Blogging is Like Anal Sex

The other day, without any provocation from anything I have written, Joe made the following statement: "Blogging is like anal sex. That analogy sprung to mind, but I have no idea how to tie it all together. Can you work on that for me?"

I will take this opportunity to see if I can convince you that blogging is like anal sex. Let's lube up and begin.

The reasons that blogging is like anal sex.

1. People just don't admit they do it. I mean, how many of us who blog once, twice, three times per week will even admit reading blogs, much less writing about them. When asked about it, one may say, "Blogging? I have heard about it, but I have never really thought to do it."

In the same vein, while some mentioning of sex can be seen in even polite company, I have never heard someone even jokingly talking about sex around the poppie hole.

2. It is just not natural. When I was in school, we had health. I learned that you ate food with your mouth, that your teeth start the digestive process, then down to a bunch of tubes, to the stomach, to a bunch of other tubes, and exits out the anus. I always laughed on the inside when I had to write "anus" on a health test. The point is, when I was in health, we talked about the anus being the exit for the food after the nutritious stuff was taken into the body. There was nothing said about it being a secondary entrance for a guy's penis. I always laughed on the inside when I had to write "penis" on the health test.

Blogging is not natural either. I mean, when you think of writers, you think about someone writing for a newspaper or magazine or, better yet, writing a book. I wonder if the people who wrote all of those various tests on Cosmo were laughing when they wrote them. Expressing yourself by writing is one thing; blogging is not natural.

3. It is just – so dirty. Blogging can be really dirty work. I mean, if you look at some of my own work and the work of others, some of what we write about is painful, dirty. I label this as cathartic, but others may see it more as dirty. Raw emotions can be dirty.

Anal sex is also dirty. And we all can guess why. 'Nuff said.

4. It is too hard to do every day. But if you don't do it very often, starting can be painful. Just read that last sentence again and again. It is too hard to do every day. Blogging, it is too hard . . . . Anal sex, it is too hard . . . . Do I really need to spell this out for you? Didn't think so.

Blog Following and Anal Sex

If you have not guessed, I have been a bit distracted lately. Not bad distracted, but distracted from everything blog-related. Actually, this has been an evolutionary process, and I have been more dispassionate the last year to eighteen months.

By dispassionate, I don't mean I don't care at all. I usually care so damn much about things that interest me. For instance, when I was first blogging, I would hit 20 or 30 blogs per day, making comments about half of them. Witty comments too. And not about panties or cum stains (hard to believe, I know), but about living with loss, hand regeneration, bio-nuclear engineering, and pop tart art. I fancied myself the Michelle Angelo of blogging (yeah, I know it's Michael, but there did not seem to be a bunch of well-rounded women in the Renaissance period (I mean, Bottochelli's female models were rounded, but not well-rounded).

Anyway, there is a sort of new feature called Blogger Following. The feature lets readers/viewers publicly subscribe to your blog and, if you want it, can add a "Follower" list to your blog so that people can see who follows your blog. It lets you know who is reading, and they don't miss a single sentence fragment. I don't know if I want to add a follower list – it looks cool, but sadly, I only have one follower. I mean, an army is a cool thing, but an army of one, well that seems to be fairly pathetic. Incidentally, that is also the US Army's current tag line. Oopsie.

The following is a clip from an HBO show called Lucky Louie. It is making its way around, and although I don't particularly like the subject, I was rolling on the floor laughing. Perhaps because I don't like the subject (anal sex). It's of an adult nature, so it is tasteful (unlike some of my posts).



I don't know why I am mixing these two very different subjects – just say my medication levels are off, perhaps. Oh, and I am not sure you should mix anything with anal sex – that has led many a person to the local emergency room. Remember, don't replace light bulbs while engaging in anal sex. It goes badly for those involved, but it does provide wonderful joke potential.

The first post after the election – deals with leaders and anal sex. Makes sense to me.

Election Day Advice

Today is Election Day. All over the country. And I have heard a lot about how it is our duty to vote. But you know, if you don't know how many Supreme Court justices we have in the US, if you don't understand something about the issues, and if you get your advice from bloggers, I don't want you voting.

You see, ill-informed votes dilute other people's votes. I mean, if you have given it some thought. Even if you looked at the candidates mascots and figured which would beat the other in an ultimate fighting match (Obama went to Columbia, the mascot is a lion; McCain graduated the United States Naval Academy, the mascot is a goat), I am betting on the lion making cabrito out of the goat. The point is that I want people to think before they vote. But not real random thoughts. I don’t want a voter saying, "Well that McCain supporter had nice tits. I think I will vote for McCain."

I want voters to come up with cogent arguments that make sense in your world view. I mean, I don't care if the methodology is bizarre – just that you have some rationale. Let's say you make your living on insider trading. Well, if you thought McCain would be tougher on adding people to police insider trading, vote for Obama. Or if you are a military contractor doing business in Iraq and am afraid Obama would get us out of Iraq (I find this a bit doubtful), then vote for McCain.

But if you have no clue who to vote for, don't practice drunken voting. Just don't vote. And if you want to lie about it, then you will have something in common with most candidates. I don't think a vote for Obama or McCain means the end to civilization as we know it. That was last election.

So if you don't want to vote for president, just pass. And if people want you to go to the voting booth with them (perhaps a candidate entices you with booze or a ride anywhere in the city), then vote. But just vote against all of the ballot initiatives. Most of them are just something about raising taxes (or bonds to build this or that). Sure, occasionally it will be on another issue, but since the initiative is poorly written anyway, you probably won't be able to figure out what it says. And we have survived all this time without the initiative, so what harm does it do for not passing it?

Me, I am going to see what soft drinks each prefers to make my choice. But have a system people. We don't need no more hanging chads.

---

My prediction (made on November 3, 2008): Obama will win 46 of 50 States. It will be an early night for those setting up camp on the couch with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and the remote.

Oh, and this just in. Someone sent it to me - so I don't have a real source - other than the wire itself.

LAND O' LAKES, Fla. (AP) - A nudist community on Florida's west coast wants to establish the first clothing-optional polling site. The Caliente Resorts, located in Pasco County north of Tampa, has approached election officials about the idea.

Nothing in state law would prohibit it, but the supervisor of elections says he is opposed to creating any new precincts before redistricting in 2010.

Gives another meaning to the term "hanging chads."

The Ten Commandments

Grant, an occasional reader and wonderful writer, wrote something on Halloween that was not satanic, overtly mocking, or had any pictures of hot Asian women in miniskirts. He wrote about religion. But not in a "why doesn't your Savior get a haircut" sort of way. More like in a way where several freshmen political science majors could plagiarize his blog, quoting him as "a senior white house official".

Grant's thesis, as follows: "Here in the Southeastern portion of the United States a lot of the Christian propaganda slingers make claims that our laws are based on the ten commandments." I have taken all of the wit out of the thesis, basically so I look clever and sexy, and Grant looks like an accountant with morals. Yeah, some accountants have morals. I have read about them. Okay, I haven't. But based on the number of accountants in the United States, there have to be some with morals.

Okay, I had to go back to Grant's site to cut and paste the Ten Commandments – and there was mention of a miniskirt in his blog. Well, at least I know it is him. [edited in: The bolded parts are from Grant's blog, and the rest is crap I made up and pawned off as fact. I added this after knot made a comment that made me think I was cutting and pasting all of Grant's blog from this point forward.]

The reason I took his 10 Commandments is because I don't know all ten of them. You see, I am Catholic. All I remember is not to have sex before married, or until the guy is really, really frustrated. Anyway, Grant gave very good reasons why most or all of these commandments have no relevance to our current government, and I thought it would be interesting if I tried the exact opposite approach, that the commandments are entrenched in our government.

#1: Do not have any other gods before me. The US Government can be thought of as a god. Our money has the words "In God We Trust" emblazoned on its money, but we are really talking about the US Government. If you have a peek at the government, it grows. When President Carter decided to make two new cabinet posts (the Department of Energy and Department of Education). These two departments have grown a lot over the years, and I don't know too many people who think we have a better energy plan or our education is any better since establishing these two departments. Clearly, the US Government thinks they are god, and the government knows best. So this commandment is clearly entrenched in the US Government.

#2: You shall not make or worship a false idol. You see, the government, according to the above, is the true idol. The government gets more power when you rely on it, when you take their handouts. And I am not faulting anyone from taking handouts. I mean, when I turn 65 or 72 or whenever I am eligible for Social Security, I will be filing my paperwork. But the Government doesn't want us to build our own businesses (why else would they tax them the way they do?), to form communities where we don't depend on Social Security (the Amish, for instance). No, our Government does not want us to worship other things.

#3: You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. Again, if the US Government is a god, then why do you think we enacted the Patriot Act? To catch bad guys? Right. How about having something where we can spy on our own? Oh, and as a bonus, we can imprison those who are against us. Bonus.

#4: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. The Sabbath is not necessarily Sunday. For our government, there are several of these days. We call them Federal holidays. Try mailing a letter or depositing money in a bank on those days. Even some public transportation is extremely scaled back.

