The other day, I made a flippant remark concerning masturbation. I joke about masturbation frequently, and actually, I would masturbate when writing erotica. I almost typed, "I just couldn't help myself," but that was not true. I chose not to help myself.
When I started counseling, my counselor asked me to stop masturbating. It was a trick to bring me closer to my hubbie physically. If masturbation was out, all I could do was jump his bones to relieve all of the pent-up feelings. Sounds contrived – and having the conversation with my hubbie was difficult. You see, he had to give up masturbation as well. I did not say it out loud, but I thought the sacrifice was much more for me than for he. He achieved orgasm every time – whether he was inside of me or just self-stimulating. Me on the other hand, I had a 100% success rate of orgasm when my fingers did the walking, but hubbie was not 100% successful (nearly 100% when giving oral, giggles). Oh, how I love oral.
Anyway, for those who were wondering – it worked, and it is still working. Neither of us cheats, and we have sex a lot more than we used to. Part of it may be natural – I am in my mid-30s, and I feel so much more sexual now. When I was younger, I heard that sex improves with age, but I always thought that was one of those little white lies. It isn't. And I have heard that it could be that women in their mid 30's are less concerned about getting pregnant, or are more experienced, or whatever. I don't think the experts know. I mean, I am more confident, but I know several of my girlfriends who have as many insecurities as before. Perhaps more, in some ways. Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter to me – all I care is that the sex is hot.
I don't think masturbation is immoral, or sinful (though I have read that certain Bible passages suggest this – the spilling of seed, for instance).
The Jimmy Carter passage (remember Jimmy, president of the US, talking about Patty McGuire, playboy playmate), as I call it follows. You may know it as Matt. 5:27-28:
You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart . . . .
Most of us, when masturbating are not thinking of our significant others. Well, sometimes it is our hubbies in pirate costumes (what is it with an eye patch that turns one to mush?), but usually it is some other hottie.
And I am not saying that masturbating is wrong, but it did drive me further from my hubbie. Really. Stupid counselor was right. Stupid counselor is usually right – though I am sure he has his demons.
So I don't masturbate – normally. When hubbie or I are out of town for 7 days or longer, then we lift the "no masturbation" ban. It is sort of like SALT II negotiations. Okay, I was really young when the whole SALT thing was going on. I just remember seeing newspapers while walking to the bus stop with "SALT" headlines. An all capital word in a headline can be intimidating. So I will always remember SALT II. But I vaguely know it involves missiles and the former Soviet Union. Sometimes I think the leaders of the US and the Soviet Union knew little more during the talks.
Negotiating about masturbation can be amusing. Not sure why I shared this. Perhaps I had nothing better to discuss today.
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