Thursday, January 11, 2007

In a world full of Eeyores

The other day, I read a blogger who wrote, "It's like living in a world full of Eeyores." Okay, I will not mention – psst Monica, love you babe – because I want this blogger all to myself. I let those words bounce around in my brain, "in a world full of Eeyores." In a word full of Eeyores. Isn't that a wonderful phrase?Eeyore with Bow

I have had "mild depression" for a while. This is clinical mild depression. And I don't know if you have ever been clinically depressed; heck, even if you know how it feels. Not saying "nah nah nah, I am a headcase and you are not." Really, that is not the point. But people who are depressed are a little like Eeyore. And I don't mean that they have a nail in their butt holding their tail on, or they are several shades of purple. Again, not the point. Here, some guys are wondering if there is a sexual innuendo here – nailing an animal in the butt. Wow, I never thought of that before. Bad thought. Bad thought.

Not that I am an expert as far as psychology goes, but I do remember seeing an article in the "letter to the editors" part of a psychology journal (I don't read the journals, but I found this on the web a few years ago). In it, psychologists analyzed the AA Milne characters and gave them psychological work-ups. Really funny. And, no, I could not find it when writing this – and I tried, good readers. Again, off point.

But today, folks, I am talking about depression, a not-so-funny subject. I guess that's why they don't call it something more up-beat, like "Pollyanna syndrome".

I actually was treated for depression with drugs (Fluoxetine) at first. My Mom once asked if I was on Prozac, and I said, "No, but I am taking Fluoxetine, whatever the heck that is." You see, Prozac is a brand name, and I was on a generic version of it. One thing I can be thankful to my HMO for; giving me an out with my Mom!

But you know, I don't want drugs to help me with my moods, so I stopped using Fluoxetine and started drinking tequila. Tequila is not a drug, and it is natural (I guess tequila is good for everyone but the unfortunate worm). Tequila is natural, I think. Part of my homeopathic outlook on life.

Before someone starts bitching about me making fun of those using psychotropic drugs, Fluoxetine was not for me. I think I explained it once this way: when I was on the drug, nothing seemed to bother me. I could have some hack off my left arm, and there I am bleeding all over the place, probably my best blouse getting cut, and I just wonder how I am going to mop up the blood with one hand. Not worried about mopping it up, but wondering about it, as if it is an interesting notion. I was so flat, and I wanted to stop taking it. And tapering off the drug was so hard – oh, I blew up at people for no damn reason. Sort of like PMS-extra. And I was on a really low dose.

And now that I have started writing this, I am starting to wonder what the point of the post may be. Think-think-think. How do I save this freakin' post? Picture me, sitting on the ground, my index finger pounding my forehead, saying "Think. Think. Think."

Anyway, afterwards, after the tequila and the shopping sprees, I was not doing any better. I was eating better and exercising. By the way, I think "the runner's high" is crap. Sorry, VX, but I did not really get how running gives you a high. You have to buy really expensive bras, you nearly get killed by cars driven by people eating McDonalds food at the wheel, and your shoes wear out too darned fast. Personally, I would rather be on a treadmill, watching CNN, or that guy pumping iron and flexing for the rest of us (you know the guy; every gym has him).

Anyway, for whatever reason, my depression seems to have lifted. I think the exercise has something to do with it. And the iPod vibrator (a joke). It is like the clouds have parted and let the sun inside of my life again. Lisa mentioned her depression recently; the loss of a loved one may have had something to do with hers. Now I am not saying she is on Prozac or tequila, but she has been "blue." As apposed to Eeyore purple. Lots of bloggers have been feeling that way.

I have just decided not to be an Eeyore, strange as that sounds. I did not decide to become depressed, and even after several people said something about it, I just figured they were idiots. Well, they may be idiots, but I was depressed too (not mutually exhaustive events, or is that mutually exclusive events?). I am such an idiot. Now I could not will myself out of depression, but now that things seem better, I have decided to eat right, exercise and have lots of hot, sweaty sex.

Let me leave you with the opening lines of Winnie-The-Pooh by A. A. Milne:
Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.