#5: Honor your father and your mother. Okay, again, "father" and "mother" are actually the President and Vice President. Mom and Pops. Seems you can't burn these people in effigy. I remember in school that the founding fathers burned King George III in effigy. Hell, if W. had a son named George, think of the parallels. Oh, I am off on a tangent again. Anyway, the Government doesn't like free speech if it involves fire. Think flag burning, yelling fire in a building. I could go on and on. Hey, now that is a great title for a blog. Again, a tangent.

#6: You shall not kill. This rule is for individuals, not municipalities. I mean, who hasn't read an article about some rookie cop shooting a ten-year-old with a lime green squirt gun. Oh, and this is the law of the land, as long as you don't count Texas. In Texas, you can kill someone if they are on your property holding your television set. Apparently, a TV set is considered a deadly weapon. I gave an argument for this one, but admittedly, this is my weakest argument thus far.

#7: You shall not commit adultery. I think this means you can't say, "Government, fuck yourself." Say government, bomb, George Bush, and anthrax on the phone to someone. See how long until some ATF guy with a 'tude knocks down your door. It may not be illegal, but if they can put you in jail without you seeing a judge, er, I think that is a bit worse than something that is illegal. I mean, you still screwed.

#8: You shall not steal. You can't cheat on taxes. That is like stealing from god. Not cool, illegal, and how they nailed Capone.

#9: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Don't lie in court. Sort of like the above, except they nailed Martha Stewart (she really needed nailing, in more ways than one). They couldn't get her for those stupid doilies she makes on camera or the bitch she is, so they got her on lying.

#10: You shall not covet your neighbor's swag. I actually had to look this one up. I did not know what a swag was, but I am guessing it is a female stag. Bestiality is illegal, immoral and messy.

Okay, so I just argued the opposite of Grant. And I filled in all the blanks. Oh, and you know what is sort of funny, other than my one stalker (yeah, Grant, I have a stalker and you don't) and a few other people, the only people who will be reading this are freshmen political science majors and people surfing for Asian girls in miniskirts. And that's called limited freedom of speech, baby!

Nasty Comments

For those of you who read comments (I normally don't read other blog comments, so if you are like me, you may not be aware), I have had a nasty anonymous commenter lately.

I normally write for myself and really don't care where you are from (and don't snoop to see where people are from). Anyway, this gal pissed me off, mostly because she hides behind being anonymous. As Prata or Grant would suggest, posting anonymous comments are not really anonymous.

Well, Wednesday night (Oct 29 2008 7:38:05 pm), she posted another note. I don't know a lot about her, but I do know she probably is from Chester, New York. She uses Optimum Online (Cablevision Systems), perhaps uses Firefox for her browser (at work - oh, and her work computer is a PC running Windows XP). And I have her IP Address. And if that is not all, her initials are AF (yeah, I know the name, too, or the name she has used in the past on her work computer).

Sorry I can't have anonymous comments right now.

Presidential Infomercial

I remember when Infomercials first started out (I think). Anyway, there were three main television stations (ABC, CBS and NBC), one public television station, and one independent station. Well, the independent station, every once in a while, would air a 30 minute Infomercial. I am assuming they just did not have the cash to run "What's Happening" again. Remember, I live in the deep south, and people did not like the social commentary of "Good Times." I did not understand it, actually, at the time but I tripped on the differences in an English class in college. For some reason, college English has a lot to do about social commentary, sex and politics. Not just GPS – grammar, punctuation and spelling. Guess it was more about communicating ideas than the vehicles (sentences) in which the ideas are communicated.

Crap, I should remember that – it sounds pretty insightful. Note to self: spew this out at the next cocktail party I attend.

Anyway, I saw Obama's Infomercial last night. I had two thoughts when watching this: (1) Obama could make a killing being the voice-over for documentaries, he really could, and (2) Obama is presidential.

Both presidential candidates this time are presidential – people you wouldn't mind seeing in the oval office. I like that.

I have been on the fence for some time, and my biggest hurdle is not the candidates. It is the people who support them. I don't like either side, and until now, I thought I must be anti-social or something. I don't like the Republicans who are blogging about them (or their talk show hosts that talk about them), and I don't like the Democrats that are telling their part for Obama. I don't like either's supporters. If one side had fewer supporters, perhaps I would favor that side. Either that, or if one side had fewer assholes supporting them.

Now, I have friends on both sides that have tried to sway me – I am not talking about them. I am talking about what I here when driving to work, what I read in the Op-Ed part of the paper (the third most read part of most newspapers, behind the comics and sports).

I am ready for this to be over already so I can start believing in someone who was not like W. or Clinton. I didn't like Bush senior, but he did not annoy me the way the last 16 years have. And I would have been annoyed by Gore as well. Can't we just have someone that doesn't piss off 60% of Americans? Is that too much to ask?

Loved the Infomercial. And I felt that I could just pick up my cell phone and text in my vote for president. Wait, that was another show, right? Made me want to own a Ginsu knife though. Not sure why.

Financial Bailout

Over the last day or so, we have heard a lot about how some banks will use their bailout money. Some reports are that the banks are going to some of it on bonuses. Oh, they say, the bonuses are a significant part of one's salary, and it should be around what they earned last year.

So we have an industry where a bunch of people screwed up, and we want to ensure they are rewarded to the extent they were rewarded the previous year? Doesn't seem to make sense to me.

Can you imagine this in other areas of the world.

Drunk Drivers
Judge: Okay, Mr. Drunk Driver, the state has arrested you for drunk driving. We do not want drunk drivers on the road.

Drunk Driver: Do you are going to lock me up, huh?

Judge: Well, you smashed up your car pretty good when you ran that school bus off the road. We thought we would give you some money so you can buy another car?

Gambler
Casino Boss: Well, Mr. Gambler, you lost lots of money at our casino this week. Looking at your credit at our casino, you seem to be tapped out.

Gambler: Guess you will comp my room tonight and send me on my way.

Casino Boss: Not exactly. We are part of a government program to extend more credit to you. In fact, we don't want your losses to hurt you in any way, so we are also going to comp you some meals, theater tickets, and, what the heck, a prostitute.

Gambler: Thanks. I learned my lesson.

---

We are teaching industry that when they screw up, we will pick them up, dust them off, and give them what they need to fail again. We have always had the government lining the pockets of the rich since the barons of the nineteenth century. It just was not that obvious until now.

Limiting One's Choices

There is a photographer I absolutely love in Flickr. Well two, but this one (named AustinTX) took the picture to the right of my words. I love this picture. And not for the reasons that others may like this picture.
Yeah, she is a beautiful young woman, completely nude – but tastefully so – and she is looking at pictures on the bed. Well, I am not sure that's what she is looking at, but that's what the image suggests. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I did not take any naughty pictures. I mean, there is one picture of me, but it was not a "photo shoot." And now I don't have my twenty-year-old bod anymore. So I really can't ever do nudie pics that show me in my twenties.

If I had to do it all over again, would I want some naughty pics of me? Maybe. Maybe.

Getting to Know Your Cyber-Lover

Like many thirty-something women, on rare occasion, I chat with guys. You can go any of a number of public chat rooms and find people who want nothing more than to discuss sex. Sometimes these discussions concern previous experiences – which is nice because it is a way of reminding yourself of previous liaisons, and sometimes the guy wants to masturbate, and your words and attentions help him do that.

But when you meet such a man online, you really don't know much about him. You can't really trust what he says about his age, location or marital status, or even his real likes and dislikes. You can chat and talk and sometimes get a better idea, but you really don't know for sure.

Okay, so let's say I had a friend, let's call him Push77. Turns out he is a bit older than me, graduating college in 1977, and he loves to push his cock inside of women. That's how he got his name.

Anyway, after one cybersex session, we were chatting about this and that, and I asked him which video sides he thought were good. He turned me onto a site I had not ever seen – fantasti.cc. If is definitely not work friendly. But neither were our chats.

Anyway, afterwards, I trek on over to the site. You have to sign up, which is a major pain in the ass, but I do anyway. Turns out the site links to lots of other sites – it uses frames so you can see many other sites without having to leave their site. Sort of cheating, but if you can search for good porn, why not?

After looking at the site for just a little while, I get bored and leave.

A couple of weeks later, I get a note from the site, saying that I have a new "friend", Push77. Well, I log onto the site, wondering what a new friend means to a site that just serves up porn. Well, turns out that you can "save" porn that you like to view later. Not that I knew that, but I investigate it. Turns out, since Push77 is now a friend, I can see his taste in porn. I am psyched, because I want to see if he views what we chat about.

I log onto the site, and one of his favorites is "Amazing Girl Fucking Fantastic (22:11)". It starts out with this 20-year-old hottie, small boobs, shoulder-length light brunette hair, long eyelashes. Oh, and it is from megarotic (remember the site does not have its own videos). She is a cutie, but I would get bored very easily if she is just looking at herself in the closet door mirror.

