Thursday, May 25, 2006

Random Dating and other Randomness

You know, I wonder about the state of affairs between women and men. We don't talk about it much – okay, men don't talk about it, women talk about everything (we are intellectual that way) – but there seems to be some conflict between men and women. Sort of like the book, "Men are from hell, women are from Venus." Was that the title? I can't remember now.

Anyway, when I was in college and dating, we women wanted a date to do stuff that we liked. Tickets to the theater, eating out, long strolls, flowers, girl stuff. Even the movies we wanted to see were different. We liked romantic comedies, men wanted movies where things blew up. Well, a super men's movie would have scantily clad women decorating the men, and things that blew up (a James Bond movie, perhaps). And when I dated, I wanted the same things mentioned.

I approached dating sort of randomly. I mean, a guy asked me out, and we went out. The first date was normally to a movie (lack of imagination), and if the point of a date was to get to know someone better, this date did not accomplish this. Not really. Second date would be out to eat and then dancing – or to the theater.

I like going out to eat, but on a date with someone I want to impress: absolutely not. I would order something on the menu that was fairly cheap, had lots of green, and then I would eat half of what was served. The last thing I wanted was a reputation for eating. No "clean plate club" for me. I can vividly remember coming home after a date and then eating again. Because I was hungry. How crazy is that?

I guess I did not understand the point of dating: If the objective is to have a good time, I failed because for the most part, the first few dates could be painful. If the objective was to find a mate, then my selection process was not very efficient at all. I had more fun when we went out as a group – I could dance with anyone, and not upset my date. When going to a movie in a group, I did not have to spend my attention on a lame date. I guess I just did not get dating.

Now that I am married, I think I would be a better date. And hubbie knows that I need to be taken out a couple of times per month. And I can eat all I want at dinner. Trouble is, now I can't try and ditch my date if things don't go well.

Extra Stuff
The other day, I found this in Wikipedia and I thought it was interesting:

"Faithless elector" in Minnesota
One elector in Minnesota cast a ballot for president with the name of "John Ewards" [sic] written on it. The Electoral College officials certified this ballot as a vote for John Edwards for president. The remaining nine electors cast ballots for John Kerry. All ten electors in the state cast ballots for John Edwards for Vice President. (John Edwards' name was spelled correctly on all ballots for Vice President.) This was the first time in U.S. history that an elector had cast both of his or her votes for the same person.

Electoral balloting in Minnesota was performed by secret ballot, and none of the electors admitted to casting the Edwards vote for President, so it may never be known who the "faithless elector" was. It is not even known whether the vote for Edwards was deliberate or unintentional, although the Republican Secretary of State and several of the Democratic electors have expressed the opinion that this was an accident. It is worth noting that an Independence Party straw poll, which was published in lieu of an endorsement from that party, selected John Edwards for President, though there is no evidence to suggest that this is related to the Edwards electoral vote for President.

Similarly, I read this story yesterday and was floored:

Trucker's Breathalyzer Registers 18 Times Legal Limit
VILNIUS, Lithuania -- Police in Lithuania are amazed by a truck driver's Breathalyzer test.

They said the driver registered 18 times the legal alcohol limit.

At first, officers figured the machine was broken. It wasn't. Authorities said it must be an unofficial intoxication record.

One police official told The Associated Press that the man should have been dead -- and certainly not driving.

The truck driver told police he had been drinking the night before and tried to sober up with a beer for breakfast. He's been fined more than $1,000 and will lose his license for up to three years.


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Men are from hell, women are from Venus"

That was just plain EXCELLENT. ;)

And I did the same thing with my dates...I'd order a salad and eat half of it...while he sat there and ate steak.

I honest to God would absolutley HATE to date again. Makes me SO GLAD I'm married (sometimes!) :)

mal said...

faithless electors? Welcome to Bullwinkle country!!

When I was in college he whole dating scene was a miserable dance (I had exactly 2 dates in High School) I felt bad for everyone because we were all so unsure of ourselves, men and women alike. Although there was the occasional fellow engineering GEEK who was ABSOLUTELY clueless and thought I would get hot over the latest HP electronic slide rule. I mean what did this guy think I was? Easy? It would take at least a 20 Megawatt nuclear reactor to get me that hot!!!

SJ said...

Yeah I am from and would love to go back it was better than Earth.

Mike said...

