Okay, yesterday Advizor made a comment on my blog and a post to match. His comment on my blog follows:
Leesa hit a real nerve with me this morning which is one of my main reasons for reading her blog first every day. My response got longer and longer and then I decided that it would be rude to take up so much space in just the comments section. But here are the first couple of paragraphs...
Leesa is asking for a balance of two personalities that most men can never live up to. Most women (OK - my wife) have so many unexpressed expectations that walking through the front door after work is like playing the lottery. Does she want me to listen, or give an answer? Does she want logic or emotion, strength or tenderness, discipline or playfulness (with our kids, you pervs... )?
I never know, NEVER KNOW, what she wants. I come into a home where she runs the house 12 hours a day while I'm at work, but that sense of control is never shared or relinquished. She sets down the rules on feeding the kids, bedtime schedules, how the dishes are done, and how the beds are made. She has a rule for everything, and then has the gall to complain that I don't act like a man and lead the house. Lead? I'm barely allowed to follow.
And as for sex, forget about "bend over and take this." If the planets aren't aligned just so, and "the Apprentice" is a rerun, and the dishes are done, and she's checked her e-mail, and if the phone doesn't ring, and her list is checked off, and if she's not "too tired" and if I haven't tripped on some emotional land mine that she left laying around the house, and if it's before 10:00, then maaaayyyyybe, just maybe we'll get it on, but nothing to aggressive, nothing "kinky", nothing new, nothing weird, just "come here and get it over with sex."
I've allowed myself to be completely neutered, and I'm miserable because of it.
I don't read other blog's comments, generally, so I wanted to place his comments so my readers, if with similar tendencies, would get an opportunity to read his comments.
In response to Advizor's message.
Advisor wonders what women want. We want you to be freaking mind readers. I have often thought, on some levels, it is easier to be a woman in the relationship than the man. And here is why.
What do men want: sex. That's it. They want money to get them more sex. They want power for the same. Once we don't give them enough sex, they buy toys. I have often thought if women gave their husbands sex more, there would be fewer bankruptcies, fewer divorces, fewer failed marriages. My hubbie does stuff he doesn't want to do because of sex. Does he want to go to dinner and a play with me? Usually not. But he knows if he does not do this every once in a while, he will have less sex.
What do women want: The hell if I know. And it is not all our fault. My hormones play havoc with my brain, and there will be times that I am bitching to my hubbie about something, and something completely different is bothering me. I'll bitch and bitch. And then hubbie is trying to solve the perceived problem, and all I really want is to bitch. Sometimes he listens – then he gets sex. Sometimes he doesn't – then we fight more and eventually have make-up sex. Okay. That makes no sense. But it is because of my freaking hormones.
Yeah, Advisor, I don't make much sense. And I want the sensitive man, the animal man, the man that can fix my garbage disposal. Yeah, I want all of it. And so far in my comments section, I have women that nod in agreement and Advisor who knows he is freakin' beat. Women are like casinos – you can't beat the house over time. And for this, we have to wear high heals, bear children and the like. For a short time, a man can be "winning." That's what a one-night stand is. Or catching me when I was fooling around. You won for a quickie during the day. Then you tried to win over time, and well, you can't beat the house. Don't even try because you will loose if it is all about sex.
Okay. Rant over. And, please men reading this. Please know that I am kidding.
I had a sex problem in my marriage at one point in time, and when you have a sex issue, 90% of the marital thought are about why we aren't doing it anymore. Well, 89% bitching about the lack of sex, 10% doing maintenance stuff like eating and cleaning the house and 1% of the time having sex. Not a particularly wonderful experience.
There was a movie a few years ago, What Women Want. Okay, it was pretend and all, but it begs the issue that Advisor is discussing. Me I can't solve the problem. I need chocolate. Or a hug. Or my hubbie pulling my hair and taking me roughly from behind.