Twitter Impaired

I have a confession to make. I have a Twitter account, and I don't really twitter. I follow Deb and Ambeer. You know Deb, a writer and blogger. Ambeer (I can't remember her real name) used to have a blog that was pretty interesting (she is friends with Pete Wentz, I think, but I can't be sure; he is some band member, which probably means he sleeps late and gets laid often). She was a stripper (PC job description: exotic dancer). And I was going to tell you who else I follow, but you know, you can see for yourself. That's part of how twitter works. And I don't twitter.

One of the people I follow said, "i have to remember to update this thing.. im slipping out of the social network little by little it seems...." You can tell it is not me writing this because I use capital and lowercase letters, and I don't really know all of the shorthand. You see, I don't twitter.

I guess I don't know any of the short words because I don't have a Blackberry or other phone device that is sort of like a cyborg phone. More robot/computer than phone. If I had to use my thumbs to update stuff on twitter, I would know text shorthand. I get that 121 means "one to one", but why is 1174"nude club"? Are the 1s polls, and the 74 is a stick-finger stripper? I mean, if that is so, who has the time to figure this stuff out. You see, I don't twitter, and that means I don't understand text shorthand.

While typing this blog entry, I got a message from Deb: "How can you write a blog entry on Twitter? Not enough room! ;) Good luck." She was responding to my comment: "Writing a blog entry on twitter. How weird is that?" Of course, you could follow this conversation right now on twitter. All 6 people following me can, at least. This would be common sense to most, and I just figured this out. This is because I don't twitter.

I guess I would not be good at twitter, anyway. I mean, if I had the application running I could write random things, but I don't do random well.

"3rd trip to the bathroom this am; 2 much diet dr pepper or I am becoming diabetic"

"co-worker just left after giving me a memo; her perfume (stench) lingers – I hate that"

"@BarackObama. Can you get your presidential ass off twitter and re-write your budget? You can't expand healthcare and shrink the debt at the same time"

See, I suck at randomness. Oh, and Barack Obama has a twitter account. Lots of famous people do. And it would be better to make TheOnion a friend than for me to be your friend. There is randomness and humor in their twits. Again, if you have forgotten, I don't twitter.

I just am not that interesting and I have too much stuff to do than twitter. Twitter will fail. I mean, how many self important people with too much time on their hands are there in the world? Okay, there are tons of those people. Perhaps that's why twitter is so popular. See I don't twitter.