Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Freckle Envy

Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day in the company of a young professional doing accounting services for our office. Because I am the administrative person on staff, I am also the babysitter.

This woman had the most beautiful skin I have seen in quite some time. Well, at least I found it beautiful, and over the course of the morning, I started fantasizing about trading bodies with this woman. Really strange, but you see, I have always wanted freckles ever since reading Pippi Longstockings. You remember Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Efraim's Daughter Longstocking, don't you? I loved that little nine-year-old, and I wanted to be her. Well, this young woman, had chestnut brown hair and freckles lightly covered her face.

So here I am, showing her around, wondering if I really wanted to switch bodies with this woman. Now, I want the same brain, but I wanted her physical body – or at least I was thinking about it.

Now, her freckles are what drew me to think about making this trade. Her hair was also a nice color, and it had no grey in it. A bonus. But then I started evaluating other parts, first of her face, and then in other places. First, I thought about her eyes. I love my eyes. They are blue and bright and soooooooooo me. And she has brown eyes. Now, I have nothing against brown eyes, and hers were very pretty, but I really like my eyes. I know, Brown-Eyed Girl and all. Some men love brown eyes. But I have never thought of myself with different colored eyes – even with the whole "change your eye color" phase with contact lenses. I just did not get it, really.

She was younger than me, so I would assume her breasts were firmer – they should be. I just did not think it would be polite to tweak her breasts while I was making this decision in my mind. I can see myself called up to see the big boss, and he ask, "Why did you grab her breasts? You are not gay, are you?" And to answer that I was thinking about changing bodies with her, and I was "kicking the tires," so to speak. Lock me up, why don't you?

Then I looked at her butt, and you know, I really did not like the shape. Is that odd? Here I am, being a Stacy-the-Peanut-Queen, looking at her ass, and thinking, "I have a nicer caboose than her." Okay, I broke my 15-minute-rule just to link to Stacey, because it took me forever to find her article. You see, I typed in "ass" to her search engine to find the proper post, and it did not help one darned bit. You see, Stacey, has a thing for ass. I think all of her posts use the word. People are a pain in the ass, she looks as women's asses, she is working on her ass, the PK got a piece of …." Well, you get the picture. She is obsessed with ass. I should have searched the other way, reading all of her archives; it would have been faster.

Back to my donor body – if that is what it is called. I don't really like her ass. I caught myself before I asked her if her ass was due to genetics or cheeseburgers. And I almost asked.

She had nice legs – nicer than mine, but not as nice as musey's. I don't know how you can have a not-so-nice ass and nice legs, but this chick does.

So here I am, looking at this chick like purchasing a new car – I like this feature, I can live with this, and, er, I don't really like this, but does it make up for getting the freaking freckles. You know, perhaps I need to take up another hobby at work that is less impactful on my performance. Perhaps I should drink at work!


LeperColony said...

Women are harsh. It's nothing new, but it's a surprise everytime.

Edtime Stories said...

Interesting story dear. I understand the freckle thing. Pippi was great and of course I had an early crush on a Irish girl with red hair and freckles. Ahhhhhhhhh
Anyway I think it is a nice hobby but checking out women is not something I could get away with.

Jason said...

If I ever find myself defending against a sexual harassment complaint I'll have to remember this article. ;-)

When men size each other up the thinking is along the lines of "I think I could beat him up if I had to, his arms aren't big enough and I know I have hard feet."

Heart Of Darkness said...

Mum always had freckles, and hated them. I never had any, and always wanted. Just like dimples. Guess we always want what we can't have... :)

And Pippi... her full name, the original version, is Pippilotta Viktualia Rullgardina Krusmynta Efraimsdotter Långstrump. Just a fun thing to know. Astrid Lindgren, the writer, was refused by tons of publishers before actually selling a script. And now she's huge worldwide! That's the hope I'm hanging on to! :)

Tony said...

I Love the part about the boss and "kicking the tires". Love it.