Enter skanky guy. At first I don't know it is skanky guy. All I see is a huge penis, thick and long. And then my focus is really taken away. I mean, she licks him, takes him deep inside her mouth and all I see is his fantastic manhood. It is not for a minute or two when he starts fingering her and she says something about "my little pussy," that I remember there is a girl in the video.

But really, for me, the action is still on him. I mean, she is there, bending over, accepting his penis deep inside of her, but her gaping labial lips seem like just the right place for his cock to be. Their juices flow, and my heart begins beating faster. I love that Push77 has picked a video that he can enjoy that seems to give me pleasure as well. The only thing that detracts slightly is that she spits on his penis several times. And I wonder when I do the same, do I seem less ladylike.

The girl swallows the cum expertly and smiles. Video over.

After watching it, I go back to see what over videos Push77 has selected. I start to feel that he really has not lied, that our sessions are similar to the video I have just seen. Then I see his short bio. Apparently he is gay. Not bisexual on the bio page but gay. Still a great cyber lover, but gay. Guess I did not see that one coming.

Political Decisions

I am completely beside myself. I have to decide by November 4 on who I should vote for. If you think about it, ruminating over this decision is fairly inefficient. There will be more than 120 million people deciding on who the next president should be. And a bunch of people are figuring out for themselves who to vote for. If half are not decided (not voting in step with their party affiliation), that is 60 million people who were trying to figure this thing out.

Anyway, I have got an idea. I started keeping a list of drivers – some with Obama bumper stickers, some with McCain bumper stickers – and what they have done to piss me off. I am not normally a half-empty person, but I don't notice cars unless there is something unusual they have done, and most of the unusual seems to be bad.

For instance:

McCain Lexus ES330. Was stopped on a red light. Blinker indicating the car wanted to turn right. No other traffic. Owner on cell phone and did not turn until the light was green. McCain 0 Obama 1

Obama Toyota Celica. Driving on the highway and the car passes me on the right. Nearly clips the side of my car, and I was traveling 8 miles above the speed limit. McCain 1 Obama 1

Obama Ford Truck. Turning left on a red light. The arrow changed to green and the owner makes the turn right before the light changes to yellow. Lots of cars had to wait because owner was not paying attention, and not even on the phone. McCain 2 Obama 1

McCain Saturn sedan. Owner picking nose at stop light. Gross. McCain 2 Obama 2

McCain Ford Focus. Owner listening to loud Christian music at stop light. Not sure one should blast Bethany Dillon ever. McCain 2 Obama 3

Anyway, you get the idea. I am not sure where this will lead me, but I will at least be as informed as those who listen to political commercials. It is hard to believe that some people don't understand that political commercials are really advertisements. I mean, if you are not going to trust George Foreman when you buy your next hibachi, why trust political ads to make your decision for you.

On Writing

It's almost here: National Novel Writing Month. I have thought about doing this year after year. Last year, I started it – but I fizzled out fast. I did about 6,000 words over four days. And I did not do a darn thing for the rest of the month. I trashed the words – I did not like where the plot was going, and I was sort of frustrated as well. So I trashed it. It felt good, actually.

Kerry McFee, NaNo-Overachiever, wrote a piece about how she wrote so many words last year. Sort of funny, but not sure I just want to write words. Still, she wrote a whole lot last year. Pretty impressive.

I have read that writers write because a bunch of woman will sleep with you if you publish a book. When I was younger, I may have been in that screaming throng, eager to shed my panties for a playwright or a poet. I don't know what it is about men who can write. But that's not what I am writing about today.

I find myself on the edge of November once again, and I desperately want to write, but I am not sure how to begin. I know, I know. You begin by diving in, writing word after delectable word. But I don't even know what genre I want to write in. I mean, because it is a novel, that would eliminate all the books on buckeyballs and nanotechnology. Okay, I will admit it, I know nothing about them, but they sound darned impressive. Nearly damned impressive. And I will not write a cookbook. Or a travel book.

Everyone's mind leaps to erotica. And you know, I have the stored knowledge and experience to write a nice tale. But when I write about erotica, I tend to want to masturbate A LOT, and I am not sure I would have the energy to write 50,000 words about erotica and masturbate nearly continuously in order to find my muse.

Doctor: "This is a highly unusual case. Notice the vaginal tearings, the engorged clitoris, and the carpel tunnel syndrome from typing. Frankly, I have no idea how she got into this condition. Very strange."

Nurse: "You can stop examining her, doctor."

I just don't want to visit the ER for such a reason. Yikes.

And I am not thrilled about writing a children's book. I know, I know, JK Rawlins may be the highest paid author ever – going from living in her car with her kids to a nest egg that is over one billion dollars – but that only happens to one author (and it already happened to her).

I don't want to write about vampires – I find them too creepy – or romance novels – too trite. And the more I write here, the more I have a "don't list" instead of a "do" list. Perhaps writing turns me into a negative person. I write about what not to say to someone who has lost of loved one instead of what to say. How not to fuck 40 of your co-workers instead of how to fuck 40 of your co-workers. How not to contract an STD in a public restroom instead . . . you get the idea.

This year I am going to write about how to ring 50,000 words from my brain in the month of November instead of worrying about not being able to do it. One word at a time.

Voting Strategy

Okay, there is a bit of an election in early November, and I figured that I would let you know who to vote for. I am not going to give you a name, but a strategy in which to choose a president.

First, I want you to think back to past elections. You have to have selective amnesia, of sorts, and remember who you voted for and why. Then, if they were elected, how did they perform in the office. Then think of people you thought were bozos pre-election, and then how they performed. Then you look to see how your pre-election thoughts panned out. Obviously, your pre-election thoughts may be different than my pre-election thoughts, and that is okay. I am not telling you that you are right or I am right. Just look at your pre-election thoughts and then what happened while the president was in office. Were they congruent? Did your predictions pan out?

Here are two examples I have:

President Reagan
I was not of voting age when Carter and Reagan were campaigning for president in 1980. But I remember the election and remember what I thought. I remember thinking that even though Carter was not really doing a super job as president, mostly due to things beyond his control, I thought that electing a B-list actor from California did not seem like a smooth move. Plus he was governor of California. I am living in Georgia – and people from California were considered nuts at the time. My reaction to Reagan was really unflattering, and I think his presidency, even though I did not agree with everything, was very positive.

Summary:
pre-election view of Reagan: he sucked
post-election view of Reagan: how wrong could I be?

President Clinton
I could vote for President Clinton when he was first elected. I was not focused on the election, but it seems that he seemed to have come out of nowhere. I thought, this man rocks. He is not like other politicians. Not like Bush at all. I was not a Bush supporter, and I thought about voting for Clinton. I actually voted for Ross Perot – because I wanted to give those in office cause for worry about third party candidates. But when Clinton was elected, I was pleased. Since I was – and to a great extent, still am – an idealist, when I learned of Travelgate (the White House travel office controversy), Whitewater (the Susan McDougal land deal controversy), the FBI file controversy, and the circumstances surrounding Vince Foster's death (just felt fishy). And that has nothing to do with Clinton's apparent liaisons with women (when Arkansas governor, a couple of troopers had a bit to say about this), Gennifer Flowers, Monica and her blue dress, and I may have missed some. I remember reading portions of the Starr report – an interesting read.

Summary:
pre-election view of Clinton: very favorable
post-election view of Reagan: how wrong could I be?

Bottom line is that I am not really good at picking the president. I should really just do the opposite of what I want to do. Who knows, you may be better at discerning who would make a good president based on pre-election thoughts.
It is easier to pick the trifecta after you know the results of the race, but then it is too late to bet. I, am a voter, sort of suck at picking a good representative. Is that because my choosing skills suck or because the whole process is hosed? Sometime to think about.

In Love with Eli Stone

Last year, I fell in love with Eli Stone. And I don't mean Jonny Lee Miller, the man who plays Eli Stone. I am talking about the television show. Okay, I like www.ibdb.com. It makes me sound so much more with-it when talking about pop culture. The premier of Eli Stone is Tuesday, October 14, on prime time.

I guess I like the story because it is about redemption. You have some lawyer who may have not made the best decisions in his life. Then, he has an epiphany. Or a brain aneurism. Or something.

I like stories about redemption, perhaps because I want very much so to be redeemed. And willpower is a bit more courageous than keeping a dime between one's knees. Don’t believe me – give it a try.

I sometimes feel that God is communicating to all of us – perhaps not through cataclysmic visions (one of Stone's visions was of an earthquake). That would be too easy. I think we are all trying to find our way in the world, and I think it would be sort of humorous if God was guiding us through, but most of us were not in tune to hear what He was telling us.

Reminds me of an Abba song: Cassandra. Okay, the song is actually a re-telling of the Greek tale. Here is the "Leesa version" of the story. Cassandra hooked up with Apollo. Apollo is the god of light and sun. From the statues I remember when I was in high school, he had a little penis but a large scrotum. I figure he really knew how to use his junk, though, because he had lots of lovers. Cassandra must have been a good lay because Apollo gave her the gift of seeing (or hearing, depending on the story) the future. Well, Cassandra did not return Apollo's love, so then Apollo placed a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her predictions.

