The difference between myth and history is perspective (I just made that up, and it sounds real nice until you think about it, and then it sounds sort of like crap). But today, boys and girls, I will tell you why we wear clothes. A historical perspective.
A long time ago in a far off land, was a kingdom. Like most kingdom's it was ruled by a king who thought very much of himself, though he was a very ordinary man. But in this kingdom, no one wore clothes.
Being an ordinary man with ordinary features (Leesa's shooting a glance at his very ordinary privates), he and others could easily gage his worth among others. One did not need a measuring stick to know that he had but an average stallion with which to mount the ladies.
One day, he made a proclamation that anyone who was larger than he would either need to leave the kingdom or become one of his court eunuchs (you think spelling ambulance is bad, Bored Housewife, try spelling eunuch). Well, many of the better endowed men left the area, and some of the women followed.
In time, he fathered a son. And his son was less endowed than the father. Many were worried about the son wanting to carry out the same edict as the father because we all know that kings are powerful and ordinary men, wanting to appear to be better than their subjects.
The court advisor thought that if the men could hide their collective manhood somehow, they could keep the young prince from driving out more of the men and the women who would follow them.
One day the court advisor appeared in court in pantaloons. They looked smashing, and they hid the advisor's penis well. The king asked about them, and the advisor said they were the newest thing, something called clothes. That all of the women were wild about them, that the women loved ornately decorated pants – though the peasants could merely afford more drab coverings.
The king loved this idea, and thought that because of his wealth, he would be more desirous than any other man. He made a decree that all men henceforth should be clothed. And we have been clothed since this day.
Another example of how men – or more practically – their penises shape the world.
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