Chemistry 101

I love storytellers, and I was looking at a blog recently with Storyteller in the title, "Confessions of a Sultry Storyteller". She had an interesting post the other day, that started like this:

Would you rather have great chemistry or great sex? If you had to choose which would you want? I have rarely met a couple that has both.

Which leads me to wonder can one live on great chemistry alone and no sex, or great sex and no chemistry?

I am not sure how to answer the question, though I think it is an interesting question.

When I met my husband, we had chemistry. We had good (not great) sex, but the kissing. Oh, the kissing. It was chemistry.

Now that I have been married for many years (more than 10, rapidly approaching 20), I have had a number of great sexual expenses. The sex has been good, great, and forgettable. And the interesting thing is that there will be weeks that are simply great – two or three wonderful sex sessions in a week. Sex that curls the toes it is so good. And then there will be weeks of "ho hum" sex.

The chemistry is about the same. I still melt when my husband calls me at work. And at other times, I can't wait until he has a business trip so I can soak in a tub and read. His stubble on a Saturday morning can be so wonderful or irritating. It just depends.

The sex turned into great sex, perhaps because my husband learned a bit about me. Perhaps because I changed a bit. Perhaps from a variety of things.

For me, I would rather have chemistry. I know you can learn how to be a better lover, and so that even if the sex is good but not great, you can improve upon it.

Until a few years ago, I would have thought the chemistry part is not learned. It was just the way it is. I don't think that anymore. When I was cheating on my husband, our chemistry had gone. Completely gone, and I figured that's what happens after nearly a decade of marriage. We went to counseling afterwards, and the therapist said that love is an action verb. We can choose to love, and when we do loving things, we start feeling more love. And when that happens, the chemistry seems to have been rekindled. A weird thing.

I get back to the question: would you rather have great chemistry or great sex? Do we really have to choose between the two if we want both?

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On a completely unrelated note, I just notice that word verification is forming many more words than it used to. To make comments on many blogs, there is a word verification. Usually it asks you to type something like this: asdfioqw. Well, I have seen a bunch of words lately. Snacky. Boogers. Riskqe (almost a word). What if aliens have started communicating through word verification and we have not paid attention? The first words were not really well-spelled. What can you expect from aliens, anyway? And not they are learning words. The next thing is sentence structure. I think an alien is using my blog to tell us that they are observing people pick their noses (a booger snack?). If I disappear, blame the aliens.