Things went downhill after that. She predicted the Trojan War; no one believed her. Her parents locked her up because apparently she was a raving lunatic. She was raped (by "Locrian" Ajax) and taken as a concubine (by King Agamemnon of Mycenae). Moral of the story: don't screw around with the gods.

So I have gone from a television show, to my religious views, to the Greek stories. No answers. Just God trying to talk to us and most of us (me included) having ear buds blocking our ears. Sorry, God.

A MILF By Any Other Name

The other day, I was watching some television shows online, and there was a commercial about the "Gilmore Girls." I did not know that Lauren Graham being a MILF was why some men enjoyed the show. Actually, I don't know of a single man who ever commented on the show. But to have a commercial, even online, that highlights the fact that the show is "MILF and Cookies."

Okay, I have heard the term MILF. And when I looked at the Urban Dictionary, there is an entry for "MILF and Cookies." But I think the definition was made up. I mean, is this a MILF that is sweet? Or fattening? The definition is not so entertaining.

Then we fast forward to Sarah Palin. Yeah, you know the one.



I am neither Democrat nor Republican, but I have heard not one but two Republican pundits mention that they'd like to . . . . Well, I mean, if you are part of a party that is prudish, it seems silly to shout for joy that your VP candidate is more f***able than the other party's candidate.

When I was young, I remember hearing something in the news about Jimmy Carter. Mr. President said that "he had lust in his heart for some Playboy Playmate." All you have to do is google Jimmy Carter and Playmate and you get Patti McGuire's name. Jimmy Carter is still a bit of a legend in my state. Mr. President was an honorable man. He did say something about lusting for a playmate. Okay, we had a president with a libido. Again, understandable.

I never understood the moment that MILF became a household word – a line we crossed as a society. I saw a sit-com last year, and they used the word, "cameltoe." Really. It is official; the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Enjoy the ride.

Rich Bitch and Bubble Baths

News flash. I am not rich. I have not even whiffed real money. Big money. So when someone like me thinks of an expensive watch, my mind drifts to Rolex. I don't think of Roger Dubois (their new men's watch, the Excalibur, retails for $657,150. The one thing I don't get – if you are spending over $650K for a watch, why tack on the $150 on the end of the watch? Really, like someone is going to say, "You know, I was looking for something under $657,120. Makes no sense to me. Oh, and if I was watch shopping for hubbie and saw this watch along side a decent Timex, I would have purchased the Timex (even if I did not know one watch cost more than a house more than the other watch).

Similarly, I don't know good threads. Oh, and I am talking about bedsheets. Apparently Hästens is a fine brand that I have not heard of. I mean, I would get my sheets from JC Penneys. They hold up in hot water when you are getting cum stains out. I mean, isn't that important? Either right people don't cum, or they throw the damn sheets out. Again, a foreign concept.

For me, I can remember a few airlines. Southwest is my favorite. I am not looking for an outfit like Netjets (they are one of the large charter jet services; not sure if they have frequent flier mile program). Flexjet is another carrier.

When I look for a deal, I look to Wal-Mart. Actually, truth-be-known, I prefer Target (pronounced Tarczey for a classier sound). I don't fly to wherever and attend a Sotheby's auction.

I mention this because every once in a while, I read a magazine called Worth. I make a warm bubble bath and read it from cover to cover. I don't dream of being rich, but while reading this $6 magazine, I sometimes wonder how the other 1% lives.

Receptionist Sandy

I wanted to relay a conversation I had the other day with a receptionist. Okay, I am going to exaggerate the phone conversation a little bit, but only a very little bit. It was nearly this bizarre. I called a friend of mine, and I wanted her to call me back. All I was looking for was the receptionist to get my name and phone number. That's it. Over the years, I have learned that just getting those two pieces of information correct can be considered a minor miracle. Anyway, here is the conversation, as I remember it:

Receptionist/Sandy: Good morning, ABC Incorporated. Sandy speaking. How may I delight you today?

Leesa: I would like to speak with Barbara. Is she available?

Sandy: I am sorry. Barbara is on another line. Can I take a message?

Leesa: Actually, can you forward me to her voice mail?

Sandy: I am sorry. We no longer have voicemail at ABC Incorporated. Your phone calls are important to us, and we want to give them personalized attention. May I take a message, Leesa?

Leesa: Sure. Please have her call Leesa at 912-555-1212.

Sandy: I am going to read the message to ensure I have this correct.

What Leesa is thinking: Sandy is delightful. She took time to tell me in a delightful way that the company no long has voicemail. She also got my name right and wants to ensure she got the message right. So far, I love this (other than the fact I can't go directly to voicemail, something which should be a God-given right. Or at least something we should expect in the United States.

Sandy pauses, and then the following ensues.

Sandy: "Leesa, a disgruntled customer, is calling to speak with Barbara X. She needs immediate attention and satisfaction and can be reached at 512-555-1212." How is that, Leesa?

Leesa: Sandy, I am not disgruntled. I am not upset. I just want Barbara to give me a call.

Sandy: Oh. I thought since you called, you were disgruntled. Most people who call this office need us to fix something, so I wanted to add something to give your message special attention.

Leesa: Oh, and you got my area code wrong as well.

Sandy: Well, excuse me. I am trying to give your message attention, and I have already written it down on my note pad. Tell you what I am going to do. (I hear the tearing of paper in the background.) I am going to leave three messages from you to Barbara. That way she will call you back.

Leesa: One message is sufficient. But please correct the area code. It is 912, not 512.

Sandy: Well, Leesa, our work is monitored, and because I want to delight you, I have spent more time than I normally would on the call.

Leesa: Can you read the message again?

Sandy: "Leesa, a pleased customer, is calling to speak with Barbara X. She needs immediate attention and satisfaction and can be reached at 512-555-1212." How is that, Leesa?

Leesa: Sandy, I don't want to nit-pick, but my area code is 912, not 512.

Sandy: What zip code is 512, anyway?

Leesa: I am sure I don't know. But can you please change the area code.

The phone call went downhill after that. Sandy did not delight me, and Barbara did not call. I fully expect Sandy to be promoted to a spot where she cannot mangle telephone numbers and piss off customers (I was a friend, not a customer of Barbara). And I have a feeling that was Sandy's plan all along. At least she delighted herself on that day.

777 Point Tumble: Message from a Former Bimbo

I admit it. I always wanted to write a blog entry with the words "tumble" and "bimbo" in the same title. Tumble and bimbo go together like bacon and eggs, grits and honey, or the Captain and Tennille. They just work together.

I admit it. I was a bit surprised by yesterday's events. When Nancy Pelosi said that the Republicans, I was not surprised. But saying it right before a "non partisan" vote seemed a little extreme. Guess she thought she had the votes. Oh, yeah, and she told 16 Dems to vote against the bill. Not to worry. She had the votes. From where I sit, I don't think most Republicans like Bush, and she basically wanted to align all Republicans with Bush and tell them it was their own damn fault. Hearing her speech reminded me of watching an illusionist in Las Vegas. Or was it Reno. Somewhere where gambling (and prostitution) is legal. I sort of think all places where both are legal look the same – lots of big breasted women in cocktail dresses at four in the afternoon, and slot machines on every damn surface.

I admit it. When I wrote that bit about prostitution and gambling, I thought that could explain the credit crunch. I mean, mortgage companies were gambling that housing values would go up and up, all of the time. Hell, I can remember when I purchased a house a few years ago, the mortgage company did not want us to put anything down. They said they could not legally say this, but if we got in trouble with the house payment, that we could just flip the house for a profit. Yeah, I wonder why they told me it if they could not legally say it. You have the real estate agent, the mortgage broker, the title company, all working together like pimps and prostitutes. Working the housing industry like the prostitutes work the street. Now that I have the "tits and ass" and "gambling" in this blog post, I can wrap this puppy up.

I admit it. I am mad at the banking industry – and Wall Street. AYou are going to hear a lot about how politics just robbed your 401Ks of 1.3 Trillion Dollars yesterday. Don't believe it. Wall Street already factored in the bailout into the equation and valued stocks accordingly. When it seemed that the bailout would not happen, they had to re-evaluate those stocks. They were counting on money to boost stocks again. Sons of bitches.

I admit it. I really hate mortgage bankers. Right now, the Federal Reserve has been trying to infuse money into the economy. But banks are sitting on all of this crappy debt, debt they knew was crappy. By not lending money, they are hoping against hope that the government will take over all of this bad debt.

I admit it. I got off track talking about prostitutes and gambling. Which brings me back to the illusionist at Reno. I did not finish the thought. The reason illusionists have beautiful assistants is to distract you. You are looking at the glittering cleavage and you miss the slight of hand. Right now the mortgage industry - the whole banking industry is hoping you look at the blonde's knockers, because they really, really want the 700 Billion dollar bailout. And I predict this as well, we will not hear bailout anymore. The word has stink attached to it. It will be a stimulus package or a rescue or something that sounds all noble and worthy of your representative's vote. Just keep your eye's on the illusionist, Americans. I don't want my 401K to go to hell in a hand basket, but I also don't want the government to fix a problem the banking industry made in the first place. With the help, of course, from Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae, and Alan Greenspan.

