Mammary Glands and Perceived Performance

One year ago¹, on a lark, I applied for government grant. I was talking with an old Psychology professor. He was bemoaning the fact that said government grants have been drying up because of the current administration's emphasis on commercially applicable studies, and I wanted to prove him wrong. I applied for and received a government grant, and I would like to briefly describe my study and findings.

Introduction
It has been well-documented that taller men are trusted more; they get better jobs, have hotter wives, drive more expensive cars, and get elected President 88% of the time. Similar studies have been made for women, but no link has been made to a woman's height and any measurable difference in getting jobs, having fast cars or dating attractive lesbians. This scientific study attempts to link breast size, not height, with preferential treatment.

Methods
In order to conduct this study (in which we spent an incredible amount of government funds, all accounted for, by the way), we hired attractive prostitutes exotic dancers who posed as job applicants. We then selected students to evaluate these "job applicants." We standardized this study by ensuring that all exotic dancers were between the ages of 21 and 27, and that they were attractive. We also selected them to ensure a wide range of breast sizes, from petite/perky to round/curvy. Furthermore, we wrote resumes for the job applicants that were essentially identical (similar degrees and work experience).

Initially we incentivized² the "job applicants," but we soon learned that this was a mistake in study structure. Many of the "job applicants" performed fellatio³ in order to receive their financial incentives, and thus we had to cease this once we took videos of these indiscretions for both documentation and personal use.

Results
We asked the subjects, whose job it was to select the most qualified applicant, a series of questions concerning each applicant. Here are our results:

1. Women with smaller breasts were described as smarter 87% of the time.
2. Women with larger breasts were described as "team players" more frequently.
3. Women with smaller breasts were described as more qualified.
4. Women with smaller breasts were described as more knowledgeable in the field of study, independent of field type or hair color.
5. Women with larger breasts were described as more "outgoing", though there was little evidence that this was the case.
6. Women with larger breasts were selected for the job in virtually all mock job situations.

In summary, even if the woman was thought to be (1) smarter, (2) more qualified and (3) more knowledgeable in the field, she was still not offered the position. Large breasted women with the more "soft attributes" of being (1) a team player and (2) outgoing, qualities much harder to quantify were offered the jobs nearly every time.

Conclusions
From examining the evidence, and spending the remaining grant money on a graduate level statistician, we were able to statistically prove that breast size is directly proportional to job selection but inversely proportional to many of the attributes most find important in job applicant. With additional resources, we may be able to draw additional conclusions concerning breast size and perceived performance.

Is it any wonder that Wonderbra^®'s tagline is "your not so secret weapon"?

Disclosure Statement: Leesa has no commercial interest in Wonderbra^®, and received no personal compensation for this study.⁴

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¹Nothing in this post is real. This post is a joke, and I did not receive any government money to study anything. The sad part about this is that I have to explain this because it seems plausible. I was inspired by Hugh for this post. He posted about the Circle of Beauty. He posted an intelligent VLOG about his "circle of beauty."
²Is this a real word?
³Doesn't fellatio sound more scientific than blowjob? How many people actually read the footnotes I wonder? I better get back to writing this essay.
⁴Leesa did, however, accept some of the exotic dancers generous offers of performing cunnilingus on her.