Thursday, February 09, 2006

Speed Dating - Finding a Spark

I was already married before speed dating started, and it is a shame – because it sounds like a hoot. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, the rules of speed dating are quite simple. A group of singles gathers at a café, restaurant or similar public venue. Armed with a nametag, a scorecard and their sparkling personality, couples are paired up to begin their first speed date. They are allowed to discuss anything, except their careers, or where the live. The career part is obvious – to protect men from boring their speed dates. Where they live is also obvious – to protect the women from getting voodoo dolls in the mail.

Following several minutes of conversation (always the same number of minutes, but the numbers vary from place to place – I have heard of 5, 7, and 8 minutes), a bell is rung, and the men move on to meet their next date. I know, it sounds a bit contrived – and it reminds me of square dancing in school or musical chairs without the music, the chairs or – well, maybe it doesn't remind me of musical chairs.

Following each date, participants mark on a card whether they would have an interest in meeting their date again. If a mutual interest is noted, speed-dating organizers provide each party with the other's phone number. Now I can here detractors – men, mostly, thinking this is a way women have contrived for rejecting many men on a given evening. Somehow, I don't think this is the point.

The point – and I am guessing here – is that we sort of know when a spark is present. Why waste a whole evening eating a small amount of food (from the woman's point of view – you know, so the men don't think you are a piggie), taking about idle chatter, when there is no spark. I think there is something we sense that makes a connection much faster than thinking about why we like someone. Same thing goes with creeps. If someone makes your skin crawl, but you can't really put your finger on it, please step out of the elevator, or whatever, to make sure you are safe. What does Oprah say? "When you see crazy walking your way, cross the street." Same sort of thing.

And before you ask, yes, hubbie and I had that spark when we first met. But I politely ate a heck of a lot of small meals – "yes, I will have the salad/pasta" – and endured a lot of chatter to finally bump into Mr. Right. I mean, we can't all blog and find that special someone, a la ~deb and mike. It just does not work that way for us mere mortals. Side note: I have moved ~deb and mike's names near each other on my blog – ain't it so sweet?

Speaking of clicking – and I am not talking about mouse clicks but about knowing if two people would click – I think this spark thing also sometimes happens with e-mail. I get e-mail from a few people (not as many as ~deb, but let's face it, ~deb is mucho hot), and every once in a while, I think, "hottie." I can't put my finger on it (and not in the literal or figurative sense). I just think, "wow." Now I am a good girl, and I try my best not to flirt. Heck, from my last message, you know I can't even masturbate to the thoughts I have. Unless hubbie is out of town – and he doesn't leave all that often.

Perhaps this speed dating doesn't really work – that it is the latest fad. I think companies charge the men for doing this. Who knows, they may charge the women – but I doubt it. Charge the men twice as much and the company is happy. Of course, for lesbian speed dating (if there is such a thing), I guess they would have to have a different fee structure.

Oh, and if you get bored, you may want to read the latest installment of Just Walking. There is an interesting plot twist. The title is Illuminations.

Guess I will be getting back to my masturbation-less e-mail. And some of this mail is hot!


Mike said...

Yeah...I think if Deb and I had gone the speed dating route she woulda been scared

Very intersting post usual!

Variety in your blogs will always keep me coming back!

mal said...

who needs speed dating when you can go get drunk in a singles bar? *L*

I actually wish that speed dating had been around when I was single. I would have liked to try it.

I agree about the spark. Its just hard to define what it is

Mike said...

Oh...and you put Deb on top....her favorite place I'd

Leesa said...

mike: thanks, sweetie. But I don't think you would have scared her off in 7 minutes. Unless you talked about cats.

mallory: oh, singles bar days. I could post a bunch on that subject.

mike: you noticed her on top, did you? It gives her more control, sweetie.

Grant said...

I've considered speed dating but it sounds like a total nightmare. I'm not physically attractive and, though I'm good at hiding the creepy vibe, my public personality is a bit flat. If I can't impress the ladies with my paycheck, I don't have much to work with for 5 - 8 minutes. Also, if I start chloroforming them, one of the other guys might get suspicious.

Amber said...

I haven't tried speed dating and probably won't. Because I'm a wuss.

Shannon said...

Speed Dating?? Darn I missed out!! I think that is funny.. I would do it for chits and giggles lol..

And aren't ~Deb and Mike soooo cute?? It just brings a tear to my eye!! I wish I had a blog love story to tell.. ohhh the humanity!! I have mail blocked.. so I get no love... (one strange email was enough for me) lol..

Have a great one Leesa!! Enjoy your mail.. sniff, sniff =)

BrainSyke said...