I wrote a funny little post for today, but I wanted to get this out. I know it is political and not funny. But at least there is a bit of T&A. Maybe I should find a picture and attach it to the post. I love Google for such things.

$700 Billion

Okay, I have been listening to a lot of talk over the last several days. Last one night last week, a bunch of fat cats met in a back room, and they came up with a plan to save the US economy. Put this in perspective. If you wrote a digit per dollar on a piece of paper, one thousand of them, turned the paper over and then wrote another 1,000 digits on the back, you would need another 349,999,999 pieces of paper to make 700 billion digits. 700 billion is a lot of money. And the people cobbling together the plan either are lobbyists or are elected officials. I am sure these people can't do anything wrong with such a complex issue. Lucky for us, they don't have any hidden agendas. Lucky for us.

The price of my home has gone down more than 10 percent over the past year. No big deal. I still make the payments. My investments have gone down more than 15 percent over the past year. Gas prices have gone up a bit over the past year – twenty or more percent, I would guess. Food prices are up double digits as well.

So we will be spending $700 Billion on whatever. Golden parachutes, I suppose. Investment bankers' trust funds. Whatever. Yeah, I know. This may stop my investments from going south. Maybe. I mean, these fat cats without hidden agendas, they know best. Right?

The Finger

I don't think it is very lady-like to give someone "the finger." I don't remember when I knew what the finger meant, but the first time I remember seeing it (e.g., it made an impact) was when a student in eighth grade gave a teacher a reverse finger (but you know what the student meant). He was a real cute guy, and I sort of had a crush on him.

I can still remember the student's right hand – it is etched on my brain. Or at least on chemicals that make my memory mine. It seemed like a really ugly gesture, and my crush on that guy ended.

Something happened over the years. My wide innocent eyes changed gradually. They did not change immediately or noticeably, but over time, with an ever increasing barrage of middle fingers, that obscene gesture because more commonplace.

Now, you can see the finger anytime a driver disagrees with your driving (so I have heard). And it makes me a little sad. How I long to be shocked by the middle finger.

Adjustments

Okay, the people who read me regularly know that I have not been writing regularly. I have had to make some adjustments - because I have other pursuits now. I have had to juggle my time; sort of like when you pull your panties out of your ass – making the panty adjustment. Okay, not really that way.

Every time I change something I need to make an adjustment. When I gave up Diet Dr. Pepper, I had to make adjustments. I had to keep sharp knives away from my desk at the office because without my caffeine fix I would risk plunging the knife into random passerbyers. PMS may be a legitimate murder defense, but caffeine withdrawal. Not so much.

When I started blogging, I made some adjustments, too. I had to sacrifice porn surfing for blogging. Oh, and I guess I sacrificed some work time as well. But I was willing to make that sacrifice. Guess it was more of a sacrifice for my bosses.

Well, I am not on a good schedule for blogging right now. I wanted to do a Tuesday-Thursday thing, but it has not worked out by now. Guess I need to adjust myself. Just making an adjustment.

VP Contender Sarah Palin hacked

I saw this somewhere, and the original story follows. The site for the story is here, but as you would expect, the server is extremely busy and sometimes down.

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WIKILEAKS STAFF (Wikileaks)
Wednesday September 16, 2008


The internet activist group "Anonymous," famed for its exposure of unethical behavior by the Scientology cult, has now gone after the Alaskan govenor and republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

At around midnight last night some members affiliated with the group gained access to governor Palin's email account "gov.palin@yahoo.com" and handed over the contents to the government sunshine site Wikileaks.org.


One of the family photos from the accountGovernor Palin has come under media criticism in the past week for using private email accounts to avoid Alaskan freedom of information laws. The contents of the mailbox show this to be true and also hold clues of at least one other Yahoo based mail account held by Palin, "gov.sarah@yahoo.com".

The zip archive made available by Wikileaks contains screen shots of Palin's inbox, two example emails, address book and a couple of family photos. The list of correspondence, together with the account name tends to re-enforce the earlier criticism of Palin's email use.

The list of emails include an exchange with Alaskan Lieutenant Governor Sean Parnell about his campaign for Congress. Another screenshot shows Palin's inbox and an e-mail from Amy McCorkell, whom Palin appointed to the Governor's Advisory Board on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse in 2007.

The e-mail, a message of support to Palin, tells her not to let negative press get to her and asks Palin to pray for McCorkell, who writes that "I need strength to 1. keep employment, 2. not have to choose."

According to Kim Zetter of Wired Magazine, McCorkell confirmed that she did send the e-mail to Palin.

Subsequently tests by Wikileaks reveal that both Palin's "gov.palin@yahoo.com" and her unrelated "gov.sarah@yahoo.com" account have now been deleted, almost certainly by Palin herself.

According to the Guardian, who has looked at the Wikileaks data, among the emails in Palin's account were several from addresses belonging to her aides, including a draft letter to California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a discussion of nominations to the state court of appeals, and several bearing "DPS", the acronym for the Alaska Department of Public Safety.

DPS supervises the Alaska state troopers. Could the e-mails in question be relevant to the brewing ethics storm over Palin's push to sack her former brother-in-law from the force?

The contact list included also holds accounts for other official representative's private email accounts, including those of Alaska's Kris Perry and Sharon Leighow.

Screenshots and other details follow:

Slutty Writer at Your Service

I have been asked this a lot. "Leesa", my public says, "you write a shit-load of erotica. Are these from your own personal experiences?"

My public is a bit vulgar. And by "my public", I am talking about a few stalkers. Stalkers seem to be vulgar, live in basements, look down on people who eat Ramen but eat fast food, and have an alphabetized porn collection.

The erotica I write is not a blow-by-blow encounter of my life (if only) - but there are elements of truth in all of the stories. Some are truer than others, but all are a mixture of truth and fantasy. I mean, I don't want to give my brother-in-law a blow job. That is just wrong. And some girlfriend did not tie me up and leave me to be found by my husband (that one was mostly fantasy).

I think we all want to express ourselves in some way or another. Paris Hilton shows her pussy in public. I write. To each her own. Well, I am going to write another chapter for my book. Or surf the Internet, looking for Paris Hilton upskirts.

Patriot Day

Today is a holiday: Patriot Day.

I am not really sure I understand Patriot Day. As I have said previously, I don't get how being in a building on the wrong day at the wrong time makes on a hero/patriot. I know the terrorists were psycho douchbags. I get that.

But as Americans, we kinda piss people off. It does not mean that the people we piss off have a right to run into two of the World Trade Center Buildings or the Pentagon. I am not saying that. We should not, however, be surprised when psycho douchbags do bad things.

We already have Independence Day (a patriotic day), President's Day (a patriotic day), Veteran's Day (a patriotic day) and Memorial Day (a patriotic day). I don't see the need for another patriotic day. Unless the Mail carrier's union is pushing to get another holiday, a few years down the road.

Me, I am taking the day off. After all, a few years ago, 19 people walked onto planes to visit various New York and Washington, DC attractions. And we have not been the same since.

Glass Ceilings

The below video part of an interview with Diane Greene, who was the president of VMware. Yeah, I don't know what VMware does, but here is a short snippet from the announcement of the change of leadership:

VMware’s Board of Directors announced today that it has made a change in the leadership of the company with the departure of Diane Greene as President and CEO. VMware’s Board of Directors has appointed Paul Maritz as President and CEO of VMware effective immediately. Maritz was also named to VMware’s Board of Directors.

Joe Tucci, Chairman of VMware’s Board of Directors said “VMware is in a tremendous position to extend its lead in the virtualization market. VMware’s Board of Directors is very pleased to be able to appoint an executive with Paul’s experience and track record to lead VMware to its next stage of growth and development. Paul is a leader in the software industry. He has decades of experience building one of the greatest franchises in software history, Windows. Paul was instrumental as part of the core executive leadership team in building much of Microsoft’s success.



When I was in school, middle school or so, I can remember a push at school to get us (and by us, I mean girls) more interested in science. I don't remember the school focusing on math, but I do remember a push in science. I don't want to quote a lot of statistics (because it would be so hard to look them up), so I will make some up.

In the 1980s there were not too many women doctors. Now, there are a bunch of them. As a woman who sees a doctor for yearly checkups, I would just like to say, "Thank goodness." Lots of women in healthcare. But not lots of women in IT. Personally, I think more men are attracted to IT because of the porn. But I don't have statistics to back me up on that one.

Now we have a woman VP candidate: Sarah Palin. She certainly reminds us that women certainly have come a long way, baby. I mean, she can field dress a moose, give money to Alaskans in the form of oil rebates, and become John McCain's running mate. The first woman presidential candidate was Victoria Woodhull (in 1872) with the Equal Rights Party (her running mate was Frederick Douglass). The first woman with a shot at the White House was Geraldine Ferraro. Okay, with a presidential nominee like Walter Mondale, perhaps Sarah Palin may be the first candidate with a legitimate shot at the White House. I am not saying I am going to vote for McCain. Actually, I don't know who I am going to vote for.

