, crapping on all those who love you, and you have to be selfish to change the pattern. Selfish in a different way. It is selfish to drink when you are an alcoholic, look at porn if you are a sex addict.

So I hope all of my friends of selfish spouses begin to see the light. I hope their spouses get help, but if they don't, don't think it is your fault. Don't place the blame where it doesn't belong. It might feel comfortable, but it doesn't make it right.