Friday, March 24, 2006

Googling Rene Russo's Lingerie

Last night, hubbie was watching an old movie – Lethal Weapon. Or I thought it was – turns out it was Lethal Weapon III (not sure there is much of a difference). There is a line that is memorable from the movie – "Close is a lingerie shop without a front window." I will explain what it means shortly; that is actually not the point of the post.

Well, I figure my boycott of Google dropped their share price several points, costing them millions of dollars, so I thought, “What the heck, I will use Google to figure this one out.”

I Googled it, and one of the first sites gave a detailed explanation of the bad guys using a lingerie shop as a front, blah, blah, blah. It was one of those question and answers where people pay other people to find the answer. Is it "Google Answers"? Since the boycott, I forget. Well, it turns out that someone paid for this answer, and it is wrong.

The right answer follows:

A cinematic Rorschach test: Please explain the following line of dialogue that is spoken by Det. Lorna Cole (Rene Russo) to Det. Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) in Lethal Weapon 3: "Close is a lingerie shop without a front window." Give up? You're not the only one. Lethal audiences are puzzled by Cole's taunt, uttered when Riggs admits he came this close to catching the bad guy. And even Riggs himself admits, "I don't get it."

So what does it mean? "Nothing," says screenwriter Jeffrey Boam. "It's a complete non sequitur. The (original) line was something like 'Close doesn't count,' or 'Close only counts with horseshoes.' Dick (director Richard Donner) is a fun-loving guy," says Boam, "and this thought just popped into his head. He said, 'Let's have her say something completely off the wall.'" Boam, who ; wasn't on the set at the time, quickly faxed Donner a dozen meaningless lines that began with the words, "Close is " Then the whole cast and crew started coming up with them. But the one they used came from Russo herself. "This is like some line from a Beatles song," says Boam. "I guess people are trying to figure it out."

Okay, back to my point. And it is not about Rene Russo and Mel Gibson rolling around on the floor (best part of the movie, by the by). It is that the Internet has a lot of misinformation being shared, stored and cataloged for others to find. Another point could be that although Mel Gibson is so hot, I could never be with him because he has better hair than me.

I mean, take this blog. No, don’t really take it, but take a look at it. I do very little research. I just type stuff in what turns out to be a suck-y word processor and some people read it. Okay, and I don’t mean anything negative by this, hopefully everyone with an average IQ can tell when I am off base (which may be most of the time). But, I think to myself, "why would anyone with an average IQ read me?"

I read from people who are smarter than me. Why read about people you already run intellectual circles around? That’s sort of like weight training with Pee Wee Herman. First, he probably can’t spot the weight you are benching, and second, he is a weird little man. Okay, I will admit it – I had to plant something about weight lifting in here. I went to the gym the other week, and hubbie wanted me to spot him. Luckily the bar did not crush his wind pipe when I failed to spot him.

I thought spotting looked cool, but as I was watching hubbie writhe in pain, I had a different thought, "I know nothing about spotting." The next thought was about bills and wondering if we mailed in his life insurance premium for the year.

I have bad news – no, the bad news is not that we failed to make the life insurance premium. Insensitive readers. The bad news is that he eventually struggled and got the bar off of his chest before it crushed any vital organs.

But the point, if you fail to find it thus far is this – don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. I will be taking off a few days, going someplace warm, and coincidently, this place has Swiss bank accounts as well. Hubbie is fine, really.


kathi said...

Funny stuff, and true! I hope you have a wonderful time off! Enjoy!

Mike said...

Enjoy your time away from us. You'll be missed of course...but with practice our aim will improve.

And what do you mean you can't believe everything on the net.

I'm crushed and disillusioned now.

Have a super weekend!!

Monica said...

He he he..Mike got crushed....did he marry you too?
Good Morning Leesa.

Joe said...

I have to admit that when I read the title to this post, my first thought was "Has Leesa been spying on me?"

Leesa said...

kathi: I made a very vague joke. The point was not to trust anything on the Internet, and than I said I was going to someplace warm after my hubbie didn't die. My implication (a vague one at best) is was that I did accidently kill him and I was fleeing for some nice, warm place.

mike: Sure, you can't believe everything. I, for one, would not be able to take my hands off ~deb were we virtually married. You have managed to do so, so you say.

monica: I would only marry mike after he made me beneficiary of his will and large estate.

joe: funny!

Shannon said...

I loved the ending, I take it he had insurance? LOL... bring me back a fruity drink please!

Have a great weekend!

KnowOne said...

yeah the internet has a lot of misinformation, all it takes is for it to be put in the cyberspace once, for it to habe google potential...

lol at the blogger/weight lifting put it simply i go to blogger land so i dont have to think and to get a laugh

Grant said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Grant said...

Women and men and free weights don’t mix. Whenever a woman enters the gym, the men suddenly believe they can bench press a cement truck. It must be some form of vaginal mind control. And even if the woman has the strength to spot for a guy, if he drops the weights on his chest the odds are she’ll be laughing too hard to actually help him (I’m talking from experience here). No, women are best left at home chained to the stove. Of course, women are the primary reason most guys work out anyways. Hmm…lots of fodder for intelligent discourse here.

BTW, I had to type this twice. Fecking Google and its faulty comment boxes. >:-(

Boris Yeltsin said...

I know what you mean about not believing everything you read. When I ran for public office, I was misquoted so many times by the newspapers around here, and guess what though? I still find myself beliving what I read in the paper, even though I know I've been misquoted too many times to mention. Funny isn't it? If you read it, it must be true!

~Deb said...

I really think a lot has to do with the variety of people who are writers/readers and other intellectuals. There are so many aspects of ‘intellectuality’, and humor. People read and write for different purposes. Some people who are excellent in math and figures don’t even pick up a book, nor do they read a blog. It depends on the person. Some of wisdom that comes from ‘within’ and do not have ‘book smarts’. So, running around the ‘circle of intellectuals’ is kind of an off base concept to me. Each person holds their own level of intellectuality I believe.

I read you, not because I think I’m an intellectual, but because I learn about the person you are and I love your dry sense of humor. Your life is intriguing (whether it be true or false) and you simply give people a good read.

It’s as simple as that.

And for the record, (hehehe) I see Mike did what everyone else did on his blog..... He wrote about 'a dream' and people thought he was really going off to London. Oh how I am going to make fun of him for believing you about the warmer place you're going to.

AH! I gotta get him for this!

~Deb said...

P.S. Your hands may roam wherever my darling. ;) I saw that comment!

mal said...

enjoy your time in the sun!

gee, I always believe EVERY thing I read in the newspaper, see on TV or find on the internet!

Now, I am sooooo disillusioned.....

SkyeBlue2U said...

Great stuff! :) Enjoy this beautiful Sunday.

Leesa said...

shannon: thanks, sweetie!

no1special: I think some misinformation is spread so well that it looks like good info.

grant: your comment could be made into a blog entry. Very funny! At least you chained women to the stove and not the bed!

boris: I have seen other examples of mis-quoting from the media.

~deb: When you started, "I read you because . . ." I was glad that you didn't finish it, "because your small intellegence makes me feel so much smarter." You know, the Jerry Springer effect.

mallory: don't believe everything. A guy once told me that semen makes a wonderful face cream.

sky: thanks, sweetie.

Georgiapeach said...

When I read this, I could picture you (well my picture of you..) standing by your hubbie attempting to spot him and then you started thinking about blogging and then that's when the accident

Rob said...

I've been trying to puzzle out that line since the ninties. Thanks!

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