Perhaps her middle school had a science program, too. I mean, where else do you learn to dress a moose. Guess McCain lost the PETA vote with his selection. Oh, and I like what Diane Greene said about glass ceilings - if you don't like them, build the house.

Television Series Preview

I am not sure I am "back" or not. I have been thinking quite a bit about my blog – well, sometimes. Actually, it was very easy to just stop thinking about writing in my blog three times per week. It became a chore, writing all of the time. But something in my brain would look at something I saw and I would think, "I need to write about it in my blog." My brain became wired that way. Son-of-a-bitch.

Anyway, I had a lot of experiences this summer that I wanted to write about. I had a pretty interesting summer – and had a lot of fun. Crap, I sort of feel like the fifth grader that came back from summer, wanting to tell all of her friends about the summer. But I have not been that little girl in a very long time.

One of the things that I did this summer was to spend more than a week with a college friend – my rich college friend. I see her every once in a while, mostly for lunch. Anyway, hubbie was traveling on business for a while, and instead of be miserable and lonely, I spent some time with her.

I will tell you more about the trip later, but one thing that I did while with my girlfriend was watch a new show: Captain Cook's Extraordinary Atlas. And get this. The show is not yet available for the general public. I don't really know even if it will be picked up, but it was sort of cool being able to see a pilot before it was scheduled.

I really should not reveal anything about the pilot (it reminded me a lot of Spiderwick Chronicles), but it was way cool. And I don't even watch television. Now saying that, perhaps they are already promoting the television show. If they are, please remember I live under a rock and don't get out much. But it is sorta cool to have had a preview before the series aired.

Anyway, apparently there are lots of copies of movies, television shows and what not that are for preview only. This must have been one of those shows.

A short post, I know. But I just wanted to write this down before I forgot the whole name of the television show. It felt more like a movie than a TV show. Really cool.

Shovel Buddies

Last week, I heard a story about someone . . .

Well, read the AP story for yourself:

MAYFLOWER, Ark. – Auctioneers preparing for an estate sale Saturday morning made a scary discovery among the items up for bid – a suitcase full of military-grade explosives.

The rusted, padlocked suitcase sat alongside a porcelain coffee service set and other goods.

Auctioneers opened the suitcase, which belonged to a deceased former member of the U.S. Navy, just before the sale and found three blocks of military-grade C-4 plastic explosive, two tubes of a similar plastic explosive, a blasting cap and some dynamite.

Workers quickly called 911, and the Conway Fire Department's bomb squad collected the materials, drove them to an isolated spot and destroyed them, according to the Log Cabin Democrat.

When I heard the story in the car, the first thing I thought to myself was, "Too bad the guy did not have a shovel buddy." A shovel buddy is someone who has agreed to, after you have died, discretely get rid of all of your "loose ends." For most of this, this may involve adult toys that we don't want our friends and family to ever know about. You know, after losing granny, we really don’t want to tarnish the image with imagining her using a vibrator on . . . you get the picture (sorry).

A while back, I was a shovel buddy. That's actually how I found out about the term. A girlfriend of mine asked me to be her shovel buddy, not because we were best friends but because we were good friends and I was discrete and responsible. She had a toy chest that I was to dispose of if she and her husband were to die about the same time. And I was sort of fine with that arrangement. She gave me a key and a bit more information about her sex life than I wanted to know. Oh, and I was to dispose of her adult movies as well. Apparently her brother-in-law had a bookstore and she had a lot of adult movies. This was a few years ago, so they were movies, not DVDs, as I recall. Well, we have drifted apart a bit – and she took the key back and said she would find someone else to perform the task.

I was a bit hurt and a bit relieved. I was hurt because she took away a unique responsibility I had. And I sort of wanted to know what types of toys she had as well. But I was relieved because if anyone caught me removing property, well, I am pretty sure I would be trespassing and stealing, according to the law. Even if the deceased wanted me to do it. I mean the theft would be nothing like grand larceny (unless she had one of those Sybian machines). I mean, I am not sure I could explain this to the police.

Leesa: Yes, officer, what seems to be the problem.

Police Officer: Ma'am. We got a call from a neighbor. The occupant of this residence has recently become deceased, and the neighbor is concerned that you are not a family member.

Leesa: I am just picking up a few items that are . . . mine.

Police Officer: I count seven vibrators in this box. What was the nature of your relationship?

And then my mug shot would be on the news that evening. Something about lesbian larceny (they like those types of news items – they rhyme, the have sex and lesbians and they are weird. Forever more I would be known as a lesbian.

When all I ever wanted to be was her shovel buddy.

Politics and Hurricane Katrina

I originally posted this post in a two part series in March 07. I thought I would dust it off and re-post it, not because I am lazy (I am), but because I spent a lot of time on the post and this is the anniversary of Katrina (August 23, 2005 was the day Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and changed so many lives). I have made some minor changes.

When I was in middle school, I can remember a lot of talk about Fidel Castro. The story that I remember most is that Fidel Castro was a minor league baseball player. I did not remember all the facts concerning the Bay of Pigs or the Cuban Missile Crisis (hence my poor Social Studies grades). And I just learned that the story is false.

That leads me to think about how other people have affected history by what they did or did not do. I want to tell you a story today, but I am not sure if I can maintain my one page blog rule.

If I asked a group of people to list the most corrupt states in the United States, one name would rise to the top. That state would be Louisiana.¹. And if you could list the most corrupt people in that state over the last twenty years, one name would also be set apart from the rest: Edwin Edwards. Edwin Edwards was first governor from 1972 to 1980, and in the state of Louisiana, you cannot run for a third term in a row. You can sit out one term and then run again, but you cannot be governor three terms in a row.

Huey P. Long, "the Kingfish", was an amazing politician, the model of the corrupt politician. My favorite quote of his: "One of these days the people of Louisiana are going to get good government - and they aren't going to like it." Edwards was more corrupt than the Kingfish. Oh, and Edwards has been in jail since October 2002. I guess that is better than being shot (Huey Long was shot – some say he was shot by one of his own bodyguards when his assailant, Carl Weiss, punched him).

Back to Edwin Edwards.

In his second term, he was positioning himself to take the office back. In Louisiana, a Republican has not been elected governor since the Civil War – that happened a lot in the South. Southern Democrats run the gambit – from conservative to liberal. So the fight is in the primary – once a Democrat won the primary, beating up the Republican was not a problem.

Edwin Edwards instituted a different type of voting, "patronage voting" or something like that. Basically, everybody runs in the same primary, and the top two vote-getters run in the general election. And you might think Edwin Edwards proposed this change in the election process to benefit the fine people of Louisiana. But since we are talking about politics, let's assume he did it to benefit himself. And knowing Edwards, perhaps this benefitted his pocketbook as well. So when Edwin Edwards left office in 1980, he was delighted when David Treen (the first Republican Governor of Louisiana) was elected over a very liberal Democrat.

Edwin Edwards won re-election in 1983, a couple of years after one of Edwards closest friends was indicted after an FBI sting. There were tapes that showed close ties between members of the Edwards administration and a New Orleans mob boss. Edwards was not indicted for his involvement.

Edwards, being Edwards, in his role of governor, went to trial for shaking down $1.9 million in bribes to secure hospital licenses. He was not convicted, but because of this and several other things, he was not re-elected in 1988.

Buddy Roemer was elected, mostly because of Edwards ethically challenged character. Edwards dropped out of the 1987 race, and one columnist stated, "The only way Edwards can ever be reelected is to run against Adolph Hitler."

And as luck would have it (for Edwards, not for the people of Louisiana), an Adolph Hitler character ran in 1991.

For the 1991 election, Republicans and Democrats and every other flavor of politician ran together in the primary, and the two top vote-getters would face one another in the general election.

Incumbent Buddy Roemer and 3-time Governor Edwards were running neck and neck, with a third candidate trailing far behind. Buddy Roemer had switched parties, theorizing that he could take both the Republican vote and moderate conservatives as well.

Edwards was a crafty politician, and his staff dug up a quote about Roemer supporting Michael Dukakis over President Bush (he said, "Dan Quail made up my mind."). This did not sit well with conservatives.

When the ballots were counted in the primary, Edwards received 33.8% of the vote, the candidate who was running third in most polls received a surprising 31.7% of the vote, and incumbent Roemer received 26.5% of the vote and was eliminated from the race.

Edwards was prepared to run against his opponent, and it is reported that Edward's staff counseled Edwards to stop dating 20-year-olds. Some reports surfaced that his dates should be at least 25.

Some facts about Edward's opponent:

1. There was a 1989 photo of him shaking hands with the head of the American Nazi Party.
2. Even though Edwards was dating 20-year-olds, this man had been accused of dating at least one 17-year-old. Edwards said of his opponent that he "is not a womanizer. He is a little-girlizer."
3. He made several public anti-Semitic remarks (and said that the Holocaust was a hoax).
4. When asked about issues, he was usually caught off-guard. He, for example, could not name any of the top three employers in the state.
5. He had stated publicly that blacks were inferior to whites.

