Friday, March 03, 2006

~Deb's Dating Service

~Deb's Dating Service
I was reading ~deb the other day, and she is starting her own dating service. One of her friends, Tamar, needs sex bad. I mean, one of her friends needs to find someone. Well, needs is probably a little strong. She wants to find someone.

Funny how people find one another. There is a movie I have not seen in quite some time, When Harry Met Sally. Interspersed through the movie are couples (actors?) who talked about how they met. Most of the meetings seemed to be chance meetings. Romantic, wonderful … Hollywood. Okay, I am a mush.

How simply romantic it would be to meet someone by chance – "you know, I really don't meet people from the Internet, but I just had a feeling." I met my hubbie by chance. But I am not telling the story – and, no, I wasn't working at a strip club at the time. Nor was I a hooker – I was giving it away at the time.

Love and Marriage
You know why I think most people marry? To have someone else observe their own life, who has a stake in the matter. To be able to bitch and complain, pour champagne in a glass when things go well, lend a shoulder when things go poorly.

I am so happy I found hubbie when I did. I am not sure I would be any good in today's dating scene. But I read about Tamar, about others, and I think to myself, "I wish they could find someone."

You know, love is a madness. You simply fall for someone. But being in love, and being able to marry, those are two different things. To successfully marry, you have to be willing to sacrifice. You have to be willing to accept an "of the rack" hubbie when hungering for a custom-tailored one. And many of us girls don't want to sacrifice for who people are. We want to make them "better." Change their nature.

And I am not talking about turning the other cheek when hubbie is banging the neighbor. I am talking about letting him watch the football game, knowing that black tie evenings are a sacrifice he is willing to make, how cooking the meals doesn't diminish your importance. I have heard that "women often love women who are unworthy of them." It is a saying that has the ring of truth, but I don't believe it. I believe that, for the most part, women marry their equals. Men do the same. We might not see it as so, but our values and theirs are different, and frankly, it is only the married couple's opinion that matters. Well, there are some extreme cases, but we won't go there.

When I was a 23-year-old "old maid," all of my friends were trying to fix me up with people. My friends reminded me of lemmings jumping off the marriage cliff. You know, get the degree in May and get married to the college sweetheart in June. I remember going to so many weddings right after my degree. I thought they wanted me to marry because they wanted me to suffer the trials and tribulations along with them.

I chose to wait.

But now, I think they were just happy and wanted me to experience a similar happiness.

I have lots of virtual friends here, but three stand out as guys that are available and seem like they want to find their soul mates. Again, there are probably more, but at this instance, I can think of three.

1. Ddot. He was the first person I read and liked enough to link to. He lives in the DC area, which means he may live in Virginia or Maryland or the that little diamond we call the District of Columbia, wedged between the states. Funny thing is that Virginians and Marylanders don't like one another. I don't know if they can't stand each others smell or what, but that would be an issue that Ddot could not overcome. He is sexy, smart, shy and funny. And some would call him conceited. I think he is a very complicated man – his blog, which may be endangered due to his local IT department, is a mixture of humor, politics and race relations. With a side of Michael Jordon worship. And when you take a look at his blog, 96% of his readers are attractive women. Grant, Rell and Arson are the exceptions.

2. Joe. He does a weekly picture show on his blog. Not any HNT, but on Friday, he has goofy pictures and writes funny captions. More than once, I nearly wet myself when reading his blog. He is really funny, and from his writing, it sounds like he is a true romantic. Which can be dangerous at times, but he lives in New York City (and the cabbies are dangerous as well there). He may not be at a good "relationship place" right now. Hard to tell. But when you read his posts, he seems so sweet and sincere.

3. Mike. I hesitate to add Mike to the list, as he got married to ~deb, in a blog wedding. But since ~deb still is living with her M, I am not sure this counts in real life. Okay, the downside is that he lives in Wisconsin. I don't even know where that is – somewhere near Canada and no beaches, I think. Again, he is humorous, and is in touch with his feminine side. That's what attracted ~deb, I am sure.

Please note that humor is part of all three of these guys. And that, according to ~deb number two, is real important (see here for the blog entry).

Or you could get a dog. But you can't fuck a dog. And those who disagree, well, let's not go there. I am not copying ~deb's dating service, first because none of these guys is asking me (sorry in advance, sweeties). Second, because – well, crap, it looks like I am copying ~deb. But my point is more about finding someone and less about measurable outcomes. Not that I don't want these stud muffins to find their soul mate, but I am not hopeful. And I am sort of mad at Mike because (1) he married the ~deb babe (jealousy is a bitch), and (2) I was going to write about Subway today.

Squiggly Wiggly
Now I have two squiggly Deb's reading me every once in a while. We all know the ~deb from New York. Well, at least I am very familiar with her. She is very talented and I think she also has a good heart. It seems she does, at least. And then there is a new squiggly ~Deb, a Dr. Deb.

I wrote some dribble today. It started out in my brain as funny, but when I put fingertip to keyboard, I failed. Guess I will try again tomorrow. And it is too darned long.


Video X said...

i seriously cried when i read the 1st paragraph under the subheading "love and marriage".

~Deb said...

Now here’s the ironic part of this bog. ~Deb and Dr. ~Deb. Ha! Imagine, a psychiatrist and a mental patient with the same name. I think THOSE two should ‘see’ each other…of course on a professional level.

You are not copying me at all. I think this post was quite clever. I had no idea that Virginians and Marylanders are at odds with one another. I vacationed in DC (well Rohoboth) last October… Very nice area. I think it’s around that facinity.

