On Sexuality

When I was in college, I took some Psychology courses. And I do want to mention a few things about psychology. My impression of Psychology majors is this: most of them are drawn to the field because of demons in their lives. I know, blanket statement. But I met some really disturbed puppies in Psychology classes. And they talked about their problems – in Georgia. Whatever happened to repressed feelings? It is so much more polite, and as we know, appearances are everything in the south.  Hint: appearances are important could be a central theme of this post.

I learned a lot about sexuality in college. And not just from the boys I dated. Sex seems to be central to a lot of Psychology. I took an "Abnormal Psychology" class, and everything seemed to be based on sex. I know what you are thinking – you would love to get credit for classes about sex. But sex classes are not about body parts, semen and orgasms. Nothing useful. I used to say that it was sex and stats, not human sexuality. By the by, p-values are not what you would think they are. You don't say, "I have a 6 inch p-value" in these classes.

One thing I read was about a sexual scale. Now, I will be getting all of the terms incorrect, so bear with me – the ideas are the important part of this. Everyone has a scale, from totally attracted only to females to totally attracted only to males. And there are only about 10% of us who are on either end of the scale. Then there is the rest of us – where we might be 90% attracted to males, 10% attracted to females. You get the idea – just so that the total is 100%. And I don't want to know people who are 80% attracted to females, 10% attracted to males, and 10% attracted to farm animals. Those are the types I took these classes with. Really.

Anyway. I don't know what my percentage is – it is not like I have ever taken a test. As I recall, there are tests – where they flash up pictures and measure pupil diameter on the theory we contract our pupils on things we don't want to see and open them more on things we do want to see. You know, if they showed me a Toblerone bar right now, my pupils would be doing the wide open happy dance. You know I am hungry when I would rather see a Toblerone than a nice picture of a man's penis. Crap – do you think 5% of my sexuality is devoted to chocolate? I hope not.

Okay this is all of the theory part – you can wake up now.

So here I was in college, mostly attracted to men, but every once in a while, I would see a woman and something inside me stirred. I did not really put the theory together with those inside urges. Synapses just did not connect the two pieces of information.

Now I have written about lesbian encounters before, but I had a short, intense affair with a women when I was in college. We were really good friends, hung out, went out in large groups dancing and to parties. We knew each other well. And we liked each other a lot. Not a "please squeeze me" like, but an intense, you are so wonderful like. Well, we had a lesbian experience that lasted a week (8 days, but who is counting), and I probably would not have labeled it as such at the time, but we were in love.

I mean, I was really drawn to the physical relationship – something very new to me and to her as well, but it was, I think in part based on our innate attractiveness to one another. I have heard about pheromones, stars, and other things that attribute attractiveness, but I think all of those things were bunk. We wanted to be so close to one another – and we were. No saran wrap here. We just wanted to "become one." Okay, the cumming part was nice as well. Crap, I need to get back to reality.

Well, we broke off the relationship, mostly, because of appearances. We did not want to be seen as lesbians – we did not want to deal with all of the baggage. Remember, this was more than 10 years ago, and I am sorry, but there is "baggage" with being labeled as gay. I don't know what my parents would have thought – first thought would have been "no grandkids from her." And I am not sure we would have eventually ended up together. I dated a lot in college, and married no one I dated. Well, hubbie and I did date but post-college.

Now I also wanted children – still want them. Funny thing is that having children was probably the biggest reason for me. I can be so maternal sometimes. And now I have this adorable hubbie and we are striking out on the kiddie front. And it is not that our body parts don't fit nicely together. It is just that his little sperm and my eggs don't necessarily get along. And as the song suggests, "It takes two."

Back to sexuality. For me, the overriding factor is not a question of connectors and slots. Yes, I love hubbie's connector and he adores my slot. But that was not the thing that attracted me to him – he is kind, gentle, funny. We make a good pair. And perhaps I am an 80/20 girl, so that out of every ten people I am attracted to, eight are men.

Most of us pair up and marry when we are young, too young to really know what is important. Perhaps that is part of the reason I am with a man instead of a woman; I don't know. What I do know is that, if we look deep within ourselves, most of us can admit to the fact that we might be at least a teensy bit attracted to the same sex.

End note: Sorry this is so long, but one other thing should be mentioned. I am just talking about female-female attractiveness, partly because I have limited experience with this, but I think the same can be said about men. The thing is that in our society it is taught from an early age that male homosexuality is wrong/bad. How many would think little of watching a sexy lesbian porno, but their stomachs would turn at the thought of seeing guy-guy action. Personally, I think society teaches us that. But think of all of the men bending over to accept other men in prison. Limited women and homosexuality doesn't look quite as repulsive. An interesting observation.