During the election, Edward's opponent renounced many of the things he had said previously.

Edwards won the election with about 61% of the vote. Buddy Roemer, when leaving office, said that Edwards "for twenty years created a hunger for integrity, was saved in the end by having a man run against him who has less integrity."

One of his first acts after moving back into the governor's mansion was to appoint Robert Harvey, to head the Orleans District levee board. Robert Harvey's qualification for this appointment: contributing $5,000 to Edwards campaign.

The headway that previous administrations had made about forcing the Army Corps of Engineers to built higher levees were forgotten. Over the next few years, the levee board was preoccupied with other priorities.

Oh, and the man who ran against Edwards – the man who was more crooked than a master crook? David Duke.

So you see, gentle reader, some could argue that David Duke, making it into the general election, is in part responsible for having levees that were not high enough to protect New Orleans. You see, Robert Harvey did not give $5,000 to the Duke campaign. And that (insert Paul Harvey pause) is the rest of the story.

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¹Louisiana has the reputation of being the most corrupt state, but in a recent study, here is how the most corrupt states ranked: (1) Mississippi, (2) North Dakota and (3) Louisiana. The only question I have is: North Dakota? Are you serious?

Watching the Olympics

A member of the beach volleyball cheergirl performance group practices her routine at the Chaoyang Park Beach Volleyball Ground ahead of the Beijing 2008 Olympics on August 3, 2008 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

Rent vs Buy

For a number of years after we were married, my husband and I rented. We did not have the cash for the down payment of a house, and even if we did, we were not really to make such a financial commitment. So we rented.

I did not mind renting. I did not think that our rent checks were being wasted. I know others did (real estate agents, for instance), but we got a place to stay, and that seemed adequate trade for the rent money. I mean, if something happened to the house – if the house needed a new air conditioner, for instance, it really did not affect us financially.

The only thing I did not like was, sometimes, they way I was treated because I was a renter. People expect, when you are renting, that you are not as good as homeowners. Yeah, you can say I am full of it, but I have heard someone's voice change after learning that I was a renter. Well, it was great when the gutter salespeople came by: "I'm sorry, but I am a renter."

Renters get a bad rap, I suppose, because some renters don't take good care of the property they inhabit. You know, there is not much of a financial incentive to do so – a number of rentals I have had seem to do everything they can to retain your deposit even if there is nothing wrong with the apartment or house at the end of the rental agreement. The property is not yours – and some treat is less preciously because of that. That's what some think renters do – they don't take care of the property as well because they don't have a financial reason to do so. Oh, and perhaps as a rule, this happens more often than naught.

I have been thinking about the direction of my life lately, and I have been treating my life as a renter. I have not been owning my life, just renting it. There are things I want to do, things I want to write.

In my blog, I used the following phrase to introduce my blog: "I started blogging to improve my writing; I really did. Painters don't start with masterpieces – they start on scraps of paper, and even when planning a great work, they do many other drawings in preparation. I think writing is the same. You just don't start and finish a novel by merrily typing into the computer; you experiment. Blogging is sort of like a writer's doodling. So this is my scratch pad of sorts. This is less than scraps of paper actually, just 1s and 0s on your computer screen."

Well, after a few years of writing this blog, I have not really done what I set out to do. Yeah, my writing may have gotten marginally better, but I have not started any serious writing.

Last month ~Deb gave up her blog, and I have been thinking about doing the same. Temporarily or permanently, I don't know.

I am not stopping this blog because I have run out of ideas or because I have gotten any stalkers. I just want to spend my time doing other things. I have enjoyed this blog, I have enjoyed the people I have met, and I have enjoyed the whole blogging experience.

I guess I want to start owning my life. We have very little time on this earth, and I need to spend it doing what I want to do, what I feel called to do. Now I don't know if I will be back next week, next month or never again, I could not tell you. Personally, I hope I will be able to write, really write, and not come back to this blog. It's not that it is unimportant. It is that I feel called to write a novel. I am a bit scared, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

I will miss writing every day or several times per week. But it is time for me to move on.

Note: I have one post scheduled to get published some time in August. But it is already in the queue. Other than that, I may or may not be back. We will just have to see.

At the Gym

I go to the gym nearly every day; I am not a gym rat, but I like to observe while working out. Anyway, I go to the gym at certain times a day, and because of this, I run into the same thing every day. Here are a few people at my gym:

Ponytail
I call one of the young women "ponytail." I don't know her name – I don't know many people's names there – but I have in-my-head nicknames for the regulars. As you have probably guessed, she has a ponytail. Her blonde hair goes nearly half-way down her back, and she normally does ellipticals several machines from me. She almost always wears a white top, but her shorts change from time-to-time. Her top are sheer, probably Under Armour. She always does the same 30 or so minutes, then heads to the weights. I don't do weights, so I don't know what she does there. All I really know about Ponytail is that she has nice skin.

Small Package
There is a guy who has the largest chest I have ever seen. A freakin' barrel chest. He must do weights. He has to do weights, but I see him on the treadmills and ellipticals. I call him mentally "small package" because he is the body type that I associate with 'roids. I mean, I am not sure he dates ugly country music singers, but he is definitely a guy to ogle over. I don't hunger for him, but I like looking.

Nice Ass
One of the ladies on the ellipticals is Asian, and she has the nicest ass I have seen in quite some time. I look at women's asses, partly because I compare myself to them. This woman is probably 50-years-old, and she has a great ass. It sort of makes me a little bit envious. A 50-year-old should not have such an ass. She always wears dark work-out clothes, and she I think she works out often. I almost always start and stop my ellipticals before she finishes. Always. Must be why she has a great ass.

Bony
One guy who I see often I mentally call bony. He is old, how old I really don't know. I want to think he is in his 80s, but maybe he is older. He is only slightly taller than me, and if he weighs 100 pounds, I would be surprised. His head is a little bit larger than normal, or maybe because he is so skinny, his head appears larger. His shirt is normally full of sweat, but he seems like a cute old guy. He is single, but not my type.

Gidget
I don't like calling her Gidget, but I could not think of a better name for her. She is probably 30, and she has all sorts of friends. And they talk to one another on elliptical equipment, and I hear words over my iPod. Gawd, I am old. I thought "Walkman" when I meant iPod. Anyway, the conversations are juicy. I know if I had Gidget for a friend, I would not tell her a damn thing. I mean, when I get bored and she is within earshot, I listen. Sometimes it is about who is screwing whom in their neighborhood, or complications from pregnancy for other people, or that Jimmy's testicle finally dropped (okay, I don't know what this means, but I nearly choked when I heard that).

There are lots of characters at the gym. Not just sweaty people trying to drop a few pounds.

Random Thursday

Ass Pants
Every girl ,every woman, likes to look good. There's no secret there. But what some men don't know is that all clothes are not created equal. Me, I have a favorite pair of pants. One pair makes my ass look so good. I feel good in the jeans, and in my mind, I always call them my ass pants. Now, I can't wear the pants in the summer, but in the spring and fall, I reach for my ass pants when I want to look good. Pick the pants first, then the top and shoes. Because if your ass looks good, it makes everything else look good.

Tickle Answer: Leesa, you're the Shy Side Of Sexy
When it comes to sex appeal, you've got it — and you know you've got it — you just have trouble flaunting it. Taking that first step can be really hard for you, especially if it's a step into a new lover's arms. And you know you can sometimes come off as a little, shall we say, tame. But look out! When you reach your comfort level, you're in the zone and unstoppable.

Your lovers are the lucky ones because they're the only people who really know what lies beneath your reserved exterior. In public you sometimes blush or shy away, but once you get behind closed doors, you truly unleash your sexual desires. And saving your racy side for those fortunate few bonds them to you that much more. You may be shy, but you know how to hook and reel 'em in.

Where is my Stuff?
A hoax Craigslist advertisement resulted in an Oregon man losing a sizable chunk of his possessions as hoards of bargain-hunters descended upon his home in a free-for-all grab.

A number of ads apparently popped up on Saturday afternoon, claiming that the owner of a Jacksonville home was forced to take leave in a hurry. As such, all his belongings, including a horse, were now free for the taking. The problem was that the victim, Robert Salisbury, had no such plans. In fact, if not for a call he received from a concerned do-gooder, he could well have returned to his home to find it totally cleaned out.

Excerpt from Seattle Times:

On his way home he [Robert Salisbury] stopped a truck loaded down with his work ladders, lawn mower and weed eater. “I informed them I was the owner, but they refused to give the stuff back,” Salisbury said. “They showed me the Craigslist printout and told me they had the right to do what they did.” The driver sped away after rebuking Salisbury. On his way home he spotted other cars filled with his belongings. Once home he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging through his barn and front porch.
According to Salisbury, the trespassers tried to brush him off initially with printouts of the ad. By the time Jackson County sheriff’s deputies arrived, several vehicles laden with his possessions had already taken off.

The case is now in the hands of the police who are working with the Craigslist legal team. In the meantime, items can be returned with no questions asked. If caught with Salisbury’s possessions though, prosecution is likely.