Anyway, I think you hit some good points in your post. In order to have a successful relationship or marriage, you need to accept all the idiosyncrasies and flaws that come along with finding out how the living arrangements are when you finally get hitched. My girlfriend watches way too much of the History Channel, while I flick to the reality shows….(mindless t.v.---I know)

I think it’s great when two people who are together are different enough, where as they can share and experience different things. Who wants a partner who is exactly the say as them? Ew, I wouldn’t want to date myself…ah….there goes my self-loathing.

Dr. Deb! Help me! I need to see a shrink!

Prata said...

Marriage...the lemming race. *chuckles*

Seriously though, I've never viewed marriage as a necessity. Not that I wouldn't get married if I found someone that I wanted to be with that felt it was a necessary part of their ideal relationship outcome; however, I think I'd have to question why it was a necessity to them in the first place.

I believe you're mostly correct there Leesa. People get married to share things that are possibly very personal (good or bad) with someone that can identify and has a stake in these things. But, does marriage make you any more likely to have a stake in what happens to the significant other than say, a serious boyfriend/girlfriend? If someone commits to you, is marriage necessary to say that they have a stake in something?

I know you're not trying to make that point, I'm just asking your view I suppose. Does marriage outweigh a committed individual's actual stake in or commitment to a relationship?

Mike said...

Great post Leesa...and yeah...most people don't put WI and beaches in the same


Sorry to steal your thunder on the Subway post....I'm really not psychic...although some may see me as psychotic after reading that post.


Have a super weekend!!

Miranda said...

It is funny how people meet these days.... "you know, I really don't meet people from the Internet, but I just had a feeling." It's how I met my g/f 5 years ago, meeting Her r/t a year later. And now look at us. I never ever thought I'd be with a woman, visiting 3-4 times a year. But when I met her online, she could of been a guy for all I knew, I loved her anyway...for her mind. The rest just fell in place.

TrappedInColorado said...

Note to self: My goal for 2006 - Get on the "in" with Leesa. Be included in the Leesa circle. Become part of the Leesa clique.

Steps to accomplish goal: Suck my stomach in more. Get in touch with my feminine side. Compliment her relentlessly (in the abscence of being able to bribe her with money). Get ~Deb to put a good word in for me.

Or.. get a dog.

Leesa said...

VX: thanks, sweetie.

~deb: concerning the ~deb and dr. ~deb, I originally thought perhaps you have schizophrenia. Of course, if you did have schizophrenia, you would deny this.

prata: not sure how to answer your questions. I may blog on this at another day.

mike: I think I will ask Grant for one of those dolls that you stick pins in. So if you get a sharp pain, blame the lady at Subway.

miranda: you seem like a very complicated lady.

trappedincolorado: I listen intently to ~deb. And not just because the lusty side of me wonders what she tastes like.

Grant said...

Don't forget me. I'm in need of a spare woman. :)

Leesa said...

grant: you have your language teacher and your dentist. How many women do you need to sustain your appetite?

~Deb said...

Trapped: Get a life... If she wanted to get a dog, she would have emailed you.

(haha----you can take a joke.....RIGHT???????????????)

Marissa said...

i totally enjoyed this post. as you know, i'm in the midst of searching for love, but unwilling to hop on the internet or enter into any other type of what i deem "contrived" situation to do so. i want to meet my guy in a way that completely sweeps me off my feet. but that right there is my issue w/ romance. i'm not so grounded in reality! :) anyway, i love your site.

Bruce said...

Funny thing is that Virginians and Marylanders don't like one another.

That's not necessarily true, Leesa. I live in Virginia and know some peeps from Maryland, and I like them just fine.

Goddess said...

Finding someone....... finding someone is not necessarily a hard thing to do. It is finding that "right" someone when you are at the "right" time in your life to do so, and then of course, they have to think that you are the "right" person and a "right" time in their life as well. That is the kicker. For instance, if penisman would not have been leaving for Iraq, I do not see any reason why our relationship would have been "ended" in his mind. There was no reason for it to "end". And I am not saying that because I am a bathering idiot, his reasoning for it "ending" was that because he was leaving. He did not want to have to "deal" with a long distance relationship. Oh well, he is dealing with one anyone, whether he realizes it or not. And when he gets back, he will have to reevaluate if it is the "right" time, or not. Either way, I think he is the "right" person, and I am willing to wait for a bit to see what his reevaluation of the situation is. Not waiting forever though, and who knows, in the next 10 months, I might meet someone who just jumps up at me and I cant ignore them. Although, it took my 27 years to find a man who did that, which was penisman, so I doubt that I am going to be that lucky again.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

You speak nothing but the truth in your Love and Marriage section. Another thing that I have noticed about some people ‘in love’ is that they date each other for a very long time and are still not married. For example, I know of three couples that have been dating for over ten years but still not married.

Then there are others like my aunt and uncle who get married in less than a year of knowing each other.

I don’t get it?!?!?!

Leesa said...

marissa: love your blog as well, though I sometimes feel a bit out of place there. You seem much more upscale than I am.

bruce: I am not saying that all VA and MD people dislike one another. A friend of mine works in DC and I have visited. They tend to make fun of one another at work. More good-humored than anything.

goddess: Interesting comments. But lots of people (unfortunately) are leaving for Iraq. Not all of those relationships end, because they all come back (whether alive or not is another story).

N-search: thanks, sweetie. Glad to hear your outlook has improved. I know you have had lots to be sad about lately.

Bee said...

I am one of the trillion single people on this earth trying to find someone. I have been single for a while and it can get pretty hard to meet someone the older you get. I'm not saying I'm an old maid at 28 (times have changed a bit), but when your family is 100% mexican, you might as well be writing up your will and testament cuz you will probably die alone. LOL.

I read somewhere that everyone has their other half in this world. If this is true, mine is probably in Antartica and is taking his sweet ass time walking towards me! =D