Okay, I admit it, I am spent. The post I wrote yesterday, while fun to write, was enormously taxing. But it was a labor of love, or vanity or both. Hard to tell.
This morning in the shower, I lost myself. Not literally – I mean, I would have left a trail of drops that would have been easy to follow back to the shower. I mean, I was thinking about things, all kinds of things.
My mind drifted to situation comedies, or sit-coms. When I was growing up, most of the television was either sit-com or drama. I can't remember much more, besides 60 Minutes. I know, you are thinking, how can this 21-year-old hot babe remember that far back. Just read on, smart ass.
With sit-coms, you have to suspend belief are they just aren't as funny. I mean, if you were a rational person watching Gilligan's Island, you would be screaming at the TV set every episode, and what fun is that? And Three's Company, please. How real is that. As real as Third Rock from the Sun. Hey, that happened to my cousin. He rented out his place to dorky space aliens.
Anyway, I think it is helpful to suspend our beliefs every once in a while, perhaps that's the whole point of vacations. Well, I have a friend I have been writing – she is having a hard time, and I have thought that she needs some "me time" to do the same. Women need a day at the spa like men will need the first weekend in March Madness. I know hubbie thinks he could still play point guard for Georgia Tech. Talk about fantasies.
Well, again, I will recycle part of a letter for your reading pleasure. I know it is cheap/cheating, but I tend to reveal more when I do so.
I have been thinking about you lately. I thought about you this morning while taking a long shower – my mind was drifting to several things, but you and your marriage kept popping back in my mind.
I would say the first three months of hubbie and my rebuilding was so hopeless. We would talk to the therapist about the same things, argue at home about the same things, cry over the same things. I don't know why it got better – but I don't think I was doing anything differently. Perhaps hubbie finally got the realization that if it doesn't work out, we would have a messy divorce (is there any other way to divorce?), and then he would be on his own. Perhaps my cheating ass was better than some ass he would have to find, romance, and eventually win over. I really don't know what went on in his noggin, and I probably did not want to know. Who knows, maybe he "evened the score". I doubt it, but it could have happened.
You talked about wanting God to intervene in your life. I think God intervenes all of the time but we just don't know it, cant see it. We don't listen close enough to hear him. We have all of this background noise going on, and we don't pay attention. Myself included.
There have been few times in my life when I have actually heard God – no doubt in my mind. And it was so calming – when I figured it all out. Okay, by a few, I can count them on one hand. It is a rare occurrence for me, but I have so much crap going on in my head that it is hard to hear anyone else. Sometimes I think I would make a terrible person with multiple personalities – all of the other personalities would get pissed that I am drowning them out with my own thoughts. Then they would go haywire, and the next thing you know, seven people are missing from the neighborhood, and I would wake up one morning wondering why my feet are muddy and my favorite kitchen knife is missing.
Babe, I have no answers. When I think of you, all I have is more questions. I do know, from what little I know, you are incredibly strong. Sometimes going out to play with the dogs and the kids is the best thing for us, even if we want to travel to some beach where wearing as little as possible feels so right.
Well, here is to everyone finding a little bit of fantasy, perhaps taking your thinking cap off to just appreciate the world around you.