Monday, February 27, 2006

On the Edge of Sanity

The other day, I took sort of a mental day from blogging. Technically, I still wrote something, but my "Bitch on Retreat" entry was a long-winded way of saying, "I don't want to blog today because there is this person I don't know who wants to express herself. And she scares me."

And I started thinking of mental illness. You know, neuroses and psychoses. Okay, the last time I was in a classroom discussing these was a few years ago, well more than a few years ago, but it is hard to claim to be 29 with so much real world experience. In the grand scheme of things, psychosis is worse than neurosis. Well, I should say that those with a psychosis find it more difficult to interact with the real world. Maybe those with serious psychoses have are better off than the rest of us, but I digress.

I was thinking about, and this is the technical term, "crazy people" the other day. I have actually seen a crazy person – someone with one heck of a psychosis – someone that had several personalities, who ate parts of his own body (and I am not talking about chewing fingernails). But when I was interacting with this individual, one thing that kept racing through my mind was, "but by the grace of God, that could be me." And my mood the last few days sort of reinforced that perspective.

Now I am not saying I am some sort of nut job – because I am not. Sure, I have my own inner demons, but most of us do. But if I was born into a different situation, where my parents beat me or abused me, where they did terrible things to me, perhaps I would have coped by becoming a nut job.

I have actually worked with someone (a different person) who did not have a real grasp on reality. He was a sweet old man, and he had spent most of his life institutionalized. He lived in what could be described as a "half way house," where he had structure, communal living, and a family, and he worked half days performing custodial tasks.

You could not talk with him about philosophy or politics, but he like talking about dogs. He understood dogs, and he would tell you about them. And I saw him with dogs, not his, mind you, but any stray dog that would come around. Dogs I would cross the street to avoid, he would talk with, pet, and love. It always scared me – that he would get hurt – but to my knowledge, he never got bitten, scratched or harmed.

So part of my reason for not really wanting to expand on my bitchiness (let the bitch out, as Muse so eloquently said; she writes like a poet, that girl), was that the bitch scares me. Not that I would not trade places with my old man friend, but I really don't want to eat my own skin.

14 comments:

Monica said...

--don't knock it till you've tried it...you might be tasty....

Mike said...

The inner demon I'm dealing with today is dealing with washing permanent press....which always seems to need pressed permanently.

~Deb said...

What did he just say?

Okay----well I understand you wanting to take a bit of a hiatus from blogging...totally normal. But to eat your own skin? Please refrain from posting pictures of this. ;)

Prata said...

Humans are supposed to taste like pork. Due to the structure of our fats/muscle. At least that's what I read. However!

Post pictures of this! No...really. *can not give a long-winded response as it's not appreciated* Later!

Leesa said...

monica: I am disturbed and excited by your comment. I must be crazy!

mike: Regarding permanent press: tags lie. I mean, I have not heard a tag talking or anything. Er, where is the delete key.

~deb: I will not eat my own skin; ewe! That's what my OCD prevents me from doing.

prata: it all depends on perspective. I have heard canibals say that pork tastes like human. Okay, I made that up, but the woman that lives in my thumb told me about it (shameless stealing from Mupet Treasure Island).

Tai said...

It's strange how people choose (and on occasion NOT choose) how to make sense of their lives.

Prata said...

@Leesa
lol cute.

Grant said...

If you don't let your dark side out to play, it might consume you. G'wan, try it. You know you wanna. Just kill one tiny, measly little person and see how it feels. If that doesn't cheer you up, I'll owe you a Coke. :p

normiekins said...

thanks for visiting leesa.....okay this peel and eat story is too much.......i think i've just given up pork rinds as a snack.

Leesa said...

tai: occasionally, I understand why people would not want to make sense of their lives.

prata: remind me not to try your cooking.

grant: I drink Diet Coke, grant!

normiekins: you know, the first time you drink beer and eat pork rinds, you swear off the snack food.

Joe said...

See what happens when I leave you alone for a few days, Leesa? ;-)

Hope you're feeling lots better today, and the weekened allowed you ample recovery time.

~Deb said...

Mmmmm.... Pork.... The other white meat.

Leesa said...

joe: welcome back!

~deb: I like the other white meat! And there is not a lot of caleries if you just suck on it!

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Don't let your bitchiness or aggression frighten you. It is a healthy expression....everything in moderation, you know.

Mental illness is verrrrry misunderstood. There are degrees of it from mild to profound, from "neurosis to psychosis". Many tend to use the term loosely. Genetics plays a huge role in mental illness, and now that technology is catching up with science, soon we will be better able to help those who experience any kind of mental illness (what I like to call a brain illness).

~Deb