Thursday, November 10, 2005

Lesbian Luster

When I was a freshman in college, I had an older friend, let's call her Pam. She was an upperclassman (upperclass-woman?) who had changed majors and was taking some of the same classes I was taking. And she was married. I kept hearing about her "Danny" – mostly about "Danny cooks for me," "Danny is away for the weekend," that sort of stuff.

One day – after several months of friendship – she tells me she is a lesbian. And what do I do? I just laugh. Oh, you kidder, I tell Pam. Later that day, I am talking to another girlfriend, and mention it to her, and she looks at me and says, "Yes, Leesa, she is a lesbian."

"But how," I ask. She is married to Danny.

Well, Danny is actually Danni, and she is in a committed lesbian relationship. I felt like such a fool. When I was in high school, I did not know of anyone who was gay or a lesbian – before I get the response, "you did, Leesa; you just did not know it," yeah, I know. But no one "came out." So when I went to college, it just did not occur to me that Danny was really Danni.

But I thought back to conversations, and she never used a pronoun with Danni. Never once called her "her." It was always "my spouse" or "Danni", and darned it, Danni sounds just like Danny.

My first experience with a lesbian.

And one thing that sort of bothers me is that the term lesbian or gay defines a person in our society. It really does. Not that I like it, but it does. When we think of Ellen Degeneres, the first thing most of us think of is "lesbian", not "Dory."

My second experience is private – not sure she was a lesbian. I know I wasn't. I have said a little about it on here already.

My third experience was at an office setting. I worked for a non-profit organization, and she worked at our Vidalia office. I really want to write more about this interesting woman in a later blog entry. She was/is married, as the first lesbian I knew, but this was a legal marriage to a man. I never met him, but he was important in the local community, they had three children together, but this woman has another relationship – her committed relationship, with another woman. She was tall, had such wonderfully full hair – reminded me more of a mane than a head of hair, and she seemed glamorous. Because she worked so far from our office, I saw her every other month or so. She would come into the office for an evaluation, or to pick up supplies, or for some other reason (sometimes training sessions), and she and I would go to lunch.

She was such a neat person, and I felt a bit honored that she wanted to eat lunch alone with me. Nothing sexual at all – just her spending time with me talking about this or that. We actually never broached any subject that was sexual in nature, which at the time was a rarity for me. I just enjoyed how she treated me.

Was I attracted to her – I am not sure. I wanted to be seen with her, but I don't think I was attracted to her as a woman. Heck, at that time, I was fooling around and was so sexually satisfied by men that I probably wasn't even thinking about women. Funny thing – and posting this on a Thursday is even worse – but I don't really enjoy HNT. I like the idea of all of these fun and interesting people exposing part of themselves to the world, and it was sort of cool initially for me, but it has lost its luster.

Do I think of each of the above women as lesbians first? The first woman, definitely. Not the second or the third, though. The second was a brief love of mine, and the third was a friend that made me feel special. Crap, am I growing as a person?


kathi said...

Are you growing as a person, don't know. What I do know is that you are one of the most honest and up front people I read, and I always appreciate the way you approach a subject. You're never seem to post for 'shock effect', but out of an honest place you wish to share. I, for one, greatly enjoy and appreciate you.

Gentlehaze said...

The real world, through real eyes. That's you. Whatever real is, you've got it! I love reading, through your ' eyes '!


Thomas said...

When you see people as they are, not as what they do in their private lives, you do end up growing as a person.

It's also impossible to not see the world around you with new eyes. Old things you relied on are now in question and things that were "bad" are now just choices.

Innocence is a victim of knowledge.

Bud of "Us" said...

Wonderfully written and so open, exposed.

I will say though that when "the wife" and I think of Ellen Degeneres we think of one heckuva a talented person, witty, pretty and brave. Somewhere along the way have to remind myself that she's a lesbian--- like I'd have a chance with her anyway. But "the wife" might--- hmmm


I hope you don't mind but I stumbled upon your blog via a comment you posted at another blog you're linked to.

Ours is a bit risque so I'd avoid it if I were you.

Video X said...

this is an awesome post.

"And one thing that sort of bothers me is that the term lesbian or gay defines a person in our society." -- AGREED 100%!!

why is that? our sexual orientation is now who we are? i'm w/ you on that 1st story for sure. i never ask, never know, i never think about whether or not someone is gay or lesbian or heterosexual. sometimes, i almost feel WRONG for not knowing! and that's craziness.

Grant said...

A lot of people assume I'm gay because I'm not in a committed relationship. I never understood that one. I guess it's a redneck thing. "If he's old enough to drive and unmarried, he must be gay." I've offered to not go down on a guy as proof of my orientation, but that doesn't seem to convince anyone.

ken said...

thanks leesa...for gentle looks at important areas of life..though they may seem trivial...also for linking to other phenomenal my morning coffee with leesa!

Long Iron said...

It sounds like you are Leesa. But then again, we never really stop growing as people do we? I grew up in Montreal, Quebec where gay people were second nature and I never gave it a second thought. I've had bosses who were gay who respected the boundary's and I work with people whose siblings are gay. They are a bit sensitive to some of the crap people say about gay people and I find myself telling people to back off when they start becoming offensive. Some of the sites I visit are posted by gay people, and if they didn't declare it why would I care? Why should anybody? It's the content of the read that I find fascinating anyways.

~Deb said...

Hey sweetie,

I think it comes down to this...A lot of women feel an intense emotional connection when they're with another women. The companionship/friendship ties into one another.

I think it's great that you have had these experiences. It actually enhances the way you have a relationship with a man. You know what's out there, and you're very open-minded. I admire that about you. Your ability to be open and to be bluntly honest is such an incredible quality.

I read your posts, and I do think some of it is very "shocking" (and yes- very exciting!!) ;) I think your writing style is awesome.

Glad I came across your blog!


Leesa said...

kathi: love your warm licks - you always make me feel better.

gentlehaze: thanks, sweetie.

thomas: sometimes I long for my innocense.

bud of us: actually, when I think of Ellen Degeneres, I think of Disney World. They used her on a couple of park-only movies.

vid x: yeah, I agree

grant: too funny

ken: just as long as you don't dunk me in your coffee cup, sweetie!

long iron: funny thing is that I probably know more gay men, and they get more crap for it. I think times may be changing, though.

deb: You said: "I think it comes down to this...A lot of women feel an intense emotional connection when they're with another women." intense emotional connection. Yeah, sometimes I want to call coworkers bitches and strangle them, and sometimes I am pulled strongly towards their hearts.

Sexi Blogger said...

I love your site and the open and honest way you express yourself.

I especially loved this post... except I have no idea what HNT is... perhaps I am more naive than I thought? :)

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