Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Classes that Matter

Crap, Crap, Crap.

I wrote the majority of my post for today and my freakin' computer crashed. MS Word did not save what I was doing, and I am upset. It was a good post, a damn good post. Now it is "blowin' in the wind." The answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind, the answers are blowin' in the wind. With apologies to Bob Dillon. Or did Kaavya Viswanathan write those words as well. Whatever, I know I did not write them.

Anyway, the awesome post that was deleted was about VX. You see, VX was posting about her love life the other day. Well, about her being single all these years. And in typical Leesa fashion, I saw her open wounds and sprinkled cayenne pepper on them. I told VX that perhaps it would be better if we had some type of "Picking a Man 101" in college. Ouch. Sorry, VX, you know I love you, and sometimes my fingers just hit the wrong keys on the keyboard. How is that for shifting blame?

But it lead me to think – you know, college is to help prepare people for life. I took many classes in college that didn't seem to prepare me for anything. I mean, how often does someone use college French, or "The History of Europe from 1266 to 1650"? Probably not every day. Don't get me wrong, I think it is important to learn useless crap; that sort of helps us when our bosses give us some assignments when we really don't know why we are doing what we are doing. Logic does not have to enter into the conversation. It is some unique boss logic that they learn in Business School. Anyway, here are some courses that I think should be taught in college, or perhaps they could even be AP courses for High School as well. Some of them, well, PTAs may not want to endorse, but it is all about preparing people for life after they leave Mom and Dad's home.

Dating 101
This is for the guys, primarily. When I was in college, I went on some lame dates with guys that had little confidence. Now I don't know if these were lame people or that they just did not know what ingredients were part of a successful date. For most of these guys, I am thinking it is the latter. So two things happen when dates go bad – the woman looses an evening that could have been good, if not great, and the man, more often than not, will not go past first base. So I think people, okay mostly men, ought to learn how to date. If a woman is boring on a date, for the most part, she just is being kind. She does not want to give the poor guy hope. Sexist? Yeah, but it is true as well. Sorry guys.

How To Find a Good Man 310
This could be a graduate level course as well, because this is a course that is extremely complex. Go ask VX. Or look at the divorce rate – I think finding the right guy might be a large part of the problem. Oh, I have noticed that this is from a woman's point of view. Sorry, this is my blog, and it happens to be from a woman's point of view. If you want a man's point of view, visit Mike. Er, on second thought, his point of view is fairly odd. Visit Joe. Er, ditto. Well, you can visit some male not directly linked to me.

But I really don't know how to find someone using any good methodology. I mean, for me, you date, you get to know someone, you freak out because he has ear hair or flosses with your hair, and you look for someone else. I probably would have been more confident when saying, "I do" if I had one of these classes. Yeah, some people have good hubbies, but a stopped clock is right twice per day. I mean, just because you ended up with someone who you can live with doesn't mean you made a good decision. Perhaps you just got lucky. Such a course is needed.

Blow Jobs 102
Okay, no one ever told me how to give a good blow job. I mean, the first time I "did it", the guy probably hurt. Well, he did, but he did not say anything about it. I mean, he had some girl tonguing his penis. How to complain when the girl can just "bite it off." Monica reminded me of this one. You see, she doesn't swallow. I mean, she wants to, but there is a gag thing going on. I think a little time with a psychiatrist could help with this. "In the past, did you have a bad experience with men? Did you like your father? Do you like the power of denying pleasure?" Okay, none of this is the case for Monica. Heck, she is a cool chickie. But I mean, who doesn't want to give good head? Perhaps there can be a separate course to help out with those who want to be better at going down on the women. And it would be better if that course was taught by a woman – I mean, you can get an education, and for heterosexual women, you can check off your "lesbian experience" at the same time. I am all about efficiency.

And there are lots of other courses I have thought about – how to buy a car without getting ripped off too badly. How to find a job. How to give a massage. But these courses are taught at some colleges, not for credit, but for experience.

Oh, and I completed a meme that I was tagged with, and I lost that one as well when my computer crashed. Crap. Crap. Crap. I guess I need a course on how to swear. I mean, what the fuck.


Party Girl said...

I think this is a splendiferous idea.

Guys and girls both take classes on oral, dating, manners, the art of conversation and listening.

...and they should be requirements!

R said...

So much for "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden."

I don't know about you, but I use my vast knowledge of Imperialism and Revolution every day...when I'm not talking about Coming of Age Narratives.

I always wished that I could take Inhumanities 101, but all the U offered was Humanities 101. What a farce.

Goddess said...

You know, finishing school, it does teach some of these things. (If you go to a good one, that is) They arent just about how to set a table, and iron clothes, and how to switch from feeding yourself and your husband to feeding both of you and his boss a delightful mean to get your husband his promotion. Some of them *actually* do teach *bedroom technique*. Which includes blowjobs. Of course, you are never going to get one of those ladies to admit it, but they do. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE! Ha! What is it they say... everyman wants a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom? Well, maybe they dont necessarily want a whore.... but they want someone who doesnt mind pretending to be..........

Mike said...

Sign me up.

