Years ago, I strayed in my relationship with my husband. At the time, I was unaware as to why I strayed. Through a bit of counseling, some powerful psychotropic drugs, and several heart-to-heart conversations, we started working in the right direction.
When I did not really know I strayed, I could tell my husband was not heading to the divorce lawyer but was thinking about it. He would deny this to this day – but I can tell. I think he was this way for two important reasons:
1. I really did not understand why I went from loyal wife to cheating hussy. And if I didn't understand why I did this, I can't fix this in our relationship. I would not normally use "fix" but I am thinking from his point-of-view.
2. Until he found out, he had not a clue I was cheating. My actions towards him did not change while I was cheating, so I am sure he was unsure if he would pick up such clues if I began straying again.
These two things, more than anything else, really kept us from seeking some sort of closure for my infidelity.
I did do some things right. I owned up to the indiscretion. I listened to him talk about how it made him feel, even though I wanted to interject certain facts in my defense. I got professional help quickly – and as luck would have it, I found a faith-based counselor that really helped me to see things in a way that spoke to me.
Almost a year after my affair was made known to my husband, he strayed. I knew he did from the start – I read him so easily. It took him about a week to fess up after I dropped a hint that his behavior had changed.
In a way, getting over his indiscretion was easier to do. His reason (more of a vengeful, you cheated so I wanted to try it out/hurt you) was simpler to address, and since I knew the signs, he knows he will probably not be able to get away with it if he tries again. He also knows that we are all out of chances. Two strikes, if you will.
I have shared my story to a co-worker who I knew was getting friendly with someone else in the office. I told her, in unglamorous terms, about my own experiences. She cheated anyway. She got caught eventually, and then quit the company. Not sure if she is still married. She did say that she wish she would have listened to me, but things just continued to happen. Yeah, I have been there before.
Not sure why I wrote about this today . . . .
Indifference is the Opposite of Love
1 day ago