Tuesday, March 28, 2006

St. Patty's Pinch

I hate St. Patrick's Day. When I was a little girl, I was traumatized by the day. You know, wearing green, but not the right shade of green – and getting pinched by mean boys. Oh, how I hated St. Patrick's Day, until recently.

Let me explain.

I work in a city that takes St. Patrick's Day seriously. Behind Boston, it is a party on that day. And every St. Patrick's Day, our office closes because there is a huge parade that goes through downtown. You can't find parking, it is loud, it is almost not worth having the doors to the company I work for open. So it is an unofficial holiday, and normally, we take volunteers to keep a skeleton crew here. I volunteered for the skeleton crew.

And as I have implied, I don't like any of the festivities, so as I was getting dressed, I looked around for something to wear. Crap. Perhaps I don't like the freekin' holiday because I don't wear green clothes. I go for a flowery dress – spring-y, lots of pastel colors (which I rarely wear) and with some dots that look green, or is that turquoise blue? The only thing I really have on that is green is a pair of Jockey for Her green panties. As a constellation, I know I will be the only one at the office and that the day will fly by. Heck, I did not even shave my legs, so I didn't wear panty hose as well. Sort of a side benefit of not shaving, I suppose. As long as no one sees.

Anyway, I am at work for the day, and there is no one else there. I can hear a dull noise from outside – the parade starting. After about an hour, I hear the elevator tone. Someone is on the floor. Two minutes later, Ted arrives at my desk, needing to finish some paperwork. I look at him, and he has on this tacky tie, "Kiss Me I'm Irish." It doesn't go with his suit – but it is green.

He shuffles off to his office, and I continue to work. Ten minutes later, I leave my desk for the restroom to release my morning coffee.

As I return, Ted is at my desk, leaning over reading what is in my in-box. A clear no-no. I think, "nosy guy", and I sneak up behind him and pinch him on his ass. A hard pinch, on the cheek but closer to the crack than I originally intended.

He turns around, startled but busted.

"Oh," I apologize/lied, "I did not know you were wearing green."

"Look at you, Leesa, you have no green on."

"Yeah, Ted, but you can't pinch me because of sexual harassment! So my ass is safe from your fingers."

I did not know Ted well, but he knew I did not curse. I purposefully used the word "ass" to indicate that I was being less professional than during normal work days.

He turned around completely, and looked me up and down with a bit of lust in his eyes.

"No green on, Leesa.," he finally says, "but you pinched me and I had green on. There must be some sort of punishment."

I am not into punishment, domination and the like. That is not was I was after with my "ass" statement.

"Bite me," was the first phrase out of my mouth. I hate that phrase, but someone else at work uses it and, unfortunately, I picked up the phrase.

Ted smiles, and then nibbles me on my neck while pinching me in the butt. I was shocked and aroused at the same time.

"That," Ted said after the nibbling, "is for pinching me with green on."

What should I do next? Did I really want to carry this further? Right now it was flirty talk and pinching bottoms. Did I want to take things further, lift up my dress to reveal my green panties? A million endings to this story entered my brain. Was someone going to get off the elevator, ending what could have been a passionate encounter? There is a difference between what I want and what I should do. What would I do?

Okay, the above story is fictional. I thought it would work better if you thought I was blogging. Anyway, call me a bitch if you want to; maybe I want to be bitch slapped. Who knows. I was sort of running out of room and did not know how to quickly finish the story. Okay, bitch slap me if you like. Sort of like an unfulfilled tease.


Yesterday, I visited lots of blogs, mostly to satisfy my king. Anyway, I saw this movie, called Loose Change 2nd Edition, and it scared me. It could be completely made up, but some of the things made a lot of sense. I am not saying it is real or false. Maybe it doesn't matter. But I did want to mention it today.

And if this is my last blog entry, the government sent a squad to my work, identified by me streaming this video. They then manipulated Google to erase any trace of this evidence. The video mentioned is more than an hour in length. It may be all crap, but it scared me because it seemed plausible. Not likely but plausible. Sort of like fucking Ted in the office on St. Patrick's Day.

18 comments:

Joe said...

All I know is that I'm volunteering for the skeleton crew at that fictional office next year.

Erm...unless Ted is working, that is.

Sheen V said...

