Monday, May 22, 2006

9-11 and Affairs

I am not normally a very "political" person. Yeah, I vote every four years for the president who would be most likely to receive a blowjob from me in the Oval Office. I figure I could blackmail the guy, as long as I could keep evidence in a safety deposit box; part of my retirement plan. I mean, if the president can't personally help me, why bother voting.

Anyway, I still listen to some political chatter. And recently, I have been tallying up the number of events, laws or otherwise, that continue to talk about 9-11. I mean, when we talk about immigration policy, we do so because of 9-11. President Bush talks about raising taxes on children from ages 14 to 17, we need the money because of 9-11. Taking our rights away in the Patriot Act, we do so because of 9-11. It is amazing how many things we are doing because of 9-11 now, and part of my cynically envisions political pundits sitting around in a room, thinking up reason for doing whatever it is the major contributors want to do. Well, we would like for the FCC to limit access to competition in the phone industry. Can we use 9-11 as a reason for this? We need to give tax credits for hybrid cars. Can we use 9-11 as a reason for this? It seems like the political pundits are bundling excuses here.

Here is a non-political way of bundling excuses. Let's say you cheat on your hubbie and he takes you back, for whatever reason. But when you make a male friend, hubbie is visibly upset and makes small barbs at the man. Well, even though he does not say so, you know the underlying reason is because of the affair. You come home a little late from work, hubbie looks hurt and asks where you have been. While not said, the reason is because of the affair. You get in a heated argument, and what is brought up? Perhaps the affair? Are you seeing a trend here? I sure am.

I have been reading a strong woman for a while. I linked to her blog until recently – she is not going "under cover," but I think she doesn't want as much attention drawn to her site. We have not talked about this, but I imagine she experiences the same thing. You see, we both cheated, and we are trying to get back "to normal" – heck, we probably want "extraordinary"; we both deserve it – after the affair.

An affair in a relationship is sort of like 9-11 was for the country. We were completely obsessed with it for weeks afterwards. Every single conversation contained parts of the affair or 9-11. Every single conversation. It was the elephant in the room, but instead of ignoring it, we were talking about it ad nauseum. Then we did things to protect ourselves. The Patriot Act for the country, serious therapy for the individuals. Maybe even stashing a bit of money away "just in case." But we cannot sustain this, and eventually, life got back to normal, sort of. But 9-11 or the affair is still out there. It is always there. Can we move forward as a couple, as a nation? I hope so, but we are moving forward gingerly. Cautiously.

And I am not trying to make light of 9-11 and the aftermath with this post. A friend of the family died in one of the twin towers, and it has really affected their immediate family. But affairs can be extremely destructive on a personal level. Anyway, as Memorial Day approaches, I wonder if we should have a day for healing on a personal level. I'd fly a flag for that as well!


Shon Richards said...

I see the Patriot Act as less a solution for 9/11 as it was a chance for some people who were not crazy about civil liberties to really gut the Hell out of them. The public went along because yes, they were still in shock and Patriot sounds nice and wholesome. I sometimes wonder if the hostility after affairs come from an underlying hostility that predates the affair but now the affair has dragged it to the surface. The person who had the affair is in a state of guilt so they allow the other party to keep making the accusations.

I think in both situations, there comes a time when both sides have to realize that they can't move forward if they act like the crisis happened just this morning.

mal said...

There are days I think Monica L missed a great opportunity, or was it Hillary that cashed in on hers? *G*

I can not imagine the pain that must come with having an affair let alone the difficulties of trying to heal the wounds or sweeping up the mess of a broken marriage. I am afraid that if I had been presented with the opportunity at times in my marriage I would have traveled that road also. Thankfully, I have never had to.


Prata said...

Affairs...are not destructive simply to marriages. I often hear/read/see people worried over how they are going to get their lives back in order after they've cheated on their spouse. What about the poor sap/sappet that has his/her heart broken because of what the cheating individual did?

Does anyone care about them? Apparently not.

Prata said...

And did you mean Ad Nauseum?

Leesa said...

shon: I agree about the Patriot Act.

mallory: Monica L cashed in somewhat. Didn't she get a book deal out of the exchange?

prata: those having an affair with a married person should know two things: (1) most married people have no intent on leaving the marriage, and (2) you are having an affair with someone who normally has said that they will forsake all others. And they are not doing this. When picking a spouse, why pick someone who shows you that they are willing to deceive their spouse?

prata: ad nauseum, that's what I meant.

