Medical Slang

I was looking something up the other day, and it had a link to Medical Slang in Wikipedia. Okay, whenever I google something and Wikipedia shows up as a link, I click on it.

Well, they had a list of medical slang. It sort of reminded me of other slang – g used the term MILF the other day. That is sort of slang. When I first heard the term MILF, like a dumb ass, I asked what it meant. "Mother's I'd Like to Flirt with" was the answer I was given. Dumb ass me then said, I think the letters don't accurately reflect the phrase. Must have been made by a school teacher who hated prepositions. A fairly religious person told me it was "Mother's I'd Like to Fondle". By then, I had sort of guessed the true meaning of the word.

The only medical slang I have read about is GLM - "good looking mom/mum". Apparently this acronym actually makes it in to the medical record of pediatric patients, and more than one defense attorney has used the acronym to show that the medical professional was "less than professional" during malpractice suits. Really.

Some of the acronyms which are a tad disturbing follow:

• ATFO - "asked to fuck off", instructed to go away
  
• CTD - "circling the drain" (expected to die soon)
  
• DBI - "dirt bag index" - a number calculated from number of tattoos and missing teeth
  
• TTR - "tooth to tattoo ratio," a synonym of DBI
  
• LGFD - "looks good from door"; used to describe a difficult patient that you do not want to enter the room and interact with
  
• PBTB - "pine box to bedside"; indicates an imminent demise
  

What disturbs me a little is that these acronyms give us a peek into what some physicians think of their patients. Most physicians are paid well in the US, and some show real contempt for those less educated than them (that would be almost everyone, by the by).

I like my physician – I don't see her often, but she always seems to treat me well. She is part of an all female practice. That's not why I picked her; she takes the health plan I have, and a co-worker suggested her.

I felt a little funny about going to the same physician as a co-worker. Not that this would happen, but I seemed to feel like the physician would tell the co-worker stuff about me. Again, faulty logic. It happens at the hairdressers, and one subconsciously assumes that the pattern holds.

Sometimes I feel bad for physicians. I mean, sure they make lots of money, people respect them, and they live in large houses. But buxom nurses throw themselves at them, they have to find places to park their money to avoid taxes, and they have to hire house staff. What a freaking bother.