For many of us with mild depression, we don't really know how we got to where we are, and now that we are here, these feelings seem just a part of living our lives. The feeling of hopelessness is part of who we are, and if we could stop for a moment, perhaps we could think of life the way we were before the depression. But we don't, and if there is not an intervention, until the sky parts in our lives, we don't realize how wonderful the world really is.

Look at Lisa; she masturbated in a car wash the other day. Oh, what a wonderful world this is.


Heather said...

I completely understood this post.. I have never been diagnosed, I can't afford the eval or the meds. I know that part of it definitely has to do with SED. My mother has battled depression her entire life, her mother before her and so on.. I have been fortunate enough to be able to fight it without medication. However, some good happy pills sure wouldn't hurt things once in awhile..

Battle on!

Video X said...

This really was great to read today. I have been I suppose in what could be considered a "mild depression" phase myself...but I call it being "a bit down." It's on the upswing now and I don't know that I ever want to change that when I get into those spots because lots of little things make me feel good when it starts to get this post. It's all strangely relieving.

I can't imagine going through what you did with the drugs. They scare me..and I have had some exposure...not for me. I hope you do feel better soon though!

Oh...and being that I am a flatchested chick, I don't need the expensive bras...but as for the rest...true...and you could include the need to buy Bodyglide so the insides of your upper thighs don't get painfully chafed.

Rick said...

Yup, been there. Drives me crazy. Well, actually, I don't have to be driven, I can walk from here.

mal said...

I think you are onto something with the exercise. It is the same for me. If I am forced to be inactive for any length of time, I physically hurt and am generally bummed.

an Ipod vibrator? mmmmmm,,,have you talked to Steve Jobs about it? I bet it would be a BIG hit

Ian Lidster said...

Having many years ago suffered from a clinical depression, I was moved and intrigued by your honesty and self-perception -- intrigued but not surprised because you seem to know yourself extremely well, and that's good.Your're also very honest -- even better.
As an former addictions counselor, however, I must take exception to the comment you made about tequila 'not' being a drug. It is, of course, because it's a CNS depressant.
Anyway, it will run its course with you, and I never see you as an Eeyore.
Now, about masturbating in a carwash -- wonderful.

~Deb said...

The fact is, depression is different for everyone. Each person experiences different effects and different ways of coping. Medication is great for some people, and then at the same time…bad for others.

For me, medication didn’t work. Exercise is the best way to get rid of it. It releases endorphins that give us that “happy feeling”. Also, ten minutes every other day in the tanning bed (not enough to burn or tan) will give you the source of vitamin D—which we lack in the winter due to the days being short. You can also take this in vitamin form, but the best is being absorbed through the skin.

Some people go about life without even knowing they’re depressed. For me, I stopped playing my guitar, I stopped writing songs and my love for anything regarding hobbies was gone. I was tired all the time and just thought I was exhausted.

Also, always remember that laughter is the BEST medicine. Rent a great stand up comedy or movie and relax. Tequila may help, but Ketel One martinis will really do the trick! (ha—seriously—alcohol is bad for those who are depressed…) But then again, everyone’s different. Depends on how one takes alcohol. If you’re one who tends to emphasize on emotions while drinking…fuggedaboudit!!! But if you are a happy kinda gal while having a few cocktails- great!

When we meeting for “happy” hour?

{{hugs}} Feel better sweetie

Monica said...

Happy hour.
I think I'll paint the bathroom yellow.

Prata said...

As younger person (in my teens) I was treated for Clinical Depression. You know, that whole suicide thing. I was put on drugs and then taken off (well actually I just stopped taking them because I wasn't feeling any different..just ambivalent to everything). At least when I was off the meds I cared. I just needed a different perspective. Zen. Happiness. Seeking Nirvana. Glee!

Monica said...

Glee....I forgot about Glee.
Thanks Prata, I think I can make good use of that.

LarryLilly said...

As you read this, DONT feel sorry, its the past, 14 years ago. It is what it is. Death is part of life, but its the worst part as far as the living goes. But to maybe those that pass that way, its the only way they see. Dont feel sorry, its just a marker in histoy.

Depression stories gets to me, in a odd way. I myself are one of those people that cant/dont get depressed. Pissed yes, depressed no. Sense lost opportunities, lost time, lost chances, but not depressed by it.