Ian Lidster said...

Affairs are kind of epiphanies in that we can never go back to the way it was before the event -- not completely. It will be, as you say, always there, lurking in the shadows. I know. I've been there -- at both ends. But, that doesn't mean there can't be growth and positive changes that evolve. Your analogy with 9/11 is apt, Leesa, because that moment also can never go away. We can't go back to Sept. 10th, ever. But, because we have to do things differently now, doesn't always mean that in certain ways, they can't be better. Anyway, dear heart, I don't know if this makes sense, but for what it's worth.

Party Girl said...

Nicely said.

I agree with your assessments of 9-11 and I was actually thinking about it yesterday and how much is going to be made in elections about it. I think it has, sadly, become nothing more than a sound bite.

TrappedInColorado said...

As far as 9-11... we added to the long term destruction of this country with the Patriot Act - more so than the Twin Tower horror itself.

As far as blackmailing the prez after blowing him... do you think him and the FBI and the NSA and the CIA and the Navy Seals would have a problem getting into your safety deposti box? :)

Future blog comment conversation with ~Deb and me:
TrappedInColorado: Have you seen Leesa any since her trip to D.C.?
~Deb: Funny you should mention that. I was just going to ask you the same thing.
TrappedInColorado: Her last post was about her finding her retirement. What did she mean by that?
!Deb: Dunno. Oh well. Want to meet for a martini?

Heather said...

I myself am a little tired of all of the new found ways we Americans are paying for that tragedy. Yet we continue to assist those that were, if not directly, then most likely indirectly responsible for it. What a strange country we live in sometimes...

Georgiapeach said...
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Prata said...


Well hrmm. There is that about affairs I suppose. Although, is that really a valid argument when something is done pretty much under duress?

Edtime Stories said...

Great analogy. I think there is a sense of trust in thew orld that was lost by many on 9-11 and a trust in a relationship that was lost when there was an affair. I would say that in both cases time helps ease but the pain never truly goes away.

However in a relationship there is something else possible, the possibility of true forgiveness and rebuilding. Relationships have a life of their own and must be fed by the members of the relationship to grow and survive. That is the beauty of living beyond a mistake, we have the ablility to make it right again, though, like you said, it will always be different.

SJ said...

Excellent analogy. Great post!

Leesa said...

ian: thanks for the thoughtful note. And I do know about some growth afterwards, but it still makes everything different.

PG: oh, I had not thought of the elections.

trapped: You said: "As far as blackmailing the prez after blowing him... do you think him and the FBI and the NSA and the CIA and the Navy Seals would have a problem getting into your safety deposti box? :)" Monica L got away with it, now didn't she. But I understand your point.

heather: yeah, we will be paying for a while.

prata: having an affair under duress? "But honey, I did this under duress.

ed: thanks, sweetie. Yes, it will always be different.

sj: thanks, sweetie.

Prata said...

No No....I meant getting married under duress. lol My bad, that wasn't clear at all on my part. lol Whoops!

Goddess said...

The Patriot Act. Oh my goodness. Now, a lot of people that I know think that I should be all for the PA, seeing as how I am a Soldier and all that stuff. And they say, well, if you arent doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to worry about.

But you do.
Judges decide what, if any, part of recorded conversations are allowed in court, to be heard by your peers. Ever hear half of a conversation, and end up getting the wrong idea? yeah, there we go. I am not for that. And, I fear, it will eventually get to that point.

With that being said, we do have to work differently to find our new enemy. We cant just sit on our asses and wait for the next time they come to blow us up.

So, in all, it is a no win situation when your country can not stomach any death of its own, deaths of the innocent, basically has become snifling little shells of men, who do anything and everything based on partisian politics, to show they can, or that they could do better, or whatever other reasons they have to sit on capital hill and in the white house and truly do nothing,while we are fighting zealots who are willing to blow themselves up, but are still the most cowardly men to walk to Earth.

End of rant.

Good post, Leesa!

Prata said...

Mmm. Speaking on the Patriot Act, I don't think the new ways in which to fight terrorism against extremists should focus _so_ much on digital communications. I say this because terrorists largely do not utilize digital means in which to coordinate. If you think about it, electronic snooping is much easier to accomplish than say, opening every single letter that is mailed to ensure it's not a plot against the State.

