Okay, I think God has one heck of a sense of humor. I find humor everywhere. For instance, yesterday I said I try and spend 15 minutes to post one page-worth's of a blog, and that is true. So here I am after reading the comments from yesterday, and all I can think is, "Holy Cow, I have no idea of what to write on today. Why did I reveal my speed blogging, and now, one day after the revelation, I am not going to be able to do it." Crap, crap, crap.
I guess I could cut and past that last paragraph 7 times and be done with it, my total post taking two-and-a-half minutes. But then some of you might notice what I did. Crap. Crap. Crap.
I have been thinking about choices lately. Monica said something yesterday about being impressed about me going to a gym. Well, that is a choice I am making. I was sitting on my ass one day, eating bon-bons and watching Oprah talk about self-control, and I thought to myself, "I have to change the channel, darned it." Okay, I really did not do that.
But I was thinking about my weight, and ever since college, I had these five pounds permanently attached to my ass. Well, now I am about 12 pounds above college freshman weight, and I don't like it. I mean, I am not hugely overweight, but I have none of the excuses: (1) I had no baby, (2) I am in relatively good shape, and (3) I don't really eat bon-bons. Heck, I don't even know what they are. I assume they have lots of yummy chocolate, but that's all I know.
Anyway, I thought to myself, "If I loose 2 pounds per week – not a lot of weight – by Christmas, I will weigh as much as a toy poodle. Sorry, the fingers are flying and the brain needs to catch up. What I meant to type was that if I just loose a little weight each week, I will be at my ideal weight in no time at all. Now I have to avoid certain things – I want to eat out only once per week. That is cutting back from probably twice per week for dinner plus one lunch. I can do that. And drink my weight in water each day. Heck, walking to the bathroom should be all the exercise I would need. I can do that.
Growing up, I was sort of poor. Not hungry at night, but I walked everywhere. And it kept me in shape. Now I seem to drive everywhere, especially in the summer because Savannah is so darned hot in the summer. I am told that certain deserts are more arid and hot. Oh, I almost spelled "dessert". Now that would not be good for the waistline. Funny thing is that if calories started with the boobs and then the ass, I bet a lot of us would not mind being a few pounds overweight. Oh, that last comment concerned the ladies – I can't stand man-boobs. Talk about unsexy.
Fourteen minutes – note to self, "Insert some profound saying from Kierkegaard or Aristotle, one that is at least two lines." I always thought Kierkegaard was the father on "Eight is Enough." Guess I was wrong.
Ding – fifteen minutes. Forgot to mention that I started choosing to lose my weight – not because I would have a health heart and live a long time, imparting wisdom to underprivileged children in third world countries. No. I want to loose the weight so I can buy some new clothes. I love fitted dresses, and I just don't want this big ass sticking out. How shallow is that?
Friday, July 14, 2006
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3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
24 comments:
They do say that every ten years, women will gain ten lbs. Also keep in mind that if you are working out----muscle is heavier than weight. Don't go by the scale, go by the way your clothes fit. I'm sure you look absolutely beautiful.
By the way, can you pass the bon bons?
I'm trying to get back to my college weight as well, but then people tell me I was unhealthily thin back then. What to do, what to do...
Good luck. I enjoy going to the gym and working out, hopefully it's fun for you, too.
I didn't realize anyone actually lost weight for a reason other than ass reduction. So you're cool.
I've thought about trying to lose some weight, and I think that exercising would be easier (for me) than dieting. I just love food too much to try and cut back there.
Give it your best shot, and let us know how it works for you.
lmao!! This one made my head spin. I liked it, do it again. ;-)
5 lbs? Are you serious? Keep it chicka, woman are supposed to have curves.
~deb: I understand the muscle weight thing, but you know, I am getting this little pooch. That's what I want to get rid of mostly.
dna: actually, the gym is fun. Strange, because it wasn't in college.
kris: thanks!
amanda: I am controling portion sizes and exercising. I will let you know how it goes.
halo: thanks, sweetie. I felt out of breath on this post, actually. Just got it under the gun and I really did not want to write this morning.
Kudos to you! Writing when you don't want to write AND finding something to write about AND keeping it within your time AND page limit.
mark: what a compassionate soul!
tony: thanks.
"I always thought Kierkegaard was the father on "Eight is Enough."