But what gets to me when I read about depression is that it has affected me in a very strong sharp way. My first wife was part Welsh, and the Welsh people all seem to be depressed. Dam dark dreary shies I guess. All those poets, dark and forboding. Well, my FIL on my wives side was a depressed man, my wife was depressed and my only daughter was like her mom. My FIL survived his depression by getting killed by an equally bad driving habit. But in the middle of my wives depression, my depreseed daughter, being treated for her deprerssion, although it was mis-diagnosed by the physician, committed suicide.

The part of me that sees the awfulness of depression is that non depressed people cant often see depression as the insidious illness it can be. Lack of perspective I guess, lack of awareness, whatever.

I cant offer you any more than saying I am glad that you see the problem, and in whatever method you deal with it you do. But it also deals me with a tinge, some 14 years later now. Dam, she would have been 30 this year.

And like you Leesa, I called her "My Princess".

Her grave marker carries it as well.
Ann Martha Giglio
"Our Princess"
May 13, 1977 - December 6, 1992

Leesa said...

heather: I have good insurance so I don't worry about the costs.

VX: thanks. I was actually scared when I started taking the drugs, but I was really depressed at the same time. I made a deal with my therapist that I would try the drugs, and if they did not work, he would taper me off.

rick: thanks, hun.

mal: Apple is actually suing a company that makes a vibrator for the iPod.

ian: I know alcohol is a drug - I thought I was being irontic with the statement. Alcohol probably does more damage than illegal drugs, not because it is necessarily worse, but because so many people use the drugs. I actually don't drink.

~deb: my counselor actually only agreed to the "no meds" when I said I would exercise for the reasons you mentioned.

monica: "Painting the roses red."

prata: sort of similar to my experience.

monica: I like "Glee!" too.

larry: what you are describing is a much more serious of a problem than what I was describing. But, yeah, committing suicide is something I have thought about.

Monica said...

Lewis Caroll is my favorite Author.

Bruce said...

I've been on Zoloft for about a month now. I've been depressed for quite a while, and I pretty much know why, too. But I just recently addressed it, mostly in an effort to get out of the funk I've been in. Being 54, but feeling 74 is no way to go through life, that's for sure.
I do know that drugs aren't the only way to make things better, so I'm also trying to work on a few other things. But in the meantime, Zoloft is my new best friend.

QUASAR9 said...

Leesa babe, how does a hot chick like you get depression even mild.
I can imagine you, as successful as you choose with your promotion, wearing that skirt and those stockings and perfume I like.
If you weren't a married woman I'd be wanting a piece of you myself.

The only thing that can snap you out of a depression - is you - a change of 'environment - and/or a crazy nutter like I, that just wouldn't let you mope around.

Leesa said...

monica: I love Lewis Caroll.

bruce: glad to know that Zoloft works for you.

quasar: things have been going well for me, but I am not sure those things had anything to do with me getting out of my depression. Strange, I know.

Tony said...

I think that if I had a nail in my butt I'd be several shades of purple too. :)

~Deb said...

Some doctors are against meds for certain people, but then you have those doctors who are pill pushers. They're only out to get kickbacks. Watch out for those types of docs.

Tony said...

Depression amongst bloggers. I've noticed it. I like the way Lisa handled hers (pun intended). I wonder if there is any relation to the depression and the age of the bloggers. Are they in that group of people right behind the baby boomers but not quite in generation X?

Could is be that there is a lack of "substance" or "purpose" in their life? I don't know. I've had that feeling recently, as if there is something missing..... Almost as if I don't have an identity or as if I'm not associated with anything. Hmmm....

kathi said...

Sometimes it's hard to remember 'before' the depression...sometimes there wasn't a 'before'. You're lucky you're seeing an 'after', some never do.

Leesa said...

tony: good point, and I would a grouch as well.

~deb: I knew a psychiatrist who pushed drugs (even for very young children).

tony: I think that is a generalization; I relate well to others. Really I do. Honest.

kathi: I feel blessed, actually.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I am alwyas moved when someone shares their own experiences with depression. It is so hard, even in the 21st century now, to talk about such things. Every one has their own unique experience of it. One size DOES NOT fit all. So it goes for treatment for depression too.


cameronsharpe said...

Great reminders that make a huge difference in the quality of life. I think every single point on this list is important, thanks for sharing.