How the hell do you steal stuff because of something you found on the Internet? It is like if it is on the web, it is true.

Ian Fleming and President Kennedy

I am a little young to remember President Kennedy. Too young for Johnson and Nixon as well, really. The first president I can remember is Jimmy Carter. I don't know if it is because of where I am from or that I grew up in a household that really did not follow politics. Anyway, when I write about Kennedy, Johnson or Nixon, I am doing so from a more historic perspective – or really, whatever my social studies teachers told me about more recent history.

Anyway, the following comes from my recollection of something a couple of social studies teachers told our class. I have no idea if these stories are true, but it is interesting nonetheless.

Josh F. Kennedy was an attractive president, and it seems that the press was in love with him. Actually, as a Catholic, I remember some teachers telling me that they did not know if the US would ever elect a Catholic president. Anyway, apparently President Kennedy invited Ian Fleming to the White House for a party. My guess is that the president did not specifically request him, but he made a list.

Fleming chatted with the president at the party – and said something funny. The US was concerned that communist-run Cuba (a mere 90 miles away), and Fleming had an idea about how to get rid of Castro.

Getting Castro to shave his beard was the key. Fleming believed that without the beard, Castro would look like anyone else, and the Cuban people would be less enchanted with him. He would not be as special. Fleming suggested that the US should announce that beards had hazards – that the beards attract radioactivity. Then any person could become radioactive him/herself, as well as becoming sterile.

Castro would then shave his beard because of the health concerns, and then he would fall from power. No Bay of Pigs (the Bay of Pigs had not happened by then), just radioactive beards.

Anyway, President Kennedy was amused/impressed, and said he would read one of his books (he wrote a series of James Bond books).

Anyway, later, at a press conference, a reporter asked what types of books he liked to read. Now I am not sure Kennedy was a particularly scholarly person. I mean, listening to the stories over the years – his daily sexual escapades with his "assistants" in the White House pool, for instance – I wonder if he had time to read.

But he was the president, and he could not say, "Read? I don't have time to read. I bone a couple of girls in the pool every day." Instead, he said he enjoyed books by Ian Fleming. Not that he read any of them, but that's what he said.

And, funny thing, Mr. Fleming and the James Bonds books, really became popular. All from party conversation.

Remember Me: YouTube Video

Lizzie Palmer made a YouTube video called "Remember Me." It aired on Fox News Sunday.



I watched this video, and what is interesting, is that after I watched it, I noticed that the first video that was "related", was on Oral Sex. Not sure what that was about. Definitely a way to remember someone, but it was not the point of the video.

My regular Wednesday post will be tomorrow (I try to post M-W-F). I guess tomorrow being Wednesday, you might guess I would post tomorrow.

Adult Summer Camp

I have a college friend who has invited me to do a week-long summer camp with her. I don't know if I am going to do it, but I am tempted. Ever since I have been married, I have vacationed with my husband. Sounds reasonable. I mean, we got married because we enjoyed each others' company.

Anyway, I will let you know if I go. I am thinking about it.

That brings me to a topic I don't know if it exists. In March and April, I hear about summer camps throughout Georgia. Golf camp (all sports camps, but there is a lot of golf), space camp (I think they go to Alabama for that one), day camp, traditional camps, you name it. Not once have I heard of a frazzled mothers' camp, a couples' get-away camp, a fathers' I just-want-to-fish camp.

I would not really be excited about my husband going on a cruise by himself – I have not been on one of the big cruises, but from my experience watching the Love Boat, there are a lot of hook-ups there. And frankly, I don't want him to be (unsupervised) around that many bikinis.

Sorry for such a short post this morning. It has been hot-as-hell here lately. Well, not 100, but I am not used to the heat yet. Where ever I spend summer camp, I want there to be lots of water and refreshing drinks.

Trapped without a Thought

You can't keep a good woman down. Okay, the original saying is, "You tie a woman to the bed, gag her, and then leave her to contemplate the situation, and she will probably wiggle free." But you know, we needed to simplify things, so now, we say, "you can't keep a good woman down."

And by good woman, I am talking about ~Deb. I got a message from ~Deb that she is addicted to blogging, and her blog is back in business. Funny thing is that she stopped blogging because she was tapped. Oh, and don't think of the original image when I talk about ~Deb being tapped. She just ran out of ideas for a while. She may have just needed a break.

Now here I am, a month or so later, and I can't think of anything to write about. Not a thing. I first was thinking of guessing the subject that ~Deb wrote about today. Obviously, my first guess would involve something to do with God. God is all around us, so that is a pretty safe bet. Well, either God or Atomic Chickens. The chickens are all around us as well.

One of my favorite actors is Christopher Lloyd – but even he messes things up occasionally. Remember the TV show Stacked> Okay, I never saw it. It started a couple of huge stars, and by stars I mean Pam Anderson's breasts. I did not watch the show on principal. Then I peeked at Christopher Lloyd's resume. He has made a lot of stinkers – though I bet he will make a wonderful Marley's Ghost (rumored film, A Christmas Carol).

Well, I am going to go work out at lunch – I have not stopped doing that, at least. The weather is really nice, and I don't want to be embarrassed with wearing shorts and swimwear. You know, secretly, I think women would shave off a few years of their lives in exchange for looking hot longer. Flies in the face of self-preservation, but there you have it.

I am going to hit the elliptical machine. Perhaps even reward myself by going to the hot tub. At least in the hot tub, "trapped without a thought" feels good.

Chatting Experiment

I don't often chat on Yahoo Messenger, but I occasionally do so. And since I don't chat often, the odds of one of my buds being online is fairly small. I mean, I really want to chat with my buddies, but since they are not losers spending 22 hours/day online, they are not there when I need them.

Well, in that case, if you really want to chat with someone, you can always log onto the "chat rooms." Now I remember chat rooms when they were actually full of real people. By real people, I mean people like you and me. Now a days, that is not the case. The chat rooms are full of robots.

Normally, it is really easy to tell the professionals from the normal people. And by professional, I mean stripper. And by normal people, I mean mostly men and lesbians. I normally don't pay attention to the professionals. They pretty much just want my credit card information so they can charge the card.

Well, I got a gift card a while back, and there was a little money left on it. I really think stores do gift cards partially because of the wasted end of the card. You know, all of those $2 or $3 adds up. Well, anyway, I had a card that

HornyHannah75: i'm gonna send you a cam invite here k?
Leesa: Sure.
HornyHannah75: ok sent, did you get it?
Leesa: Nah.
HornyHannah75: hmm.. let me try again, hang on
Leesa: Didn't work.
HornyHannah75: what about now?
Leesa: No, not quite
HornyHannah75: ugh, this is stupid, this always happens to me when i use yahoo.

Then you get lured into a paid site, and you give them your credit card info. Well, since I had a little money on a card, I chanced it. I really wanted to see if they would drain the account after I gave it to them.

Well, they have not drained the account. Yet.

But after I went to the chat room, I was "alone" with one very nice woman. I may have said it before, but I am a bit picky about lusting for women. Not all women get my juices flowing, so to speak. She did not. She was cute and all, but she was just not my type.

So here I was, girl that I was not attracted to in a bra and panties. And I was chatting with her. I first asked her to put up two fingers. I just wanted to ensure it was live.

She takes off her top, and I am just chatting with her. Where are you from? How did you get into this line of work, and she is asking me if I like her nipples. Not sure she was ready for my chat. Here I was, doing Barbara Walters, and she was doing her nasty chat. It was a bit comical.

It cost me $1. Plus they will probably drain my account. I don't really care. The dear was sweet and professional. Which is a bit weird for someone who takes her clothes off for strangers every day.

Now I sort of feel like the people who spend 22 hours on the Internet each day. Maybe I should live in a basement. Well, I first have to find a place with a basement. Instead, perhaps I will stay out of chat for a month.

Summer Reading

I love reading at the beach. I absolutely love it.

When I was in high school, one of the most important things to me in the summertime was to darken my skin. I loved worshiping the sun. Well, not worshipping like one worships a deity, but the good sort of worshipping – the kind that deepens the tan and gives one sarcoma or melanoma.

But in high school, I was poolside.

One thing that is important when tanning is not getting freakin' bored. To combat boredom during the baking phase of my summers, I would read. But what to read?

1. Romance Novels: Romance novels are sorta mindless. I have read them, and, yes, I enjoyed them initially. But that was a long time ago. You know, before real sex.

2. Scientific Journals: Okay, how did that get in the blog entry.

3. Geek Books: I am not talking about the latest Star Wars novel. Okay, perhaps that, too, but I am talking about books on unexplained phenomena (Lock Ness, Stonehenge, whatever).

4. Book Covers that Would Embarrass: There are certain books that have book jackets that would embarrass. For instance, bOObs: A Guide to Your Girls or Naked Economics: Undressing the Dismal Science. It is not the stuff inside the book that is embarrassing; just the jacket.

5. Any Book by Suze Orman: What can I say? Suze Orman just sucks.

I prefer books that have small titles. I don't like guys trying to strike up a conversation on some book I am readying while baking. I just want to catch some rays.