Leesa said...

party girl: requirements worth taking.

r: too funny.

goddess: interesting, interesting. Too bad people like finishing school is wasted on Camilla Parker Bowles. I mean, really, does Prince Charles really appreciate BJs?

mike: signed up. And your picture is missing its link.

Heather said...

You would think that someone somewhere would start some damn classes.

damn puters..

You could always redo the meme! lol

Debbie said...

The classes are a great idea.

jackt said...

Another thing we need is a class on how to spend less than you make. Simple arithmetic but seems that lots of people have trouble with it.

TrappedInColorado said...

Funny post, Leesa...

I gave a Blowjob 101 class at the free university here. Poor attendance caused it to be cancelled. I had a great class plan. Lots of props. Everything was there. I mean, right next door was ~deb's "Vaginal Tongue Stimulation" class and it was packed! In fact they came in and took most of the chairs out of my classroom because of the overflow. What the fuck?!!


Leesa said...

heather: I will re-do the meme, but I did not have time today. I have to post by noon time.

fresh: thanks.

jackt: yeah, I thought of that, but it was not as funny. More sad than funny.

trapped: they just wanted to look into ~deb's eyes, listen to her soothing voice.

TrappedInColorado said...

Yeah, that must have been it. But how do you explain the moans and screams coming from her classroom?

Video X said...

i tend to like cayenne pepper. hmmm...maybe that's what the problem is. nah...i dont know what it is...being somebody who has no desire to take care of adult men as if they were children, i do not know how they find me.

i really do with they had offered such a class when i was in school, or even now...maybe the community college could set it up! i still think it's a very fine idea!

i would definitely register for how to find a good man 310. i wonder if my work would reimburse...haha. i have considered much advice, many examples, etc...none of it works. that's exactly it! there is no methodology.

Grant said...

I don't know if you've seen Kira's blog, but she recently posted a rant about the same subject, at least college preparing you for real life. I have an IT degree, and I can honestly say NOTHING I learned in college can be applied anywhere but there. College is just something you have to endure if you want the corporate muckity-mucks to consider you for employment.

Amber said...

You made me laugh out loud in this post. The fact that you're al about efficiency and the final line of the post? Priceless.

I would sign up for any and all of those classes, by the way...

Girl Next Door said...

Ladies, learn to swallow. Or at least learn to like oysters.


FortuneCookee said...

Don't include a sentence in documentation if its negation is obviously false.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Talk about extracurricular activities!!! Hey, I'll even go to summer school if I have to...;)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh and Leesa, I was just over at Grants blog (sorry to cross blog like this) and saw the comment you left about my pee in the corner?

You just reminded me of a damn funny story about The PK getting drunk and peeing in an ashtray (and no, I have never peed in a corner before...:)

You can bet your sweet little ass I'll be blogging about that soon...: Thanks!

Monica said...

Leesa- thanks for the mention--maybe I'll get some decent tips (or indecent ones)
I wish they had had a home finance class in School....budgeting, meal planning, home buying--all that. We honestly thought that a day or a few late on a bill wasn't a big deal...until our first home buy. What an eye-opener. I actually said to the loan officer "Why don't they tell you this in school?!?"
~Oh and Girl Next Door- I also wish I could do oysters...I have tried, I love the idea, but I absolutely cannot get past the cold snotty rubbery texture---gagged on that too. Sigh, I'll have to settle for less than fantastic.

JD said...

okay, if more women took BJ102, i think it would take care of GM310 and help with D101 for sure. i mean, you give a guy a blowjob, no matter how boring he is, unless he's totally gross, you have a friend for life. ;)

very funny post Leesa. hope you get your puter problems sorted out though. i can't handle the potty words... ;)

JD said...

GND, too funny.

Stacy, ummm, i think i need a tutor. ;)

SJ said...

Yeah practical education taht prepares you for life thats what we need.
When you start the classes drop me a note I'll consider joining :)

Leesa said...

VX: you inspired this post.

grant: I had not seen Kira's post.

amber: thanks. I liked that line as well.

GND: some ladies just don't have the stomach for it. Makes me more desirable, though.

fortune: thanks for that.

stacy: hey, you weren't supposed to see my comment on grant's blog!

monica: there are home finance classes. Not normally in school, but by others.

jd: I am fascinated about you being the first person to notice I used a word that I normally don't use.

sj: wow, I think there is a niche for this type of education.

JD said...

yeah, i'm fascinating like that. just kidding. see, i really do read your blog, when i'm not idly staring at your profile pic. ;)

Edge said...

Dated both Ms. Spits and Ms. Swallows. Ms. Swallows was WAY hotter.

I think finding a good man is not as hard as people think. It takes knowing how men work and what they value. Men seek signifigance, women seek security. There I gave you the key to alluring the opposite sex.


JD said...

I agree with Jef. but i also dated Ms. Made me cum so hard i hit the wall behind her head, and she was the best. i'm glad she didn't try to swallow, i think i would've killed her. ;)

Enemy of the Republic said...

I think the mutual oral sex class would be very beneficial to life, more than Intro to Statistics. I have been bold enough to buy books for said individual who showed a lack of competence but an eagerness to learn in this area. I too, was just as motivated to obtain expertise in this area. So college courses do need some improvement.