Dating?...what's that?

My last date was a father/daughter date with don't have to worry about wrong 1st impressions on that type of date.

Phollower said...

The truck driver "tried to sober up with a beer for breakfast." I have a feeling he's unclear on the sober up thing. Although with his Blood Alcohol Level being what it was that probably didn't raise it. I need to try that excuse though: "Of course that's a beer I'm drinking officer. It is a light beer though so it's only got like 3% alcohol in it. That's less than in my blood right now and waaayyy less than the bottle of Jack I just finished up."

Leesa said...

stacy: thanks. I actually was having trouble with the name of the book, and that sentence "just came out." No accountability here.

mallory: yeah, we were so unsure of ourselves.

sj: did not mean to blast all MANkind with this post. Unintentional.

mike: and Em got to eat all of her meal, right?

phollower: I just could not believe the story.

Mike said...

Em is an eating machine...I don't have a clue where that girl puts it.

Party Girl said...

I've been wondering lately if dating has really changed that much or if I have changed that much.

I've come to the conclusion that if though dating has certainly changed in the half a lifetime that I have been doing it (gulp) it hasn't really changed all that dramatically. It's more that I'm just not willing to put up with the stuff that I once was.

Bad dates, nope.
Bad conversation, or one-sided conversation, no way.
Rudeness of any kind, absolutely not.
Waiting more than 24 hours to call me, see-ya.
No orgasm after helpful instructions from me, are you kidding me? glad you're married, cause honey, dating is a tangle of stained sheets and cocktails mixed with disappointment.

Ddot the King said...

I try to get that drunk before coming to work!

jackt said...

My wife ditches me all the time on dates. Must be my Star Trek outfit. I think she's a little embarrassed by the pointy ear prosthetics.

Pyrhonik said...

Oh yeah! Successful communication between the sexes is definitely random. It seems like we, the human animal, will never stray too far from nature's fundamental origins. That said, one would expect that men would sharpen their skills to improve their chances, and that expectation would include improving relations with females. Supposedly communication between people is 90% non-verbal. Does this mean that we all make significant assumptions based on non-verbal? How much weight does verbal have? For men or women?

Prata said...

Oh I think you meant perfectly well to blast all of man-kind. ^_^ It was cute though, in that I don't live in a country where women know their place sort of way. hehehe

*puts on a flame suit before the sickness begins*


minijonb said...

I'm going through what will offically be "The World's Longest Divorce With No Kids Involved" right now. I've got to start dating soon before I lose my mind. I need to find a lovely lady from Venus.

Ian Lidster said...

You know, pretty Leesa, when I started dating again after my 2nd (I'm a bit ashamed to admit) divorce, I found it to be infinitely better than when I was young. I felt more sure of myself, was less self-conscious, and found, to my both amazement and delight, I was far more likely to 'get lucky' than when I was a callow and probably awkward youth. I also think the sexes are more honest about their wants and needs when they get older. But, your blog took me back to an earlier time in life when 'impressions' were everything, rather than the 'what the hell, we'll see how this plays out' feelings I had later. Ultimately it played out very well, by the way. Thanks again for your well-considered thoughts, and your great sense of humor. Ian

Leesa said...

PG: well said.

ddot: doesn't the drinking impact your performance?

jackt: funny.

pur: 90% nonverbal? Wow.

prata: trying to stir the pot?

minijonb: sorry to hear it.

ian: thanks for your kind words.

Edge said...

It's ironic that getting married focuses you more on dating. I've felt the same way. And if you try to tell a single person what they need to look for they stare at you like you don't know what you're talking about.

I think I missd the concept as well on dating and just got very fortunate with my choice. My wife says she won't date again if I die or something like that. I would have to date again if my wife died.


Edtime Stories said...

I use to hate the fact that women felt they needed to not be themselves on dates. I have always tried to be real. But then I never went out on a date with a total stranger until after my divorce. It was funny, it was much easier to date at 35 than 21.

~ Amanda X&O said...

He was 18 times the legal limit, and only got a $1000 fine? Dude got off easy.

Leesa said...

jef: I think dating one's spouse can be more rewarding.

ed: interesting perspective. At 21, I was unsure of myself. At 35, much more secure. Perhaps that is the reason for the dating differences you mentioned.

amanda: well, he only had $1,000 fine but his liver had some damage done to it.