On the other hand, you definitely have something to worry about with the Patriot Act, it's the road to a police state. The general erosion of rights and lack of real effort to stop this is going to lead to a civil issue later down the line. If only people would look at the systematic destruction of our basic rights as they are today I think we'd be better served.

Grant said...

Prata - I'm surprised you were allowed to finish typing that comment. When I read "I don't think the new ways in which to fight terrorism against extremists should focus _so_ much on digital communications" I got an immediate image of commandos crashing through your window and placing you under arrest. "Freeze! Yer busted!" :p

I think even worse than the politicians who use 9/11 as an excuse are the corporations that did exactly that. I noticed several American companies effected mass layoffs shortly after 9/11, claiming the terrorist attackes were forcing them to cut back. Knowing the speed at which management moves, I can only assume most of those already had the layoffs planned but were looking for a good time or excuse before making the announcement.

jackt said...

Affairs and 9-11. They're making movies about both.

I'm kind of like you- fairly apolitical. I have a hard time contemplating issues beyond my personal life and immediate community, so topics like affairs and stuff usually grab my attention more than things like 9-11.

Leesa said...

prata: noted.

goddess: good rant.

prata: agree with grant. I figure by the time you finished your response, the feds would be knocking down your doors.

grant: some corporations made millions after 9-11.

jackt: every time I talk politics, no one responds.

Prata said...

I am not at my home. It will be hours before they find me!

*is quite effective at bouncin' about servers* glee!

Perhaps I've said too much. Hrm. *leaves his present location*

Menzies Milngavie III said...

I say!

Never voted, ever, myself.

Reckon it doesn't help.

If only no-one voted, then no one would get elected.

Then we'd have an interesting situation. Do you really feel we need people to tell us what to do?

Of course, in Kalimbuka, and as an expat, I'm not allowed to vote. But I wouldn't, even if I could.

Its the only solution - hawonka...hawonka...hawonka.


~Deb said...

I think in regards to cheating on your mate----if your mate forgive you----it's important that he/she also forgets about it.

Forgive and forget.

But it's hard, isn't it? If your mate cheated on you---sure you can forgive him, but will you forget it completely?

9-11 will never be forgotten -- but if we have it in us to forgive, that's HUGE!

Let go...and let God. :)

Great post sweetie!

Joe said...

Wait...we don't all have to use that criteria to vote for President, do we?!?

Lee Ann said...

I think that was a good analogy. I can imagine how an affair would consume you and then how difficult it would be to be normal afterwards.
I think a couple can get through many obstacles, but which obstacles depends on the amount of desire by each partner. I think if the decision is made to get through it, then that is what you must do. Discuss and decide, it is over completely (including no smirks, no jabs, no quibbles from hubby...done, over). The only way it will be over is if both you and your husband make a decision it is over (from his side and yours). Otherwise, it will make it extremely hard to get over it.
I do wish you the best with hopes that it works out how you want it to.

Leesa said...

menzies: you said, "If only no-one voted, then no one would get elected." Hmmmmmmm. Never thought of it that way. What are the odds of no one voting?

~deb: If we will never forget, does it matter that we do not re-hash? I have heard few talk about forgiving those responsible for 9-11. Sounds like a Christian thing to do.

joe: that was not the point of the post; but you can use your own criteria for voting.

lee ann: thanks for the well-wishing.

Pyrhonik said...

With regard to affairs I am in a very similar spot to your own. In my experience the after effects have been like a campfire. The emotions and everything surrounding the affairs reduces to a glow but has the potential for flame. It's been several years and still a few embers remain. As far as I can tell only time and communication are what is in order.

I really like your political opinions. It is a side of you that is so underestimated in the shadow of your incredible erotica!

Rafael said...

Well, I was cheated on, and it ended the relationship. I tried to get over it, but couldn't. I just kept seeing her in his arms, and being intimate in a way that she promised she'd only be with me and I just couldn't get over it. She said I could go have an affair to make things even, but seriously, if I wanted another woman I wouldn't have married her. We ended up splitting and divorcing and all that, and she ended up living with the guy for awhile and then they broke up, and so on and so forth. Anyway, I'm glad your husband has the wherewithal to want to move on and can get those things out of his head.

Edge said...

I have been on the end of an affair where my ex cheated on me. It's hard to shake. I'm glad you two have worked things out. I know it left me scared.


Edge said...
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