I've been on a a few speed-dating sprees., and one-night-dont-wanna-stand-anymores.

It waste of time, and totally boring. aah ,my luck perhaps! women hardly get charged. I guess they bring the men around and makes them pay!

~Deb said...

Oh how sweet, Leesa put me ‘on top of Mike’. C’mon Mikey boy! Don’t just sit there like a sack of potatoes! (hehehe)

Well, now that I know whatchya’ kinda’ thinkin’ in that lil’ noggin of yours…I might just consider having an affair on Mikey boy. Hmmmmmmmmm… Don’t tell him though, he’ll be crushed.
As far as speed dating, I got the spark instantly when I met my girlfriend. I knew that I was going to be with her for the rest of my life---or at least (12 yrs)… Hmmm…one never knows the future, right?

Monica said...

I wish they had this for couples to meet each other (no--Not for THAT!) but so you can find other marrieds that you would like to have over for a barbeque or to watch the Super Bowl or's a pain in the ass to meet people, and I'm too damn busy with the kids and house to spend time schmoozing random women at the supermarket in order to have someone to invite over for drinks. I tried the PTA, --and

Frustrated, bored and seriously considering an online affair, just to have something to do while I wait for the plaster to dry.
heart- Monica

Prata said...

I'm with Grant, I have a flat personality as well. I'm very logical and technical and that really doesn't sit well with people. And apparently chloroforming is in bad taste with other people in society.

And I've yet to meet a really hot asian girl that was as into 'puters or WoW as I am. I'm so sad.

Leesa said...

grant: you know, I have had a couple of dates where I would have preferred the chloroform.

amber: I can see you saying yes to every guy and getting tons of dates.

shannon: I have no mail address, but you get some of these computer hacks, and they just find the email address anyway.

brainsyke: but I still would have enjoyed trying it.

~deb: as grant reminds us, we could all be killed by chickens. I forget the kind of chicken, radioactive something.

monica: I can see someone starting out that couples thingie, but then it would turn into your swinging thingie.

prata: I saw scads of hot asian computer chicks when I was in school. Well, three of them. Two of them dated each other and the third had lots of dates. Well, maybe not scads.

Cool AC said...

In DC, they are always trying to get more men to do it. I guess there a a bunch of women trying to get a man. I have been to one of these things, and it was interesting. (I was just watching not dating) But I think it is a great way to meet people. One of my guy friends actually went on a date with a girl from speed dating, so maybe it does work? And you are right, who wants to waste a whole evening with a guy that is a creep. I don't!

You know what Leesa? You and your husband should try it together. No one has to know that you two are married, and then you could poke fun at the people that you met and be ecstatic that you have each other!

Byron said...

Agree ,agree,agree both with your speed dating and your masturbation views...Masturbation does drive people apart..when r you going to publish your magazine...??trust me you will be very successful

Georgiapeach said...

Cool Ac don't give ME any But that is certainly true, they can try it together.
Speed dating sounds fun to me. You are so right, I know instantly if I have a connection with a guy. when I first met my boyfriend I knew we would be together for a long time and we have. Wonderful post Leesa.

Video X said...

i've never done that speed dating stuff. i dont think i will although you do cast a decent light on it. i just remember the skating parties in grade school where the girls stood on one side of the rink, boys on the couple would start, then the whistly blew and they each picked a different partner...and so on and so on. well i was the one left standing there by myself. ugh. i just really brought myself down. or well...i was already kind of down about dating actually. anwyay...that's what i think of with speed dating.

Monica said...

ACK! Not MY "swinging thingy"!! No no no----not going there at all! But, yeah, you're right, someone would take it to the next level (is that the next level up or down?)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it came around right after I got married - I'll have to give it a whirl now I'm single again.

What if you have a spark online, then meet in person and there's no spark? What does that mean?

Edge said...

I often wonder how I would fare in the dating world if, for some horrid reason, I became single again. I don't think I could endure any of these ways we "trick-up" dating. Whatever happened to just being friends a long time and then realizing someone was wonderful and dating them?


Leesa said...

cool ac: I strayed from hubbie a while ago. Not sure we have enough trust for this.

byron: I just want to do my little thing here now. Thanks for the compliment.

GP: thanks; long time, no see.

VX: there is sort of a competition aspect to it that I did not really think about.

monica: a step down, I am afraid.

bill: not sure; guess one of the parties was being "someone else"

jef: the "friends" thing is a lot better but it seems with all of the stuff going on now, that does not happen as often.

Grant said...

Giant Atomic Chickens will destroy the world in accordance with prophecy. How many times do I have to tell you before it sinks in? Sheesh - bloody difficult being a prophet of doom these days. :p