Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Masturbation and a Former President

The other day, I made a flippant remark concerning masturbation. I joke about masturbation frequently, and actually, I would masturbate when writing erotica. I almost typed, "I just couldn't help myself," but that was not true. I chose not to help myself.

When I started counseling, my counselor asked me to stop masturbating. It was a trick to bring me closer to my hubbie physically. If masturbation was out, all I could do was jump his bones to relieve all of the pent-up feelings. Sounds contrived – and having the conversation with my hubbie was difficult. You see, he had to give up masturbation as well. I did not say it out loud, but I thought the sacrifice was much more for me than for he. He achieved orgasm every time – whether he was inside of me or just self-stimulating. Me on the other hand, I had a 100% success rate of orgasm when my fingers did the walking, but hubbie was not 100% successful (nearly 100% when giving oral, giggles). Oh, how I love oral.

Anyway, for those who were wondering – it worked, and it is still working. Neither of us cheats, and we have sex a lot more than we used to. Part of it may be natural – I am in my mid-30s, and I feel so much more sexual now. When I was younger, I heard that sex improves with age, but I always thought that was one of those little white lies. It isn't. And I have heard that it could be that women in their mid 30's are less concerned about getting pregnant, or are more experienced, or whatever. I don't think the experts know. I mean, I am more confident, but I know several of my girlfriends who have as many insecurities as before. Perhaps more, in some ways. Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter to me – all I care is that the sex is hot.

I don't think masturbation is immoral, or sinful (though I have read that certain Bible passages suggest this – the spilling of seed, for instance).

The Jimmy Carter passage (remember Jimmy, president of the US, talking about Patty McGuire, playboy playmate), as I call it follows. You may know it as Matt. 5:27-28:

You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart . . . .

Most of us, when masturbating are not thinking of our significant others. Well, sometimes it is our hubbies in pirate costumes (what is it with an eye patch that turns one to mush?), but usually it is some other hottie.

And I am not saying that masturbating is wrong, but it did drive me further from my hubbie. Really. Stupid counselor was right. Stupid counselor is usually right – though I am sure he has his demons.

So I don't masturbate – normally. When hubbie or I are out of town for 7 days or longer, then we lift the "no masturbation" ban. It is sort of like SALT II negotiations. Okay, I was really young when the whole SALT thing was going on. I just remember seeing newspapers while walking to the bus stop with "SALT" headlines. An all capital word in a headline can be intimidating. So I will always remember SALT II. But I vaguely know it involves missiles and the former Soviet Union. Sometimes I think the leaders of the US and the Soviet Union knew little more during the talks.

Negotiating about masturbation can be amusing. Not sure why I shared this. Perhaps I had nothing better to discuss today.


Joe said...

Interesting approach. I'm going to go off and imagine what those negotiations must sound like.

Horny Old Guy said...

I don't know why anyone would NOT want to masturbate. As Woody Allen said to Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall", "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" You da man Woody!

~Deb said...

OH….MY….GAWD….I’m going to hell right now!

“You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart . . . .”

Do you know how many fricken times I’ve looked at a woman with lustful eyes? I’m doomed.

Oh. Leesa? One word? Think……………………. “mutual”…. It helps relationships. Learned that from some couple's retreat thingie magigy... never mind.

Hope that helps. *wink*

Mike said...

Do you have the actual transcript available on the negotiation with the hubby on the 'no masturbation' agreement?

There has to be a chuckle involved in that

Grant said...

I remember what Robin Williams said about SALT - "Partial disarmament is like partial circumcision. Either go the whole way or forget it."

And masturbation totally rulz! I don't have the patience to wait for one of you women to find me attractive. :p

Anonymous said...

Now that I've been single for a while, I've turned masterbation into a nightly sporting event.

That "spilling seed" passage in the Bible is a tough one. I've thought about it before. But if I don't spill it, and there isn't a woman to spill it for me, then it ends up spilling itself... and what a P.I.A! You gotta get up, change the sheets, clean off, get a clean pair of undies, try to get back to sleep... ya know? That stuff isn't made to stay in a man's body for more than 36 hours, seriously.

Shannon said...

Ummm well this brings up bad memories!! LOL

I agree with always achieve climax no matter what!! We women need more...

Looking at another man/woman is a sin?? Geezeeeeeeeeee.. I am doomed too!! Whatever happened to the whole "You can look but you can't touch" rule??!! Life is so unfair!! LOL

Shannon said...

