Blogging is Like Anal Sex

The other day, without any provocation from anything I have written, Joe made the following statement: "Blogging is like anal sex. That analogy sprung to mind, but I have no idea how to tie it all together. Can you work on that for me?"

I will take this opportunity to see if I can convince you that blogging is like anal sex. Let's lube up and begin.

The reasons that blogging is like anal sex.

1. People just don't admit they do it. I mean, how many of us who blog once, twice, three times per week will even admit reading blogs, much less writing about them. When asked about it, one may say, "Blogging? I have heard about it, but I have never really thought to do it."

In the same vein, while some mentioning of sex can be seen in even polite company, I have never heard someone even jokingly talking about sex around the poppie hole.

2. It is just not natural. When I was in school, we had health. I learned that you ate food with your mouth, that your teeth start the digestive process, then down to a bunch of tubes, to the stomach, to a bunch of other tubes, and exits out the anus. I always laughed on the inside when I had to write "anus" on a health test. The point is, when I was in health, we talked about the anus being the exit for the food after the nutritious stuff was taken into the body. There was nothing said about it being a secondary entrance for a guy's penis. I always laughed on the inside when I had to write "penis" on the health test.

Blogging is not natural either. I mean, when you think of writers, you think about someone writing for a newspaper or magazine or, better yet, writing a book. I wonder if the people who wrote all of those various tests on Cosmo were laughing when they wrote them. Expressing yourself by writing is one thing; blogging is not natural.

3. It is just – so dirty. Blogging can be really dirty work. I mean, if you look at some of my own work and the work of others, some of what we write about is painful, dirty. I label this as cathartic, but others may see it more as dirty. Raw emotions can be dirty.

Anal sex is also dirty. And we all can guess why. 'Nuff said.

4. It is too hard to do every day. But if you don't do it very often, starting can be painful. Just read that last sentence again and again. It is too hard to do every day. Blogging, it is too hard . . . . Anal sex, it is too hard . . . . Do I really need to spell this out for you? Didn't think so.