While just about everyone "sizes up" everyone else, I don't think they necessarily want to trade bodies. I think in most cases it's a comparison issue, not necessarily a trading issue. I can't say I've ever looked at another guy and said "gee, I wish my ass looked like that." Or, "He's got nice eyes, but I like mine better."

And most women I hear seem to point out the flaws more so than to desire to trade, so this is a different look.

....but Leesa, if you traded, you just wouldn't be you.

Leesa said...

leper: I have no idea what prompted this response.

ed: I did not get a chance to re-read the story. I hope it sounded sweet.

jason: thanks, I think

heart: and I thought I was showing off. Guess you read the stories in Sweedish!

tony: I do compare myself: I think it is a competition thing.

~Deb said...

Ah...it's all about 'the grass looks greener' syndrome. Well at least you know you got some good parts you're not willing to trade in. THAT'S a bonus!

We do agree on one thing though---definitely start drinking at work! I'll make ya a nice martini or 5.

Shannon said...

You like freckles? lol..I have some I can donate...hehe...I don't have alot but I have some. I was told they were "Kisses from the sun", I never liked them tho.

You are too cute, very cute story. I think as women we are fine with ourselves until we see other women, then we start the famous comparing body parts syndrome..Just know you are beautiful just the way you are.

Grant said...

I've always thought brown eyes were common and boring, so I'll never understand why some women want them, other than I believe most women want whatever they don't have. A former coworker wore brown contact lenses - I saw her eyes without them and thought they were among the most beautiful I'd ever seen - like pale arctic ice (think Meg Foster).

Rick said...

Cute story. And if the two of you weren't so generally genteel, I'd swear you were calling out the Peanut Queen?

speckledpup said...

we've all done it.
and I would kill for firmer boobs.
I actually blogged about that today...
so if you don't snatch her body...can I?

Leesa said...

I've always had freckles, but I guess it comes with the red hair. I don't mind them now, but I hated them as a kid.
I see what you're saying though, sometimes you see them on someone and they stand out beautifully.

~ Amanda X&O said...


I love the way you think. I too have often had 'part envy'. For the most part I am happy with my body, but I often wish I had the abs of a coworker, and perhaps on occasion her legs because of how they look in a mini skirt. Then I think about how strong my legs are, and change my mind.

Christie said...

You were nominated for a RFS Blog Award! Go get the button and tell all your friends to vote for you!

Leesa said...

~deb: yeah, looks like my grass is okay!

shannon: thanks for the sweet comment!

grant: not sure your dentist has those color eyes though!

rick: yeah, I was calling out the PQ!

pup: I want her freckles, you can have her boobs!

leesa: you are a beauty! Most would kill for your eyes, skin, hair, smile!

amanda: nice way to look at things.

christy: was I awarded for most annoying bitch again? Oi!

Pittchick said...

I get freckles when I'm out in the sun too long and I can't stand them! I don't know if I could stand the scrutiny of my body that way, though- so I'll just stay far away from you! LOL.

halo said...

Woman pick other woman apart quicker then anything, its an evil thing, but so true. It seems when your attractive other woman just try their best to find something wrong with ya. Im guilty of it myself, sad, but true.

And thanks Babe, I wish I could take some credit for em, but its just how they came. ;-)

Leesa said...

dna: those who don't have freckles, love them, those who have them, don't. Not sure why.

halo: it is sad how we pick at one another!

Monica said...

I married my husband for his freckles. Now all of our kids have light sprinkles of them--the 2 fairer skinned ones have more, but the 2 who got my deeper skintone even have a few...really charming. I love to kiss freckles--- think it was the one on my husband's upper lip that got me hookes (or was it the one on his scrotum?--I can't remember...WOAH! Waaaaaay too much information.....ahh well.)

mal said...

bet she hates her freckles

Don said...

Hi, I was just passing by and came across your blog.

I see you've put a fair bit of effort into it. My own blog covers the subject of Color Contacts.

Drop by sometime.