That was the funniest thing I have read in a long time thanks.
Hey my doctor yelled at me to lose weight so I cut back on beer and pasta, eat more veggies and work out more often. 10 pounds in 4 weeks but I just heard that a belly is now sexy on a guy. Look at me getting in shape just when being in shape isn't sexy.
I was very skinny, very very skinny when young, a shirt and pants walking around. Now at 185 I still feel huge but people like it. ONly 10 more pounds to go to get to ideal weight I think we should see.
Kierkegaard, roflmao. oh yeah, i can just imagine the ass sticking out. sheesh. :) btw, i finally wrote something and thought you might like the story. come read it if you have the chance.
Remember, for quick weight loss you can always amputate something. :p
ed: You said, "That was the funniest thing I have read in a long time thanks." Thanks - every once in a while, I say something funny.
jd: so how often do you write something interesting? Just wondering.
shannon: you look terrific, shannon! I don't think you can take a bad picture!
grant: ... or divorce something. But I am not sure you can amputate an ass!
Leesa, obviously not enough, lol. ;) not like you, that's for sure. love your stories and posts.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bon_Bons
Bon Bons
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A Bon Bon (French: candy) is the brand name for a small ball of ice cream, roughly the size of a cherry, coated in chocolate. Sold in cardboard buckets, they have become rare today, but are still seen as a frequent snack of Peg Bundy on reruns of Married... with Children. Sometimes these are more like truffles, with some type of filling inside
link to images of bon bons
jd: thanks, sweetie.
cadbury: thanks for the definition. With 15 minutes, I was unable to use google to make me look smarter.
Wow, you have will power. Sounds like a good plan, I need to do it!
Have a great weekend.
"(1) I had no baby, (2) I am in relatively good shape, and (3) I don't really eat bon-bons."
Those same reasons apply to me too.
And I wouldn't mind the extra ten pounds hanging on my frame...if I could just transfer five pounds to each boob! I could live with that...and The Peanut King would LOVE it.
Trying to lose weight seems link an on-going thing for me. I have lost about 8lbs and then gained back three. I keep weighing to remind myself that I'm going in the wrong direction. I think 10lbs for every 10years is about what happend to me.
my pleasure hon. and i commented back on the previous post too. wouldn't want you to miss that. ;)
Weight is a funny thing...I weigh now what I weighed right before baby #1 was BORN (!) but just the other day , said baby (now almost 10) piped up with "Wow Mom, you look really skinny today." I was feeling pretty darn hot until I got on a scale (at the amusement park no less--but at least I won Emma a horse) and weighed in at 20 pounds more than I expected. On an accurate scale even (we weighed the kids too) I tossed off a cool "It's just a number" and since the guesser guessed 30 and 45 pounds lighter than my weight, I guess it really dosen't show that much...but still.
So----the question that beggs to be asked now is...are you gonna eat those bon-bons?
can I take you outside and bitch slap you around a bit? GRRRRRRRR *L*L*
I managed to put on 60 lbs in the years after the girls were born. Lots of reasons (grab a hanky), but the bottom line is it was unacceptable. I have taken 38 of them off and have 22 to go. It is a very slow process but I am not yo yo'ing.
What finally worked for me? Lots of small beaviour changes. It is consistent, 1.5-2 lbs per month
I don't understand women's issues with weight. I think it's all from women, themselves. Sure, men like to look at beer-poster girls, but they're just as proud to have a girlfriend or wife who has the classic hourglass shape, as they are to have a girl who resembles a broom-stick with big boobs.
I think it's just as true with fashion as it is with your body: it's not what you wear, it's how you wear it.
I used to date a girl who was...well....gianormous - if that's a word. But, I'd bang her just as hard as anyone else, because she was a fun person to be around - and I was proud to have her on my arm when we were in public. She "wore" what she had with style and ease.
lee ann: thanks, sweetie.
stacy: doesn't seem quite fair that we can't tell the fat cells were to take up residence.
moggy: it did not just happen to you. I think you were there as well.
jd: thanks for the tip.
monica: at the fair, I would have them guess my age, not my weight. I hope I look younger than I am. With the weight, if they guessed more, I would be mortified.
mal: sorry, sweetie, but I don't have any children. I would trade you figures for kids in a nano-second.
boris: I think it is a competative thing.
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