BTW.. my grocery store has clorox wipes for the shopping carts... I was soooooooo excited!! They were in the front of the store, the whole time!! Guess what I used?? =0)

Leesa said...

joe: Seattles fans don't need to masturbate. It seems refs screw them early and often.

horny old guy: where did I say I did not want to masturbate?

~deb: sorry; did not mean to imply that anyone is going to hell. Though for many years, I had to tell my priest that I had lust in my heart. Still do, so at least I am not at a loss for words in a confessional.

mike: first time we talked about it was right after sex; he was leaving for a trip the next day.

grant: thanks for tying circumcision and masturbation together. I like when my male audience cringes.

bill: thanks for the visual images.

shannon: I think men can cum in tight pants if it rubs them just right. Unfair. Good news about the wipes, though!

Sheen V said...

I rarely masturbate when I'm with her. When I travel its a free-for-all for the duration of the trip. For me, it is a way to relive stress (stress of being away from her, being on the road, being alone). I'll leave out the gory details.

Monica said...

Leesa, glad to read you again.....been terribly busy with the house, I haven't turned on the computer in days....nothing to add, other than a wave hello.

Sass said...

It's the perfect thing to help you go to sleep in absence of a lover.

Bruce said...

If I gave up masturbation, I'd be going crazy. Of course, being in a long-distance relationship, as I am, makes it almost mandatory...

Anonymous said...

No prob. Think of it as a deposit in your travleing spank bank.

Edge said...

I didn't think ou could pull off SALT, presidents and masterbation without bringing up Bill Clinton. Heck, I didn't think you could pull any of it off.

Now that I'm married and in my mid 30's as well, masterbation isn't as big a deal as it was earlier in life. My reaction when people say they do is, "Ya, ok, and your point is?"

The word lust is an interesting word. I think it's different that what we all take it for.


~Deb said...

Mike, we're going to have a long...long talk... No sneaking around chokin' the chicken. Behave! We're newlyweds now damn it!

Sorry Leesa, I try not to argue with my husband on blogs. I'm so new with this. Not blogs... husbands!

~Deb said...

Damn Midwesterners!

Leesa said...

sheen: I was sort of talking about masterbating in the absence of a lover.

monica: you are truly creative, with picking out paint colors and working on a house.

sass: Sominex or a few minutes with Ms. Finger.

bruce: now, we don't want you to go crazy now.

bill: traveling spank bank. Do guys really spank it?

jef: Bill Clinton did not masturbate. He was too busy getting blow jobs from interns. And really, how many single women wouldn't want to have relations with the president, no matter how dumb he or she is?

~deb: no problem; I am sure with you as a new wife, he will be exhausted after figuring out how to cut Saran Wrap.

Kalani said...

I totally agree sex gets better and better very year I get older. I masturbate a lot though. 'Nuff said.

Useless Man said...

Actually, I think the Bible is very clear in supporting sex in the confines of marriage. Good for the two of you!

Useless Man said...

I meant that to be supportive.. not the other way..

I'm useless at comments. In fat, i think I'm blushing right now..

~Deb said...

Haha!!! You're hysterical! Saran wrap pros!

Leesa said...

kalani: I am not against masterbation - just it doesn't work in my case. Well it works, but with this trick, I am closer to hubbie.

useless man: I thought you were supportive, sweetie.

~deb: thanks, sweetie, but you know how Saran Wrap can get.

Google said...

guess what i was reading u r articles and felt rush to u r pics...wanna see u r curves..

Advizor said...

I am going through some tough times in my marriage right now, and my counselor (priest) told me that, in addition to giving up porn, I need to give up masturbation as well. Oh man.

I'll admit that when I'm looking at porn I'm not thinking about my wife, or, I'm thinking about my wife and wondering why she isn't a perfectly fit woman with surgically enhanced breasts, a shaved p***y, and the flexibility of a gymnast. Surveys have shown that men are less satisfied with their wives in all areas for up to 24 hours after looking at porn.

But, this is about masturbation, not porn, though one often accompanies the other.

Since my wife and I have been struggling, the sex is rare. Sometimes my morning shower is the only sex I get. What is worse, turning to porn for stimulation or just ripping one off in the shower and getting on with your day.

I've now gone two weeks without porn or masturbation. My wife and I had sex three times the first week, and none the 2nd. If I'm going to stick with this she's going to have to open up a lot more frequently.

Next week I'll be on a business trip for 5 nights, that's a lot of time to avoid porn in a hotel room with unlimited and unfiltered Internet access.