I'm pretty much anti-St. Paddy's Day. Not that I have anything against St. Patrick. He was a good guy and is a saint no less. I just can't get into the whole "let's all pretend we're Irish and get drunk" attitude. I'm not Irish. Sure, I had a few Harps on 3/17 after a 5K race (great motivation for finishing fast!), but I won't wear green on that day (or red on 2/14 either).

~Deb said...

I wasn't aware of the St. Patty's pinch. Hmmmm.... and to think I've been doing this all year long to unexpected women...........my bad. ;)

Grant said...

I am part Irish, but also totally evil and anti-Catholic, so I'm basically indifferent to St. Paddy's Day. Still, I'll drink to anything - My Car Started Day, There's a Dead Fly on the Windowsill Day, Somebody Sneezed Day, Yay - Another Day That Ends with a "y" Day, etc.

Leesa said...

joe: pure fiction.

sheen: I am anti-St. Paddy's Day as well. Hard to be that way in Savannah. A huge party (well, by Savannah's standards).

~deb: unexpected women, but probably grateful.

grant: you may be anti-Catholic, but drinking to anything, that is very Catholic.

BBB_0202020 said...

U had me going with this post, I am always imagining flrting w/ someone...

Monica said...

Leesa, you're right , a washer and dryer are not a toy...but if I call them my "newest tools of the trade" they don't sound like the fun I desprately try to pretend I am having while I use them. Plus my husband suggested that since it had a really high spin cycle, I hop on and we "test drive" it...you know. Sigh...we didn't.

And panty hose? who even WEARS it anymore? ewwww. Stockings when I have to have to have to look more formal...but that's maybe once or twice a decade. If I hafta wear panty hose, I'm not going.

oh...and you are a tease.

Leesa said...

tigerkiss: sorry, not a usual post.

monica: I can see the salesman's pitch, "you can even hump on this baby." Hmmmmmmm. I dislike panty hose, but I sometimes wear them to work, and if I analyze it, probably only when I am wearing a dress that I shouldn't wear to work. Not that they are revealing; just that they are summer dresses. I wish I had your instinct in the house (all of that painting and re-finishing).

nosthegametoo said...

Last blog entry?? Please say it ain't so.

Leesa said...

Not my last post - unless the FBI/CIA gets me for viewing the 911 evidence.

Georgiapeach said...

What should I do next?

Poke your butt out and rob it on his bleep! Then grab his bleep softly, smile at him with your eyes and then act like you are about to leave so he will chase after you.
Just playing :).

That's not right Leesa...lol. I got already to have an erotic moment and then you cut me off like that...lol. I have a routine that I do right before I read erotica and that is to sit up straight, squeeze my legs tight, and try to ignore my anxiousness..lol.

Rob said...

Nice try, Leesa. I know "Ted" is code for "Rob" and you were just trying to think of a way to tell everyone about that time we were working late at the office and you were SO horny for me you came up with that crazy "bet" that resulted in you "losing" and having to show me your panties. Of course I knew what you were doing, but I had wanted to have you bent over my desk for a long time, so I played along and it was all over but the screaming and shouting once I noticed how damp those lacy little panties already were. I thought it was just going to be our little secret, but it IS kinda HOT now that everyone knows!
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OK, so this is just a fictional comment on your fictional post, but it WILL give me something to fantasize about tonight! THANKS!!! ;-)

Catfish said...

I was born and raised on Washington Square in Savannah. It has gotten bigger and bigger each year. Nothing but a big open outside bar. Too many people.

Stephanie said...

St patties day was never big in my books!!

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

I wanna see that movie about the 911 evidence!

Romantic Perv said...

Leesa,

Now that I have been pulled into your realm, I think I will just sit back and puruse your archives. Got my attention. Nice site despite whatever some retarded "reviewers" might have to say. As your faithful followers have said, it is your content that keeps people coming back.

Leesa said...

GP: sorry for the half story.

rob: you got me, I should have used a name with a different number of letters to confuse you.

catfish: agreed. Drinking and recreational drug use.

stephanie: Not big in my book either, but big in Savannah.

N-search: you can watch the streaming video or buy it for $20. Well done, in my opinion.

romantic: I have no beef with the reviewers, though they picked a weak post to base their comments on. I think the minx just wanted to look smart. No problem with that.

Video X said...

i love st. pat's day. i want to go down there and make some attempt at making your st. pat's day better.

but really, 4th of july is my favorite holiday. i guess there's not really a comparison since st. pat's day is not a holiday though.